ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 To be fair to him though isn't him being on a dating site kind of a warning in itself ? She is also on a dating site. I think guys in scenarios like this will always default to the girl playing hard to get because it is a dating site. Now maybe after a date or 2 there is no chemistry and it falls to a friendship.. that can happen See I understand but I also think that if she makes her intentions clear and he agrees he has no reason to get upset at just being friends, it is like signing a contract, you know all the terms and conditions and you still agree to go on the date you know that it is a just friends date. I have had tons of guys tell me they just wants friends, and I don't talk to them because I wanted more.
Mr_Flay Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 On the dating site I use there's a field which allows you to input your hobbies and your level of proficiency in them, as well as search other users by hobbies. I've gained two female friends in this way: one messaged me with the proposition that we can study French together, and the other wanted a buddy to go mountain hiking with. Both made it clear in their first message that they weren't looking for romantic partners, but strictly friends. I've made on advances so far and it works well. You can never have enough friends in your life.
RedRobin Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I think it is fine you are there just for friends. More than fine. If people can put down that they are looking for casual sex... then people can put down they are looking for just friends.
Object_a Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Making friends has never worked for me, but that's just my experience. If one of you starts to want more it can become too awkward to carry on seeing each-other if you don't both feel the same way. I also find these kind of friend-dating relationships usually fizzle out if one of you starts to see someone romantically, because they just don't have the time or interest to keep up seeing you. That said I wouldn't rule out make friends on dating sites again. I think in future I will be sure to contextualise the relationship properly by inviting them out socially where it won't be just the two of us. Too much time spent with just each-other sets the tone wrong I think.
somedude81 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 After you two have sex you will still be friends. How nice!
ScreamingTrees Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Why would someone go specifically on a dating site to make platonic friends? C'mon, there are dozens of other venues, both online and offline. Isn't this sort of along the lines of what that Fondue fellow talked about in his thread? Most guys will be looking at the big picture; This person is looking for friends.. on a dating website, of all places, that they've chosen to go to. In the back of their minds, they're going to be thinking of the possibilities of you changing your mind for the "right" guy.. They're going to try to read between the lines when there isn't necessarily anything there, and I'm wondering if OP is aware of that or not.. I think she is, must like the other guy was aware that no one would take his ridiculous claims seriously, so that he did not stop himself from sounding ridiculous in the hopes that he could later on say "I warned you, didn't I?" This new found friendship obviously must've "worked" for OP because she got pampered as if he were courting her, but nothing happened beyond that. Wonder how long that'll last before she has to push him away, before he gets brave enough to give it a shot. Then again, maybe OP likes the guy a bit. Maybe she'd allow it, who knows.
RedRobin Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If there are people on OKC looking for friendship... and others on the opposite side of the spectrum looking for casual sex... ...then one could hardly call it a dating site. It is just one more way to meet people who have time to meet other people. You make it what you make it... and, for those folks who say the OP should only go to stuff like Meetup, etc... Please take a look at the threads that dump on women who only engage as friends THERE too... If she doesn't give you her phone number on demand, she might be brain damaged. If she wants to get to know you through interacting with the group, there is something wrong with her... oy vay... The shyte just never stops with some of you....
ScreamingTrees Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If there are people on OKC looking for friendship... and others on the opposite side of the spectrum looking for casual sex... ...then one could hardly call it a dating site. It is just one more way to meet people who have time to meet other people. You make it what you make it... and, for those folks who say the OP should only go to stuff like Meetup, etc... Please take a look at the threads that dump on women who only engage as friends THERE too... If she doesn't give you her phone number on demand, she might be brain damaged. If she wants to get to know you through interacting with the group, there is something wrong with her... oy vay... The shyte just never stops with some of you.... What does that have to do with me? I didn't say any of that ****, I'm just saying that if you go on a dating site exclusively for friendship, well, maybe trolling Facebook or any other site imaginable would've been a better choice. 1
clia Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Meetup.com is a much easier, better way to make friends.
carhill Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 IMO, courtship behaviors experienced, as outlined by the OP, on the date should be a canary. 'Gentlemanly' behaviors, offering to pay, etc, are courtship behaviors. Men of course may engage in some of those behaviors with well established female (or male) friends but generally never with a stranger. Think about that OP. How many strangers have you met where you offered to pay for them upon first sight, as one example? If platonic friendship is the goal, then their next 'encounter' should be with a group of people with whom they share a mutual interest, and that wouldn't be 'going to the movies'. OP, you can definitely do anything you want to. Each choice has consequences. Good luck. 3
Soxfaninfl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This thread cracks me up. So guys can look for casual sex on OKCupid but women cant look for friends on it? Man, men are "cake eaters" Anything that goes against them having their "cake" and they cannot stand it! I've never gone on a dating site looking for casual sex. My purpose has always been to find my future wife. Hell I've never had a one night stand or a FWB. I have never sought out women just for sex. Call me strange I guess, but I value having a long term relationship and companionship. Im looking for a life partner. I was married for 11 years, but my wife left me. So I'm back out there dating again. 1
RedRobin Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 What does that have to do with me? I didn't say any of that ****, I'm just saying that if you go on a dating site exclusively for friendship, well, maybe trolling Facebook or any other site imaginable would've been a better choice. Notice that I didn't quote you. It was intended for the rest of the readers... and no... I don't agree with you that OKC is just a dating site... or else we'll have to all agree to call casual sex 'dating'... which it isn't.
RedRobin Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) OP, I'm agreeing with the above post... allowing courtship type behaviors should be discouraged if you are just looking for friendship. It sends mixed signals. That said, I have a male friend who refuses to let me pay for anything. Always has. For years.... for years I always offer too. Every time. Edited March 6, 2013 by RedRobin
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This thread cracks me up. So guys can look for casual sex on OKCupid but women cant look for friends on it? Man, men are "cake eaters" Anything that goes against them having their "cake" and they cannot stand it! Actually I think that "pie" is more accurate. Thanks. ;-)
ScreamingTrees Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Notice that I didn't quote you. It was intended for the rest of the readers... and no... I don't agree with you that OKC is just a dating site... or else we'll have to all agree to call casual sex 'dating'... which it isn't. Well, then, you can't blame guys for often mistaking the code word "friendship", even if the word "platonic" is used, on a dating site for casual sex/"friends" with benefits or relationships.. I don't even use online dating, never have, probably never will, so I can't say I'm hypocritical in having pursued casual sex (not interested) while condemning women who're looking for friendship with the opposite sex in a place that is primarily to find hookups/relationships.. It just sounds silly to me, it's like crossing the street and not expecting to get hit. I realize you didn't address me specifically, but it still addressed me in some way, regardless, and I wanted to give my thoughts.
Keenly Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You can do whatever you want. When this doesn't work because they want to be more than friends, you will know why. 3
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Notice that I didn't quote you. It was intended for the rest of the readers... and no... I don't agree with you that OKC is just a dating site... or else we'll have to all agree to call casual sex 'dating'... which it isn't. Casual sex is dating on steroids.
outsidethebox Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 OKC has selections for New Friends and Casual Sex. Selecting one or the other (or both) and not selecting Short or Long Term Dating is something you can do. There's also Activity Partner and Long Distance Penpal. You can be very clear about what all you interested in in your profile and people can be very clear about what they are searching for. I had New Friends checked but I need to uncheck it unless I can make the OZ variety. (Thanks Archgirl btw I liked your previous avatar - I don't know what was going on with it but it was intense)
carhill Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 'Activity Partner' could be a more 'neutral' selection to make if one wishes to meet people only for shared activities and the decidedly non-romantic tone which accompanies them. Of course, it's possible for anyone to construe almost any assertion as being sexually related, if they have such a mindset. Also, in my prior post, I experienced a Freudian slip and posted 'date' where it should have been 'meeting' or 'meetup'. Apologies for that. I doubt the OP meant the encounter to be a 'date'. 1
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Casual sex is not dating. The end. I don't know about that. Isn't sex the foundation of all male/female "romantic" relationships? At the end of the day procreation is why we do all this silly stuff. I don't want children, but I still have the urge to go through the motions as if I did want children. Nature wants me to have children and plenty of them. People who have casual sex are skipping past all the "pageantry" of "romantic" relationships and getting right to the urge part. Thus casual sex IS dating without the frills. Let's not forget that most people have sex on the third date now. Does that third date only count as a date if they went to dinner and a movie before doing the horizontal mambo?
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I dont take any arguments from a self professed "pie eater" seriously Selfish men will find any excuse and grasp at straws to allow their selfish desires to become normal. Ive never had sex earlier than 6 dates... Very few of my friends sleep with a guy before that time period too... You sound promiscuous which is fine but I tend to notice promiscuous people associate with other promiscuous people and then think every single person in the world must be like them. All sorts of people exist Did you know my evolutionary nature makes me pick men with alot of money? Oh wait, cant degrade me for being a golddigger...even though I have my own job Im still wired that way and going through the motions, its in my nature and why women do "silly stuff" like you state I would recommend not using evolution as an excuse with a woman who had a major in Evolutionary Psychology Try to degrade my character all you want. You really don't know me or my history. 6 dates or 0 dates, what's the difference? Some talking and dinners? It's still leading to the same thing. And that's OK. Sex is not dirty. Nature doesn't care if you know all the guy's hobbies before you have sex with him! OK, let's approach this from another angle. If someone is a multi-dater and is only going out on dates for fun but no sex is involved are they still dates? If you define a "date" as a meeting between two people with the intent towards something more serious then isn't the sexless multi-dater just as guilty of not taking the process seriously as those who engage in casual sex?
FitChick Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If a woman is only looking for friends who aren't married and don't have babies, wouldn't it be wiser to make friends with women or gay guys? 2
Woggle Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If you are honest then you are doing nothing wrong but it seems weird going to a dating site looking for friendship. It's like going to a restaurant when you don't want to eat. 1
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I can read your history of posts on this site. Not degrading your character, but a self professed selfish man who uses women for sex Im not gonna take seriously. Are you sure that you don't have me mixed up with someone else on here? I need to trust someone before I sleep with them. I cannot trust someone I have never met before after a few hours of talking. But that's you. Other people have started relationships with casual sex. Sexless multi daters are usually on the path of trying to find the one person they want to be with... Multi-daters are having fun with the opposite sex, so are people who have casual sex. What's the difference?
Treasa Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I fourth or fifth or whatever the Meetup.com suggestion. I personally wish there was a Ireallyjustwanttotalkandhangoutandplayvideogamesandnothaveyouwanttodatemeorhavesexwithme.com site, but that's a hideously long URL. 2
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