forgetmenot76 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Hi, I'd like to know if this is the correct place to post my affair details and get help from others in the same situation. I dont want to post in the wrong place, and I dont want to be judged. Thanks:)
eleanorrigby Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is the right place, but you may be judged. Get that skin thick and make sure your big girl panties are on. Welcome! 4
secretlady76 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 ...or your big boy pants... You'll get support here and you may be told stuff you don't want to hear, but sometimes that's what you need to hear! Welcome.
LFH Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) Hi, I'd like to know if this is the correct place to post my affair details and get help from others in the same situation. I dont want to post in the wrong place, and I dont want to be judged. Thanks:) This is absolutely the right place to post. Edited March 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Got it Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If you don't want to be judged, or deal with judging comments, another forum specific to OW/OM may be more of your cup of tea.
secretlady76 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If you don't want to be judged, or deal with judging comments, another forum specific to OW/OM may be more of your cup of tea. I think that specific forum has been closed down. There may be others, but I don't know of them. Anyway; tell us about your situation.
Fallen Petals Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You'll get your mixed bag of judgers and consolers and helpers....take what you need when you need it. You may find that at one time, reading the judgers is too much, so skip over their posts. But later on you may choose to go back and see what they wrote and it may make sense or shake something in you and help. Depends on the situation you're in, but OM/OW is the better place if you're the one IN the A while Infidelity over there is usually the folks who have been betrayed and therefore may have a bit more anger towards the one IN the A.
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you for your answers. This is my story: I met him on December. Single man. I was do lonely,sunken in depression and in a bad marriage, that soon felt hard for him. He dumped me two weeks ago. His arguments: wanted to be alone, I'm married and he can't compromise, he can't let him go because he doesn't want to suffer, he knows I'll never be his woman. 2 weeks of NC had passed, and I'm still feeling like crap. Cannot function, I want to run away from my reality. Life is sad these days, I don't have him to forget about my miseries. The question here is whether to contact him again or not. He never gave me love, just void sex. But even though I got infatuated, so lonely and depressed I am. I need to feel the excitement again. I don't know what to do. He was clear, but somehow I have the hope he might have changed his mind in this two weeks. Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated.
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 i used to write in doccool but now it's closed.
Lillyfree Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you for your answers. This is my story: I met him on December. Single man. I was do lonely,sunken in depression and in a bad marriage, that soon felt hard for him. He dumped me two weeks ago. His arguments: wanted to be alone, I'm married and he can't compromise, he can't let him go because he doesn't want to suffer, he knows I'll never be his woman. 2 weeks of NC had passed, and I'm still feeling like crap. Cannot function, I want to run away from my reality. Life is sad these days, I don't have him to forget about my miseries. The question here is whether to contact him again or not. He never gave me love, just void sex. But even though I got infatuated, so lonely and depressed I am. I need to feel the excitement again. I don't know what to do. He was clear, but somehow I have the hope he might have changed his mind in this two weeks. Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated. if he changed his mind during the past two weeks he would have contacted you. you were using him as an escape from the problems in your real life, which you should really be addressing. you say so yourself. did you ever discuss your marriage with him? did you tell him that this was just an affair for you and you had no intention of leaving your husband, regardless of how bad your marriage was?
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you for your answers. This is my story: I met him on December. Single man. I was do lonely,sunken in depression and in a bad marriage, that soon felt hard for him. He dumped me two weeks ago. His arguments: wanted to be alone, I'm married and he can't compromise, he can't let him go because he doesn't want to suffer, he knows I'll never be his woman. 2 weeks of NC had passed, and I'm still feeling like crap. Cannot function, I want to run away from my reality. Life is sad these days, I don't have him to forget about my miseries. The question here is whether to contact him again or not. He never gave me love, just void sex. But even though I got infatuated, so lonely and depressed I am. I need to feel the excitement again. I don't know what to do. He was clear, but somehow I have the hope he might have changed his mind in this two weeks. Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated. My advice is to seek counseling to fix yourself. You were/are depressed and looked outside of your marriage for a patch, a quick fix of your issues. Met a man who made you feel desirable and sexy, fed your ego and over time you got used to how he made you feel. This isn't about just you. Here's a single man who will not let the A continue because he has self worth and self respect. He has chosen to end it because you're married and it's a waste of his time to put energy into someone who has issues and is married, no real plans on leaving and divorcing. He knew you were using him on some level. Let him go - It isn't fair to woo him back or hope he comes back. If your marriage ends, then maybe you can 'date' him in a proper way but until that happens, focus on either fixing or ending your marriage. 2
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Hi lillyfree, thank you for your reply. Yes, he was aware of that. But even though he dumped me. I think he only wanted unattached sex and things became more serious last weeks. He couldn't handle it. He told me he didn't know what to do with me. Anyway, it's true, he didn't contact me. But he never contacted me either, it was me he one who chase him. Main problem here is I can't stand my marriage, can't have sex with H, and miss a man in my life. He was the first, and he was an amazing lover. I was wondering whether I could call him to meet him, not feelings involved, but I don't know if I could handle it without telling how much I care for him and how much I want him to be part if my life
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So now you're faced with dealing with your marriage and husband. Just talk to him, be honest, say how unhappy you are, maybe he is just as unhappy and wants to divorce too. Or maybe together you two can sort this out and change the dynamic between you two. Obviously you loved him enough to marry him years ago. What changed?
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 My husband loves me madly. I'd break his hearth I've I tell him I want the D. I changed throughout the years, I was inexperienced, sex with him was alwàys terrible but I didn't have another man to compared him to. After I met this other man, I realized how good it feels to have sex with a man. It is sad
Lillyfree Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 as WWIU said, he's someone who's got a backbone and will not accept being in a dead-end relationship with a married woman. don't contact him again intending to lie about it being just physical for you. it's not fair to him. talk to your husband, tell him what you've said here. he needs to know how you feel about him and the marriage. so far, you're unhappy and you're being unfair to not just one, but 2 men in your life. thing is, OM had the freedom to leave, your husband doesn't until he knows exactly what's going on. 1
Silly_Girl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 EVERYONE judges....as some on this very thread did. Every single day every single person judges another person - whether it is personal, professional or entertainment related. Also, being judged doesn't have to equate to being mean or nasty. in fact, there are guidelines in place to ensure boundaries are not overstepped. So welcome - and yes, you will be judged.... just like everyone does and everyone is. Yes, some folk will always be judgemental. 1
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 My husband loves me madly. I'd break his hearth I've I tell him I want the D. I changed throughout the years, I was inexperienced, sex with him was alwàys terrible but I didn't have another man to compared him to. After I met this other man, I realized how good it feels to have sex with a man. It is sad But you are breaking his heart now, he just doesn't know it yet. I get that you're afraid of talking to him, opening up but you cannot go on like how things are now. Lying and having an A won't solve anything, it'll just make it worse as time goes on..You may even go looking for another affair to have. Living a lie, staying with him so you won't break his heart isn't fair to you. You are unhappy and not feeling it anymore for your husband, so honesty here really has to happen. Please seek counseling to help you get strong enough to have that conversation with him. Do you two have children?
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I'm not discussing here my marriage. This gets tiring. I won't divorce my husband, and I won't tell him either, and thanks for your advice.
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I'm not discussing here my marriage. This gets tiring. I won't divorce my husband, and I won't tell him either, and thanks for your advice. That's fine, but I do hope you figure your life out by going to counseling. Staying married and being turned off sexually by your H and not being happy in your marriage will just push you into having another affair with the next available guy. You're welcome.
Lillyfree Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 i only brought up the marriage as your situation is somewhat similar to mine - i strayed because i was in a failing marriage and too tired/afraid to work on it. unfortunately it took going outside the marriage and falling for someone else, having my heart broken, to actually face the problems in my M and start working on them. you haven't given a lot of detail... do you love OM? your husband? what do you want out of the A?
spice4life Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) Hi lillyfree, thank you for your reply. Yes, he was aware of that. But even though he dumped me. I think he only wanted unattached sex and things became more serious last weeks. He couldn't handle it. He told me he didn't know what to do with me. Anyway, it's true, he didn't contact me. But he never contacted me either, it was me he one who chase him. Main problem here is I can't stand my marriage, can't have sex with H, and miss a man in my life. He was the first, and he was an amazing lover. I was wondering whether I could call him to meet him, not feelings involved, but I don't know if I could handle it without telling how much I care for him and how much I want him to be part if my life This is so sad and no way to live forgetmenot. Have you ever thought about getting counceling? If you are this unhappy you need to step up and take control of your life. There is no reason on this earth that you should just sit back and live this way. If you are not happy pick yourself up and do something about it! Whether it's marriage counceling or divorce...you have the power of choice. You just have to find the courage to stand up and take charge...the power is in your hands. Don't allow yourself to play victim! Edited March 7, 2013 by spice4life 1
Author forgetmenot76 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Good morning, thanks for your replies so far. I am in counseling right now, trying to overcome this depression. It amazes me the ones who advice me to end my marriage since this is something my counselor and I are trying to avoid, for several reasons I'm not discussing here. I'd like to know if the replies I've received so far come from other women involved in affairs, just like me.
Realist3 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Why are you trying to avoid divorce? If you think you can magically throw away what you now feel through counseling you are kidding yourself and wasting money. 1
imperfectangel Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Why are you trying to avoid divorce? If you think you can magically throw away what you now feel through counseling you are kidding yourself and wasting money. Bet the counsellor doesn't think it's a waste of money
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Good morning, thanks for your replies so far. I am in counseling right now, trying to overcome this depression. It amazes me the ones who advice me to end my marriage since this is something my counselor and I are trying to avoid, for several reasons I'm not discussing here. I'd like to know if the replies I've received so far come from other women involved in affairs, just like me. Once your depression is under control and you're in a healthier frame of mind, then deal with your marriage, and see if your husband is worth fighting for you. Right now maybe isn't the best time to throw in the towel. Though if you want to give your M your best shot, a marriage counselor will be more helpful, not just a regular therapist. A T is there JUST for you, whereas a MC is there for both clients (you and your H). The replies you've received are mix of both. I'm sure you'll get more replies as the day goes on and it'll continue to be a mix of people, inside affair triangles and those who aren't. It's good to get as many perspectives as possible to help you make the right decision, not stuff you just want to hear. Keep an open mind, k.
Recommended Posts