Deathfire Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Hey all, I've found myself in a situation recently where I went on a rather lengthy and awesome date with a lady I gots to talking to on a online dating site. spent a good 4+ hours in each others company, absolutely no awkward silences at all, constant talking and rather good ending. Both agreed we'd like to see each other again - all great... However the 'rub' - single mother, couple of daughters (both under 4< years - this personally isnt a problem for me I've got to stress) and sitter arrangements seem to be something of a nightmare for her. From what I understand her mother does sit for her very occasionally & often very begrudingly. Only had chance to go on a date as she had another family member visiting her on holiday. We communicate loads nearly every day, and its almost like you would do if you were a couple. It's clearly too early days for me to have any involvement going to her place or be introduced to daughters because well, we're all crazy on the internet arent we? But seriously I'm finding it difficult to manage the seriously slow dating pace and would appreciate advice of anyone in or has been in a similar situation of what you did to get through it? I do genuinely think she is worth the wait and when things start gaining momentum great. Just this initial 'blossoming' stage is...difficult. So Help? 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 The general rule that many single parents follow is to wait until the relationship is serious before introducing the kids---especially at that age. Is the father involved in the kids lives at all? How are you going to handle kid centric activities for dates? These are things you need to think about? This sounds like its going to be long and drawn out process in dating her. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Talk to her about finding a paid sitter to spend more time. I'm not certain what her financial situation is, but if she really wants to be with you and spend more time, should could make efforts to find a sitter and pay. She must have friends or family that could help her find sitters, paid or not. Been there, did that and still do that....
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Unless i am serious about a guy, i will not talk about introducing him to my kids as a relationship and a s a partner......even though my kids are all older ....i still have that mind set, introducing someone who becomes a major part of their lives, of my life is serious, my kids grow attached to people, they are loving and accepting but also were abandoned by their father, i am fiercely protective of them, i can handle things not working out or having to say see you later to a relationship..., they are more vulnerable, i do let them know when i am interested in someone, and if i can trust that person his motives adn know there si a firm commitment there i woudl introduce him ....gradually get them used to the idea.......and they would eb happy if i was happy, most likely they would see what i see, because i would have shared that view with them..they can also get protective...so i would want the guy i was with to understand that...i woudl expect and know they respect my decisions....so that all takes times and effort i guess.....its a gradual thing for single mothers i would presume....not a shove, here accept this thing....more a gentle progression easy on everyone involved....deb
Author Deathfire Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Well things gave gotten...even more complicated with this whole situation. Still messaging away a stupid amount every day, going on another date next week. However now she's expressed she is likely going to be moving back to the UK in the next 3-4 months. Mainly because she has next to no/a very unreliable support network to help her here. She's said there is a '10%' chance she wont be going but it seems pretty likely. I told her our options are a.) we stop talking completely and both be sad about it, b.) keep talking but be gutted when she moves or c.) keep talking and try see each other on the off chance the 1 in 10 event occurs(the option we've both gone for) This is my horrendous luck to be in this kind of scenario - honestly think its going to be how things go with us whether she stays or goes, but its a massive elephant in the room so to speak and extremely hard not to think about in our interactions. Edited March 9, 2013 by Deathfire
TheBladeRunner Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Dating the "single mom" can be tough. I am a single dad of one and fortunately I have a 50/50 arrangement w/ the SBXW which allows me to date without a sitter. One thing I have found w/ the single moms I have dated is that they usually have a crappy custody deal, in that the father is not real involved w/ his kids. I am pretty understanding regarding taking it slow as I WILL NOT drag woman in and out of my daughters life. I figure that if I met my dream woman tomorrow it would be at least 4 - 6 months before she met my daughter and I would understand if someone else wanted the same. I have dated a little in the past and realized that I kinda' like being alone right now and have since "laid-off".
Soxfaninfl Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) Bladerunner, that's nice to hear that you have 50/50 custody of your daughter. I have my 9 year old son every other week. It also nice to see more men doing this. I agree about the 4 to 6 month rule, and I have followed it since my divorce. I prefer dating single mothers now as they know what you and I go through as parents. I have dated women with no kids up until now with no success (that's what I kept finding unfortunately). The last women I date was the first to meet my son, and she was jealous of the attention that my son would get. I remeber her telling me she didn't want to be second fiddle to anyone. I never told her that my son will always come first. I didn't want to hurt her feeling but that will always be that way. Single mothers will understand that. Edited March 10, 2013 by Soxfaninfl 1
TheBladeRunner Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Bladerunner, that's nice to hear that you have 50/50 custody of your daughter. I have my 9 year old son every other week. It also nice to see more men doing this. I agree about the 4 to 6 month rule, and I have followed it since my divorce. I prefer dating single mothers now as they know what you and I go through as parents. I have dated women with no kids up until now with no success (that's what I kept finding unfortunately). The last women I date was the first to meet my son, and she was jealous of the attention that my son would get. I remeber her telling me she didn't want to be second fiddle to anyone. I never told her that my son will always come first. I didn't want to hurt her feeling but that will always be that way. Single mothers will understand that. Thanks SoxFan! You are soooooo right, there are too many absentee dads out there. I dated a woman without kids and although she never met my daughter, also did not want to be second fiddle to anyone. I am not dating now, but when I do again, it will only be single moms as "they get it". 1
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