Mack05 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) ughh just clicked on my friends profile who she came over and said hi to on the weekend and she's liked his photo on facebook. it made my blood boil. i'm fuming. i am so annoyed right now. it sounds pathetic but she never likes peoples photos on facebook and stuff. i'm really annoyed at her for it she knows i'll see it. it annoys me because a long time ago her friend said she found him really attractive when i introduced them.. he's been a good friend for years, i really hope she doesn't start flirting with him. that would be so unfair of her. This is your mind working overtime. Playing worse case scenario's that will probably never happen. Firstly, you said your friend would never go there so you should trust him. Secondly, if he does it is out of your control. If they hook up at least you know (you should already) that she is not keeper and that he is not a real friend. Worrying about stuff that may not happen or is out of your control, really is a pointless waste of precious time. This girl holds hands with guys in front of you, flirts with your friend, talks about suicide, says she doesn't want a relationship yet you still pine for her? Calgary you have stated many times you are unhappy, bordering on depressed. How does your obsession on this girl help you resolve those issues? To be honest you are reading the advice given to you ,but because you are so emotional you are not absorbing what is actually being said to you.. I posted two weeks ago that you will still be on LS in 6 months writing about this girl. I have no doubt in my mind my analysis is spot on. I'm afraid I or anyone else can't help you right now. Only one person can do that.. Edited March 7, 2013 by Mack05 2
Author calgary Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 This is your mind working overtime. Playing worse case scenario's that will probably never happen. Firstly, you said your friend would never go there so you should trust him. Secondly, if he does it is out of your control. If they hook up at least you know (you should already) that she is not keeper and that he is not a real friend. Worrying about stuff that may not happen or is out of your control, really is a pointless waste of precious time. This girl holds hands with guys in front of you, flirts with your friend, talks about suicide, says she doesn't want a relationship yet you still pine for her? Calgary you have stated many times you are unhappy, bordering on depressed. How does your obsession on this girl help you resolve those issues? To be honest you are reading the advice given to you ,but because you are so emotional you are not absorbing what is actually being said to you.. I posted two weeks ago that you will still be on LS in 6 months writing about this girl. I have no doubt in my mind my analysis is spot on. I'm afraid I or anyone else can't help you right now. Only one person can do that.. thanks mack05, there again, my mind is in overtime. i wish i was made of tougher stuff than this.. i know, i really don't know why i'd be in love or obsessed with a girl like this. i should hate her. i should be happy I've gotten away from her. But i'm not. I'd be so upset, he's been a life long friend but i can imagine if she flirted with him whilst drunk he'd probably go with it. He said he wouldn't. i'm just having a bad day. i'm really pathetic i really need to get over her. in reality.. i'm not harassing her, i'm not chasing her , i'm not texting or anything.. but on here i probably look crazy. in reality i'm telling her to go away. but it's all an act. you're right i'll still be here miserable and upset in 6 months i can't help it and it's such a waste, I've already wasted 2 months of my life. I'm so glad there's people like you out there willing to help people like me at a time like this. you always calm me back down and make me look at it differently i really appreciate all the time you've put into helping me even if i do keep messing up, or i can't change the way i feel etc
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 calgary, I would advise caution: Your dependence on her for your happiness, is misguided and misplaced. And if you're not careful, you're going to start depending on Mack - and others - on giving you the impetus you need - we'll congratulate you when you're 'up' and pull you up when you're down. However, there's a saying which goes: "Fall down 7 times, get up 8." Not 'be pulled up'.....'get up'. Which implies the effort has to come from you. After a while - as with some others on this board - there is a possibility that some will grow tired of constantly playing the part of your strength. Some others became so negative and dependent, they lost the support of most people. Please - don't get like that. Realise - sooner, rather than later - that ultimately, when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other - that's on you. And you need to show effort - not relax complacently into the willing 'embrace' of those helping you so much, that you become a pain.
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 thanks mack05, there again, my mind is in overtime. i wish i was made of tougher stuff than this.. i know, i really don't know why i'd be in love or obsessed with a girl like this. i should hate her. i should be happy I've gotten away from her. But i'm not. I'd be so upset, he's been a life long friend but i can imagine if she flirted with him whilst drunk he'd probably go with it. He said he wouldn't. i'm just having a bad day. i'm really pathetic i really need to get over her. in reality.. i'm not harassing her, i'm not chasing her , i'm not texting or anything.. but on here i probably look crazy. in reality i'm telling her to go away. but it's all an act. you're right i'll still be here miserable and upset in 6 months i can't help it and it's such a waste, I've already wasted 2 months of my life. Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - You're right. I'm so glad there's people like you out there willing to help people like me at a time like this. you always calm me back down and make me look at it differently i really appreciate all the time you've put into helping me even if i do keep messing up, or i can't change the way i feel etc You CAN change the way you feel. of course you can. Who else is going to do it for you? That, if I may say so, is one of the most defeatist things you've said so far. Talk about abdication of personal responsibility! You keep telling yourself negative things and you're beginning to believe them. So you have to stop doing that, because it's a form of an Inverse Ego trip. So quit now, before you make me REALLY pissy.....
Mack05 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) thanks mack05, there again, my mind is in overtime. i wish i was made of tougher stuff than this.. i know, i really don't know why i'd be in love or obsessed with a girl like this. i should hate her. i should be happy I've gotten away from her. But i'm not. I'd be so upset, he's been a life long friend but i can imagine if she flirted with him whilst drunk he'd probably go with it. He said he wouldn't. i'm just having a bad day. i'm really pathetic i really need to get over her. in reality.. i'm not harassing her, i'm not chasing her , i'm not texting or anything.. but on here i probably look crazy. in reality i'm telling her to go away. but it's all an act. you're right i'll still be here miserable and upset in 6 months i can't help it and it's such a waste, I've already wasted 2 months of my life. I'm so glad there's people like you out there willing to help people like me at a time like this. you always calm me back down and make me look at it differently i really appreciate all the time you've put into helping me even if i do keep messing up, or i can't change the way i feel etc Calgary one of the first steps to getting happy again is that you need to stop criticising yourself. If you would do me one favour and buy (and read!!) the books the power of now and how to break your addiction to a person. With regarding the power of now, at the very start of the book the author writes about just how negative an impact constant thinking has on our overall lives. He focuses on 'watching the thinker'. "The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not “the thinker.” The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter – beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace – arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken" If you find yourself being negative about yourself, you learn to stop it. You learn to channel your thoughts in a different more productive way. Being critical of yourself is far more harmful then you realize. The path forward is quite straight forward, but to quote from the Matrix "there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path".. This comes down to you because as Tara has suggested after awhile you realise there is no point in flogging a dead horse anymore.. Edited March 8, 2013 by Mack05 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 LOVE 'The Power of Now'. Love it. Really love it. So damn bloody good. The Matrix has been shown to be based on Buddhist philosophy (no, I'm not proselytising, you can think what you want - I'd rather you did!) but another film which has striking resemblances to Buddhism, is Star Wars.. One of my favourite moments is when Yoda is trying to teach Luke to tap into - and to use 'The Force'. His starship is in the swamp. Yoda lifts it out, by manipulating 'the Force'. Luke (absolutely flabbergasted): "I....I don't believe it!" Yoda: "That is why you fail." In order to implement everything we're trying to convey to you, calgary, you first have to believe that it's true. If you fail to believe it - then yes, you will never succeed. Part of success is determination. You need to be determined.
Author calgary Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 i know tara and mack05.. i need to find it in myself to get over her. i wish i had more of a positive attitude, i'm trying. i know you're all trying for me.. it just really hurts that she's flirting with a friend I've had for years and years.. he's only just come back into my life recently as he's lived far away. i feel like he's one of the only people around here that i actually like at the moment, and with me just breaking up with my ex, i felt like he came into my life at the right time to keep me busy and distracted... but now i'm not sure what to think. i can't blame him for liking her, she is attractive and i fell for her at one point. i just feel sick to my stomach today. those sharp pains where you just want to curl up in a ball. of all the people for her to pick. i'm unsure where you find the strength from.. she's given me plenty of reason to dislike her and get over her.. but i just still feel the way i do. I've felt determined to get over her for almost 3 weeks, i still feel a wreck today. I've been no contact almost three weeks apart from asking her to go away when she came over and said hi to him. i can sit in this weekend watching trash on tv, maintaining no contact.. but i know they'll both be out and it'll just flat out drive me crazy.. i know i can't change something i have no control over.. but i can't be happy about it either.
Mack05 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) Why not have a word with your friend. Once you chat to him and get his reassurance (he seems a good guy) then you need to stop the obsessing about what she might do. I know if it were any of my close friends, I would have nothing to worry about. There are tons of attractive girls out there. Surely your friend can chase a girl who is not your ex. Maybe she is playing mind games, maybe she genuinely likes him, maybe it's harmless flirting to make herself feel better. Who knows. You know I feel it's best to stay in on weekend nights after a breakup, especially if you feel like this. When these horrible feelings come don't avoid them. Feel them. It sucks, worse then going to dentist, but it really helps not looking for distractions when you are feeling low. The best thing is to work through your feelings. This is what gives you the strength that you are looking for. Get out and try get as much fresh air as possible on the weekends (days). Exercise twice a day. Only has to be 30 minutes each time. If you need to talk to someone, have a coffee with your friend(s). Also try find somewhere really peaceful and read the books, I recommended above. I think The power of now would be lost on you in current state, so start off by reading the book how to break your addiction to a person. That has ALL the advice you are looking for right now. Calgary if you are not willing to do the hard work I, Tara or anyone else can't help you. This forum is great, especially after the initial horrible shock of a breakup. Now most posters get the support they need and eventually leave LS and deal with their grief. Others stay here way too long. They don't deal with their grief in the correct way and spend 6 months posting about the same things, making no progress. With these posters I eventually stop replying. Not because I don't care, (I do) its because its pointless exercise repeating the same things over and over. At some stage you need to take the next step. The next step is doing as I suggested above and avoiding her until you are fully detached.. Edited March 8, 2013 by Mack05
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 ..We need to open a Clinic.... You've heard of 'Mac & Mabel'.... Well, this is 'Mack & Maiden'....... Relationship Mechanics. We give jump-starts, but you gotta press the throttle. Actually, turning the key first also helps. 1
Author calgary Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 i'm unsure how to turn the key and press the throttle as tara put it. i know no contact helps.. but you know my mind goes absolutely crazy with wonder even if i don't want it too. I have the day off, i'm going to walk my dog for a while, try and get him to stop pulling. i need to get over this addiction to somebody who isn't very nice to me. I appreciate you both so much right now, it's good to meet a few strangers on this site who care... care more than people i know in person. I hope he is a good friend to me, i'd be sad to lose him as a friend.
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Wow! Well will ya look at that? I am a Dog Behaviourist! Straight up, I can help you with that too!
Author calgary Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 apparently I called her a b*tch aswell. oops. one of my friends confirmed she def wasn't out last night, so I went out, was a good night.. I text my friend who she likes to see if he was out, but he said he wasn't.. he asked if I was out stalking my ex, and if she was out and stuff.. I don't know why he would ask about her.
Am4Real Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Bravo! Well presented... All the best, Am4Real LOVE 'The Power of Now'. Love it. Really love it. So damn bloody good. The Matrix has been shown to be based on Buddhist philosophy (no, I'm not proselytising, you can think what you want - I'd rather you did!) but another film which has striking resemblances to Buddhism, is Star Wars.. One of my favourite moments is when Yoda is trying to teach Luke to tap into - and to use 'The Force'. His starship is in the swamp. Yoda lifts it out, by manipulating 'the Force'. Luke (absolutely flabbergasted): "I....I don't believe it!" Yoda: "That is why you fail." In order to implement everything we're trying to convey to you, calgary, you first have to believe that it's true. If you fail to believe it - then yes, you will never succeed. Part of success is determination. You need to be determined.
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