kaitracid2010 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 i was just wandering... say you have been seeing someone who did not treat you well throughout the relationship, neglected you they hurt you, broke up with you, left you in a lurch, got with someone else, or was just plain nasty to you!! yes u dearly love this person.. and life without them seems empty... if they came back to you... what would you choose... your ex... or your dignity?
TrueLoveSeeker Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Always choose your dignity. Never settle for someone that doesnt treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There is always someone out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated and will love you more than anyone ever could. I would not ignore the ex, but let them now how you want to be treated and how you deserve to be treated. I do believe people can change if THEY want to and if THEY want to treat you the way you want to be treated, then you can have your ex with your dignity. Dont just settle for one or the other. 1
Thunderchild Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I choose/chose dignity. My ex (of five years) came round to tell me that she had had a fling at her works Xmas party and was now pregnant to her paramour. I chose dignity. I challenged her excuses, told her to take responsibility for her actions, told her how much she had meant to me, but didn't beg or grovel (that's what you've thrown away, honey!). I rejected her half-assed apology and told her to get out of my sight. Haven't heard a peep from her since. Not likely to hear from her, have no respect or trust any more. Not really interested in what she is doing now. For all I know she had been cheating for a while. So, H*ll mend her. Just focussing on me and my life, then one day I'll find someone who does deserve what I have to offer. 2
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 i was with her about a year... started of great, made big plans... living together, marriage.. over time, her attitude towards me changed, the more i loved her, the worse she treated me. pushing me away, calling me names, pulling me back in... showed me very little respect. i loved her loads and would love to have made a success of it.... but i chose to keep my dignity, and not to be treated like that anymore. so now i am in no contact
KatZee Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I chose my dignity. My ex lied to me, cheated on me, disrespected me, put me last in everything about his life. He treated me like a pile of garbage. He dumped me and that's the last day he ever saw or spoke to me again. 2.5 years just gone. I refused to be some sort of pathetic person begging for a scumbag back. Why WOULD i want that back? The best gift my ex ever gave me was dumping me. 2
TaraMaiden Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Excuse the question, but if he was that bad - why did you not dump HIM? And sooner?
fancy feast Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Always choose your dignity, and you'll get something better in the long run anyway.
Keenly Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Can I choose a hate F**k followed by throwing her out? 1
KatZee Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Excuse the question, but if he was that bad - why did you not dump HIM? And sooner? Some of these people are just really good at what they do. My ex didn't start off horrible. It was a very slight, and gradual decline downhilll over a period of three years. If the change had been drastic I of course would have been like WHAT THE HELL?! and dumped him. He made me fall in love with him. We had an amazing first year+. I was so blinded by who I thought he was, he's gone through tough times in his life so I made excuses, I believed him when he told me I was the reason we were having problems. I blamed myself. He destroyed my self esteem, my confidence. So I always thought it was me. I tried and tried. Until there was literally nothing left of me. 2
weallfalldown Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 after a good long screw.....i'd choose my dignity, after kicking her out the door lol.....
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Excuse the question, but if he was that bad - why did you not dump HIM? And sooner? I ask myself that question because I did the same thing. It may be a confidence issue and the fact that it wasn't always like that and a tendency to self blame. Hoping for a change and a desire for "security". Hmm if only we had the strength to leave earlier, we probably could have avoided the pain of being a dumpee! 1
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Some of these people are just really good at what they do. My ex didn't start off horrible. It was a very slight, and gradual decline downhilll over a period of three years. If the change had been drastic I of course would have been like WHAT THE HELL?! and dumped him. He made me fall in love with him. We had an amazing first year+. I was so blinded by who I thought he was, he's gone through tough times in his life so I made excuses, I believed him when he told me I was the reason we were having problems. I blamed myself. He destroyed my self esteem, my confidence. So I always thought it was me. I tried and tried. Until there was literally nothing left of me. i know exactly how you feel.... for me, it was the same... it was a gradual process... at first things was great... then something would happen, which i knew was clearly wrong, and i knew she had just treated me badly.... but i would blame myself, maybe it was my fault.. i would analyze things too much & take the blame... the more i appeased to her behaviour, the worse she got... a lot of it is to do with confidence... when someone like my ex, who was a beautiful woman, rejects you again & again.. it knocks your self confidence & worth.... before you know it... your taking crap off this person on a regular basis. in my case,, she had painted a pretty picture for me... a lovely home together.. marriage, kids... and that is exactly what was so hard for me to walk away from. a beautiful wife, a nice house, kids, family etc etc... but it was all just an illusion... in the mean time she treated me pretty dam crap.. thinking i would never walk away and at times i did prove to her i would not walk away, i would be the one running over to apologise & to make up for things that was not even all my fault, or my fault at all but..... i have permenantly put and end to her silly games now! i just feel soooooooo angry with myself, for letting someone treat me like this. i was a very strong character before i met her
Author kaitracid2010 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 even tho, your ex treated you like crap... did any of you still crave to have them back? even tho i have decided to walk away... i still have day, where wish i could be back with her & this time round things will be great between us blah blah blah then i snap out of it
travelonic Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 IMO "Dignity vs. Ex" alone is a bit of a bad dichotomy - I mean, other factors do matter - the quality of the relationship, little nuanced details about the breakup, etc. [hence why I dislike the "is man innately good or innately evil" dichotomy - given how obvious it is that humans are not binary beings.]
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