drakewrites Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (Sorry this is so long...) I was in a 3 month relationship with my last GF, and I'm trying to piece together what exactly happened, where I or she went wrong, etc. It's been a few weeks since we broke up, and I keep trying to justify why I broke up with her, and honestly I'm fighting so hard to just not text her right now. (I should probably delete her number.) We met through a mutual friend whom I'll call Cassy. Cassy likes to party, drink, smoke pot, is bisexual, and has been with the same guy for five years. We'll call my GF Leslie. Leslie and Cassy are very close best friends, they even work together. I met Leslie through Cassy, we had a few dates, and quickly became intimate around the fifth time we hung out. I noticed Leslie liked to party once in a while too, and that she usually did so with Cassy. When we became intimate (fifth date) I also asked her to be my GF. She said yes, and I was really happy. I had been single for a long time before her. We were good for a few weeks, we both had Cassy as a mutual friend, we all hung out sometimes, but then things started happening and we got into several arguments on and off throughout the next three months. Most of the problems revolved around Cassy. One night my GF was at a friend's house with Cassy until six AM, because she was drunk and said she couldn't drive. Okay, not too big of a deal, but then it happened again 2-3 weeks later. I got really upset, I don't think when you're with someone you should be partying that late. Cassy butted into it, telling me not to worry about her, that I should stop trying to tell her what to do, etc. I tried talking to Cassy about it at the bar at one point and she walked away mid conversation... obviously immature. (Maybe I was too for not wanting my GF to be out so late too, I don't know...) From then on Cassy and I stopped being friends. Leslie tried to just separate the both of us, and maintain her friendship while also maintaining her boyfriend. She hung out with Cassy once to go out on the town with some friends, and I was sad because I wanted to go, but Leslie didn't really want me to because Cassy was going to be there. I felt like Cassy was more important to her, then, and this feeling only grew. A few days later Leslie apologized, saying she didn't want things to be that way, that she wanted me to be able to hang out with her if she was with her friends too, but that never really happened except for her birthday when we all hung out once. Whenever they hang out, they usually get drunk together and take "trying to be sexy" photos, of them arching their back, grabbing each other's boobs, Cassy kissing Leslie on the cheek, them bending over, etc. I think Leslie liked the attention possibly. Then things really got sticky. I found out from Leslie that Cassy cheated on her BF with a guy from work. Leslie told me not to say anything, and told me that the BF of Cassy already knew anyways. Okay, no big deal. But then a few weeks later Leslie gets drunk and says the BF DOESN'T know. Then two days later tells me he DOES know. So I'm left wondering if I can trust Leslie. While I was still wondering about that, my GF changed her story about a night on her birthday as well. On Leslie's birthday, Cassy was with her, and Cassy wanted to go see the guy she cheated on her BF with. That night, my GF told me, "I'm not sure what we are doing yet, Cassy wants to see the guy from work...". A few days later I remind my GF about this, and she says, "Oh, I was just assuming that she wanted to see him." I didn't realize it, but my GF had lied to me. Later I confronted her about this, and she said she lied because she just didn't want me ratting out to Cassy's BF... ...which I did anyways, because I decided I couldn't trust Leslie 100%, and Cassy's BF was my friend too. The BF and Cassy get really upset with me for asking him if he knew Cassy cheated on him (apparently they were trying to work it out), which he said he did. My GF was even at their house when I was texting him, and she said it was very awkward. I feel like right then, my GF should have stepped in and said, "Hey guys, this is kind of my fault, I changed the story on him three times (not to mention lied to me once) and I know I shouldn't have even said anything, I'm sorry, don't put all the blame on him." But she didn't, so all the blame was put on me and these two "friends" began to want nothing to do with me. (Now I see they are *******s, I think if a friend came to me concerned with whether or not I knew about something like that, I would be thankful.) My GF was ten times more concerned about keeping her friendship with Cassy than she was about me, and always was throughout our whole relationship. The last straw was the day after Valentine's day. Long story short, I got in another fight with Cassy after trying to hear it from one of them that they were done being friends with me (they never actually said they were done talking to me, they just started ignoring me when I would text one of them, I was still trying to be friends with them) She finally admitted that yes, we were done being friends (in a very rude way), and she told my GF she couldn't be her friend anymore because I kept causing drama and brought her into it. My GF immediately calls me, crying hysterically, asking what I did. I told her to calm down, that all I did was try to be reasonable with Cassy and find out if we were indeed done being friends. My GF is yelling at me, going crazy, and looks at me with pure evil like I had just killed her child or something, because Cassy told her they couldn't be friends anymore. The next day they were at the bar again together drinking like nothing happened. She told me once that "I don't want to deal with this..." while I was having an anxiety attack, and she once texted me that if I ended her friendship with Cassy that she would hate me forever (or break up with me, I'm not sure which). I broke up with her shortly after reading all the replies on here, I went to her house and we spoke, and she was STILL telling me, "Well, I told you not to say anything to the guy!" She just didn't seem to get that she should have been on my side, or at least take partial blame. She was always very guarded, very hard to communicate with, etc. She also admitted that yes, she should have stood up for me more and fought for me. Where did I go wrong? Am I completely crazy in wanting a woman that is going to be by my side? Yes, I know that I probably shouldn't have gotten involved with those "friends", and that I should have left them alone. And yes, I did some things wrong in the relationship too. And yes, I now realize that these "friends" of mine were just *******s. But is it too much to ask someone you care about to stand up or you? I feel like she was just SO worried about her friend's opinion of her, that I was just "the boyfriend on the side". Where did I go wrong? What could I have done better? What can I learn from this, and most importantly, does she deserve another chance?
Janesays Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 No, she doesn't deserve another chance. Drop this entire group of "friends" and find a group that doesn't reek of needless drama.
Author drakewrites Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Okay thank you so much. Yeah just WAY too much drama for me. I do think maybe I was a bit controlling though, do you think? Everyone I ask on reddit is saying I expected too much of her and that I'm controlling, do you agree?
Estate Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I can't believe I actually read all of that... You REALLY don't know where you went wrong? Come on man! Whatever the thing was with the friend and her boyfriend and the cheating... it has NOTHING to do with you. Stay out of it... you were just going in, stirring up trouble and trying to be self righteous... you had NO right to do that. Let them deal with it, right or wrong. Next, if they are friends then most likely they are friends since before you were around so I don't really expect 2 close girl friends to stop talking just because you came along. Again, taking your side? Well, you have to earn that from someone. And you were being an ass. So I can see why she just didn't want to stand up for you... Next... "take at least half the blame for you"? You are the man, what sort of a man want his girl to take the fall for something, right or wrong? You should be standing up for her and not getting her in trouble, taking the fall for her... and with that all said... if YOU didn't stir up all that trouble in the first place, this would never have happened. And lastly... You spelled out in your first paragraph that you don't approve of your girl going out enjoying herself late because she's in a relationship with you? Are you serious? She should be chaining the the oven I suppose? You are being way too clingy, way too overbearing, way too self righteous. The RIGHT thing to do was never even let the cheating thing get to you since it has nothing to do with you, next you should be encouraging your girl to go have fun and try JOIN her in it without causing drama. There's so many red flags in this post I could go on for days....
Author drakewrites Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I can't believe I actually read all of that... You REALLY don't know where you went wrong? Come on man! Whatever the thing was with the friend and her boyfriend and the cheating... it has NOTHING to do with you. Stay out of it... you were just going in, stirring up trouble and trying to be self righteous... you had NO right to do that. Let them deal with it, right or wrong. Next, if they are friends then most likely they are friends since before you were around so I don't really expect 2 close girl friends to stop talking just because you came along. Again, taking your side? Well, you have to earn that from someone. And you were being an ass. So I can see why she just didn't want to stand up for you... Next... "take at least half the blame for you"? You are the man, what sort of a man want his girl to take the fall for something, right or wrong? You should be standing up for her and not getting her in trouble, taking the fall for her... and with that all said... if YOU didn't stir up all that trouble in the first place, this would never have happened. And lastly... You spelled out in your first paragraph that you don't approve of your girl going out enjoying herself late because she's in a relationship with you? Are you serious? She should be chaining the the oven I suppose? You are being way too clingy, way too overbearing, way too self righteous. The RIGHT thing to do was never even let the cheating thing get to you since it has nothing to do with you, next you should be encouraging your girl to go have fun and try JOIN her in it without causing drama. There's so many red flags in this post I could go on for days.... ****But what if he really didn't know about the cheating? I was friends with that guy for a long time, since highschool, and since my GF had changed her story on me so many times and lied to me, I felt like if there was even a remote possibility that he really had no idea that his GF was cheating, that I should tell him? ****No I understand they are friends, but don't you think she could have at least ask her to stop being a rude b**** to me? The thing is, is if it was me, and I was in HER place, I would tell my friend to back off of my GF... hell, I wouldn't even be friends with someone if they were rude to my GF...? ****No, I just don't want someone I'm with to be out until six am drunk at a guy's house with her bisexual friend that has a crush on her. I think that's kind of single behavior, and if I was with someone I wouldn't do that so I expect the same? Is that asking too much? ****Hmm maybe you're right...
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