grecian Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My friend has a serious relationship for a couple of years. Her guy used to watch a lot of porn and likes looking at women in general but his sex drive is not that great. She feels bad 'cause it seems that he's not interested in intimacy. Can guys explain this to me... How can someone who used to like getting pleased by watching pornographic material on a regular basis, doesn't really want to have sex??
Keenly Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 He is bored of her sexually. Either she's not attractive to him anymore or the sex is the exact same every time. 1
Author grecian Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 But he's not even trying to do anything different. She's more willing to do different things but he's not. Are there people who only like to watch and not really do the work??
thewrongonee Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Yeah, hes probably not attracted to her. I would just tell her to move on, if there is no sexual tension in the relationship, the relationship will feel empty and be bound to fail. ( from my personal experience)
thewrongonee Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 But he's not even trying to do anything different. She's more willing to do different things but he's not. Are there people who only like to watch and not really do the work?? I really doubt any guy that would just watch for the rest of his life. Either he's scared about something, or he just doesn't feel the same way and is confused about the relationship
Soxfaninfl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My friend has a serious relationship for a couple of years. Her guy used to watch a lot of porn and likes looking at women in general but his sex drive is not that great. She feels bad 'cause it seems that he's not interested in intimacy. Can guys explain this to me... How can someone who used to like getting pleased by watching pornographic material on a regular basis, doesn't really want to have sex?? I've never understood this when men prefer to maturbate to porn than have the real thing.
Emilia Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Can guys explain this to me... How can someone who used to like getting pleased by watching pornographic material on a regular basis, doesn't really want to have sex?? He didn't fancy her enough 1
dj572 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Just a few thoughts here. As others have said he could be tired of her. I have expierenced this before. The sex has become boring and it's just easier to masturbate than even try. Sometimes men get so desensitized by porn sometimes they can't finish any other way. Another thought his sex drive could have dropped due to low testosterone. That happened to me. Mine was so low I didn't care about sex anymore. I went to the doctor and found out it was low and now I have to take shots. It's really hard to know what his reasons are but it could be a combination of several things.
dj572 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I've never understood this when men prefer to maturbate to porn than have the real thing. I can answer that for you. It might sound shi#&y but it's because sometimes sex is too much work. You have to see if she's in the mood then if she is sometimes they want to shower first. Then there's foreplay and you have to make sure she is satisfied before you finish. Sometimes you just want to do it quick and be done with it. I would be surprised if there is not a guy out there that hasn't done the same thing whether they admit it or not. Sure it's selfish but speaking from personal experience in some long term relationships trying to get sex is like pulling teeth so you learn to take care of it yourself.
truth_seeker Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My guess is she doesn't do it for him anymore. Maybe she could try some role play? She could pretend she is a porn star and they film each other?
veggirl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My guess is she doesn't do it for him anymore. Maybe she could try some role play? She could pretend she is a porn star and they film each other? I would shoot myself in the face if I had to role play as a porn star so my porn-addled man could get off. OP he sounds lazy and /or porn addicted because he is just too used to a simulated screen and his hand rather than real sex. Probably both lazy and porn addicted. She'd be better off without him, regardless. 2
PogoStick Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Sex is great, but it's not the real thing (masturbation).
truth_seeker Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I would shoot myself in the face if I had to role play as a porn star so my porn-addled man could get off. Maybe things have gotten stale in the bedroom so he turns to porn? Then again, you could be right and he is so addicted to porn the real thing doesn't do it for him anymore.
divorceddad Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Here is my two cents. He is addicted to porn and the fantasy is more exciting to him then the actual act. He is living in a sexual fantasyland and reality is too boring for him. Dump him and move on. 2
Object_a Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Here is my two cents. He is addicted to porn and the fantasy is more exciting to him then the actual act. He is living in a sexual fantasyland and reality is too boring for him. Dump him and move on. I absolutely agree with this. I noticed a lot of the men in this thread making out that the woman has the problem here (she is unattractive, she doesn't excite him in bed, whatever). I think it's just as likely that this guy has some issues himself. He may have watched porn so much that it's warped his expectations around sex. Or he could have some kind of problem with intimacy and just finds it safer and easier to use porn rather than try interacting sexually with a real person. Either way it's not something that can be fixed easily and definitely not without him recognising that he has a problem and trying to do something about it.
dj572 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Another idea your friend could try talking to him about it. I know it might not work but sometimes I think people give up too easily. I've been guilty of giving up myself. I know not everybody is open to discussing their problems but I have seen it work. I have also been guilty of assuming the worst of a given situation but when I decided to talk to the person about it the situation wasn't what I assumed. I think everybody deserves the benefit of at least having a discussion about it and go from there. Just a thought.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Too much porn messes up your brain. I dont think people understand how malleable and susceptible the brain is. A little porn is fine, but a guy who watches it alot I ditch immediately. I have dated guys like this and I was told I was too hot for these guys by other people- yet nothing I did ever helped them get their sex drive up with me! Its not always the woman's fault!!!Thats when I did research on how alot of porn usage affects the brain and its kinda scary. Your relationship will most likely have problems in the sex dept if your guy watches porn all the time. Is your friend a college student? If she is, tell her to access her school's research database and look for studies on how porn affects the male brain...not stuff off of PsychologyToday.com but actually scientific research studies. If I had a girl friend as beautiful as you and wanted to have sex on a regular basis then I wouldn't need porn. I only used it when I was horny and my wife would turn me down. I've always had a high sex drive, and it's burden sometimes when your girlfriendless. I will never seek out women just for sex. I'm not that way.
iKING Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 The great porn experiment Kimberly has a valid point.
Author grecian Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 She is very pretty and in good shape...too good for him, really. And she has a high sex drive. S o I don't get why he's so messed up. He doesn't watch porn anymore. He used to when he was younger, but still, it probably messed him up. She loves him though....how can this get fixed?
cafemochaplease Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Thanks for sharing about your friend, and I wish I had a quick-fix to help. But I agree with dj572 and his points about communication. I know a subject like this is not the easiest to discuss, but the problems my wife and I have sorted out usually started with a willingness to talk. I wish your friend the very best.
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