cciara Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Okay so I'm in a position that's hard to explain even to myself, but I'll try. There is this guy. At a party some months ago we hooked up, both pretty drunk. It was fun, but a bad idea since he kind of is a friend of my ex. So we decided it was a one off thing, neither of us didn't want to hurt my ex and everyone knows you don't go for friend's exes (right??)... But it was really fun and I know I was crazy attracted to him. And I saw him pretty often at events and also at university (we're studying the same thing) and we had some crazy fun (although nothing ever happened and we never talked about that one night.) But; I thought about him more and more and it became a kind of obsession... I kept wishing for one more night with him. I always felt so alive and excited with him. Also, we were a lot alike, both a bit messed up and crazy. We just... Clicked. And then one night we did hook up again. And then some week later, again. And again. But again, always as a secret and never for more than just sex. But I felt like I was falling for him, but couldn't tell him that because we couldn't be together anyway (we'd come to that conclusion earlier when it really only was "harmless fun". He also thought we were "too similar".). But now all I could think about was him. Now I have to tell you, this guy has some serious issues. His father left him as a child and he was bullied through school, which has left him cynical and untrusting... He often parties and drinks to feel better (he told me that himself). And so he often became very rude and cold and distant to me. Behaved like a total *******. Which made me angry and upset and when I'd confront him he'd get even more annoyed (hurt? angry?) and started acting more like crap. Which made me insult him and say real horrible things (I was pissed off)... So he avoided me for a week. And at that time I felt really mad and like crap. Until I confronted him and talked things through, making things sort of "okay"... I did try to kiss him (we'd been hooking up fairly regularly in the past month) but he pulled away (obviosly still a bit upset or annoyed at me) asking why I was doing that (he said something like "What do you really want from me? I hate feelings? I don't trust you") He even became teary eyed and I don't know... (We were both drunk). And now he's back to sort of avoiding me, and if he says something it's cold and distant. But all I can think of is him, even though he makes me feel bad (because of the way he acts)... And I'm also really pissed at him all the time for the way he treats me. Don't get it. Sorry for the incoherent post, just needed to spill a little. Any idea what I should do...? '
Quiet Storm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Stop hooking up with him and trying to kiss him. He has told you multiple times that he not interested in a relationship with you. Believe him. Fill your life with positive people and acitivites, anything to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. Instead of obsessing about him, try to be introspective and think about why you would want someone that makes you feel bad. Most people avoid people that make them feel bad. Why are you drawn to him? He admits to using alcohol as an escape, is mean to you, and is untrusting and cynical. You seem to excuse this because he had a bad childhood. While his childhood is probably the reason for his issues, that doesn't change the fact that he will not make a good partner. His issues will obviously bring drama and pain into the lives of those close to him. Why do you see him as a viable option for a boyfriend, instead of as a clue to stay away? I say this often on Loveshack, but it's because it applies in many circumstances. As an adult, we have to be our own "babysitter" in sense, and protect ourselves from harmful people and situations. This guy has already hurt your feelings multiple times, and yet you keep going back for more. Why do you think you do that?
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