slant Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 To make a long story short. I was with my ex for 3 months last summer and then I moved 2000 miles away. I graduated from college and she still has another year. We saw each other three times in the six months we had LDR, but we slowly drifted apart and broke up last month. I've been doing okay I guess and only reached out a couple times. Now fast forward last week, a friend that I know contacted me about working at a company in the city I left. I told her and she said if I moved back she couldn't promise me she would want to get back together, and that is understandable. I'm not 100% that I would want to either, but I cannot help but imagine the possibilities. The job opportunity has the potential to big a huge thing for my career. Immediately I will get a raise, but it has potential for a large long-term payoff. I don't think I will make a decision because of her, just wondering what could be if I do decide to take it. I'm flying back there tomorrow to meet with the company but I won't reach out to her. The funny thing is she was supposed to be visiting me this week but we cancelled the ticket due to the breakup. Now out of the blue I'll be within a couple miles of her.
cerridwen Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You're approaching this really well, IMO. It's smart not to take the job because of her, or even make contact when in town. Stay open to a reconciliation, just as you are, look after your best interest and if there's a rekindling in the future, it will be natural. Too many relationships are forced. Good for you.
Author slant Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Well thanks. I am trying to handle it as best I can. I just don't want to get my hopes up or make such a life-changing decision for the wrong reasons. We were just really in love before I moved away and it was hard to see the relationship fall apart. I wonder if we could even get back to where we were at one point if I did move back and we even tried. The emotional side of me tries to find meaning in how my life is playing out, but I don't know. Had we stuck with our November breakup surely chances of reconciliation would be much lower. It's also funny that we made it nearly seven months of long distance when it was hard for that whole time. We could have given up much earlier. I wasn't even looking for a new job, and as soon as we breakup I get this great opportunity. At the same time, I feel I might have made a decision because of her if we were still together at this point. Life. It confuses me.
tommycapnpants Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 good luck with the interview tomorrow. i say focus all your energy on that. take in everything they have to offer you. i would say reaching out wouldn't be a bad thing while you are there, if and only if you are confident that you want to take the job after seeing what they have to offer. in other words, don't let her cloud your judgement and decision making. i am glad i made the flight out to see my ex. we spent two really beautiful days together. we didnt make love (although we could have, but that would have just confused things even more). but, we spent the entire time together after the shock of me being there and surprising her subsided. it was a wonderful goodbye and because of this we ended on a good note. with the possibility of reconciliation. however, i am not hoping for that. i am moving on; going on a date with a lady i have been attracted to this weekend. and i have that promotion and possible move i told you about. basically, base your decision on your career. and if you are confident in that, then go ahead and reach out. it could go bad, but if you are like me, you would always wonder.
Author slant Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Well it was a very long and stressful weekend dealing with the company. I went back and forth so many times in my head what I should do. At the end I made the decision based only on my career, and I resigned from my current job yesterday. I am moving back across the country in two weeks. It may not sound like it, but I am super excited right now. This is going to be an awesome ride and a huge learning experience.
Author slant Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 About my ex... I made a promise to myself that I would not reach out to her while I was home. It didn't seem fair to myself or her when I had no decision yet. One night I ate dinner downtown (in our town of 100,000) and I was worried I might run into her by chance. When I was flying back to my current city at the end of the weekend she sent me a text (which I got when I landed) saying that she kinda missed me but that she can't. She asked me if I was in town and I told her about how I didn't want to contact her when I was home. I told her I was probably going to take the job, and that I was certain I was making it for the right reasons. She said that was good, because she shouldn't matter. This was the first time she reached out to me first in about 3 and a half weeks, and the first time we texted in about 10 days. I told her I took the job yesterday and she is basically ignoring me right now. It's okay though, she probably doesn't know what to think, doesn't know what she wants, doesn't want to get my hopes up, etc. It's been just over a month since the BU and I'm doing pretty well. A part of me wants another chance with her to see how a real relationship goes again, because two months ago living in the same city was only a dream. Another part of me wants to move on and meet other people. I think I will just focus on this new job right now and let whatever happens happen. Either way, I'm psyched about this job! 1
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