adelia Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 having a difficult day today.... i hope it will get easier soon sometimes i think, if we got back together, this pain would go away. then i remind myself, i will be feeling this pain 10 X worse the next time around! Stay strong and when you feel the urge post on here and someone will remind you why you shouldn't. It's ok to feel it but don't do it. I won't pretend it's easy but it's obvious. She was calling you names and mean ones at that. If you had a child and she called them stupid, idiot, dumb how would that make you feel? Same goes for you. You don't deserve that. Hugz
Thunderchild Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I've just been reading that Toronto Love Doctor thing, and it struck me as odd that she recommends staying in your ex's life if you want to get back together. Surely, that's just a way of keeping wounds fresh and preventing you from healing? I don't know - what do you all think? I can see her point, as 'out of sight, out of mind' and all that but as we all know, staying friends when you're in love is so painful. Sounds like they're as big an idiot as Dr Phil!!
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 it's not just the name calling.... she may had been seeing someone, while we was together..... as she claimed she was not single, just 1 week after she broke up with me... but then again, she can turn very nasty & maybe just saying that, in order to hurt me.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Omg she has dropped a note through my letter box! Wtf
misswillow Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I've been lurking on this thread, and the drama! Another letter?? I have to admit, I am dying to know what it says - I don't know how the curiosity isn't killing you. What are you going to do with this one???
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 she has wrote... my dad has died on friday.... i just thought i would let you know, as you once cared about me. i know you have got back with your ex... i am a happy loving caring person, and did not deserve what you did.... hope your ok WTF firstly i am not with my ex at all... me and my ex are just friends. nothing sexual between us, nor are we together second, she accepts no responsibility and is still blaming me. i read one of her previous emails & she said she will meeting some guy next week... i don't know if she met him or not. soooo, i have sent her this email. I AM NOT WITH MY EX, AND NEVER WAS... I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAD, HOPE YOU ARE OK DID I SCREW UP? DID NOT WANT TO COME ACROSS AS SOME HEARTLESS PERSON
misswillow Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I don't really know all the back story, but I don't think you screwed up. A parent dying is a huge deal and it is only human that you would tell her you're sorry about that. I would not, however, engage her any further, especially on whether or not you are with your ex or who she has or has not been with. And I wouldn't take too much sympathy on her because of her dad' death and let her slide back into your life (from what I've read, she sounds like she was very bad for you).
Ajax Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 she has wrote... my dad has died on friday.... i just thought i would let you know, as you once cared about me. i know you have got back with your ex... i am a happy loving caring person, and did not deserve what you did.... hope your ok WTF firstly i am not with my ex at all... me and my ex are just friends. nothing sexual between us, nor are we together second, she accepts no responsibility and is still blaming me. i read one of her previous emails & she said she will meeting some guy next week... i don't know if she met him or not. soooo, i have sent her this email. I AM NOT WITH MY EX, AND NEVER WAS... I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAD, HOPE YOU ARE OK DID I SCREW UP? DID NOT WANT TO COME ACROSS AS SOME HEARTLESS PERSON I'm not buying it. Seeing as this girl's obviously a drama queen and untrustworthy to say the least, I'd verify that her father has in fact deceased and take it from there. Regardless of that, she dumped you and treated you like garbage. She abused you during the relationship and has manipulated you after it. She has no right to expect anything from you, including and not limited to being there for her during difficult times. And as tragic as her father's alleged death is (and it is tragic), it doesn't mean that someone like her might not use it as a means to control you. You haven't done anything wrong and you're not heartless. Stop beating yourself up.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 but i broke no contact..... i only said, that i am not with my ex... and never was.. and sorry to hear about your dad.... should i go back into no contact?
misswillow Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 should i go back into no contact? Yes, you should.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 it's shocking, how this woman never ever admits any kind of wrong doing.... she still blames me lol and she is trying to manipulate me.... she mentioned that she meeting a guy in one of her emails.... she said "i am sure he could make me happy" i am sure this, was a tactic for me to come running back to her... but i ignored her... also if she had met this guy, and he was so amazing.... then why bother leaving a note for me, about her dad. she should be telling this other amazing guy, he should be her shoulder to cry on. why tell me
Ajax Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 but i broke no contact..... i only said, that i am not with my ex... and never was.. and sorry to hear about your dad.... should i go back into no contact? Like I said, I think you need to verify her claims, as harsh as that sounds. Had he been sick? Is this really plausible? I don't know. If it's true then of course have compassion for her. But from the rest of your thread I get the distinct impression that you're dealing with an unbalanced person here. Someone who needs to manipulate and control the people around her. And with your adherence to NC it appears that her control over you might have been slipping. And unbalanced person might lie or fabricate stories about death in the family in order to reestablish that control, even if its temporary. It's dark, I know. But it has been known to happen. If it's true, it's still no guarantee that she's not going to use it to guilt you into doing her bidding. At the most you might send a card with sincere sympathy. But that's it. She wanted you out of her life, and this is you out of her life.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Like I said, I think you need to verify her claims, as harsh as that sounds. Had he been sick? Is this really plausible? I don't know. If it's true then of course have compassion for her. But from the rest of your thread I get the distinct impression that you're dealing with an unbalanced person here. Someone who needs to manipulate and control the people around her. And with your adherence to NC it appears that her control over you might have been slipping. And unbalanced person might lie or fabricate stories about death in the family in order to reestablish that control, even if its temporary. It's dark, I know. But it has been known to happen. If it's true, it's still no guarantee that she's not going to use it to guilt you into doing her bidding. At the most you might send a card with sincere sympathy. But that's it. She wanted you out of her life, and this is you out of her life. my feeling is she is not lying... so i have told her, sorry to hear this & hope you are ok. as for control... it is her who ended it with me, because she was dis respecting me & i walked out of her house.... she then dumped me. but now, is trying to make out, that i left her for my ex.... manipulative? also.. she is claimed. that she was going to meet this guy next week, as she deserves someone better than me? is this a tactic to make me panick? either way, i have said, what i need to say, so i believe it would be best for me to go back into no contact. just REALLY REALLY upsets me, that one week after splitting up... she would tell me, that she is meeting another guy
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 i feel terrible for breaking NO CONTACT
Ajax Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 You really need to stop blaming yourself for things. She was the one who broke NC by telling you her father died. You responded with your condolences. That's normal. Now go back to NC and stop letting her walk all over you. I also think that you might benefit from some therapy yourself. No offense, but you have some codependency issues, my friend. If you want to move on and find a healthy relationship in the future, you need to be mentally and emotionally healthy yourself.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 You really need to stop blaming yourself for things. She was the one who broke NC by telling you her father died. You responded with your condolences. That's normal. Now go back to NC and stop letting her walk all over you. I also think that you might benefit from some therapy yourself. No offense, but you have some codependency issues, my friend. If you want to move on and find a healthy relationship in the future, you need to be mentally and emotionally healthy yourself. when you say co-dependency issues... do you mean, i,m putting up with too much crap
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 i guess i had to break no contact... i would have looked totally remorseless if i did not at least give my condolences. all tho i owe her nothing.... damn!!! maybe should have stayed no contact
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 You sound like you have exactly same girlfriend I had last two years and I broke it off 4 months ago and still hurting and she moved on very quickly - during my relationship as well I spied and found she was indeed cheating on me whenever she got an offer she liked, two-time, three-timing. I was living with her, then kicked out for 3 months then back again living. She had me suckered because of the talk about marriage and children and dreams together and also after we make love she would often say she loved me. But I think it is that she thought she can do better. What I found is if I didnt contact her in the breaks, she would eventually come to see me, then I always was chasing her you know, just like you. And same with fights it was always me making up not her rarely apologised. Maybe I am weak but the pain of losing her was so much I would usually go buy beer and more beer but I never drank when I was with her., Now I am determined to stop drinking and excercise properly/consistently and healthy food and get this bitch out of my mind and life. GO back? Yep. If she came this time and was the one chasing and told me she realised she loved me and wants me back in her life yes probably - But in a few weeks hopefully I will get more strength because I have to be crazy to go back. The thing is, the way your girlfriend has been treating your relationship is abusive personality. I think she only exhibits it in intimate relationships but the victim of it, you and me, end up with very low self-esteem. This is what needs to be built back up. And I think with time both you and I will realise once we have our self-esteem back that these women were crap women to be in relationship with and just a more misery ahead if we had stayed longer. Looking back we will be relieved that we found the strength to move on and leave them behind. I seen lots of guys in forums about cheating women and saying they went back to them but in the end was just double the pain and they wish they had left them the first time rather than suffer for longer. I dont know your story but my Ex I have called her every under the sun in sms and emails, abused the hell out of her but never in person. After she cheated on me, after sitting home alone and thinking about all the abuse, and speaking badly to me in front of her friends, this treatment my self-esteem comes back with some beers and I let her know what I think of women like her. I know how you feel too, I loved this girl more than anything I ever loved before she was pure happiness except for these above trespasses. i know how you feel my friend... right now i am feeling lonely... so i do have the odd urge to be back with her.. but in the long run. i know she will destroy my life.... we broke up, because of her dis respect for me.... i challanged her & walked away.... so she ended it... now the manipulation starts.... claiming it is me, who has broke her heart & using that as an excuse to go meet this other guy? now if she is willing to meet this other guy, one week after we broke up, then he must have been in background... and even if he was not, then i still find it very hard to trust her. she is a good looking confident woman... so i believe she uses that against me, in the knowledge that she could get another man. either way... i know i have to stay away from her
Simon Phoenix Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 i feel terrible for breaking NO CONTACT Whatever. What's done is done. Just don't do it again.
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 i love this woman.... but every inch of my body is saying.... forget how beautiful she is, this woman will destroy your life!!!! i think i am better off with a less attractive woman, who is genuine and has a golden heart
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Whatever. What's done is done. Just don't do it again. i only broke it, because the note said, her father had died. maybe i should have ignored
na49 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I seriously think we need to re evaluate what is considered "breaking NC" and what isn't. When I think of "breaking NC" I think of doing something that sends you spiraling backwards into oblivion. If they ask how we're doing, and we respond "I'm doing great! I hope you're doing okay! See ya!" I wouldn't be climbing the walls and punching myself in the d*ck for "breaking NC" meanwhile if I sent my ex a long email expressing my love for her. I'd bang my head against the wall multiple times. Okay, she told you her father died. She's still the same b*tch and is blaming the BU completely on you and is trying to get you to feel sorry for her, like a child who needs the last word. You're fine, you gave your condolences, and told her what was up. It's a done deal. Relax. 1
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 now she wants to be friends lol
ThatJustHappened Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Ignoring her when her father died would have been pretty mean, but you shouldn't have addressed her comment about your ex (and honestly, I find it completely bizarre that she would bring it up in the same note where she's telling you her father died..are you sure she's not lying?). What's done is done though and you can't take it back now. Being friends is a terrible idea. The best thing you can do is go back to no contact. For good this time.
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Omg she has dropped a note through my letter box! Wtf I f-ing told you not to send it back. Sending it back is a reaction and it provoked another reaction from.her. If you had ignored it she would have prob left it. Edited March 9, 2013 by Amelie1980
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