wahine Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This question is mostly directed at other single females, but anybody is welcome to chime in: How do you feel about the way society views single women in their early/mid 20s? I'm asking because as of late, I've been given the third degree about my being single "at my age". And it's not just me- some of my other female friends around my age have complained about being put on the defensive about it as well. I think it's interesting that often in films and music, the only time a woman is single, is when she is leaving her man in the hopes of finding someone better, or the plot itself is solely based on the fact that the woman (usually career-oriented) has an empty, unfulfilling life, until she finds the man she needed to love all along, and then she's complete, and blah blah blah. However, there are plenty of songs about a man just enjoying the simple things (like his truck, or whatever), and there are plenty of movies with a strong male lead busting s*** up and getting things done. He doesn't have time for a relationship, and nobody questions why. I agree that one of the great purposes of life is to love and be loved, but if you're focusing on other aspects of your life and of yourself, or it's just not what you want, it shouldn't be treated as a "condition" that is so out of the norm. Because it isn't- I know quite a few single women my age. Yet, we are all treated like we're choosing an alternative lifestyle. So, those were my thoughts. What do you guys think?
Radu Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Many of today's movies show men in relationships as bungling fools made complete by the smart woman who babysits him. Or that being female is preferable to being male. I don't let it bother me though, Hollywood is full of cr*p. When i used to get the same stuff in my mid 20's, i'd just say one of the following : - i found God and decided i wanted to be a virgin forever - i decided to become a monk, and will soon leave for a monastery - i'm gay The latter is awesome to tell older men and women. 5
MrCastle Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't know about society but I don't like the fact almost every girl in her 20s is taken except for the ones I'm not attracted to of course. I wish promiscuity or, at the very least, casual sex without strings played a bigger influence in the shaping of the dating scene. This relationship s*** is stupid when you sit down and think about it.
ls32ssibm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 OP, don't take this the wrong way, but if you are an attractive girl it's just what everyone is going to say. 2
Mumbles Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I wish promiscuity or, at the very least, casual sex without strings played a bigger influence in the shaping of the dating scene. This relationship s*** is stupid when you sit down and think about it. Ahh, well, thats a really interesting point. Having travelled a reasonable amount let me tell you, this is a problem we've created for ourselves in some westernised societies, particularly UK, USA and Australia (others too). Go to France, Italy, Greece, parts of Scandinavia - they all have their own nuances, I'm not saying its free love for all, no, but in the big cities people are a _lot_ more relaxed .. about almost everything Oh, and many parts of South East Asia too. In Australia we've created a weird nanny state of exposed puritan façade hiding deep unfulfillment (and hidden debauchery). Its hard to breathe here sometimes. Constant "big government" meddling which had bred a sense of no personal responsibility for anything. Add to that a historical overtone coming from "no sex please, we're British" and you can well imagine I'm sure. 1
ls32ssibm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Ahh, well, thats a really interesting point. Having travelled a reasonable amount let me tell you, this is a problem we've created for ourselves in some westernised societies, particularly UK, USA and Australia (others too). Go to France, Italy, Greece, parts of Scandinavia - they all have their own nuances, I'm not saying its free love for all, no, but in the big cities people are a _lot_ more relaxed .. about almost everything Oh, and many parts of South East Asia too. In Australia we've created a weird nanny state of exposed puritan façade hiding deep unfulfillment (and hidden debauchery). Its hard to breathe here sometimes. Constant "big government" meddling which had bred a sense of no personal responsibility for anything. Add to that a historical overtone coming from "no sex please, we're British" and you can well imagine I'm sure. Casual sex is really overrated. If you go six months without getting laid it may sound good but realistically sex is only really good when you both know each other's likes, dislikes, and personally I think it's better when feelings are involved. I have a "casual" friend who is a total freak beg me to come over tonight but I declined and just played Battlefield 3 instead. It's not worth the 16 mile drive for me 2
hudson701 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Good looking Women are single in their 20s because they want to be. It's a choice. Part of the reason I finished with my ex was that she needed to 'find herself' - travel, work abroad, date other men etc as I was her first love (she is 21)- even I could see she needed to spread her wings, get out and see the world. She did however inform me that she would work in the states for two years, then do a bit of travelling, establish a career and then have children at 26/27. As easy as that. And do you know what, I don't doubt her for a single second, because women can do that- pick up a man and start a family when they're ready and it's on their terms. She's a very pretty girl so could probably meet someone decent within a month, a lot of men approach her so it will be easy for her to meet someone. As it is for any good looking woman, really. It's unfair that 'boys are girl's favourite toys' but what can you do about it? Nothing. 2
hudson701 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) See reply above. Edited March 6, 2013 by hudson701
Els Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 For some reason, a large portion of society is unwilling to accept without judgement those who don't correspond to their beliefs of what is 'normal'. It's unfortunate, but it's what it is. It does not really get easier when you have a boyfriend in your mid 20s. Then people ask you why you're not getting married, and there are lots of accusations implicit in that. "Are you getting strung along? You shouldn't wait, women are over the hill at 30. If you don't snatch up someone now you may never get one. Tell him you're leaving if he doesn't propose!" Etc. According to a married friend of mine who is 26, her relatives have been pressuring her and asking her why she isn't having children yet, and telling her that her fertility is declining. My conclusion is, the cycle never ends. Cut it off ASAP and live your life the way you want. Fulfilling one demand does not make it stop. 4
Els Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Oh, and many parts of South East Asia too. Trust me, SE Asian society is generally much, much, much less accepting of casual sex than the UK, USA, and Australia. The only exceptions are generally prostitutes who aren't seen as 'people' there. Some girls (usually gold-diggers) will go for foreign tourists, hence creating the delusion of availability, but if anyone finds out, they'll have hell to pay. Local men do not generally get these same benefits.
sweetkiwi Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I am single and turning 26 soon. According to my family I am a lesbian or I cant settle Down with only one man. And as far as society they dont directly affect me. My family on the other hand does. Yet still I do my best to ignore those comments or simply laugh at them. I was engaged at 20/21 and I am very happy I called it off. We weren't a good match. And now I am free to choose the best man for me, instead of trying to do something everyone else wants me to do. 6
StanMusial Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Everybody has an opinion one way or another about it. A former coworker once told me "wait til you're 50" when these old bitches at a former job were nagging me about marriage. LOL I think young women have it worse because of the birthing window and all that. Plus I doubt any parent or relative wants to imagine their daughter getting pumped and dumped through her prime years. They try to look out for them as best they can. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't think society view's really matter. We live in such a diverse world now that their is no social norm. A lot of life comes down to simply getting what you want. Whether it's being single, dating, in a relationship, or whatever. As long as your desires are met you are happy.
aed Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 A couple of female friends where talking about this, and they really felt a social pressure because they didn't have a relationship. I never realized that they would feel that way. So I know girls who are struggeling with the same.... I think its the same for a guy is his mid 20s that is still a virgin..... 1
youaremysunshine Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Ok, so what about a girl like me? I'm a smart, passionate, career oriented young woman. I'm not particularly attractive. The putting your love life on hold and then immediately finding someone thing only works if you are a babe
truth_seeker Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 As it is for any good looking woman, really. It's unfair that 'boys are girl's favourite toys' but what can you do about it? Nothing. It all works in their favor until the girl loses her looks.
Hopeful30 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I honestly don't care what people think, and i've never been treated differently because i'm single, i'm actually surprised to hear someone say that.
Hopeful30 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Ok, so what about a girl like me? I'm a smart, passionate, career oriented young woman. I'm not particularly attractive. The putting your love life on hold and then immediately finding someone thing only works if you are a babe Not even then. I have a girlfriend who is everything you said and more, and she doesn't want to be single anymore and this was more than a year ago. She still can't find a guy.
StanMusial Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Not even then. I have a girlfriend who is everything you said and more, and she doesn't want to be single anymore and this was more than a year ago. She still can't find a guy. Men (or women) plan, God laughs.
MrCastle Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 casual sex is really overrated. If you go six months without getting laid it may sound good but realistically sex is only really good when you both know each other's likes, dislikes, and personally i think it's better when feelings are involved. I have a "casual" friend who is a total freak beg me to come over tonight but i declined and just played battlefield 3 instead. It's not worth the 16 mile drive for me who are you and what have you done with your penis.
sweetkiwi Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 who are you and what have you done with your penis. Castle....he is only thinking with his *big brain*, not the little one you may or may not overestimate.
RogerWallace111 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I can't speak for society or the people giving you sh*t, but among my circle of friends and acquaintances, being a single female in her mid 20's is not strange at all. In fact, probably as many I know are single as are in relationships. And of the ones in relationships, plenty seem to still be "testing the waters" and cautiously "feeling things out". For whatever forces keep certain people under the impression that women need to me married in their twenties, before being out of their "prime", there is the counterbalance of divorce-fear and a general loss of faith in marriage (at least from what I've noticed). It's a pretty prevalent attitude. The child factor is the only thing that actually makes age an issue. Otherwise, sh*t, people are getting into relationships in their fifties. Really what does it matter when youre at your physical peak..? I mean, take advantage of it- have sex, let that fineass, youthful body be enjoyed- but oh well if you're not in a long term relationship.
Author wahine Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 All of my close girlfriends tend to always have boyfriends because they cant be alone. They jump from one guy to the next. Im always the single one. They hint often at me they are jealous of that and that Im able to work on just me. Sometimes they ask if I get lonely, but I think they understand Im more independent than them, plus I am not willing to settle (alot of them have settled big time IMHO....) My mother on the other hand, says I shouldnt have a boyfriend now but always talks about it so I dunno It is more acceptable for a guy to focus on himself and his career and sow his wild oats more than it is for a girl but I think that'll change slowly over time THIS. This is exactly where I'm at/ how I feel about this.
RedRobin Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 ... couple of things... Your 20's and early 30's are the time you will have the most interactions with SINGLE people. Not that you need to be dating necessarily... but I recommend you find ways to network and learn about how to relate to the opposite sex in some way... through clubs, volunteer activities, and professional organizations. That way you will be setting a foundation for your future while also remaining open to meeting good guys. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I'm taken now. But for the past year or 2 I was a serial dater. No relationships for me! I multi dated and seriously loved my life. I was an independent woman who had all the control over my life. I never experienced people questioning my want to be single. The most flack I ever got was from men asking how I wasn't taken yet. There are tons of movies where the woman focuses so much on herself that her significant other gets put on the back burner... I think people see what they want to.
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