ps123 Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Hi, Im in a new relationship (5 weeks) and am having a really hard time relaxing and just going with things. Its hard for me because this is the first woman Ive liked this much in a really long time (several years in fact). Im getting some mixed signals from her and am pretty confused. We usually have a great time together. We can talk literally for hours, have a lot in common, are very affectionate with each other and the sex is also very good for both of us (thats what she tells me anyway ). My friends think that the mixed signals might be a test or something. Shes had her heart broken before and has been in some pretty crappy relationships with some pretty lousy guys (mean, emotionally abusive, alcoholic, etc.) and Im wondering if she might be starting to like me and is getting scared. Shes made some casual jokes and comments about me being too good to be true. Its almost like shes waiting for my bad side to come out. Im basically a nice normal guy so she has nothing to worry about, and I really like her and wouldnt do anything to hurt her. I could also be way off and the mixed signals might be her way of telling me not to get too emotionally involved because shes not thinking long term. Anyway, my question is how do I just relax and go with things and trust that things are working out? I have a hard time not looking ahead and always thinking the worst so Im constantly worried that shes going to call and say its she doesnt want to see me anymore. Ive been blindsided by women who call out of the blue to say its not working before so I know thats where part of my fears come from. Any tips? Thanks.
mehim Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 maybe she wants to take things slow with u, especially that she has been in a bad relationship before. what kind of mixed signals r u getting anyway? also i dont think that u should be so stressed about it, it hasnt been that long, and u dont have to know if its going to be a long term or a short term, time will tell. and so what if she called up one day and said things r not working out, u should take this relatioship as the first step for a beggining of new better ones. ur only dating. so u should relax im sure that u everything is ok, and that u should give her time, and take it slow, dont rush into things. and u should be a little more confident in urself, cuz she is not gonna like it when she sees tht u dont have that much of it.
snilljente Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 I do the same thing ps123.....because I have been hurt by guys in the past...I have a hard time not knowing how a guy I am dating feels about me and/or what he is seeking in a relationship....it's hard realizing that you are not in control of something and that you are putting yourself out there to possibly be hurt....I can understand how your gf feels, she may be "waiting for the other shoe to drop" if she has been hurt before...be patient, show (by actions/not just words, it's much more meaningful) that you are the good guy that you say you are...do this consistently over time and if she is interested, she will relax and open up more...I speak from personal experience....I don't think that she would be spending hours talking to you if she wasn't interested....she is just learning to trust you....all you can be is yourself and the rest is up to her....take care
Author ps123 Posted September 6, 2004 Author Posted September 6, 2004 Thanks for the advice and info. Im definitely aware of the self confidence thing and Im really trying not to show her how stressed I am about things. Im pretty sure shes not aware of it yet, but thanks for reminding me. And yes, snilljente, I do think shes "waiting for the other shoe". We even talked about it a bit and she said she does tend to do that with things. So, Im just going to try to be patient and give it time. Thanks.
snilljente Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Just curious how you guys met? I am still looking for my good guy..seem to attract losers...but am hoping things will change...It sounds like you and your gf have alot of the same feelings...it might help, when you start stressing or feeling insecure, that even if she isn't showing it at the time, she is likely having alot of the same feelings and that with time, you will both be able to open up more and reassure each other of your feelings/commitment....Good luck.
snilljente Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Oops, I meant it might help to remind yourself that she is likely feeling/thinking the same kinds of things/doubt...
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