WTF Hand Written Letter From The Ex!!

[adelia]

Just wanted to say that I think it's wonderful how people on here take the time to help others going through struggles. It's very kind.

[kaitracid2010]

i had a very tough day yesterday.... have been pondering about a question somebody asked me on here

 

 

why do i love someone, who mistreated me & never showed me any genuine love...

 

i can't figure it out... trying to stay strong day, for some odd reason, today & yesterday are the hardest days of no contact for me so far

 

probably because there are other things going wrong in my life & i wish i had someone in my life

[Mack05]

i had a very tough day yesterday.... have been pondering about a question somebody asked me on here

 

 

why do i love someone, who mistreated me & never showed me any genuine love...

 

i can't figure it out... trying to stay strong day, for some odd reason, today & yesterday are the hardest days of no contact for me so far

 

probably because there are other things going wrong in my life & i wish i had someone in my life

 

Cause you don't love yourself they way you should. Until you learn to do that, until you learn to be happy and at peace in your own company, it's very hard to find what you crave..

[kaitracid2010]

Cause you don't love yourself they way you should. Until you learn to do that, until you learn to be happy and at peace in your own company, it's very hard to find what you crave..

 

 

how did you deal with your break up, she mis treated you... did you still want her back for a while? did it get easier

[kaitracid2010]

it hurts me to think, she is with another man... she rubbed it in my face... said she was not single... only one week after us breaking up

 

she maybe lying, just to hurt me... still the thought of it, does hurt me loads.

 

i just try not to think about it

[aussie sam]

why do i love someone, who mistreated me & never showed me any genuine love?

 

It seems like there should be a straight forward answer to this question, but I would guess that most people on this forum have felt/still feel love for someone who mistreated them.

 

today & yesterday are the hardest days of no contact for me so far

 

probably because there are other things going wrong in my life & i wish i had someone in my life

 

It's a very important realisation that you have just reached, but the next most important thing is to recognise that SOMEONE ELSE cant fill that void in YOUR life. You have to be happy with yourself, and in a position to GIVE to a relationship before you can experience a truly great one (in my experience). Work on making yourself "the one" for someone else, and I'm sure you will be rewarded with a type of love that will make you redefine the term that you currently use for your ex.

 

I'm excited for your future!

[KraftDinner]

The funny thing, OP, is that if there is even the smallest shred of insecurity there, a verbally abusive person can grab that shred and rip you apart.

 

Yes, if you were perfect you wouldn't love someone who mistrated you, blah blah blah. Well guess what? Nobody here is perfect.

 

Sometimes the only thing separating one person, who is in a happy and "healthy" relationship, from another person, who is in an abusive one, is circumstance.

 

It seems like you're now beating yourself up for having loved her despite her abuse.

 

Many people end up having their self-esteem damaged when in an abusive relationship.

 

Because make no mistake -- that's what it was.

[TaraMaiden]

it hurts me to think, she is with another man... she rubbed it in my face... said she was not single... only one week after us breaking up

 

she maybe lying, just to hurt me... still the thought of it, does hurt me loads.

 

i just try not to think about it

 

Maybe you should stop thinking in terms of what this is doing to you (because of course, it's you who's doing it....) and more in terms of what it will ultimately do to him.

 

Poor sucker.

Another victim she's going to stick her fangs into and suck emotionally dry....

 

Don't be jealous.

Be sympathetic.

[kaitracid2010]

Maybe you should stop thinking in terms of what this is doing to you (because of course, it's you who's doing it....) and more in terms of what it will ultimately do to him.

 

Poor sucker.

Another victim she's going to stick her fangs into and suck emotionally dry....

 

Don't be jealous.

Be sympathetic.

 

 

it's the betrayel that angers me.... but then again, she could have done this a couple of years down line, after living together and marriage

[Chi townD]

it's the betrayel that angers me.... but then again, she could have done this a couple of years down line, after living together and marriage

 

Have you sent the letter back yet? The more time it's in your presence the more the temptation and these thoughts are going to are going to be around you. Until you get rid of that constant reminder; that ever present breadcrumb.

[TaraMaiden]

it's the betrayel that angers me.... but then again, she could have done this a couple of years down line, after living together and marriage

 

And there you have it - proof, were proof required - that the only one truly perpetuating the feelings of Anger, Resentment, Pain and hatred - is you.

 

There is absolutely nothing else on this planet - or anywhere else in fact - that compels you to remain attached to her in any way shape or form - except for everything in your head.

 

I echo the above question.

 

I take it the letter is currently on its way back to her unopened?

 

if you say you still have it, I would seriously question why....

 

See....I love helping people - providing they either follow advice, or at least make the effort to do so.....

[kaitracid2010]

i posted the letter back this morning, un opened.... i feel a sense of relief & also a sense of sadness, that it is truly over between us...

 

the only thing that keeps me going is.... its better now, then her ruining my life a year or two down the line... as i said, i was ready to give up my home, move in with her & marry her...

 

it hurts like mad, but how much would i be hurting a few years down the line, when i have given up everything & to be with her

[TaraMaiden]

Good for you!!

 

You need hoisting onto shoulders and parading!!

 

She may send it back again.

 

So what you do then, is take a quick movie of yourself burning it, unopened, telling her exactly what your opinion of her, and it, is - and then making it go viral on YouTube!!

 

[kaitracid2010]

Good for you!!

 

You need hoisting onto shoulders and parading!!

 

She may send it back again.

 

So what you do then, is take a quick movie of yourself burning it, unopened, telling her exactly what your opinion of her, and it, is - and then making it go viral on YouTube!!

 

 

lol that sounds like a plan...

 

i just wanted your opinion on something guys... been thinking long & hard about what has been keeping me, from moving on from her.

 

yes firstly i do (did) love her... also she is such an attractive woman, probably the most attractive lady i have had a relationship with... also our sexual chemistry was amazing

 

 

but.... the emotional bond was lacking.... i just don't feel she treated me well at all... so i could not fully give myself to her, or love her the way i wanted to... because i feared getting hurt

 

 

so my question is, yes looks & chemistry is important.... but is it more important to have a genuine loving partner, who you can depend & rely on for life???

 

would you settle for great looks & sexual chemistry, if that person did not treat you well? or love you in the right way?

[TaraMaiden]

so my question is, yes looks & chemistry is important.... but is it more important to have a genuine loving partner, who you can depend & rely on for life???

 

would you settle for great looks & sexual chemistry, if that person did not treat you well? or love you in the right way?

 

I hate to break this to you, but - these are no-brainer questions....

 

One: Yes. Always, unequivocally.

 

Two: No. Not in a million phukkin' years.

[Minneloa]

i posted the letter back this morning, un opened.... i feel a sense of relief & also a sense of sadness, that it is truly over between us...

 

the only thing that keeps me going is.... its better now, then her ruining my life a year or two down the line... as i said, i was ready to give up my home, move in with her & marry her...

 

it hurts like mad, but how much would i be hurting a few years down the line, when i have given up everything & to be with her

 

Well done, sir!

[Chi townD]

Once she receives that letter back, one or two things are going to happen. She's either going to completely write you off OR she's going to end up at your doorstep. You stated that she's been sending you e-mails and it sounds like she was waiting for a response. But, you said you just deleted them, she probably figured that out. SO! she did the handwritten letter. Therefore, she KNOWS that you received it in the snail mail. But, when she gets it back. She very well may end up at your doorstep because she sounds like the kind of person that HAS to get the last word in. And, apparently, she really has something to say.

 

So, just be mindful of this possibility.

[Mack05]

how did you deal with your break up, she mis treated you... did you still want her back for a while? did it get easier

 

I feel for you I REALLY do. My last ex was aesthetically the most beautiful girl I have ever been with. She has a really good side to her as well. When you combined to two, it make it very hard to detach from her.

 

I realise now the problem was not her, it was me. What I look for in a woman is a genuinely kind heart. A heart that is open to forgiveness, for compromise, for emotional growth together. A woman is naturally 'warm', unselfish, caring, loyal and honest.

 

My ex was never going to be 'that' woman and I knew that right from the start. I thought well she can do nice things at times, she is exceptionally hot and sexy, she has turned her life around from a crappy upbringing. Surely that is enough. But it wasn't. Not even close to being enough.

 

I don't want to be in a relationship, where I am verbally abused when my partner gets angry. Where I am called pathetic, weak, evil (I could list a bucket load of other insults). I don't want my partner to be vindictive about my personal appearance and then put it back on me by saying my insecurities were the issue. I don't want a manipulative woman who says I said things, that I never said. Who lies through her teeth so that a relationship will progress the way she wants too..Who could never accept responsibility for her actions, or ever admit to wrongdoing and who admitted another man (her ex) is the love of her life.

 

Yet despite knowing all this I wanted her back! That is messed up.....Messed up. The problem was me. The problem is you....I can tell you the things I did to try rebuild myself. I moved countries. Got really fit. Read self help books (The power of now was the best). Learned to enjoy my own company (power of now helped immensely with this) without any distractions and/or stimulus.

 

Were there set backs? Yep and there still are, but I am in a far far better place then I was. I have an honesty and self awareness, that I have never had before. I recognise what is healthy for me and what is not. Your path/journey back to happiness is down to you. You need to figure out what works for you. I tried many different things. Some worked, some didn't. I have read self help books and said to myself this is the biggest pile of tripe I have ever read. That didn't mean I stopped reading or trying other books. It's about finding what works for you.

 

The fact you sent that letter back without reading..Wow..That is awesome. You have just taken the first enormous step back to being happy..The next steps are up to you, but I know you will figure this out.

Edited March 8, 2013 by Mack05

[adelia]

Id rather have the genuine loving partner i can depend on. a prime example in my life is i had a dear friend die in his 30s. his wife stuck by his side till the very end.

You have to look at what youll want years from now. do you want a beauty queen whose looks have dried up but her personality is more sour than ever. someone who wont have your best interests at heart. who you cant trust. you will be miserable.

I dated a guy who was very good looking but after being with him i had zero attractiin because we had no shared interests and who he was i didnt mesh with. id rather someone who i click with and that i trust and can be myself around with no judgment.

Someone i can respect and who is kind. Just like your body your soul needs nurturing. if you feed it garbage in the way of negative people thats how youll feel.

your gf was killing your soul imo. theres damage thats been dine internal scars that need to heal. theyre just as real as any cut on your body. treat yourself with kindness and dont let her keep abusing you. looks are nothing in the grand scheme of things.

 

 

lol that sounds like a plan...

 

i just wanted your opinion on something guys... been thinking long & hard about what has been keeping me, from moving on from her.

 

yes firstly i do (did) love her... also she is such an attractive woman, probably the most attractive lady i have had a relationship with... also our sexual chemistry was amazing

 

 

but.... the emotional bond was lacking.... i just don't feel she treated me well at all... so i could not fully give myself to her, or love her the way i wanted to... because i feared getting hurt

 

 

so my question is, yes looks & chemistry is important.... but is it more important to have a genuine loving partner, who you can depend & rely on for life???

 

would you settle for great looks & sexual chemistry, if that person did not treat you well? or love you in the right way?

[kaitracid2010]

I feel for you I REALLY do. My last ex was aesthetically the most beautiful girl I have ever been with. She has a really good side to her as well. When you combined to two, it make it very hard to detach from her.

 

I realise now the problem was not her, it was me. What I look for in a woman is a genuinely kind heart. A heart that is open to forgiveness, for compromise, for emotional growth together. A woman is naturally 'warm', unselfish, caring, loyal and honest.

 

My ex was never going to be 'that' woman and I knew that right from the start. I thought well she can do nice things at times, she is exceptionally hot and sexy, she has turned her life around from a crappy upbringing. Surely that is enough. But it wasn't. Not even close to being enough.

 

I don't want to be in a relationship, where I am verbally abused when my partner gets angry. Where I am called pathetic, weak, evil (I could list a bucket load of other insults). I don't want my partner to be vindictive about my personal appearance and then put it back on me by saying my insecurities were the issue. I don't want a manipulative woman who says I said things, that I never said. Who lies through her teeth so that a relationship will progress the way she wants too..Who could never accept responsibility for her actions, or ever admit to wrongdoing and who admitted another man (her ex) is the love of her life.

 

Yet despite knowing all this I wanted her back! That is messed up.....Messed up. The problem was me. The problem is you....I can tell you the things I did to try rebuild myself. I moved countries. Got really fit. Read self help books (The power of now was the best). Learned to enjoy my own company (power of now helped immensely with this) without any distractions and/or stimulus.

 

Were there set backs? Yep and there still are, but I am in a far far better place then I was. I have an honesty and self awareness, that I have never had before. I recognise what is healthy for me and what is not. Your path/journey back to happiness is down to you. You need to figure out what works for you. I tried many different things. Some worked, some didn't. I have read self help books and said to myself this is the biggest pile of tripe I have ever read. That didn't mean I stopped reading or trying other books. It's about finding what works for you.

 

The fact you sent that letter back without reading..Wow..That is awesome. You have just taken the first enormous step back to being happy..The next steps are up to you, but I know you will figure this out.

 

 

this is the major mistake i have made in life... i went for a woman who i found soooo attractive... i felt good having her on my arm!

 

the sexual chemistry was amazing.... and we did have things in common & did have a laugh.... but underneath that, she was an angry, unforgiving person..

 

she never admitted a thing, i was always blamed for everything.. if i made a mistake & then went to her house to try to sort things in our relationship... she would call me a fairy, or make me feel like, i am not a man!

 

but she is 46 years old and i am 36 years old....

 

when her looks fade & the sex is not what it used to be... then what am i left with????

 

am i left with a woman, who will always be there for me, look after me if i got ill, love & respected me... i honestly don't believe she would have

 

i just never felt, that kind of love from her.... so in years to come, what would i be left with...

 

a woman i do not trust, who has made it clear to me, that she loves her "family & friends" more than me... i understand the family bit... but loves her friends more than me? how odd

 

a woman who blames me for everything, never apologises for anything, will never make an effort to resolve an argument, just leaves it all to me.

 

she lies & manipulates the truth... there are moments of kindness in her, but it's when things don't go well, that is when her ugly side comes out

 

you have hit the nail on the head.... i need to look past the "blond hair, blue eyes. big boobs... lol

 

and look at what is inside this person... i need to find a woman who i am attracted to... but also has a lovely heart...

[Darren Steez]

Sorry dude reading from your posts I thought you were 17..

 

You need to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

 

No woman who treats you like trash is "amazing". Her lack of respect for you is only bettered by the lack of respect you have for yourself.

 

The most amazing sex in the world is merely at the end of the day, an empty act if there is no connection between two people, yeah it feels great but then what afterwards?

 

If a man walked up to you in the street, chatted to you for five minutes very friendly like then smacked you and walked away, would you invite him back for another chat? Now replace that with a woman..no? So why when someone calls you names..you're 36 by the way.. puts you down, cheats on you would you then want them back in your life again?

 

You're a man. Go out into the world and enjoy yourself, meet people, make friends. Don't sit in front of the computer crying over a woman who clearly doesn't give two hoots about you.

 

Good luck pal!

[kaitracid2010]

Sorry dude reading from your posts I thought you were 17..

 

You need to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

 

No woman who treats you like trash is "amazing". Her lack of respect for you is only bettered by the lack of respect you have for yourself.

 

The most amazing sex in the world is merely at the end of the day, an empty act if there is no connection between two people, yeah it feels great but then what afterwards?

 

If a man walked up to you in the street, chatted to you for five minutes very friendly like then smacked you and walked away, would you invite him back for another chat? Now replace that with a woman..no? So why when someone calls you names..you're 36 by the way.. puts you down, cheats on you would you then want them back in your life again?

 

You're a man. Go out into the world and enjoy yourself, meet people, make friends. Don't sit in front of the computer crying over a woman who clearly doesn't give two hoots about you.

 

Good luck pal!

 

 

thank you for your advice my friend.... you are sooooo right.... i need a woman with a genuine good heart.

 

i should not be wasting my time on somebody like this.... there is no future with this woman.

 

one thing i can be proud of is.... i eventually stood up for myself, walked out of her house & her life... and have not spoke to her since

 

she sent me 20 emails over the space of 1 week and a written letter.... MY SILENCE will speak volumes to her.

 

she even sent me this email.... "there was a time, when you made me feel special... now you make me feel insignificant.

 

 

i have not responded... i choose happiness!!!

 

it is hard right now, probably because i am lonely, but with gods blessing i will get through this.

 

as for cheating on me? i really don't know if she has done that... she claimed to be seeing somebody now, only 1 week after we broke up.... so who knows!

 

i am trying my very best, not to care

[kaitracid2010]

i am so glad i found this forum.... was going through this alone & now i feel like i have some support.

 

you guys are fantastic!!!!

[kaitracid2010]

having a difficult day today.... i hope it will get easier soon

 

sometimes i think, if we got back together, this pain would go away.

 

then i remind myself, i will be feeling this pain 10 X worse the next time around!

[ToyStoryThree]

I've just been reading that Toronto Love Doctor thing, and it struck me as odd that she recommends staying in your ex's life if you want to get back together. Surely, that's just a way of keeping wounds fresh and preventing you from healing? I don't know - what do you all think? I can see her point, as 'out of sight, out of mind' and all that but as we all know, staying friends when you're in love is so painful.