Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I noticed every time a woman acts friendly with me I seem to always mistake her friendliness for interest even though by now I should know that friendliness does not equal she's into me. A girl could look plain and not usually very noticeable but if she acts friendly she becomes several times more attractive in my eyes, then I eventually end up asking her out, getting rejected, and ruining a potentially budding friendship. Why am I like this? Anybody else have the same problem? Then again women being friendly isn't exactly all that common for me so the friendliness I do get I tend to magnify it several times of what it really is.
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Because these days it's rare for a woman to be friendly or even smile out in public so when they do it feels "special".
iKING Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Friendliness can either be a feild-test or just that - friendliness. Try to avoid coming on too strong without other obvious indicators that she's interested. There's nothing wrong with having a new friend so if you need more time to feel out the situation, leave it at just that, friendship. Be friendly back but don't come off as desperate or needy by trying to secure further interaction too quickly. Make sure the signs are there before trying to make a move. 1
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Because these days it's rare for a woman to be friendly or even smile out in public so when they do it feels "special". I noticed. Just simple friendliness feels special for some reason, and I often assume just because a girl is being friendly she feels attracted to me for some reason, despite how illogical that is.
ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I noticed. Just simple friendliness feels special for some reason, and I often assume just because a girl is being friendly she feels attracted to me for some reason, despite how illogical that is. Probably desperation. Sometimes though, it really is interest, but if you aren't in the mindset of dating being somewhat normal thing then it can become a bit of a guessing game. Live and learn .
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I noticed. Just simple friendliness feels special for some reason, and I often assume just because a girl is being friendly she feels attracted to me for some reason, despite how illogical that is. Modern women are just VERY serious. This wasn't the case years ago. Girls would joke around and laugh more. Just yesterday there was an article about how female life expectancy is decreasing. Wonder why? Now, modern females do have more on their plates and there is also more pressure on them to be personally successful so I understand that but a little smile or joke now and then would be nice!
dj572 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I had to learn to stop doing the same thing. It can still be difficult but I don't say anything even if I think maybe there is more to her kindness. Unfortunately I have missed some opportunities because of it but I have still made a friend.
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Friendliness can either be a feild-test or just that - friendliness. Try to avoid coming on too strong without other obvious indicators that she's interested. There's nothing wrong with having a new friend so if you need more time to feel out the situation, leave it at just that, friendship. Be friendly back but don't come off as desperate or needy by trying to secure further interaction too quickly. Make sure the signs are there before trying to make a move. Makes sense, and seems like good advice. Though I guess I can see why I get rejected so much since I usually make a move blind though the reason for that being I NEVER get any strong signals of any kind, friendliness is the strongest "signal" I ever get, unfortunately.
DollWelch Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Because these days it's rare for a woman to be friendly or even smile out in public so when they do it feels "special". The same could be said of men. Or perhaps this is simply my perspective given the demographic. Nonetheless, men seem more aloof, distant and indifferent. When he starts to open his mouth and kind words spew, that is when its easy to assume he's destined to make a great date for Friday night. Sigh.
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I've also read that modern women are less happy than their counterparts were when they were their age. Why? Feminism gave them everything they want... Voting rights, ability to work a job, to live on their own, be independent, to chase whomever they want, to have sex as much as they want... Why are they unhappy? They are under a lot of pressure. I also think that women are more prone to being perfectionists than men. Also women are under pressure from other women as well. They are more competitive than we men realize.
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 The same could be said of men. Or perhaps this is simply my perspective given the demographic. Nonetheless, men seem more aloof, distant and indifferent. When he starts to open his mouth and kind words spew, that is when its easy to assume he's destined to make a great date for Friday night. Sigh. This could be true. I've never been on the other side of the equation. I like to watch how people act while I'm out in public and I notice men seem to joke around more, smile more, talk to strangers more, they are more likely to wave to a stranger walking on the sidewalk. Just a generally lighter attitude. But now that you mention it, the younger men seem more sullen now.
StanMusial Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Modern women are just VERY serious. This wasn't the case years ago. Girls would joke around and laugh more. Just yesterday there was an article about how female life expectancy is decreasing. Wonder why? Now, modern females do have more on their plates and there is also more pressure on them to be personally successful so I understand that but a little smile or joke now and then would be nice! Interesting... one of the ladies posted a thread a couple of days ago about being friendly in the grocery store and meeting some guy. Sort of depressing someone has to put forth such a concentrated effort to simply being friendly and open.
DollWelch Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Interesting... one of the ladies posted a thread a couple of days ago about being friendly in the grocery store and meeting some guy. Sort of depressing someone has to put forth such a concentrated effort to simply being friendly and open. Quite brave of her. I, personally, have ceased to outwardly be more friendly than needed in a given situation. Men are not as responsive, and I believe in the idea that if a man is interested, he will reach out and communicate it with you. Otherwise, it is futile. I believe in being yourself. That is it.
Green Light Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Quite brave of her. Sadly, it didn't work out too well for her... I, personally, have ceased to outwardly be more friendly than needed in a given situation. Men are not as responsive, and I believe in the idea that if a man is interested, he will reach out and communicate it with you. Otherwise, it is futile. I believe in being yourself. That is it. So see we have a standoff. The man is thinking "if she isn't going to open up then I'm not going to waste my time and show interest" and the woman is thinking "if he isn't going to reach out to me then why bother." Basically it's a stalemate.
DollWelch Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 So see we have a standoff. The man is thinking "if she isn't going to open up then I'm not going to waste my time and show interest" and the woman is thinking "if he isn't going to reach out to me then why bother." Basically it's a stalemate. Yes. Though, more often than not from what I have witnessed, men seem to think "She's quite boring. I can definitely do better! I am waiting on the next best thing!". While you (generally) may be thinking, "I am the best thing that has happened to him!". This isn't a staple, but it does happen, and then both parties leave feeling empty and frustrated.
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Modern women are just VERY serious. This wasn't the case years ago. Girls would joke around and laugh more. Just yesterday there was an article about how female life expectancy is decreasing. Wonder why? Now, modern females do have more on their plates and there is also more pressure on them to be personally successful so I understand that but a little smile or joke now and then would be nice! I see plenty of young women joking around and laughing, they aren't all that super serious, but that doesn't make them friendly towards me, friendliness is actually a rare thing for me to experience. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is is the same thing as a woman thinking she's showing interest just by talking/being friendly to a guy. Take a woman being friendly as just that; Just because a woman is being nice doesn't mean she likes you. If you get to know her better and see some more obvious signs make your move. 2
DollWelch Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I noticed every time a woman acts friendly with me I seem to always mistake her friendliness for interest even though by now I should know that friendliness does not equal she's into me. A girl could look plain and not usually very noticeable but if she acts friendly she becomes several times more attractive in my eyes, then I eventually end up asking her out, getting rejected, and ruining a potentially budding friendship. Why am I like this? Anybody else have the same problem? Then again women being friendly isn't exactly all that common for me so the friendliness I do get I tend to magnify it several times of what it really is. It is not you I don't think Necris. Some people may just be uncertain of their own stance on love, so instead project false flirtatious vibes. Please don't change; I think someday you will find that special someone.
somedude81 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is a common occurrence for an inexperienced man. As one becomes more experienced with women, they are able to tell the difference between friendliness and kindness. IMO the best way to handle this is to ask out everybody you think may even be remotely interested, but expect to get rejected. You will get rejected tons of times, but maybe you'll get lucky.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 IMO the best way to handle this is to ask out everybody you think may even be remotely interested, but expect to get rejected. You will get rejected tons of times, but maybe you'll get lucky. Yes to this 100%. There are a good number of men who get STRONG signals but if you are not one of those by a certain age, it's pretty much NEVER going to happen. Or very, very rarely at least. One woman came all the way back with me alone to my parent's house to spend the night while they were away. Ends up she was not interested. Of course, you know when a woman is definitely not interested, but of the rest, you just have to crapshoot.
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 IMO the best way to handle this is to ask out everybody you think may even be remotely interested, but expect to get rejected. You will get rejected tons of times, but maybe you'll get lucky. This is what I already do, and this has had a rejection rate of literally 100%. There is no getting lucky for me, at least at this rate.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is what I already do, and this has had a rejection rate of literally 100%. There is no getting lucky for me, at least at this rate. What exactly is upsetting you? The fact that you are getting rejected by women you like and know as people and are attracted to or... ...the fact that you can't get ONE SINGLE WOMAN to like you and date you? Because there is a solution to each problem and they are completely different and independent.
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Have you considered just being friendly yourself, without any ulterior motive? A little personality goes a long way. Making every interaction with members of the opposite sex a task you perform in the hope of getting a date will turn you into a frustrated, lecherous creep. Just relax, enjoy the kindness, and try to learn to return it for its own sake. I'm not promising you'll ever find the woman of your dreams this way, but it sure makes for a much more pleasant and less lonely existence. I'm actually a normally friendly person, I don't have an ulterior motive to be friendly/nice to people I'm just normally that way at least until someone does something that will make me unfriendly toward them, and yes I do have female friends. Now I'm not the super friendly ultra energetic charismatic guy but I do treat people with respect, and I've been told I can be humorous.
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 What exactly is upsetting you? The fact that you are getting rejected by women you like and know as people and are attracted to or... ...the fact that you can't get ONE SINGLE WOMAN to like you and date you? Because there is a solution to each problem and they are completely different and independent. Both actually. I wouldn't say I'm upset, but it does feel bad to get rejected literally all the time for my entire life. I probably really should just follow my own advice and just stop, forget about it, and do something else I'm better at.
normal person Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is is the same thing as a woman thinking she's showing interest just by talking/being friendly to a guy. Take a woman being friendly as just that; Just because a woman is being nice doesn't mean she likes you. If you get to know her better and see some more obvious signs make your move. This is great advice. When a girl likes you and wants you to make a move, most of the time it'll be blatantly obvious, to the point where there's little to no doubt about what she wants. Be a great, appealing guy until this happens, or try your luck asking her out "blind" if you're feeling bold. I think this is a pretty surefire way to have success without risking much embarrassment. Develop some appealing, attractive qualities, demonstrate them tastefully, and girls will be the ones coming to you. Do this well enough and you'll very rarely have to approach girls. If you do, they'll already have noticed the good things about you so you've got a foot in the door already. This is low risk/moderate reward and I can't say it's ever done me wrong.
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