RedRobin Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I've never multi-dated. I dont know how people do that. I've always focused on one women at a time to see if there was a future. I guess I'm a one women man and always will be. I don't see myself changing at 37. ... word from the wise... be careful about this with online dating... It's more or less a given with a lot of people there, so don't be surprised and try not to let it get to you when you see it happen. It had a pretty corrosive effect on me initially... but then I realized it was the venue... and not the gender. Both men and women there do it. A lot. Many, many threads have been devoted to this topic... there are few more heated posts than mine about it. I'm over it now... but one of the main reasons I'd never do online dating again was that one feature, right there... 1
Soxfaninfl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 ... word from the wise... be careful about this with online dating... It's more or less a given with a lot of people there, so don't be surprised and try not to let it get to you when you see it happen. It had a pretty corrosive effect on me initially... but then I realized it was the venue... and not the gender. Both men and women there do it. A lot. Many, many threads have been devoted to this topic... there are few more heated posts than mine about it. I'm over it now... but one of the main reasons I'd never do online dating again was that one feature, right there... Thanks for the advice RedRobin. If I found out a women was dating someone else while dating me then I would end things with her. I will never share a women, and I wouldn't expect a women to share me with another women.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 The man in the OP's example isn't being forced into a friendship either. She stated her goals. If he goes along with it, then it's on him. Same thing as a woman who goes along with a casual sex arrangement. No different. ... the thing that OKC is better at than some other opportunities is that you get a sense of a person's personality, likes/dislikes. These are important in developing any kind of relationship... friendship or otherwise. Anyway, I think you said you'd never been there?? There are married people there looking for polyamorous situations... and as another said... some looking for activity partners... pen pals... you name it. It's pretty much anything goes. I don't consider OKC a dating site... although a lot of people go there to date. Of course, but the guy must think she's just being discreet/subtle.. You're basically just confirming to me that, at least for me, a site like OK Cupid is a waste of time. I'll spend all of my time trying to get a date and I'll end up as "friends".. I'll stick to real life, at least I know that a girl is not interested from the get-go, just going by whether or not she tries to talk to me or shows any sign of interest. OLD would be like screaming into a void.
RedRobin Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Of course, but the guy must think she's just being discreet/subtle.. You're basically just confirming to me that, at least for me, a site like OK Cupid is a waste of time. I'll spend all of my time trying to get a date and I'll end up as "friends".. I'll stick to real life, at least I know that a girl is not interested from the get-go, just going by whether or not she tries to talk to me or shows any sign of interest. OLD would be like screaming into a void. Yes, things IRL are a lot more normal. 1
mn311601 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Sounds like the OP got a date and all the benefits that go with it without having to call it a date or have any of the consequences that happen afterwards. Free food, companionship, he doted on you, all not a date. A woman's dream, isn't it? 1
outsidethebox Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I don't consider OKC a dating site... although a lot of people go there to date. Seriously. Ok, I'm all ears. Why is it not almost exclusively a dating site, and what do you consider it? I have read a lot of women's profiles in last couple of months and that's why they're there. Not that they told me, but their profile said so.
kaylan Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 OK, I will take all your advice in consideration and space out the next few meetings and will also invite another friend along as not to confuse things in any way. As for making women friends on OKC, I have messaged a few and NONE replied. Will be looking at meet up groups soon. I am just sick of socializing with couples. Um...Id be MEGA creeped out if people on a dating site were messaging me and they werent of the gender I was seeking.
Anela Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I tried using it to make friends. Didn't work. I kept getting guys who wanted to date, and I just don't want to.
FitChick Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 They have websites for asexuals. See if anyone has any advice there or if they have social events.
irc333 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Believe it or not , there's this married woman that's been on OKC since almost the beginning. She said something in her profile that she joined OKC at the time it wasn't even a dating site, just some kind of "friend making site" , I don't buy it...but anyhow...I had spoken with her, and she said her husband is fine with it. She said she'll not meet men in person or anything like that. I feel sorry for that marriage. 1
jcrew11 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Why would the OP want to meet platonic Male friends anyway? Is she just looking for free food? Otherwise, if she wants friends, she should meet other women, who share common hobbies.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Why would the OP want to meet platonic Male friends anyway? Is she just looking for free food? Otherwise, if she wants friends, she should meet other women, who share common hobbies. I just want some company that won't talk about their kids 24/7. Most of my friends are like that and we have nothing in common anymore. And where do I find female friends? It's not like I can snap my fingers and get one..... 2
RedRobin Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Seriously. Ok, I'm all ears. Why is it not almost exclusively a dating site, and what do you consider it? I have read a lot of women's profiles in last couple of months and that's why they're there. Not that they told me, but their profile said so. I consider it pretty much a free-for-all. I've come across people looking for all kinds of things. Dating is where OKC makes their $$ and probably the core of their business. What draws people in is the range of questions and personality matching. These are all great things if you want to find people you will enjoy spending time with... no matter what you are looking for.
RedRobin Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I don't get the impression that people looking for friendship are asexual at all. More like, they don't want the pressure of having to decide whether someone is romantic potential within the timeframe most other people there seem to be. These days, we're expected to make instant decisions about a total stranger... or be ok with multi-dating and being ok with sexual relations of some kind with multiple people. Being legitimate friends is just another way to keep emotional distance while you get to know someone... and keeping expectations low (VERY low) regarding 'romance', or what passes as such these days. 2
xxoo Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 And where do I find female friends? It's not like I can snap my fingers and get one..... Are there any social organizations for young professionals in your area? Volunteer at a kitty rescue!
Anela Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I don't get the impression that people looking for friendship are asexual at all. More like, they don't want the pressure of having to decide whether someone is romantic potential within the timeframe most other people there seem to be. These days, we're expected to make instant decisions about a total stranger... or be ok with multi-dating and being ok with sexual relations of some kind with multiple people. Being legitimate friends is just another way to keep emotional distance while you get to know someone... and keeping expectations low (VERY low) regarding 'romance', or what passes as such these days. I was looking for friends, but I also wanted to be more comfortable around the opposite sex, and stop seeing them all as potential douches. No pressure for anything, as you've said, even from guys I might have been interested in in the past. I've been extremely shy for years, so one of the few ways that guys got to know me, was to really annoy me - or they've been involved with a family member of friend of mine, and got to know me that way.
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