Another "he broke up with me for no reason"

[penelopefitz]

I'll start at the beginning. My now ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for almost four months. He's a quiet type of guy, doesn't share too much. The first two months were great! Later on, there was a week or two where he 'needed space'. By then, we were only seeing each other on the weekends mostly because of his work schedule. After that, I was the one initiating our time together. He was never reluctant sounding, he usually even made me dinner and we watched a movie or something. We spent Christmas day together, I met his whole family and all of his close friends many times. On Valentine's Day, he bought me a beautiful necklace.

 

On Friday, I asked if I could see him, and he said sure, made me dinner, and we just hung out. Everything seemed fine. On Sunday, I texted and asked if he wanted to hang out on Monday. His reply: "I'm not sure, I don't think this is working out too well...". I made him call me, since I refused to be broken up over text.

 

He called, and told me I was perfect, but kept saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. Once, he threw in a "I don't see this going anywhere" but mostly said it was him. I asked him if there was someone else, and he said no. Knowing him and his lifestyle, I believe him. I know that I'm his first serious girlfriend, since he didn't date in high school. He is mine, too.

 

I'm heartbroken. I really liked him, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I felt I was too nice when I spoke with him on the phone, so I sent him a text saying how he should have done it in person, how hurt I was, and that he didn't deserve me or a friendship. But I miss him so much. It has been only three days, but I feel like I didn't get a real answer from him. There has to be more to it than, "I don't want a relationship right now". I'm so heartbroken, and I've never been before. I know people say, "Do things that make you happy, somebody else will come along." But honestly, all I can picture is him. Why did he do this, and how can I move on quicker?

Edited March 6, 2013 by penelopefitz
additions

[lemonlegs]

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Honestly, it may not be what you want to hear, but just be thankful it wasn't any longer than four months. I know it sucks when you really like the other person, but it's good he didn't string you along for a lot longer.

 

He definitely should have done it in person, but to me he seems like the kind of guy that isn't so stable anyways. Try to maintain no contact and I'm sure you'll be over it and no time. Chin up.

[Eddie Edirol]

He could have done it for a number of reasons. If you are his first relationship, somehow I doubt it if he let you go this quickly. You are either really annoying to him, or he is still holding a torch for someone else, and realized you werent helping him forget about her.

 

Maybe he was desperate to get into his first relationship and you werent his first choice, but he wanted to get laid. Maybe he wasnt planning on taking you seriously and you started getting too attached for his agenda. Well, almost 4 months, maybe a long term booty call.

 

Usually when theres no reason, the reason is that theres someone else, and they dont want to admit it. He prolly wont admit to you what he doesnt like about you. So dont expect any answers, but you have nothing to lose by prodding him, as long as you dont expect any chances for reconciliation afterwards. This is all kinda harsh, but I am worst-case-scenario guy.

 

Wanna move on quicker? Start dating someone new. You cant be that attached to him after 4 months. Dont be surprised if you see him with someone new too.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

Sounds so similar to my story. Except mine was 5 mos. I don't know what to do. I'm not handling it well. At least he called you. My ex just left it with a text and couldn't talk on the phone. Still with not a good explanation other than it's not you its me.

 

I'm at a loss and spiraling downward.

[CC12]

It has been only three days, but I feel like I didn't get a real answer from him. There has to be more to it than, "I don't want a relationship right now".

 

Not really. That's enough of an answer. But he also said, "I don't see this going anywhere." Yes, there are reasons behind him saying this, but he gave you the bottom line, which is really all that's necessary when breaking up with someone.

 

Most of the time, you're not going to get a thorough explanation of why it didn't work out. That's just how it goes. Nobody really owes you a rundown of exactly why they don't want to be with you. So just take the explanation you were given and move on. Keep yourself busy, pick up some new hobbies.

 

I know it's rough. Your first serious boyfriend, and all. That hurts. You're going to be okay.

[penelopefitz]

Thanks everyone! I'm realizing that although I still miss him, I'm feeling more bummed out than anything, not truly sad. Actually, today I feel great, which goes to show my feelings for him will fade away soon enough and I'll quickly move on. I'm just glad I wasn't in love with him. It makes it easier when you've got a great mom and wonderful friends.

 

Thanks again to everyone for your advice.

[flitzanu]

that was your reason, "I don't see this going anywhere". just means you aren't his type or what he wants. that does NOT mean anything is wrong with you, just that he wants something different.