My story, or how I stole the heart of my ex-boyfriend's MOW

March 6, 2013

I don't think anyone here will be able to relate to my story, but I've been posting in this forum lately and I thought I'd share in the off-chance that someone can and to give you a little more information about where I'm coming from.

I've been cheated on twice, once by a boyfriend who had random craigslist encounters and the other by a boyfriend who had an affair with a MOW.

My ex's relationship with the MOW was done with the full knowledge and consent of her husband. They were polyamorous. I was the only one in the situation who was not consenting. The affair lasted a few months.

I don't consider myself a BS because, well, I've never been married. I only dated this guy for maybe a year, so I don't consider my experiences to be anywhere near comparable to what the BS experiences.

Anyway, my ex had this great idea for us to have a threesome with the MOW. When it was over, she mentioned something about a previous sexual encounter with my ex. I asked her what she was talking about and she looked shocked. Turns out my ex had told her we were polyamorous too, and that I was fine with their relationship.

I was upset, as can be expected, and she ended up comforting me. She dumped him on the spot. She was wrong for not confirming with me that I was okay with their relationship, and she admitted that. She showed the evidence (via texts) that she was telling the truth. I forgave her.

I didn't break up my ex immediately, though I should have, but the affair pretty much killed our relationship. Not much of a surprise there. After we had broken up, I ended up briefly dating (mostly just sleeping with) the MOW with the consent of her husband. We eventually broke it off because I moved, but I don't regret what we had. I was very attracted to her, and I admit the revenge of being with her was an added bonus.

Like I said, I don't expect anyone to be able to relate to this, especially given the hostilities between the BS and OP, but I wanted to put it out there.

March 6, 2013

I can't relate because I have no idea what you are talking about. MOW, BS, OP, WTF? Use words, I'm guessing some of those abbreviations saved you less than 5 characters of typing, which, out of the 2,007 characters you did type represent a savings of .25 %.

March 6, 2013

I can't relate because I have no idea what you are talking about. MOW, BS, OP, WTF? Use words, I'm guessing some of those abbreviations saved you less than 5 characters of typing, which, out of the 2,007 characters you did type represent a savings of .25 %.

OP (that's original poster) used the acronyms correctly. Perhaps you need to gain some knowledge as to the way this board functions.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand

March 6, 2013

So, you fooled around with someone you had no actual interest in other than sexual and revenge?

Ok. If that's what makes you happy.

But how does this relate to being the OW?

Edited March 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

March 6, 2013

I don't think anyone here will be able to relate to my story, but I've been posting in this forum lately and I thought I'd share in the off-chance that someone can and to give you a little more information about where I'm coming from.

I've been cheated on twice, once by a boyfriend who had random craigslist encounters and the other by a boyfriend who had an affair with a MOW.

My ex's relationship with the MOW was done with the full knowledge and consent of her husband. They were polyamorous. I was the only one in the situation who was not consenting. The affair lasted a few months.

I don't consider myself a BS because, well, I've never been married. I only dated this guy for maybe a year, so I don't consider my experiences to be anywhere near comparable to what the BS experiences.

Anyway, my ex had this great idea for us to have a threesome with the MOW. When it was over, she mentioned something about a previous sexual encounter with my ex. I asked her what she was talking about and she looked shocked. Turns out my ex had told her we were polyamorous too, and that I was fine with their relationship.

I was upset, as can be expected, and she ended up comforting me. She dumped him on the spot. She was wrong for not confirming with me that I was okay with their relationship, and she admitted that. She showed the evidence (via texts) that she was telling the truth. I forgave her.

I didn't break up my ex immediately, though I should have, but the affair pretty much killed our relationship. Not much of a surprise there. After we had broken up, I ended up briefly dating (mostly just sleeping with) the MOW with the consent of her husband. We eventually broke it off because I moved, but I don't regret what we had. I was very attracted to her, and I admit the revenge of being with her was an added bonus.

Like I said, I don't expect anyone to be able to relate to this, especially given the hostilities between the BS and OP, but I wanted to put it out there.

Hmm..well..I can't relate to much of that, but I can at least relate to you on the level that I've never been married. I was the betrayed girlfriend of a guy I dated for 5 years who was absolutely horrible to me.

So you and I aren't BS's, we are BG's. Still sucked though..but I'm over it now.

March 6, 2013

So, you fooled around with someone you had no actual interest in other than sexual and revenge?
Ok. If that's what makes you happy.

But how does this relate to being the OW?

I was attracted to her physically and emotionally, but I am not polyamorous. She knew I didn't want anything serious for this reason. It was fun while it lasted, and it wasn't like either of us expected more.

It relates to being the OW because I had a relationship with an fOW. In my case, she was actually more attracted to me--the betrayed girlfriend--than my ex. It is an interesting twist on an otherwise played-out story of an OW falling for a MM.

March 6, 2013

Hmm..well..I can't relate to much of that, but I can at least relate to you on the level that I've never been married. I was the betrayed girlfriend of a guy I dated for 5 years who was absolutely horrible to me.

So you and I aren't BS's, we are BG's. Still sucked though..but I'm over it now.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am also over it. I have a great boyfriend now who treats me well

March 6, 2013

I was attracted to her physically and emotionally, but I am not polyamorous. She knew I didn't want anything serious for this reason. It was fun while it lasted, and it wasn't like either of us expected more.

It relates to being the OW because I had a relationship with an fOW. In my case, she was actually more attracted to me--the betrayed girlfriend--than my ex. It is an interesting twist on an otherwise played-out story of an OW falling for a MM.

Hmmm. I don't see how it relates, because by that philosophy, anyone that has ever been in a relationship with anyone who has ever been in an EMA would be posting here.

Were you bi-sexual before your relationship with her? I'm trying to figure out your motivation for your involvement with her as well as your motivation for posting this here. Was this a stab at your ex or just something you wanted to do?

March 6, 2013

Hmmm. I don't see how it relates, because by that philosophy, anyone that has ever been in a relationship with anyone who has ever been in an EMA would be posting here.
Were you bi-sexual before your relationship with her? I'm trying to figure out your motivation for your involvement with her as well as your motivation for posting this here. Was this a stab at your ex or just something you wanted to do?

I don't see why someone who is in a relationship with an (f)OW/OM shouldn't post here if it relates to the fact that their partner was an OW/OM. In my case, I ended up with the OW my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with.

I was bisexual before my relationship with her. I came out when I was 15, years and years ago. I engaged in a relationship with her because I was attracted to her. I would have loved to have a more permanent thing with her were it not for her being married and polyamorous. However, I ended up moving out of town and too far away to continue seeing her. We ended on good terms.

I felt this forum was more appropriate than the Infidelity forum, and the forum for Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy seems to be geared more toward a younger population from what I've seen.

March 6, 2013

I don't see why someone who is in a relationship with an (f)OW/OM shouldn't post here if it relates to the fact that their partner was an OW/OM. In my case, I ended up with the OW my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with.

I was bisexual before my relationship with her. I came out when I was 15, years and years ago. I engaged in a relationship with her because I was attracted to her. I would have loved to have a more permanent thing with her were it not for her being married and polyamorous. However, I ended up moving out of town and too far away to continue seeing her. We ended on good terms.

I felt this forum was more appropriate than the Infidelity forum, and the forum for Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy seems to be geared more toward a younger population from what I've seen.

Very interesting dynamic. What do you think it says about your relationships that that was the choice you made after you were betrayed?

March 7, 2013

I don't see why LFH has such an issue with you posting here. Its an open board, the Mods haven't moved it and it deals with an affair.

I'm sorry your former bf lied to you and to the MOW about you being involved in an polygamous relationship. Obviously he used that to get what he wanted...a 3 some.

Glad you have someone new in your life. I hope you never have to be treated poorly again by a BF.

I don't have a problem, I was just curious, since generally speaking the people who post here, in the forum designated as the OW/OM support board, are the OW/OM.

I'm not sure she'll get what she's looking for here.

I'm more than happy to hear her experiences if that's what she'd like to share.

Moderators Note ** Every person is more than welcome to post here in this forum, The only requirement is that the posts fit within the guidelines of Civility and Respect, which they do. ***

This forum is not only for certain posters, while it deals with certain situations those situations are also open to receive advice from all people and not only from a small segment of the posting fellowship here.

Thanks and Carry on

Edited March 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

March 7, 2013

I can relate a little bit. The OW in my situation told me she was attracted to me and would be open to a threesome. I didn't know what to make of that,(and I was numb and in shock when she told me this) but there was a tickle in the back of my mind that made me think that if I did that, things would be "even" again. I'm glad I crushed that thought.

March 7, 2013

Moderators Note ** Every person is more than welcome to post here in this forum, The only requirement is that the posts fit within the guidelines of Civility and Respect, which they do. ***

This forum is not only for certain posters, while it deals with certain situations those situations are also open to receive advice from all people and not only from a small segment of the posting fellowship here.

Thanks and Carry on

March 7, 2013

Very interesting dynamic. What do you think it says about your relationships that that was the choice you made after you were betrayed?

I have always been the type of person to tell others to leave when they are cheated on, but I didn't both times that it happened to me. I never thought I would do that. He would also hit me sometimes, and I knew I was being abused but didn't leave. I feel ashamed every time someone brings up domestic abuse because I feel like a hypocrite if I insist the person being abused leaves. Who am I to give them advice?

I was in my early 20s for both and fairly naive. The ex in question got me to try drugs, and I started to smoke weed every day. I eventually started doing some harder things like methadone just so I could pass out and not have to deal with the world. That was the frame of mind I was in during and directly after being cheated on.The main reason I didn't leave was because he was my drug connection, but I also cared about him even though I knew how toxic the relationship was.

I don't know how to pinpoint why I fell for OW. She was stunningly beautiful and everyone around her could see it--which is why I was initially into her. She was also kind, compassionate, and loving, as I later came to find out. Part of my attraction to her was because she was out of my league. I was honestly shocked that she felt the same way about me that I did for her.

I'm not really sure what all this says about my relationships, but I know it says a lot about me and who I was. I have matured since then, and I am finally in a healthy, stable relationship. However, self esteem is something I still struggle with, as well as codependency to some degree. The thought of being single scares me, and I imagine (should my current relationship end) I would jump right into another relationship.

March 7, 2013

I can relate a little bit. The OW in my situation told me she was attracted to me and would be open to a threesome. I didn't know what to make of that,(and I was numb and in shock when she told me this) but there was a tickle in the back of my mind that made me think that if I did that, things would be "even" again. I'm glad I crushed that thought.

Wow.

At first I didn't know what to make of this but maybe this is not uncommon.

In college a friend of mine was sleeping with a classmate's boyfriend and one day this friend told me that she felt badly about it and she's scared the gf will find out she had a rep for being a bit crazy) and her plan was to seduce the gf as well, that way, if she slept with her too and if she got her to agree to a 3some, then she'd "never find out" about her sleeping with her boyfriend, or if she did, it wouldn't seem too bad if she was sleeping with her and if they'd had a consensual threesome . I don't remember how that turned out, but remember being completely dumbfounded when she relayed this to me. When you said that the OW brought it up...I was like WTF is she on drugs??!! Then I immediately thought of my friend who was the OW, who pretty much proposed the same thing.

Maybe part of the attraction is real, maybe part is purely some strange wiring that confuses sex, lust and revenge and maybe for some it is a way to neutralize the damage.

March 7, 2013

lol it was weird as hell!

She's bi-sexual, so I guess that was part of it. But why me? I never understood what that was all about, but what you said gives me a few things to ponder.

March 7, 2013

This one is a bit of a head scratcher. I think my over all thought, is I am sorry and big hugs ((((((())))))))). The abuse and the drug addiction is an element that is very hard to get over and healed from. I hope you are in a much better place.

March 7, 2013

I can relate to this situation, too. Once, when I was married (long ago) my husband started a relationship with an OW (one of many actually; but I digress). I knew he was seeing other women and didn't much care, so that wasn't really an issue.

After about 6 months of him seeing her, she began to stalk me, online and in person. OW dyed her hair the same color as mine, had it cut in the same style, began to dress like me, etc. She joined an internet discussion forum I belonged to and befriended me under an assumed identity. She began to PM me incessantly, told me she was attracted to me, wanted to meet me, and generally became a real pest. Meantime, she was having a affair with my husband.

I eventually told her to get lost because she was really beginning to irritate me. I had no idea she was seeing my husband. He decided she was a nutcase and he dumped her. So she started stalking and harrassing both of us.

After much drama ensued I filed for a restraining order. That is when I found out OW was erotically obsessed with me (in one of her journals she talked about us meeting at a hotel, OW wearing a mask so I would not recognize her, and detailed all manner of sex acts she wanted to do with me). I also found out about how many nights she sat outside my house and followed me all over town. It really creeped me out because I had no idea of the extent of her obsession and how long it had been going on.

Anyway, OW was ultimately convicted of felony stalking and actually told the judge she was stalking me because she was in love with me and couldn't help herself; and she was stalking my husband because he dumped her and she hated him.

I suppose my story could have been exactly the same as the OP's if I had returned OW's affections. I'm still irritated with my ex-husband for bringing such a complete nutjob into my life.

I think things like this happen more than we realize.

March 7, 2013

I can relate a little bit. The OW in my situation told me she was attracted to me and would be open to a threesome. I didn't know what to make of that,(and I was numb and in shock when she told me this) but there was a tickle in the back of my mind that made me think that if I did that, things would be "even" again. I'm glad I crushed that thought.

I'm glad I did do it. My MOW was innocent in the situation. She did not know her relationship with my ex was not approved by me. Had she gotten involved while knowing I was in the dark, I think it would have been another can of worms. She sleeps with your husband then wants to add you into the mix? Sounds like she wanted to weasel her way into your family anyway she could.

Out of curiousity, were you flattered when she admitted her attraction to you?

I have seen some OW put down the BW as not being as physically attractive as themselves. I'm wondering how it changes things when that isn't the case and the OW considers the BW attractive. Does that create jealousy or insecurity in the OW? Anyone can answer, not just you

March 7, 2013

Wow.

At first I didn't know what to make of this but maybe this is not uncommon.

In college a friend of mine was sleeping with a classmate's boyfriend and one day this friend told me that she felt badly about it and she's scared the gf will find out she had a rep for being a bit crazy) and her plan was to seduce the gf as well, that way, if she slept with her too and if she got her to agree to a 3some, then she'd "never find out" about her sleeping with her boyfriend, or if she did, it wouldn't seem too bad if she was sleeping with her and if they'd had a consensual threesome . I don't remember how that turned out, but remember being completely dumbfounded when she relayed this to me. When you said that the OW brought it up...I was like WTF is she on drugs??!! Then I immediately thought of my friend who was the OW, who pretty much proposed the same thing.

Maybe part of the attraction is real, maybe part is purely some strange wiring that confuses sex, lust and revenge and maybe for some it is a way to neutralize the damage.

I am honestly surprised other people can relate. My situation always something out of a cheesy lesbian porno to me! Crazy to think about. The OW in your situation sounds a bit mentally off. I really can't see how having a threesome would cover up or hide the fact that she was dleeping with the girl's boyfriend.

It has been scientifically shown that the sexuality of women is a lot more fluid than men. I think the attraction can be real. People tend to date others who are on the same level as them in terms of attractiveness (or at least pretty close). If the OW finds the MM attractive, she may also find the BW attractive if she swings that way.

I also think OWs may think about the BW in a sexual way more than they would like to admit to. I don't see how you could sleep with someone else's partner and not imagine the two of them having sex, despite how the pain of the thought may make them push it out of their minds. The BW certainly think about how MM's sex with the OW after d-day. Both may even compare themselves sexually to the other.

March 7, 2013

This one is a bit of a head scratcher. I think my over all thought, is I am sorry and big hugs ((((((())))))))). The abuse and the drug addiction is an element that is very hard to get over and healed from. I hope you are in a much better place.

I can't say I was ever physically addicted to any substances, but I was definitely psychologically addicted to how they made me feel. Being able to forget your problems is a nice feeling, but it does you a great disservice in the long run.

I am off drugs now and in a much better place mentally and emotionally. Thank you and everyone else for the care and concern

March 7, 2013

I can relate to this situation, too. Once, when I was married (long ago) my husband started a relationship with an OW (one of many actually; but I digress). I knew he was seeing other women and didn't much care, so that wasn't really an issue.

After about 6 months of him seeing her, she began to stalk me, online and in person. OW dyed her hair the same color as mine, had it cut in the same style, began to dress like me, etc. She joined an internet discussion forum I belonged to and befriended me under an assumed identity. She began to PM me incessantly, told me she was attracted to me, wanted to meet me, and generally became a real pest. Meantime, she was having a affair with my husband.

I eventually told her to get lost because she was really beginning to irritate me. I had no idea she was seeing my husband. He decided she was a nutcase and he dumped her. So she started stalking and harrassing both of us.

After much drama ensued I filed for a restraining order. That is when I found out OW was erotically obsessed with me (in one of her journals she talked about us meeting at a hotel, OW wearing a mask so I would not recognize her, and detailed all manner of sex acts she wanted to do with me). I also found out about how many nights she sat outside my house and followed me all over town. It really creeped me out because I had no idea of the extent of her obsession and how long it had been going on.

Anyway, OW was ultimately convicted of felony stalking and actually told the judge she was stalking me because she was in love with me and couldn't help herself; and she was stalking my husband because he dumped her and she hated him.

I suppose my story could have been exactly the same as the OP's if I had returned OW's affections. I'm still irritated with my ex-husband for bringing such a complete nutjob into my life.

I think things like this happen more than we realize.

That is a really scary situation! I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and I'm glad it seems like everything worked out for you in the end.

I hope the OW got the help she needed. She obviously had some deep-rooted issues going on.

March 7, 2013

I'm glad I did do it. My MOW was innocent in the situation. She did not know her relationship with my ex was not approved by me. Had she gotten involved while knowing I was in the dark, I think it would have been another can of worms. She sleeps with your husband then wants to add you into the mix? Sounds like she wanted to weasel her way into your family anyway she could.

Out of curiousity, were you flattered when she admitted her attraction to you?

I have seen some OW put down the BW as not being as physically attractive as themselves. I'm wondering how it changes things when that isn't the case and the OW considers the BW attractive. Does that create jealousy or insecurity in the OW? Anyone can answer, not just you

For me to engage with her would have been a huge mistake. She wanted to be with my husband exclusively and expected him to leave for her when d-day occurred. She was feeling confident things would work out in her favor when she said that to me.

I was a bit flattered. I enjoy compliments no matter the source and respond easily to them. I like people that like me.

As far as attractiveness, I was happy to see that we were on equal ground. Having her too far down the scale or up the scale in comparison to me would have been an extra thing for me to stew and fret about.

March 7, 2013

That is a really scary situation! I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and I'm glad it seems like everything worked out for you in the end.

I hope the OW got the help she needed. She obviously had some deep-rooted issues going on.

Last I heard she was in jail somewhere for.....wait for it....felony stalking and malicious destruction of property. One of those leopards with permanent spots evidently.

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My story, or how I stole the heart of my ex-boyfriend's MOW

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