Been 2 weeks, but it's getting harder, in particular the NC part. Missing her badly

[Ryan_B]

2 weeks ago Today (6 days after valentines day) my girlfriend of 7 months split up from me. We are both 20 and she was my first ever girlfriend and love.We had had a few arguments over the past few months, but on the whole we were extremely close. She has previously been in a 3 year relationship and was engaged, but she told me 3 months ago she said nobody has ever made her as happy and feel as loved as me. We always went out, for drives, days out, spent most of our time together, staying at each others etc. It was perfect. We even went on a weeks holiday for valentines, and it was really special, a lovely week. But when we got home I fell ill for a couple of days and so I didn't see her/contact her for 2 days. But when we next spoke (on skype) we had an argument. She started asking for time alone and space, and I said it's fine, but just asked when I can next see her, she got angry for whatever reason and went offline. The next day (I had been expecting it but trying to deny it) she ended things with me. She said I am a really special Guy, I never mistreated her and she was happy with me. She said there's no bad bone in my body, but she can't carry on with us. She wants to live the single life for a while. She told me that she wants to remain close friends (in fact her exact words were ''I'd really love to just be very special friends. The way we were for the months I knew you before we got together. The times we went out and had a laugh, went to theme parks etc. I want that again, we can be such close friends. I just don't love you anymore in a romantic way, but I still love you, so much, as a person and as a friend''). I told her that I can't be friends right now, because I love her, so much, and my feelings for her are sky high. It'd be impossible to have her just as a friend right now. But I did tell her that in the future, if my love and feelings die and I don't want her in a relationship type way, then I'd love to have her in my life as a friend, more than anything. She understood and just said she hopes it happen. I told her I will delete her numbers, facebook and Skype, just so I can't get tempted to message her, she said it's upsetting but she understands. So if I ever feel I can just be friends it's down to me to re-add her etc, so she can't contact me first, it was a mutual decision to do this. The thing is, 2 weeks later, the temptation to contact her is increasing. I'm missing her, more than I've ever missed anyone/thing before, and still love her so much. I keep thinking of all the good times we had, from cuddling in bed most nights, to going away on holidays, and theme parks, the weekly drives we had, the jokes we shared, everything. And it brings a lump in my throat all the time. No matter what I do, see my friends, go out, go to pub, anything, she's constantly in my mind. It's hell, I love her and would do anything to be back with her, but that's not what she wants (she told my friend). What do I do? It's even got to the point of writing out a text, asking my friend for her number and sending it too her, only for my friend telling me it's a bad idea so wouldn't give me the number. This is killing me inside, please help.

[Ryan_B]

Feeling even worse Tonight. It was actually around this time of the day, 2 weeks ago, that she ended it. I keep thinking ''I'm so fed up, and feel so lonely, for the last 7 months, right now I'd be with her, out on a drive, or round mine/hers. We'd be happy, full of love and laughter. But instead I'm sitting here, feeling miserable, empty, fed up, upset, just want to break down''. It's getting worse, day by day, this is hell. I never thought I'd feel like this, I can imagine what we would be doing, where we would be, what we'd be talking about, everything, if I was with her now, I should be with her right now. I don't know what to do, any advice would be so appreciated, thank you.

[MushyPeas]

I completely get this, I'm doing the same thing and have been for the past few days.

 

Your friend is right, it's a baaad idea to contact her, I recently saw my ex and even though it seemed so lovely and at the time I thought it was so worth it, I'm realising that seeing him is the cause for me feeling so low.

All of my thoughts since seeing him have been about all the things I miss and the little things we used to do together, just like you said.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with remembering the good times, you just have to take them for what they are, they were good times and fond memories and when they start to make you feel low and bring you down because you're not doing them any more, that's when you need to pick yourself up and try your best to do something to take your mind off it.

 

Easier said than done, I know but you'll get there, you just need to give yourself time to grieve and heal, but keep busy even if you say your thoughts always wander back to her, eventually you'll break that routine and when you do? You'll already be in a good place to carry on with making yourself better off, because you've already made the moves by seeing people and going out

[StraylightRun24]

Well for starters you going NC with her, while feeling completely wrong and it being extremely hard, is the right thing to do. A lot of times taking the right course of action is the most difficult path to follow. I guess it's life's little practical joke on us!

 

I'm over two months post BU/NC and like most of the other posters will tell you it's very much like a rollercoaster of emotions. Unfortunately for a while you're probably going to have days were you feel like crap and then the fun days where you feel like utter crap! It really REALLY sucks but it's completely normal.

 

You have to try your hardest to get your mind off of her. Yes it's tough (and in my case practically impossible sometimes because I'm an over-analyzer), but you can have success (even if it's only for a little while) getting your mind off of her. Read a book, watch a movie or TV show, workout, listen to some of your favorite music EXTREMELY LOUD, or better yet hangout with a close friend/s.

 

Just remember to keep your head held high. From reading your story I think you handled the situation as best you could.