kaylan Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I have been having this problem for a while now, with many different women. They don't listen. Every woman that I meet and believe that I may have interest (read: lust) in, I tell them immediately that I am bad person. I am emotionless. Not necessarily "bad" or an "*******," but not a companion. I make this known VERY early on, before anything develops. Women will ignore me telling them this. Either joke it off like I am just being funny, or choose to ignore it all together. This all happens well before AND after sex or any other physical exploration. Before I continue, let me say I am charitable person, I always donate, give money/food to homeless people, hold the door, smile, even help old ladies cross the street. I am a pleasure to be around. I have LEARNED how to be kind, respectful, and an overall "good" person. None of this is genuine, I fake all this. I TELL this to women that may have interest in me. They often go out of their way to tell me how much of a "nice" person I am. I re-iterrate that this is not true and please don't let me fool them. They don't listen again. They get attracted, they start to "like" me, they start to become attached, ask how I feel about them. I tell them again, I do not feel anything. I don't want to feel anything, nor do I want attachment. They get pissed, they get upset, they say I "hurt" them. What the hell? How is it my fault? Why are you blaming me. I even tell them afterwards that I spelled it out to them MANY times over, but they refuse to listen to that, too. As if I "fooled" them. I have yet another woman as of today who probably wants to kill me. I was nothing but kind to her, but through all this, she wants my head. When she asked how I feel about her and whether or not I would be upset if she didn't like me (she was joking obviously), I told her I wouldn't care regardless and that I don't grow emotions for people as a whole. She now is quite upset because she is "invested." How do I avoid this from happening. How do the ladies want me to spell it out to them? If you're a woman who read this, how do you want a man to tell you these things? I have the opposite problem. Im too capable of caring, and tend to get chewed up and spit on rather quickly by flings lol. I think our situations are examples of people wanting what they cant have, and not wanting what they can have lol. Im sure Id have girls falling hard for me emotionally if I did exactly what you do. I think its an ego thing with the women you date. They want to feel like theyre different and can change you...and seem to chase you because they cant deal with a dude not being into them.So uh - are you proud of being an emotionless void who hurts women? I think you need some serious therapy. It's not normal to go through life without forming emotional bonds with people. They hurt themselves. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If a man tells you something negative about himself, believe it. It's pretty straight-forward. So true. OP would most often be getting emotionally unhealthy women in these situations. Most girls hearing "I don't form attachments" would close that door pronto. This leaves the "romantics" (see: delusionals) who ate going to turn this guy around and he can be their boyfriend (). It's like a challenge for these girls who will turn on sex on tap and he'll show all of the regular signs of I interest and attachment, WITHOUT any actual attachment until the f-word ("feelings") comes up. OP, I find sex three times to be my attachment threshold. At that point, I've either gotten my fill of a guy OR I am seeing weekends out of town and curtains and holding hands in Hawaii flash through my mind. That's why I in particular am pretty careful about who I open myself to in that way (been married coming up on seven years this year). But in this "hookup culture" a lot of women don't even see the "spell" they can put themselves under. Plus if they are pretty immature, it's like "they want what they want." It wouldn't surprise me at all that an "under-attached" guy would end up hooking up with "overattached OR naive" women who won't listen to your word but will watch you actions, which seem to be that of early interest aside from a verbal warning in the beginning, which will fade in importance to her over time and with encounters. Although, really, it seems like a poor stock to "invest" in. 2
Woggle Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You don't have to become callous to have women fall for you. You just have to have line where you won't tolerate certain crap and be willing to stick to it. If people know you will break it off if she even thinks about cheating then it weeds out the ones who just went to mess with you. People respect you as much as you respect yourselves. If my wife ever cheated I will divorce her and get a pitbull lawyer and I am very serious about that.
Els Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Sure the women are at fault for not listening. That doesn't absolve you of all blame. Why are you allowing relationships to progress when you have no interest in emotional intimacy? You're sending mixed messages and that part is ALL on you. It's like a woman telling a guy 'I don't want to have sex' while sitting in his lap, playing with his penis over his jeans, rubbing her breasts into his face, and then eagerly undressing him and slipping his penis into her and bouncing up and down on him . Sure he should have 'listened'... but can she really blame him for not doing so? Next time, when they start to 'like' you, do your part and leave. 2
Emilia Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If you know you're going to attach, why sleep with emotionally unavailable men? I can't understand this need to set yourself up for a fall. Quite. Surely the answer is to be fussier about whom you have sex with? I thought that was 'Mate Selection 101' 1
veggirl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 A hooker is of no use to him...he can not manipulate her and hurt her like he can with a naiive normal woman Are most normal women really that naive? If a guy tells a normal woman he's no good....she would run. It's the immature or insecure ones who won't. You're truly making women sound kind of...simple and stupid. I don't think most are...definitely a portion who will fall for the op but if those girls are the norm then yikes 2
xxoo Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) Are most normal women really that naive? If a guy tells a normal woman he's no good....she would run. It's the immature or insecure ones who won't. True. Unless she is equally looking for no-strings-attached sex (and truly can handle it), although that doesn't seem to be the case with the women he is choosing. Every woman that I meet and believe that I may have interest (read: lust) in, I tell them immediately that I am bad person. I am emotionless. Not necessarily "bad" or an "*******," but not a companion. I make this known VERY early on, before anything develops. Women will ignore me telling them this. Either joke it off like I am just being funny, or choose to ignore it all together. This all happens well before AND after sex or any other physical exploration. You are choosing these women. What is it that attracts you to them? Do you feel it is fair to say that you target them? How do you screen for women who are and are not interested in purely casual sex? Do you screen those women IN or OUT? I'm wondering if the qualities that attract you to these women are their immaturity and naivete. How do you feel about women who have a lot of casual sex? Edited March 6, 2013 by xxoo 2
bac Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) I am not proud of hurting anyone. This is exactly why I'm requesting help from the people on this website. If I was proud, I would continue to do this without at least considering the ramifications of my actions. I'm only trying to find a better way to communicate this to future women, so I ask asking for help. You want smth that is impossible. You want a happy girl who is doing ONSs or FWBs. Also, people are not rational creatures. They are emotional and irrational. It means that they do not give a f...k for any real facts which they do not like. They believe only in what they want to believe. Women want to believe in attachment and love with a guy who they have sex with. You might try to ask girls if they are looking for a R. Then, you might say them that you are not looking for a R. Also, you might stop dating them right away if they are into Rs. Edited March 6, 2013 by bac
TouchedByViolet Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't understand the big deal at all. As long as you state you are not looking for a relationship you are totally free of blame. Being self deprecating isn't the same thing though. Instead of saying "I am no good for a relationship", say "I don't want a relationship". The former comes off as a challenge and the latter comes off more like a fact. Some of these women take you as a challenge. They think they can change your views because they like you. I wish I had women wanting to bang me on the regular, and wanting relationships with me. You are highly desirable by women so enjoy it I say. It's something a lot of guys can only hope for.
Treasa Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I have been having this problem for a while now, with many different women. They don't listen. Every woman that I meet and believe that I may have interest (read: lust) in, I tell them immediately that I am bad person. I am emotionless. Not necessarily "bad" or an "*******," but not a companion. I make this known VERY early on, before anything develops. Women will ignore me telling them this. Either joke it off like I am just being funny, or choose to ignore it all together. This all happens well before AND after sex or any other physical exploration. Before I continue, let me say I am charitable person, I always donate, give money/food to homeless people, hold the door, smile, even help old ladies cross the street. I am a pleasure to be around. I have LEARNED how to be kind, respectful, and an overall "good" person. None of this is genuine, I fake all this. I TELL this to women that may have interest in me. They often go out of their way to tell me how much of a "nice" person I am. I re-iterrate that this is not true and please don't let me fool them. They don't listen again. They get attracted, they start to "like" me, they start to become attached, ask how I feel about them. I tell them again, I do not feel anything. I don't want to feel anything, nor do I want attachment. They get pissed, they get upset, they say I "hurt" them. What the hell? How is it my fault? Why are you blaming me. I even tell them afterwards that I spelled it out to them MANY times over, but they refuse to listen to that, too. As if I "fooled" them. I have yet another woman as of today who probably wants to kill me. I was nothing but kind to her, but through all this, she wants my head. When she asked how I feel about her and whether or not I would be upset if she didn't like me (she was joking obviously), I told her I wouldn't care regardless and that I don't grow emotions for people as a whole. She now is quite upset because she is "invested." How do I avoid this from happening. How do the ladies want me to spell it out to them? If you're a woman who read this, how do you want a man to tell you these things? If you're laying it out there right upfront, the problem is with them. A lot of people, probably a bit more likely with women, is the tendency to think or want to change the person you're with into what you want. I think they take it personally, as though there's something wrong with them, when the person doesn't change. I was like that, myself! I'd beat myself up, thinking that if only a guy loved me enough, or if I was good enough, he'd change and become an amazing person. You aren't doing anything wrong if you're being honest with them. They're the ones who need to deal with it. If someone tells you they're no good, believe them.
serial muse Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) Being self deprecating isn't the same thing though. Instead of saying "I am no good for a relationship", say "I don't want a relationship". The former comes off as a challenge and the latter comes off more like a fact. Quoted for truth. OP, I don't think you're a jerk or getting off on hurting people, but I do think the whole "I'm no good in a relationship" is a bit of a line. You yourself acknowledge that you want both sex and companionship (for a time) out of these women, and so are, to some extent at least, consciously downplaying the aspects of your intentions that might stand in the way of that. And in that context it seems a bit disingenuous to say "why oh why won't these women belieeeeeve meeeee". Fact is, you don't want them to because you're afraid it'll cut you off. It's not so much that you're flat-out lying to them, but I do think you're lying to yourself a bit. And yes, you are manipulating them, and yes, they have all the information they need to see right through it and walk away before getting hurt. IMO, nobody's innocent here. But since you're the one posting and presumably looking for answers, this is directed at you - what Touched by Violet said is right on. There's a big difference between saying something somewhat emo like "I'm no good in a relationship" and/or "I can't have feelings for people" (which provokes an almost uncontrollable response in some people - men AND women, by the way - to become the savior) and saying, flatly, "I don't want one, don't get your hopes up, I'm sleeping with other people too." That difference could also be the difference between getting laid and not, but you know what? Probably not. So, try that and see how that works. Edited March 6, 2013 by serial muse 1
starla33 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 If you know you're going to attach, why sleep with emotionally unavailable men? I can't understand this need to set yourself up for a fall. I THOUGHT I would be ok with it, but then I realized I was not and liked the guy so I left. The worst part is him trying to talk to me after I told him I can't see him anymore....that is the part that hurts the most because he is not respecting my wishes at this point. So I don't know I mean I was not mad at him for being honest, but also his actions were kind of the opposite and he sort of acted relationshipy. So who knows the OP's actions might be telling the girls something else.
Quiet Storm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Sociopaths actually feel superior to those of us that form attachments. They view attachments and emotions as a weakness, and have no desire to change. I don't think OP wants to change or learn how to form attachments. He wants the women to change, so that his needs can be met without having to deal with their drama. I agree that you should be very blunt with them about your intentions. But you have to understand that many women think they can change their men. Some may think "well the reason he never formed attachments is because he hadn't met me yet". So even if you are straight up with them, you will still have to deal with the drama & tears. You don't have to feel responsible for their hurt feelings, but you should accept that your behavior is hurtful from their perspective, even if you warned them. 3
Quiet Storm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I THOUGHT I would be ok with it, but then I realized I was not and liked the guy so I left. The worst part is him trying to talk to me after I told him I can't see him anymore....that is the part that hurts the most because he is not respecting my wishes at this point. So I don't know I mean I was not mad at him for being honest, but also his actions were kind of the opposite and he sort of acted relationshipy. So who knows the OP's actions might be telling the girls something else. Oxytocin, the "bonding" hormone, is released during sex. Many women believe that they are able to have detached sex, so they aren't expecting to develop feelings for the guy. It's just that sex, especially regular sex with one partner, releases oxytocin and can result in the woman feeling attached. If she's feeling happy and bonded, she often makes the assumption that he is too. 1
Imajerk17 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 All this sociopath talk is laughable. OP is a guy in his mid-20's. Most guys that age want to play the field as the OP does. That doesn't make him a sociopath. The problem is that when we say we aren't interested in a relationship, instead of taking it at face value, you get involved with us anyway trying to change us. And then when it doesn't work, you don't take any responsibility. (There are guys who would give you a relationship but for a few of you on here, your actions say you're not interested in them.) 1
Quiet Storm Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) All this sociopath talk is laughable. OP is a guy in his mid-20's. Most guys that age want to play the field as the OP does. That doesn't make him a sociopath. The problem is that when we say we aren't interested in a relationship, instead of taking it at face value, you get involved with us anyway trying to change us. And then when it doesn't work, you don't take any responsibility. (There are guys who would give you a relationship but for a few of you on here, your actions say you're not interested in them.) The fact that he doesn't want a relationship doesn't make me think he is a sociopath. That is a perfectly healthy choice. People have this idea in their head that sociopaths are all murderers or criminals. That's a misconception. They are often very successful, charming, people. Only the dumb ones end up in jail. The smart ones are quite successful and hard to spot because they are so good at mirroring. The following things he said fit with a sociopath, but that doesn't mean he is one. I am emotionless. I am charitable person, I always donate, give money/food to homeless people, hold the door, smile, even help old ladies cross the street. I am a pleasure to be around. I have LEARNED how to be kind, respectful, and an overall "good" person. None of this is genuine, I fake all this. I don't want to feel anything, nor do I want attachment. I don't grow emotions for people as a whole. I never felt weird about the way I process emotions (or lack their of). I just don't attach myself to people. I don't know how, or better yet, probably don't want to learn. OP, why are you seeking advice about this? Is it because you actually care about these women and how your actions are hurting them? Or is it because their hurt feelings annoy you? Do you feel emotionally connected to any family members? Have you ever loved any pets? Edited March 6, 2013 by Quiet Storm 3
serial muse Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) All this sociopath talk is laughable. OP is a guy in his mid-20's. Most guys that age want to play the field as the OP does. That doesn't make him a sociopath. The problem is that when we say we aren't interested in a relationship, instead of taking it at face value, you get involved with us anyway trying to change us. And then when it doesn't work, you don't take any responsibility. (There are guys who would give you a relationship but for a few of you on here, your actions say you're not interested in them.) It's the bit where the OP says he can't feel that I think people are responding to. But I don't read that as sociopathic either. I read that as a guy who's actually a bit dramatic and playing up a self-described "handicap" for sympathy. I certainly don't think he's an a55hole, although maybe a little immature (hence the drama). But I do find this thread irritating, since, as I said, it's disingenuous. I think the OP knows why women don't believe him - he's doing the old push-pull, and it works like a charm, as it so often (sadly) does. This thread isn't about cause-effect, it's about blame. The OP does feel guilty or he wouldn't have started it trying to put the blame on the women and show why he's blameless. But as I said, I don't think anybody's exactly innocent in this scenario. If any of these women post here, we can tell them that - but since it's the OP's thread, the question is what could he do differently to get a different outcome. And I do think he could change his MO, if he wants to (not clear whether that's the case). Edited March 6, 2013 by serial muse 1
O'Malley Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I certainly don't think he's an a55hole, although maybe a little immature (hence the drama). But I do find this thread irritating, since, as I said, it's disingenuous. I think the OP knows why women don't believe him - he's doing the old push-pull, and it works like a charm, as it so often (sadly) does. That's my take as well. Sure, there are people who approach romantic prospects like a fixer upper, the more unattainable or unsuitable the person is, the more they dig their heels in and ignore all the warning signs. In that they're not being victimized, but their issues aren't causing yours. It sounds like you're bothered by the fact that deep down you do enjoy the validation of being valued and pursued for something more than sex, and you retain (at least in your perception) the upper hand by being less invested/attracted than they are. You're just not willing or able to successfully develop the tact and cojones to accept and own up to your part in the fallout when someone develops feelings and wants a confirmation of yours.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 All this sociopath talk is laughable. OP is a guy in his mid-20's. Most guys that age want to play the field as the OP does. That doesn't make him a sociopath. The problem is that when we say we aren't interested in a relationship, instead of taking it at face value, you get involved with us anyway trying to change us. And then when it doesn't work, you don't take any responsibility. (There are guys who would give you a relationship but for a few of you on here, your actions say you're not interested in them.) Uh no. I never get involved with men that say that unless I truly want casual. And if I do devolep feelings it's my own fault. Sociopath is someone that fakes their emotions and OP said in his first post that he fakes being kind and he fakes helping people. That's what personally made me think of a sociopath and not that he plays the field.
realisticbound Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 The fact that he doesn't want a relationship doesn't make me think he is a sociopath. That is a perfectly healthy choice. People have this idea in their head that sociopaths are all murderers or criminals. That's a misconception. They are often very successful, charming, people. Only the dumb ones end up in jail. The smart ones are quite successful and hard to spot because they are so good at mirroring. The following things he said fit with a sociopath, but that doesn't mean he is one. OP, why are you seeking advice about this? Is it because you actually care about these women and how your actions are hurting them? Or is it because their hurt feelings annoy you? Do you feel emotionally connected to any family members? Have you ever loved any pets? Don't quote me but he also said a while ago something about if men really did what they wanted sexually and then related that with pain. He was being halfway sarcastic. It was a while ago, but I remember that thread on here because I thought it was odd...
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) Getting enjoyment out of hurting people and doing it on purpose is a sign of being a sociopath. Not saying he is one, but if you read his posts they seem to lean in that direction. Lots of guys here are playing the field on this forum...this is the first time I have ever used the word "sociopath" Do you think that people do what they do to hurt other people the majority of the time? No, in their eyes they are "trying to do the right thing"....however! you cannot always achieve that while getting what you need in return...that is essentially the problem. People are selfish...I'll say it...people are selfish men and women...and in a way that women don't even recognize as being selfish. For example...Girl wants to be in a relationship with man....these posts are a dime-a-dozen on the forum, and I'm sure every woman in this situation is emotionally compelled so she feels "special" and "unique" because this is her little romantic conundrum so she's obviously looking for particular advise...that will help her refute what she already knows and sees, she wants someone to tell her that everything is fine...maybe it's just ::insert BS explanation here perpetuated by the blind or hopeful. Man doesn't want to be in a relationship though...sooo, she asks for advice on how to get this man into a relationship, because she wants him to want that relationship and love as much as she does....even though, he's telling her in so many words that is not what he wants....ALTHOUGH he doesn't want to lose her....now what in the world do you think that man is going to do and say nine times out of ten? the truth? or what the half-truth so that he may not hurt her feelings and still get what he wants? And also...is it not her fault that she wants this relationship even though he clearly is stepping away and making excuses and even if he does say he doesn't want it he's just "not giving it a chance" or "doesn't really mean it"? Do women truly wish to take no responsibility? Oh I'm sorry, it's not selfish because she wants a relationship with this man...he's being a jerk and an a-hole because he doesn't...whether he said it in the beginning or not is just a case of leverage...If he didn't say it, then that's just reason enough to shove it in his face, regardless of the fact that emotionally it doesn't really change things...although she may take on a different perspective because he told her....yet hurt no less. Let's be honest...it's NOT what the man wants...it's what the woman wants....sociopath, or just a regular guy lying through his teeth on the big things or the little things...ask me If I want to be kicked in the nuts from the front of the back, it's the same thing to me but for women seems to draw a whole different picture. I'm not defending this guy, I am defending the argument...I don't know who is he, I haven't read his other posts. But his argument, his stance, and his statements hold a lot more weight than women are willing to see or accept...that's the bottom line. Uh no. I never get involved with men that say that unless I truly want casual. And if I do devolep feelings it's my own fault. Sociopath is someone that fakes their emotions and OP said in his first post that he fakes being kind and he fakes helping people. That's what personally made me think of a sociopath and not that he plays the field. If that's the definition of Sociopath...then we're pretty screwed. Because millions upon millions of men are considered sociopaths if that's the case. But guess what? they probably aren't sociopaths, this is just another doorway to men and how they really feel and think that may draw the line between good guy or bad guy for women. How he plays the field, how he lies to women is the same crap different story. Every man has his own "game" and method of manipulating women, no guy is every truly being honest and genuine with women 90 percent of the time or higher. In fact I think I people lie about a lot of things that they see insignificant or as consequential. This guy sleeps with women for the pu$$y, not for their hearts. He's got his own issues with this, whether disorder or just distancing himself emotionally from being hurt himself. The fact of the matter is, most guys just spin their story in a way that women will digest and accept it....because no woman wants to believe the many they gave their heart too is a worthless piece of crap...no no, he's always different, the sociopath or "crazy guy" is always some random guy on a message board that you'd never date or go out with...the fact of the matter is men hide it, they hide the truth and their true feelings and when one exposes it and puts it out there for everyone to read...they get labeled and judged by the pitch fork community. All the proof is there why men would lie...and it's mainly to make you feel like you were more significant than you actually ever were. And women fuel this theory by their own support and easily persuaded PC bullcrap that a lot of men feed women so they don't think "all men are bad"...of course I'm the "good guy"....you should be careful of whom you trust, those who stand not to gain fro lying to you, or those who do...less then be judged and excommunicated. Edited March 7, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 If that's the definition of Sociopath...then we're pretty screwed. Because millions upon millions of men are considered sociopaths if that's the case. But guess what? they probably aren't sociopaths, this is just another doorway to men and how they really feel and think that may draw the line between good guy or bad guy for women. How he plays the field, how he lies to women is the same crap different story. Every man has his own "game" and method of manipulating women, no guy is every truly being honest and genuine with women 90 percent of the time or higher. In fact I think I people lie about a lot of things that they see insignificant or as consequential. This guy sleeps with women for the pu$$y, not for their hearts. He's got his own issues with this, whether disorder or just distancing himself emotionally from being hurt himself. The fact of the matter is, most guys just spin their story in a way that women will digest and accept it....because no woman wants to believe the many they gave their heart too is a worthless piece of crap...no no, he's always different, the sociopath or "crazy guy" is always some random guy on a message board that you'd never date or go out with...the fact of the matter is men hide it, they hide the truth and their true feelings and when one exposes it and puts it out there for everyone to read...they get labeled and judged by the pitch fork community. All the proof is there why men would lie...and it's mainly to make you feel like you were more significant than you actually ever were. And women fuel this theory by their own support and easily persuaded PC bullcrap that a lot of men feed women so they don't think "all men are bad"...of course I'm the "good guy"....you should be careful of whom you trust, those who stand not to gain fro lying to you, or those who do...less then be judged and excommunicated. The truth is we don't know if OP is a sociopath or just a plain ol' "bad guy". There is not enough information and he could be either. You don't know if he has a personality disorder and neither do I. As for men/women, most men over estimate themselves and they are actually much less significant to women than they ever thought they are Just sayin' it goes both ways.
Archgirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I have been having this problem for a while now, with many different women. They don't listen. Every woman that I meet and believe that I may have interest (read: lust) in, I tell them immediately that I am bad person. I am emotionless. Not necessarily "bad" or an "*******," but not a companion. I make this known VERY early on, before anything develops. Women will ignore me telling them this. Either joke it off like I am just being funny, or choose to ignore it all together. This all happens well before AND after sex or any other physical exploration. Before I continue, let me say I am charitable person, I always donate, give money/food to homeless people, hold the door, smile, even help old ladies cross the street. I am a pleasure to be around. I have LEARNED how to be kind, respectful, and an overall "good" person. None of this is genuine, I fake all this. I TELL this to women that may have interest in me. They often go out of their way to tell me how much of a "nice" person I am. I re-iterrate that this is not true and please don't let me fool them. They don't listen again. They get attracted, they start to "like" me, they start to become attached, ask how I feel about them. I tell them again, I do not feel anything. I don't want to feel anything, nor do I want attachment. They get pissed, they get upset, they say I "hurt" them. What the hell? How is it my fault? Why are you blaming me. I even tell them afterwards that I spelled it out to them MANY times over, but they refuse to listen to that, too. As if I "fooled" them. I have yet another woman as of today who probably wants to kill me. I was nothing but kind to her, but through all this, she wants my head. When she asked how I feel about her and whether or not I would be upset if she didn't like me (she was joking obviously), I told her I wouldn't care regardless and that I don't grow emotions for people as a whole. She now is quite upset because she is "invested." How do I avoid this from happening. How do the ladies want me to spell it out to them? If you're a woman who read this, how do you want a man to tell you these things? Blah blah blah. Bored now....oh yeah I think i'm getting why chicks don't listen to you now 1
Neffer Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) I like this idea more than the previously posted one. Thank you, ma'am! This is exactly my point. I make it rather evident that I am not interested in dating them. Thank you for understanding . Despite being a healthcare professional and often recommending behavioral health evaluation/treatment, I honestly choose to believe that it doesn't solve any issues. Rather yet, I am not sure there is even an underlying issue. I never felt weird about the way I process emotions (or lack their of). If there is a serious mental condition that I am not aware of, then maybe I have to look into professional help. I don't think I have Aspergers, as I am not socially awkward, if that is what you are thinking. People in the medical field (and people with high IQs) always feel that there is no valid help. Why they make the worst patients. You sound vaguely sociopathic actually. Dissocial personality perhaps. The thing is, you don't want help, or to change. You just want to state that it isn't your fault and continue. You are a cad in the old parlance. And yes, it is your fault as you act the part to get the cookie. Stop acting the part. * I did not read all 7 pages so pardon me if this has been covered. ** yep, was covered. Edited March 7, 2013 by Neffer
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 People in the medical field (and people with high IQs) always feel that there is no valid help. Why they make the worst patients. You sound vaguely sociopathic actually. Dissocial personality perhaps. The thing is, you don't want help, or to change. You just want to state that it isn't your fault and continue. You are a cad in the old parlance. And yes, it is your fault as you act the part to get the cookie. Stop acting the part. * I did not read all 7 pages so pardon me if this has been covered. ** yep, was covered. I read his posts for a while and there is something really off about him. It's much more than being a player or women not getting the hint or even to do with romance. These are the classic sociopathic traits. Most apply to him. -------------------------------------- Glibness and Superficial Charm Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims. Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way. Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises. Incapacity for Love Need for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common. Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc. Irresponsibility/Unreliability Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed. Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively. Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
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