Come on now!

[AlisaMarie]

Well, I am guessing my boundaries have finally been crossed to the fullest. I don't feel inviting a girl you barely know on vacation to a "bachelor party" is something that guys that have girlfriends do. A little intensive creeping showed me this. Number one, I don't want to be in a "relationship" where I am in constant competition, number two, I don't want to be in a relationship where "creeping" is the only way to get truth. Shame on me for resorting to that, shame on me for letting it even get that far.

 

I haven't talked to him in two days, he has tried contacting me and without him even knowing that I saw anything he told me he can explain. "It wasn't as bad as it looked" he says. Pitiful. Me, I am pitiful- but now awake.

 

Just needed to vent.

[venusianx13]

Well, I am guessing my boundaries have finally been crossed to the fullest. I don't feel inviting a girl you barely know on vacation to a "bachelor party" is something that guys that have girlfriends do. A little intensive creeping showed me this. Number one, I don't want to be in a "relationship" where I am in constant competition, number two, I don't want to be in a relationship where "creeping" is the only way to get truth. Shame on me for resorting to that, shame on me for letting it even get that far.

 

I haven't talked to him in two days, he has tried contacting me and without him even knowing that I saw anything he told me he can explain. "It wasn't as bad as it looked" he says. Pitiful. Me, I am pitiful- but now awake.

 

Just needed to vent.

 

No, you aren't pitiful. I'm sorry you had to find out like that, but it's best you did. And no, a guy who is in a relationship does not invite another woman on vacation with him. Do not believe another line this guy throws you - you know better now.

 

This type of thing carried on for six years with my ex. And he was a GREAT line thrower; he always managed to reel me back in. Don't do that to yourself. I assure you a million times over, there's a better man for you out there.

 

As for the snooping/creeping - yeah, I did it with my ex, too. It's the only way I would have ever discovered some of his infidelities. I learned from him that if I ever feel the need to snoop, there is something very, very wrong in the relationship and I don't need to snoop to confirm it.

 

Be strong, and vent here all you like. I've got your back.

[AlisaMarie]

No, you aren't pitiful. I'm sorry you had to find out like that, but it's best you did. And no, a guy who is in a relationship does not invite another woman on vacation with him. Do not believe another line this guy throws you - you know better now.

 

This type of thing carried on for six years with my ex. And he was a GREAT line thrower; he always managed to reel me back in. Don't do that to yourself. I assure you a million times over, there's a better man for you out there.

 

As for the snooping/creeping - yeah, I did it with my ex, too. It's the only way I would have ever discovered some of his infidelities. I learned from him that if I ever feel the need to snoop, there is something very, very wrong in the relationship and I don't need to snoop to confirm it.

 

Be strong, and vent here all you like. I've got your back.

 

It's just a natural instinct to creep when you feel betrayed. Even if you're lied to about something stupid one time- there goes any trust. If they lie about the dumb stuff, imagine what else they are keeping from us! Six years is a long time to go on with it- but I understand. You almost become numb to the BS and it becomes some sort of obsession, well at least for me. The more I find out the more I want to know, even though it's painful.

 

It's been 3 days now. He hasn't said anything either. Just the last text I got telling me that he can explain. I think he feels a sense of relief. He can live his multiple lives now- it will be easier with one less person to deceive. Even if he does try to make things right, this year and some odd months with him has shown me what I do not want out of a relationship. Even though I am bitter and sick of all of these outcomes... I don't want to give up on love. It's one thing that is so important to me... I need to fill the hole with something good... trash and lies wear on the heart.

[Minneloa]

I think it is a good idea to "fill the hole" with something other than a new relationship. Without some self-reflection and self-care, the pattern is most likely to repeat. As a previous poster suggested, now is a good time to be kind to yourself and learn more about who you are and what makes you happy. And I would start with the little things. For me, it's my cat, pop music, and daily latte.

 

You know, the whole "love yourself first" cliche.

[AlisaMarie]

I think it is a good idea to "fill the hole" with something other than a new relationship. Without some self-reflection and self-care, the pattern is most likely to repeat. As a previous poster suggested, now is a good time to be kind to yourself and learn more about who you are and what makes you happy. And I would start with the little things. For me, it's my cat, pop music, and daily latte.

 

You know, the whole "love yourself first" cliche.

 

My therapist told me that today. He actually told me NOT to talk to him. I have to figure out things that I like to do that make me happy. Work and college and household/family take up a huge amount of my time. I never really had any "me" time so I don't know where to start. My mind is filled with this a-hole too so it's making it hard to be happy and enjoy things. I guess I have to let that pass first. I keep feeling like I need to put in the last word too- whether it's sweet or mean, I feel like I need to verbally end it instead of just drifting away. I won't though. I am very stubborn with NC. I know that's the only thing that I can do at this point.

[venusianx13]

My therapist told me that today. He actually told me NOT to talk to him. I have to figure out things that I like to do that make me happy. Work and college and household/family take up a huge amount of my time. I never really had any "me" time so I don't know where to start. My mind is filled with this a-hole too so it's making it hard to be happy and enjoy things. I guess I have to let that pass first. I keep feeling like I need to put in the last word too- whether it's sweet or mean, I feel like I need to verbally end it instead of just drifting away. I won't though. I am very stubborn with NC. I know that's the only thing that I can do at this point.

 

In this case, I think silence speaks VOLUMES louder than any words you could articulate to express your feelings. Good for you.

[AlisaMarie]

In this case, I think silence speaks VOLUMES louder than any words you could articulate to express your feelings. Good for you.

 

The first two days were so easy- but I am an emotional wreck today. I just want to hear from him so badly. It's not that it's over that's making me sad- it's the idea that it's over. I feel a huge sense of loss. No sleep- loading up on caffeine and cigarettes. I am sooo tempted to send a useless text- so I will resort to my venting on here. This is my safe place. He doesn't love me, he never will- I have to keep saying that to myself.

[Minneloa]

LS *is* your safe place, and the Breaking Up forum might be particularly helpful. It is for folks in your situation, many of whom are also struggling to maintain NC. But it also has success stories of people moving on and reclaiming their lives.

 

Sending good thoughts.

[venusianx13]

It's just a natural instinct to creep when you feel betrayed. Even if you're lied to about something stupid one time- there goes any trust. If they lie about the dumb stuff, imagine what else they are keeping from us! Six years is a long time to go on with it- but I understand. You almost become numb to the BS and it becomes some sort of obsession, well at least for me. The more I find out the more I want to know, even though it's painful.

 

It's been 3 days now. He hasn't said anything either. Just the last text I got telling me that he can explain. I think he feels a sense of relief. He can live his multiple lives now- it will be easier with one less person to deceive. Even if he does try to make things right, this year and some odd months with him has shown me what I do not want out of a relationship. Even though I am bitter and sick of all of these outcomes... I don't want to give up on love. It's one thing that is so important to me... I need to fill the hole with something good... trash and lies wear on the heart.

 

 

Yes, six years was far too long to stay in a situation like that. Everyone I ever shared things with about the way my ex would treat me would tell me to dump the bum (even his own mother!) One could say I was either A) incredibly strong B) incredibly stupid or C) incredibly weak. Maybe all of the above. However, when we absolutely, 100% should have broken up, he broke no contact while away studying abroad, and it had been over a month since we'd spoken. I read the god-forsaken email that he sent me, which contained a million promises and a million lies. I was almost over him when I read that email, but reading it reignited my feelings for him and, well, the next 3 years went right back to crap. And like you, while I was in it, I was obsessed, addicted, whatever label you want to attach to it. It was such a powerful addiction/attachment, that I was afraid of what life would be like after him. Once I finally got there, it was better than I ever imagined.

 

My point in telling you this is to hopefully deter you from doing the same. As hard as it is, don't pick up that phone, don't write that text, don't read that message... and before you know it, this will all be behind you.

Edited March 12, 2013 by venusianx13