shawn923 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 First a quick backstory...Basically my ex who I fully believe is experiencing GIGS came back into my life temporarily. Im now 24 shes 22 we attend the same college. I have been on LS for awhile now and I am aware of the GIGS and NC threads, I have read and commented on those several times. With this knowledge, I was ready to hear from my ex. It is now just over 2 years since we broke up, she has dated many rebounders and shown all the classic signs of GIGS. After going thru some of the hardest days of my life, I eventually stopped pining for her and went full on NC, which I had been for about the last 6 months. Im talking strict NC. Until last Thursday... My ex shows up to my final home basketball game and texts me afterwords out the blue, wanting to talk to me. She reaches out to me several times before I reply. She says that she is sorry for everything she put me thru, and wants to work on us. I let her know that after all this time in skeptical and a lot of trust for you has gone. She again apologizes. I agree to give her a second chance at making it work. The next day comes and I don't hear from her. It quickly becomes be trying to get her attention. Every time I offer to meet up with her to talk or just see her, she avoids the question. All weekend it was the same way, I just never felt her heart was in it. She didnt DO anything, after once again telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me. It was all words. Every time I asked for action, even the slightest bit, I could NEVER get it from her. It was all too familiar to what she put me thru for the past 2 years. Nothing was happening. Although she did apologize and seemed to be a more mature woman, i still don't believe she wanted to be with me. She probably just felt guilt for the first time. I feel this is stage of GIGS where she's coming "home" and starts to be normal again. However, she still doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, I can FEEL it. So we got into an argument again, and we called it off. She admitted she "didn't have the time or energy to give me the relationship I want". I was so disappointed, because she's dated other losers but when it comes time to show me action, she's backing out. So fine, I let her walk out of my life once again. Although she does seem to be maturing, it's still too hurtful for me to be friends with her. I still love her and want to be with her. That means a friendship between us can not happen, I refuse to suffer. So I called it off and vowed to never speak to her again... She seems to be coming to the finish line of the GIGS process, but that doesn't mean she wants to be with me. I just wonder if I handled this correctly. I didnt cry or show emotion in front of her, although I cried my eyes out as soon as the phone hung up. I can't show her any weakness in me, I've done that already and it got me nowhere. So I came off stern in telling her I didn't want her in my life, it's not fair that you play with my emotions. If you had time to date these other losers than nothing should be holding you back now. So for now, we are once again separated. And my NC starts back again. I don't know what else to do...
emmalynro Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Kid*, if I had handled college relationships as well as you, I'd probably be married by now. This may be hard, but you did everything right there. You should at least take comfort in knowing none of this was your fault and you have nothing to feel shame about. Maybe she'll come to her senses, apologize to you and want to be together again...or maybe she won't. Regardless, you did a fantastic job and should feel good about it. Dry your tears, get some takeout and do a "House of Cards" marathon on Netflix. * = You're only two years younger than I, but I like saying "kid".
Chi townD Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Hell, I never thought I would hear from you again, dude! Yeah, you did everything right. And you said all the right things. Basically, you deserve a girl that willing to give you 100% of herself to you and vice versa. You state that you're kinda busted up about this, but did it really knock you back to square one? After everything you know and learned? Sure, it hurts a little, I won't doubt that. She filled you up with a little false hope. But, you can see that even though you say she matured a little, it's still the same old, same old with her. Keep strong, hold your head up high! Keep doing well.
StraylightRun24 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Kid*, if I had handled college relationships as well as you, I'd probably be married by now. This may be hard, but you did everything right there. You should at least take comfort in knowing none of this was your fault and you have nothing to feel shame about. I'm laughing my ass off at this quote because of how true it is! I think of how badly I handled previous BUs in my younger days (I'm 28 btw) and I get one of these faces ,but then laugh my ass off later on with my oldest pals! emmalynro is completely right, you handled the situation like a boss! It know it's really cliche but it really is her loss. You seem like a stand up dude.
Author shawn923 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 emmalynro: Thanks, I felt I handled it right too but it's always nice to hear from another perspective. I just felt bad because she was sad and I could tell she matured a little... But a relationship IS NOT what she wanted, I could feel that. Chi townD: Lol yeah the reason you dont see me on here is because I am a success story, one you wont find on LS! I felt I got over my ex, so there was no need to post new threads on LS and seek help. So anyone reading this, thats why you dont see many success stories! Anyways... Yea I cried a bit, yesterday and today. But i've been controlling it since i'm used to this by now, which i'm not proud of lol. But I didnt get set back to square one, it was just another cloud of disappointment that came over me. I honestly still love her and probably always will, so seeing her unwilling to put forth effort in a relationship with me, hurts. Knowing I would do anything to make this stupid R work... But I didnt let her know that, and like I said I was stern and asked her to stop playing with my emotions, move on, and respect my space to stay out of my life. She was sad and crying but I had to stand ground, I had been humiliated faaaaaaaar too much in my past. So we got our closure, and I cried afterwords, not in front of her. A part of me feels bad, because I can tell she's changed a bit, and actually is beginning to realize my worth. She was completely polite to me and apologized throughout, something she has never done. Then she admitted that she couldnt be with me, because what I wanted was "too much" for her. It's just another excuse if you ask me, and I gracefully bowed her out of my life. I dont think she is done with GIGS yet, but the end is near. At least she has came back to being a decent person and not a devil. She actually does have a heart... It just doesn't belong to me. Not yet.
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