AnotherRound Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I was bored tonight, so thought I'd check in here and see what's been going on for the past 6 months or so. I see a few of the folks I got to know when I was here before, but also a lot of new people! Anyway, things are going fantastic - sort of. I am still seeing SG and he is still AMAZING. It has been a fantastic 6 months with him! He is seriously the best. I have fallen in love with him, and he with me - I don't believe in marriage, so, that's not an option, and we still live separately, by choice - and I think that will continue for a while. I mean, why try to "fix" what isn't broken, right? ;o) As far as exMM - well, lol. I have had to block him - again. Problem is, I can't block him IRL and he does try to stop me in public often to profess his love for me. The D is final, was finalized last in November (and yes, there is proof, it was in the paper from the court records). He lives separately and he and his exwife share custody of the children. At some point, I heard through the grapevine that his wife was asking him to consider reconciling again as she isn't liking living alone - but he said no way, so they remain divorced and separate other than the kids. (we have mutual friends, the ex wife and I, that's where I hear these things). The crazy OW that came into the picture after I left? She still remains under RO for the entire family - and she has emailed me a few more times, lol. She was also hospitalized at least one more time, but I don't have the details, just know that she was for a brief stay, against her will. She has now, according to mutual friends, begun another relationship with another MM, but still attempts to contact exMM on a pretty regular basis (showing up at his events and such). All I know? I am SO glad to be out of that trainwreck. The last thing I said to exMM was, "Seriously, leave me off of your crazy train - I have no interest in any of it". These are people in their 50s! I can't even describe how much pity I feel for them. ExMM was saddened to hear that I was in love with someone else (he heard through our mutuals, not from me) and still seems to struggle with that. Tried to get me to consider our history and such. Also explains that he hadn't been happy in his marriage for 15 years - they were only married for 20! I can't even look at him when he says that stuff, bc although I think it's true, the weakness I see in him, his ex wife, and the other OW - I just can't even look at it, it is so sad. So, I successfully took myself out of the situation, thankfully. I loved exMM for a long time, and I still don't think he is a terrible person. I do, however, think that they are all very weak and afraid and passive-aggressive (him, the ex wife, and the OW that came after me). I choose not to participate in that, or with people like that. I don't miss him, or the relationship, or the drama of all the grandparents involved (lol!) - and it honestly didn't take that long after I ended it to get there - so be hopeful if you are trying to get out and feel like it will never get better - it does! I know I'm being flippant - sorry for that. I'm just in a really good place, feeling so far removed from any of that drama and silliness that they all willingly partake in. I am now in a relationship that is drama free, and that feels great! ) If I can find the time, I will try to check in on some of my friends from here - but new job (going fantastic and made a great pay increase!) and boyfriend keep me pretty busy nowadays! Hope everyone is doing well!!! 10
imperfectangel Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't know you but always good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel! 2
Summer Breeze Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I'm so glad to hear from you AR! It sounds like you're doing really well and you deserve it. I miss your posts but glad you're filling your time, and life, so well! 1
Author AnotherRound Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Thank you SB! ) It's been a whirlwind of good things, and as exhausted as I am - it's been so worth it. I can't even believe that 6 months ago I was struggling with this - it really seems SO far away from me now. And the ease with which I ignore exMM and his continued attempts at contact amaze me - but I stop and check my feelings, and NOTHING. It's a strange feeling to be honest. How are you? I haven't had a chance to read through much - but have thought of you over the months, hoping that you are doing well - that things are going well. Don't get me wrong, I know that I loved exMM and he loved/s me - but I also know that just because we love each other doesn't mean that we have to be together. I know, it's weird... lol. Hope you are well!!!!! 1
veryhappy Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I'm glad you wrote an update to your story. My experience is the same. Life goes on after an A, and it's not what I had hoped so badly to get, but it wasn't the end of the world either. The key is to get out because it takes time to fully go back to that other life. Timing is essential, and with affairs it can be what kills that future together. Things might have been different if he had gotten divorced let's say 5 years ago, right? People are not static, and this expectation of the OW waiting forever is ridiculous. 1
Author AnotherRound Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I have no idea how it would have played out five years ago - but yeah, time has something to do with it perhaps. Also, the fact that he and all those around him were so content to just remain in such "static" situations. I just am NOT that type of person, which is why I kept taking hiatus and dating others - I guess giving him a chance to DO SOMETHING. Not only did he never do something, neither did his exwife - and that was so frustrating. Not because I wanted to be with him - but bc it's frustrating to see grown people remain in such unhappy situations in which they are totally in control of. For me - I saw things in him and in the wife he had chosen that made me lose a lot of respect for him and his choices. That hurt our relationship, and made me feel as if I was too good for him - married or not. Even though he is single now and wants to be with me - I just can't do it - I just don't respect him anymore. I don't respect the people he surrounds himself with or has chosen to spend time with - I don't respect people who have a victim mentality when they have control (not just him, his exwife too - you put one very passive aggressive person and one conflict avoidant person into a marriage together and it will die its death throes for YEARS, DECADES). Ugh. It was never about me "winning". I loved him, and have no doubt that he loved (still?) me. But to watch him "settle" and then attempt to continue to settle bc he (and the exwife!) can't handle change, don't like change, are afraid of it - whatever - just killed it for me. The indecision, the fear, the weakness - it was all just too much for me. And I wasn't with him when he divorced - so it wasn't about him not "choosing" me - it was about him and all the others involved in the whole mess being unable to choose ANYTHING. Even just thinking about it now makes my stomach turn - so pointless and such a waste of life and time. Anyway, all is well that ends well. Everyone seems to be happier now - I think that he and his exwife are getting it now - especially seeing that their kids are thriving (not dying like they both assured each other they would if they divorced). All those terrible things that they were so afraid of never came to fruition (as I figured they wouldn't). So, they waited for no reason to divorce - just dragged it out for nothing - only to make everyone (including their kids!) miserable. That's so senseless. I'm sure they are healing from their marriage/divorce, and I wish them well. But, they both still seem pretty fragile types of humans to me, and I just don't want to be around people like that in my personal life. I need to be surrounded by people that can handle life, deal with what comes their way, make decisions that need to be made - especially those hard decisions - and not look at the future with fear like a five year old child. If it doesn't kill you, it isn't that bad. 1
spice4life Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I have no idea how it would have played out five years ago - but yeah, time has something to do with it perhaps. Also, the fact that he and all those around him were so content to just remain in such "static" situations. I just am NOT that type of person, which is why I kept taking hiatus and dating others - I guess giving him a chance to DO SOMETHING. Not only did he never do something, neither did his exwife - and that was so frustrating. Not because I wanted to be with him - but bc it's frustrating to see grown people remain in such unhappy situations in which they are totally in control of. For me - I saw things in him and in the wife he had chosen that made me lose a lot of respect for him and his choices. That hurt our relationship, and made me feel as if I was too good for him - married or not. Even though he is single now and wants to be with me - I just can't do it - I just don't respect him anymore. I don't respect the people he surrounds himself with or has chosen to spend time with - I don't respect people who have a victim mentality when they have control (not just him, his exwife too - you put one very passive aggressive person and one conflict avoidant person into a marriage together and it will die its death throes for YEARS, DECADES). Ugh. It was never about me "winning". I loved him, and have no doubt that he loved (still?) me. But to watch him "settle" and then attempt to continue to settle bc he (and the exwife!) can't handle change, don't like change, are afraid of it - whatever - just killed it for me. The indecision, the fear, the weakness - it was all just too much for me. And I wasn't with him when he divorced - so it wasn't about him not "choosing" me - it was about him and all the others involved in the whole mess being unable to choose ANYTHING. Even just thinking about it now makes my stomach turn - so pointless and such a waste of life and time. Anyway, all is well that ends well. Everyone seems to be happier now - I think that he and his exwife are getting it now - especially seeing that their kids are thriving (not dying like they both assured each other they would if they divorced). All those terrible things that they were so afraid of never came to fruition (as I figured they wouldn't). So, they waited for no reason to divorce - just dragged it out for nothing - only to make everyone (including their kids!) miserable. That's so senseless. I'm sure they are healing from their marriage/divorce, and I wish them well. But, they both still seem pretty fragile types of humans to me, and I just don't want to be around people like that in my personal life. I need to be surrounded by people that can handle life, deal with what comes their way, make decisions that need to be made - especially those hard decisions - and not look at the future with fear like a five year old child. If it doesn't kill you, it isn't that bad. Wow...good for you! The bolded parts are my mantra.
Summer Breeze Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you SB! ) It's been a whirlwind of good things, and as exhausted as I am - it's been so worth it. I can't even believe that 6 months ago I was struggling with this - it really seems SO far away from me now. And the ease with which I ignore exMM and his continued attempts at contact amaze me - but I stop and check my feelings, and NOTHING. It's a strange feeling to be honest. How are you? I haven't had a chance to read through much - but have thought of you over the months, hoping that you are doing well - that things are going well. Don't get me wrong, I know that I loved exMM and he loved/s me - but I also know that just because we love each other doesn't mean that we have to be together. I know, it's weird... lol. Hope you are well!!!!! Well I for one am really pleased for you and hope it all goes well into the future too. I'm doing pretty well. MM is now D and we're actually doing pretty well. We're working hard to make sure and put in the hard work now and it seems to be working pretty well. No guarantees but we're giving it our best shot. I hope you hang around. An awful lot of newbies here who could use some sage advice. They need to know what it's like on the other side (whether it's leaving xMM behind, being thrown under the bus, or having it work out) and who better to tell them than those who have been there.
Got it Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 AR - things are sounding wonderful in your life! I am so happy to read your update and hope things continue in that manner. Please stick around!
beach Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 This is great news! So glad you have moved forward and let your past be your past!
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