juliebj Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Well, where do I begin......? I have been dating a man since February and we recently decided to take things to another level. (well, that's what I thought anyways).....had an incredible sexual experience ONCE!!! The other times he could NOT stay hard. His excuse was that he felt 'guilty' for being with me when he wasn't sure of his feelings. He gives me mixed feelings in that he tells me this, and then on the other hand talks very freely and openly about future events.....such as meeting my family and me meeting his. Why if he feels guilty about sex with me would he be worried about how my family is going to like him? He is 47 years old and may have these erectile problems, but would 'guilt' really cause them or is that just an excuse for him? Also, how bad do men feel when this happens? Do they feel Embarrassed and humiliated??? Will they ever initiate sex again? I feel like I may have made the situation worse because I thought there was 'something' that I would be able to do to make it 'work'. lol!!! Not sure that's what he needed........(?) I just wanted him to know that I was REALLY into him and that we'd somehow find a solution. Alos, if he could have stayed hard, do you think he would have stopped because of guilt? I don't....lol!!! Any help will be GREATLY appreciated!!!!!
Papillon Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Heh, yeah, if he stayed hard there woulda been no stopping him I dunno, maybe he's under pressure to perform, maybe? Perhaps he just isn't in the mood. How often does this happen? Perhaps he has a physiological problem...it's totally not uncommon. I wouldn't worry in the least about his alledged "guilt over his uncertainty about his feelings" for you - that just seems like a convenient excuse to explain the erectile problems away. Is he taking drugs?
Author juliebj Posted September 6, 2004 Author Posted September 6, 2004 Hey dude!!! Thanks for info.....!!! Nope, no drugs or medications. Think this is a problem he's had for awhile.......it has happend in the last 3 of 3 attempts. Now I'm not sure he will EVER try again......sigh!!!! I'm so at a loss as to what to do....I've never had this happen to me before. I am willing to do anything I can to help him overcome this problem, but not sure that's what he needs from me. If you had this problem, would you prefer that it never be brought up again, or would you 'mind' if I initiated another try and if it didn't work, we tried pleasureing ourselves thru alternate methods? I really want to help him, but I don't want to embaress or humiliate him in anyway. I just want to let him know that I'm 'open' to other avenues of sex, but surely don't want to hurt him by bringing it up if you think I shouldn't. I Really appreciate your insight/help!!!
Papillon Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 He'll be allright, don't worry too much about it, otherwise you're gonna pile on the pressure and make it worse. Question: Is he is good physical shape? Nothing like a neglected body to diminish performance.
Author juliebj Posted September 6, 2004 Author Posted September 6, 2004 Well, he's not really into exercising.....has a day job where he just sits at a desk 8-12 hours a day. Not like he really gets any physical activity......hmmmm, that could be it!!! After hearing from you, I'm just gonna let him work it out. I guess when he's ready and sure he can keep it up, he will initiate it. Until then, I'll just wait it out. Hopefully, it won't take long!!! lol!!! (sorry, but I'm feeling rather amorous.....once I get to this point in a relationship, I'm ON all the time!!!).....btw, your thoughts on him stopping if he could have kept it, we're identical to mine!!! He sure didn't stop the first time.....lol!!! Where was the 'guilt' then? ha!! Again, thanks for your insight!!! Nice to hear first hand from men on this issue!! It can be pretty confusing for women....ie...is he attracted to me, is it something I did, have I added to the embaressment, etc....etc.....etc....
Papillon Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Yeah, I'm sure it's just a phase. Uhuh - you sure are going to be "riding it out". No worries
Author juliebj Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 WTH is up with this? Okay, went out with BF Monday. During the course of the day/evening he would touch his 'buddy' and get a response. He'd then deliberately let me know that it was working,(well, I could see it). He never initiated anything else with me, and I was trying to wait until he did. Is this some kind of power play with him or is he just trying to prove to me that he can still get an erection? It almost felt like he's just playing with me in a torturous sort of way. I'm seriously considering calling it quits with this guy. Is he a nut or what? Help!!!!
Papillon Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Tell him, a little less talk, a lil' more action. Tell him its great to know that the car's engine starts, now can we go for a little drive, then? And not like Miss Daisy, if you knowwaddahmean?
Author juliebj Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 Hey Papillon....thanks!!! lol!!! Will give it a try, but it almost felt like he was telling me ''hey it works, just NOT with you''.....dunno for sure. I'm sure his pride is hurt that he's having this issue, but damn, it was almost like a slap in the face for me. He's been the 'ladies' man type of guy, thinks he's quite attractive, and his ego must be faultering because of this problem. Quite honestly, don't know if I'm up for much more of the ego bull****. Will see what happens next. Until then, thanks for your insight!!! Have a great day!!
SoleMate Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Will give it a try, but it almost felt like he was telling me ''hey it works, just NOT with you''.....dunno for sure. I'm sure his pride is hurt that he's having this issue, but damn, it was almost like a slap in the face for me. Emotions need to be right for erections to work regularly. It's different for every man, of course. But he could be having trouble because he is nervous, guilty, shy, married, ...or for physical reasons. But I don't think you two will have a great sex life when one is accusing and the other is defending. Trust is essential to make sex comfortable. Don't read too much into his actions. But if I were you, I would make it clear to him that I see frequent ED as a major problem, and even a dealbreaker if not adequately addressed. HE should take the lead in figuring out the problem and resolving it.
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