I feel extremely guilty for smoking weed behind my lovers back

[health]

I had one toke of weed behind my lovers back, I feel guilty and its eating at me. We were at a show and she felt sick. I tried to make her feel better but she kept yelling etc. I think she wasn't sick I tried to understand but I wasn't enjoing the show, so she runs off and I lose her, I felt angry...then when the show started she came to me, I still felt bad so she was in front of me. I told her I stopped smoking weed before - I did 2 times after I said this. She knew I smoked when she went out with me, But I did want to quit and she helped me - sometimes its tempting to go back...so this guy behind me offers me some, I turn around face my back towards her (my back facing her back she was standing in front), and I took a hit....I turned around then I passed it to this other guy and I think she saw me (pass it)..but I don't think she saw me inhale etc......we made up now I feel terrible guilt its like I did something she dosn't like behind her back - literally!...we made up and she told me she loves me like crazy so I don't think she knows...but if I tell her I know she willl always hold it against me and Im scared cause I don't want her to get angry and involved in this stuff.

 

This is what I plan to do:

I acknowledge I violated my own high standard and feel terrible guilt.

I promise myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never do anything behind her back - smoke weed etc.

I will move on and let the guilt go because this wil show me how to make a positive change...right after that I stopped smoking cigarettes (I was an occasional smoker and started up for that day but stopped) (my girl smokes)....why am I putting myself through all this worrying, I do still feel guilty and Im trying hard to let it go

[emra]

Go with your gut instinct. If it is eating you up inside, then you need to tell her. She sounds to me like she has supported you before.

Think of it this way. If something happens again, and you do it again, it will always be in the back of your head "I got away with it that time why not now"

I am in recovery. I used drugs for many many years. I now, know that what would lead me back to it, is the secrets, the lies. Those are all triggers and cues. The balls in your court. If you feel it is right not to tell her, that is your choice, just be careful!!

[health]

Thanks...I might tell her but I don't know.....although I do feellike I cheated with her by doing this...not cheating inimately but cheating with Integrity.

[emra]

It is a hard thing.

I have been very honest with everyone involved about anything going on with me. Even if it is that I drank. Because, I respect them. Because I respect myself, to not want to go back down that road again.

[health]

I told her what happened, it worked out. Thanks.

[Papillon]

Honesty is the best policy. You did something stupid, and not respectable, but coming out with it and doing the right thing makes up for that respect a million times.

[health]

thanks.