pitterpat Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I've been married for some time, never thought to even consider my husband may have cheated at some point. last summer, he had to move 3 hours away from family to take a job. Things were fine at first, but after a few months, he started to pull away..act funny sometimes. I visited as often as possible, especially since it was summer and weekends. Sex became different, sometimes he had impotence problems, sometimes sex was so intense that things we had never done before together in many many years of marriage....just out of the ordinary on both parts. Short of it...I found a phone number (local to his area) he could not explain away....after some time researching it, found it was to a woman cell phone who worked at a local bookstore he frequented for internet service....she would never speak to me, but the store manager spoke on her behalf and stated that her phone number was also the password to the wifi connection, and she could change my husbands password to his phone number as well so he would remember it...she done this quickly and quite efficiently....spoke to my husband about it, nothing more was ever said after a "heart to heart" discussion. He never admitted to an affair nor did he not. He moved back home a couple of months later and left the job. Fast forward thru 6 months...sex was back to normal, actually more frequent when he returned home.....then it started to slow again, also impotency problems arose again. A couple of weeks ago, we had "best sex we never had" foreplay....no issue with "it", and then the next morning during sex, same issue comes back. This time only he almost freezes as if he has a look like "did i say something"....when I address the issue to him about a possible affair....physical or not, his reply when he does not ignore the entire conversation is "there is no one else but you", but if I try to start a conversation about why I feel the way I do, or try to get any answers to how he may feel or what stresses/changes he has, he completely ignores the subject and me. We are home alone all day...just the two of us, so its not like we couldn't have talks or sex. Instead he has all but practically ignored me (we converse, but only with short answers)...no kissing, no hand holding...nothing. My question is this: Am I crazy for wanting to address this issue or problem...or what might be a problem? I don't know if i even want the answer that might be stated, or how I would respond....but I do think if its a past thing, we could overcome it if it was a remorseful thing or a one time thing....if he really wanted to get past it. I don't want it to fester and get worse, but if he wont address it at all, to me he is only making it worse and making himself look and seem more guilty.... For the record...he was single for 8 years prior to our marriage and while he is a loving man, seemingly honest and nurturing....I know for a fact from past tales of single days he would definitely have it in him to cheat or have sex, then regret it later. What to do...what to do?
BetrayedH Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My $.02 Keep confronting until you get the serious conversation you need. Almost all of us around here have learned to "trust your gut" even when you don't have evidence. Yours is screaming. I would ensure that he understands that you will not stop until you have the real conversation you need. 3
ComingInHot Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 You are pretty far along in what you are thinking about this whole bookstore woman thing. Maybe follow through with that and take a little trip to the bookstore and should she be there during her normal work hours, confront her and tell her you already know. See what she does. See what happens when you get home. It could be Very telling. But living in a M with this QUESTION not being answered or discussed is no way to live in a M. Get the truth so you can make decisions about your own life* All My Best, CIH
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