Logan oO Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 First off, i'd like to say i'm glad i found this site / forum, the replies and support you all give one another is astounding, complete strangers showing compassion and genuine words of wisdom is a rarity in this world . So Kudos! So here is My story, My Pain. My Relationship ended with my ex girlfriend in early february 2013. To be with her, i had to sacrifice so much and yet nothing could make her happy. She would have days where she would be ok, but could turn at the drop of a hat. I couldn't use Facebook, Twitter, without being accused of something so i stopped even though i was happy to show her my contacts and inbox and sent messages etc, because i was willing to show that, she was too stubborn to accept that i was that willing and just stayed in a mood. So the most i ever ended up doing was just pop on to facebook to read if anything had happened or changed back home with old friends, i never contacted anyone. I enjoy video games, but she didn't like the games i liked, so you guessed it, i stopped playing them. She suffers with Depression and is Prescribed medication which she NEVER took and used the excuse 'i don't want to be labelled as depressed' ....kind of a bit late for that if you are on medication....i always tried to encourage her to take them as they would help in the long run, but it always ended in an argument. She was Raped twice (separate occasions) at 16 Sexually abused by her step brother at a young age. Her mother would never divulge who her real father was (this always bothered her) She suffers from Depression She could be madly in love with me ONE day and HATE me the next.... Honestly my heart has taken a severe thrashing in this relationship, i was always the one doing the chasing and trying to repair the relationship, she never saw any of her actions as wrong or that she mistreated me. She plays xbox more than i do. She has male friends who comment on photos on her facebook and has male friends on xbox, but thats ok, because it's a like it or lump it situation.... Her reasoning was 'i'm ****ing YOU not them' :/ Why must i have always been the one to suffer! I sacrificed, my job, my friends, my family to live in a place 150 miles away from my entire life i had worked for. She broke up with me and i moved back home to my parents early february. We kept contact on a messenger on our phones, but it was always abrupt, she would message me to text family members for her as she had no credit, but other than that had no intention of a conversation with me... I have to say, that the love i feel, is sliding away and forming hatred for her, she is the most selfish person i have ever met! Someone so lost in the past, that the entire world is the problem, and 'changing' herself or things in her life to better herself is just out of the question! Yesterday was the first day i went Full No Contact with her, (she helps because she doesn't want to talk to me anyway) i made it through over 24 hours (now 36) without talking or texting or messaging her. Well thats my story, we were together for over two years, and all of a sudden, being the mad one she is, it's over, yet a week before we were giggling like a new couple and messing about playfully on the sofa.....
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 She has internal problems, she must first deal with. She will end up doing this, to everyone else. It doesn't justify her attitude, but explains it. It is good you are going NC. She won't be good for you, or anyone, until she resolves her past, seeks help for this. In many ways, she should be pitied. Her past is harsh. What you need to do, is understand and not let anger take you over. She did you very wrong...you can be angry, but why? It will only serve to ruin you more. Do not let a girl, who herself is ruined, ruin you. 1
Author Logan oO Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Ya know, that's probably the coolest advice i've heard Thankyou. She is Broken and will NEVER see it. I want to be ME again, i want to be happy and meet people, and wake up some mornings feeling like I need to stay NC. i edge myself a little further away each day. Yesterday i allowed myself to check the messenger to see if she had been on at all, today i'm only allowing myself to look at my phone and see if there are any messages. Tommorow i will not look at my phone unless it rings etc. I'm trying to distance myself but not too much too quickly. NC is the only hope i have of getting her back out of my heart and so she can live in her own twisted world alone. 2
Minneloa Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 That's the spirit, mate! You will find lots of support here on this forum from people in similar situations who are working to move forward. I'm rooting for you.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Don't just want her to live in a twisted world. Be better then that. What I would want, is her to get help, become a better person, and be content with who she is. Not ruled by a bad past. Inside, she is already tormented. Being raped is more haunting then one could imagine.
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I just read your story Logan and I have to say that I really feel for you. Your ex has so many personal issues that you tried to help her with. It shows your compassion to others to try and be a light in her life. I really do think NC is the way to go for you. As I said in my post NC has been the most amazing helpful thing ever. The thing about being a dumpee is that we didn't want the relationship to end. You probably had no idea that things would come to this. But the fact of the matter is, is that she broke up with you an you can't torture yourself wondering why or what could have been. You will notice that with NC each day your head becomes a little clearer and you feel a small bit better. I too did all of the chasing. My ex also saw no wrong in how he treated me. It's hard to let go of someone you love but I tell myself that loving someone truly is letting them go when they want to go. You know you do your best and that's all that matters. Please keep us updated on your progress. I bet you will be like everyone else who has done NC and you will stop seeing her through rose colored glasses. At least you are at the anger stage, not the denial stage anymore. That anger will fade too and you will feel whole again soon good luck!
Author Logan oO Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 So here i am, May 1st 2013 It's been a while since i posted on this thread, i thought i'd share my journey to recovery so far.... I can say that on this very day and for some time now, i have been ok, i've found 'myself' once again and began to realize that life will always move on. Since i posted here, my ex contacted me, we began talking and even on the phone once or twice, that being said in the last few weeks, she has began to show 'how she misses me' she has asked me to move back in, and said how it was all a mistake, how we should never have broken up, how she's miserable without me. Oh do bare in mind she had sex with one guy and then was seeing a guy for a month and having sex with him (she caught chlamydia from the first guy, thats what you get for going bareback with people you don't know) and now she's realized other guys don't treat her like i did. No one in their right mind would ever put up with the restrictions that i did. Anyways, like i say, she has told me she 'loves me and always has' (yes even whilst banging other guys...lol) She even went as far to tell me in detail the sex she was having with the guy she was seeing, telling me where and how they did it via message (this was before telling me how it was all a mistake) So now she wants me back, but i have told her 'No'. Straight up, i said i am not giving up everything i have regained since being back home, just for two months before she gets bored of me and kicks me out again. I may not be happy yet, but i am on the right track. I see friends, I go out, i have fun I figure the relationships we lose, help us become the person we are today! So if that has taught me anything it's that it's better to continue the search for happiness, rather than live in the fog of misery I know that nobody ever has it easy in life, but believe me, there will always come a time where you can look back and think 'i'm glad that happened, because if it didn't, i would not be where i am now' Oh and she unblocked me on fb, so i blocked her as soon as i saw it. I know it can be tempting to check on exes, social sites, remembered passwords, but it's also wise to remember ' you only can hurt yourself by doing this ' so just do two things; 1) Accept that the situation is beyond your control 2) Let it go, holding on will only cause you more pain. Well for those who don't like long reads - simply put, i'm doing ok, and i'm happy the weathers warmed up
Author Logan oO Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 Ya know, ya should really read 'all' posts before throwing in your 'i know everything' comment... I know what she was like, i have moved on, hence why i said 'NO' to moving back up there to live with her. Besides honestly people can look up and find answers all they want, it would only lead to more questions, so i tried my own way Just accept you can't do a thing about it. It's life and let go
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