RainDown Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Good morning, thanks for your replies so far. I am in counseling right now, trying to overcome this depression. It amazes me the ones who advice me to end my marriage since this is something my counselor and I are trying to avoid, for several reasons I'm not discussing here. I'd like to know if the replies I've received so far come from other women involved in affairs, just like me. Hi forgetmenot76. I'm sorry you're so depressed. I've had periods of depression in my life as well and I know how difficult it can be to function or make decisions in such a state. Sometimes the correct answer is to simply do nothing for awhile. This probably is not the time to make life changing decisions. It might be best to be still for awhile, continue with therapy until your depression is in remission, and then evaluate where you want to go from there. The answer is not with either one of these men (or any man). The answer is not out here; the answer is within you. I wish you well. Living with depression can be a nightmare. Oh, and to answer your question, yes, I'm a woman who has been involved in affairs. 1
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 as WWIU said, he's someone who's got a backbone and will not accept being in a dead-end relationship with a married woman. don't contact him again intending to lie about it being just physical for you. it's not fair to him. talk to your husband, tell him what you've said here. he needs to know how you feel about him and the marriage. so far, you're unhappy and you're being unfair to not just one, but 2 men in your life. thing is, OM had the freedom to leave, your husband doesn't until he knows exactly what's going on. It is evident you are not involved in an affair, the way you answer without knowing the details is truly amazing. He knew from the beginning I was married, he's not an angel either. He looked for me knowing this, and when he had enough sex, he dumped me. Why don't you just stop writing nonsense if you don't know the whole story?
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you. I'm doing nothing at the moment. I stopped looking for him on the Internet. This is 100% no contact for me and I hope I can heal soon Hi forgetmenot76. I'm sorry you're so depressed. I've had periods of depression in my life as well and I know how difficult it can be to function or make decisions in such a state. Sometimes the correct answer is to simply do nothing for awhile. This probably is not the time to make life changing decisions. It might be best to be still for awhile, continue with therapy until your depression is in remission, and then evaluate where you want to go from there. The answer is not with either one of these men (or any man). The answer is not out here; the answer is within you. I wish you well. Living with depression can be a nightmare. Oh, and to answer your question, yes, I'm a woman who has been involved in affairs.
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 A little more about my story: he knew exactly my situation and even though he agreed. At the same time, he was also dating other ladies, and never stopped looking for additional hook ups. I tried to ended him several times, last one was successful, because he dumped me and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm not severely depressed, and I can function not 100% but I can live my life and engage in activities. He is not saint. He is a womanizer, incapable of having a relationship, looking for sex all the time. My fault, I was so lonely I couldn't stop it from the beginning. Today I'm feeling stronger, I decided not contact him, ever again. I wish him good luck, but I don't want to engage in that destructive relationship again.
LadyGrey Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 A little more about my story: he knew exactly my situation and even though he agreed. At the same time, he was also dating other ladies, and never stopped looking for additional hook ups. I tried to ended him several times, last one was successful, because he dumped me and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm not severely depressed, and I can function not 100% but I can live my life and engage in activities. He is not saint. He is a womanizer, incapable of having a relationship, looking for sex all the time. My fault, I was so lonely I couldn't stop it from the beginning. Today I'm feeling stronger, I decided not contact him, ever again. I wish him good luck, but I don't want to engage in that destructive relationship again. You really need to be alone and work on yourself. A man is not going to fill the hole within yourself and fix the brokenness that is evident from your posts. I realize you only want to hear what you want to hear, but I feel sad for you that you are in such a bad place, but to shut out anything you don't want to hear, won't help you. You can't fix what you are unwilling to own. 1
Pierre Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Why are you trying to avoid divorce? If you think you can magically throw away what you now feel through counseling you are kidding yourself and wasting money. I think she should divorce, but not for her sake. She should divorce for the sake of her husband. If we leave the issue of the divorce aside we will find that the reason she is unhappy in the marriage is basically herself. Furthermore, she would be unhappy with any other man unless she fixes her own issues. By definition people that are intrinsically unhappy cannot find happiness through others. Her OM quickly realized this and walked away. 3
ThatJustHappened Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 As far as the cheating goes, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you involved yourself with this womanizing man. You allowed your feelings to progress beyond just sex and you got burned. It sucks but you'll get over it..we've all been dumped. But don't contact him..he clearly doesn't want anything more to do with you and you'd only be hurting yourself. In regards to your marriage, I agree with everyone who says you should tell your husband..not for your sake but for his. It's not fair to him that he has to be married to someone who doesn't love him and isn't attracted to him, and who cheats on him. This can't be a great marriage for him either if you won't have sex with him (assuming he's not also cheating on you, which he could be if you're refusing sex). What you're doing to him is cruel, especially if he loves you as much as you say he does. He deserves the truth. 1
ComingInHot Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Forgetmenot; Just a quick question regarding what you wrote. Is it primarily the sex that has you depressed? Or are there other things going on that you are not about to share? ( which I totally get*) Thanks!
Lillyfree Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 It is evident you are not involved in an affair, the way you answer without knowing the details is truly amazing. He knew from the beginning I was married, he's not an angel either. He looked for me knowing this, and when he had enough sex, he dumped me. Why don't you just stop writing nonsense if you don't know the whole story? i was just going on what you've written, and my personal experience. and i'm actually a married woman who went outside an unhappy marriage. also, i was trying to help - apologies if anything i've said insulted you. all the best.
spice4life Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Good morning, thanks for your replies so far. I am in counseling right now, trying to overcome this depression. It amazes me the ones who advice me to end my marriage since this is something my counselor and I are trying to avoid, for several reasons I'm not discussing here. I'd like to know if the replies I've received so far come from other women involved in affairs, just like me. No, the replies were based on the content of your posts. There is no need to insult the posters here who are simply trying to help. Hey, its your life and if you want to stay married that's fine. Then why complain about it?...right? Good luck. I'm out as its obvious you are not here for assistance and would rather just attack people who answer your posts. You have an agenda perhaps? 3
Got it Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Forget me - I agree with the discussion on divorcing and I was a MOW who divorced. But it is based on the information you have provided. If you and your therapist know other facts and aspects that we are not privy to that lend towards not divorcing than that is a whole other ball of wax. But I have not understood finding a healthy and happy balance by staying married but cheating. It is just not something that has made sense to me. I understand if it is a potential short term band aid but being a MOP is a bit of Russian Roulette. At some point the chamber won't be empty. And that anxiety will lend to a great deal of depression.
LFH Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Thank you. I'm doing nothing at the moment. I stopped looking for him on the Internet. This is 100% no contact for me and I hope I can heal soon I hope you heal soon too. I'm glad you aren't going to contact him, your posts sounded as if your involvement with him was hurting you and if something is hurting you, it's not a good choice. I'm sorry you are struggling. Is today any better? 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I'm not discussing here my marriage. This gets tiring. I won't divorce my husband, and I won't tell him either, and thanks for your advice. You really don't come across as a nice person. Whatever is wrong with your marriage you are too lazy to fix, or too selfish to end. Instead you are infatuated with a guy who just uses you for sex... Eh. Most womanizers don't drop easy sex unless the lady is very bad in bed. If your going to make a lifestyle out of cheating... I highly recommend you put out the effort to be good at it. It will most likely save you from getting dumped by the next boy toy.
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