travelonic Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 OK, so long story short, my ex and I broke up approximately 3 1/2 months ago due to G.I.G.S [she being the one with it]. For while I tried talking to her, reasoning to her, etc [the fist month and a half], then almost 3 weeks ago almost made a mistake in trying that again that - with the intervention of some friends avoided things becoming EXTREMELY bad for me in terms of doing something really stupid and alienating friends. From that day onward, 3 weeks now, I have been in no contact with her. We both go to the same college, so that makes things a bit difficult, as when I'm walking to the building I go to to hang out with friends, she is leaving class, and that building. Because of that, at least passing each other is not really avoidable. Usually we pass each other, and she glances, and then keeps walking... sometimes two times she'll glance before continuing on. Yesterday I was walking back to class, and as I pased her, I went to the door to the building. I noticed in the reflection off the glass door that she had turned around, and was looking right at me. Not at her cell phone/coincidentally in my direction, but AT ME. I opened the door, walked into the vestibule, then into the building. Turned around, and she was looking right at me. Walked up three small steps to the actual floor of the building and turned around... still looking. Her expression kinda looking like a mix of puppy eyes, and sadness - no scorn, no anger in her expression. I rounded the corner and walked a little down the hall - then backtracked - by then she was walking away. Talk about akward. Really. From just barely glancing - or glancing once or twice when we crossed paths to standing there and staring at me. What kind of message is that sending, or would that send to anybody? I am very befuddled, bewildered, confused as to why the change in behavior.
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 She's making puppy eyes because she doesn't want you to move on.... Dumpers do this. They end the relationship, but then want to cling to the vestiges of the attention it used to bring them. Try to avoid looking at her, or following her gaze. Let it go. If she has regrets, and thinks she made a mistake - then it's up to her to put that right. Move on Bro'. You're young, full of life, vitality, energy and loads to give. Don't spend it looking backwards - in every sense of the word. 4
McDonald Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I pass by my ex all the time. It's tough. Extremely tough especially when you see them with their new bf who they dumped you for. But you just keep your head high. If she wants you back, she will reach out... But the earlier you assume it's over. The easier it will get. Trust me. I'm right there with you in this situation
Author travelonic Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I pass by my ex all the time. It's tough. Extremely tough especially when you see them with their new bf who they dumped you for. But you just keep your head high. If she wants you back, she will reach out... But the earlier you assume it's over. The easier it will get. Trust me. I'm right there with you in this situation Hmm, it's only been 3 weeks with absolutely no attempt to contact her, about 4 months since the breakup, wonder how long it would take on average for an ex to attempt to reach out if they chose to - and if there are signs that they are about to attempt to reach out [and if behavior like this is something to look out for as signs go]. I mean, from what I've read it seems like when GIGS is involved the chances of attempted reconnection, attempted reconciliation [successful or not] are potentially greater than normally, in which case I'll go on with my life, but I do hope to do so with a mind open for the possibility of that happening.
Author travelonic Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) Today I was walking and saw my ex walking to class - and as I kinda predicted, she stopped and stared at me. Not a word, just stared. No more glancing briefly at me and continuing to walk, now she stops in place and stares at me until I am out of sight. Weird. Still befuddled as to why she is doing this. I am recovering BTW - been more like my old self ever since initiating NC, more upbeat, etc [though certain things do trigger hard memories] - but you know, it is hard to avoid wondering why this change in behavior [personally don't see it as harm to my healing as I am not projecting anything ABOUT it, I am not projecting any nonexistent meaning about it, just... observing an odd change in behavior]. Edited March 6, 2013 by travelonic
weallfalldown Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 you could give the old " what you staring at?, do you want a picture?" actually no that's childish.....but try it anyway lol 1
Chi townD Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Personally, think about it? What does staring at you tell you?....nothing. Look, of she wanted to talk to you, she has a mouth. She's had opportunities to stop you and ask to speak to you, but she never grabbed them. If she stares at you again and you again. Just give a little smile and nod and keep on walking. Remember, if she has something to say, she'll say it. 2
Author travelonic Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Personally, think about it? What does staring at you tell you?....nothing. Look, of she wanted to talk to you, she has a mouth. She's had opportunities to stop you and ask to speak to you, but she never grabbed them. If she stares at you again and you again. Just give a little smile and nod and keep on walking. Remember, if she has something to say, she'll say it. Part of it may also be her difficulty in talking to people ~in general~ [aside from those she trusts a lot] which is something I knew about her months before we actually started dating.
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Part of it may also be her difficulty in talking to people ~in general~ [aside from those she trusts a lot] which is something I knew about her months before we actually started dating. Well, she dated you. I would assume that you fall in the catagory of someone that she knows and trusts....so, she can talk to you. And if she REALLY wanted to reconcile, she would make it a point to talk with you. Nothing would stop her.
Author travelonic Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) Well, she dated you. I would assume that you fall in the catagory of someone that she knows and trusts....so, she can talk to you. And if she REALLY wanted to reconcile, she would make it a point to talk with you. Nothing would stop her. Well, she really wanted to talk about the breakup, to her own confession [when w talked this past December] but it took the forceful hand of a friend [of ours] to get us to talk, so that kinda makes your theorem a case of "true if the person is of the right mindset" - somebody like her, who hates confrontations to the point where if her mom calls about college work [or even hwne she is taking thebus home], and she feels it will become a confrontation, will hang up on her mom for example. Definitely the type who has hard times confronting feelings, thoughts, situations.. quadruply so when she is wrong on an issue, or on the side of "being wrong" in an argument. It does seem odd though - puzzling, perplexing, confusing, as to why she goes from glancing at me once or twice when she passes by to outright stopping and staring at me until I exit her line of sight. Edited March 7, 2013 by travelonic
TigerCub Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Well, she really wanted to talk about the breakup, to her own confession [when w talked this past December] but it took the forceful hand of a friend [of ours] to get us to talk, so that kinda makes your theorem a case of "true if the person is of the right mindset" - somebody like her, who hates confrontations to the point where if her mom calls about college work [or even hwne she is taking thebus home], and she feels it will become a confrontation, will hang up on her mom for example. Definitely the type who has hard times confronting feelings, thoughts, situations.. quadruply so when she is wrong on an issue, or on the side of "being wrong" in an argument. It does seem odd though - puzzling, perplexing, confusing, as to why she goes from glancing at me once or twice when she passes by to outright stopping and staring at me until I exit her line of sight. That sounds creepy - Seen that plenty of times in horror movies... just sayin.... Honestly, don't read too much into it. If she so badly wants to talk to you - she will find a way to do so. But for now - all she's doing is acting creepy and socially awkward. Just ignore and above all don't dwell and fantasize about what it could mean. 1
Author travelonic Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I'm sure there is some rhyme or reason, guess it is one of those things that will reveal itself in time. EDIT: just so we're clear, she is the dumper, erm, the one doing the dumping... and I am the dumpee, er, the one who got dumped. Edited March 8, 2013 by travelonic
Author travelonic Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Dunno if this is a hint or anything towards possible feelings, but friends of mine - friends of her as well online/on Facebook, have told me she posts status updates about missing me, throwing away our relationship, feeling horrible about it, etc.
Author travelonic Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 For those who are of a hyper-analytical, investigative, curious nature - and interested in the intricacies of why things happen, people do X, Y or Z, it is hard to avoid looking at things, and pondering connections between facts, and trying to understand why people do really bizarre things [and change their behavior so much like the ex did in my story/situation], act particular ways, etc.
Author travelonic Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Ok, honestly?] I want to know why the bloody hell my ex either stops and stares at me, glances at me and then from a distances stops and stares at me, or both - and why she not only so suddenly started this [only started last week], but why it is EVERY time we pass each other [about 6 or 7 times between this week and last week so far - and I KNOW due to my class schedule it is going to happen again tomorrow - made even more awkward since we both own Nintendo 3DSes and will inevitably StreetPass each other [which opens up another odd can o' worms] since we will be in proximity for long enough for the consoles to send data to each other]. It's kinda creeping me out on one hand, and it is sending me confused signals that my analytical and methodically thinking brain keeps trying - by habit - to figure out, decipher - or if not decipher, UNDERSTAND. Edited March 14, 2013 by travelonic
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Oh stop with this 'analytical brain' crap. Your brain is equally divided and both sides function perfectly. You just want a pat answer to everything and sadly, you can't have it. In this scenario, the reason you can't have it, is because your brain is completely incapable of understanding another person's brain because access to their head-space is not available. And it never will be, so quit trying to analyse, because it's pointless. Logic should tell you that.... ...and the fact that logic still hasn't told you that, means that actually, your analytical and methodically-thinking brain - isn't firing on all cylinders - is it? You can't second guess. You cannot ask the question "Why is she doing.....?" The only question you can possibly ask, is "What should I do about it?" And you already know the answer to that. Avoid direct contact as much as possible, and do not stray discussion away from the pertinent issue in hand. Stick to the point, do not digress. Ok?? 3
Author travelonic Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Just ignore her completely. Don't even look. Heheh, tried that yesterday - ended up walking into a lightpole as a consequence of HOW I tried it. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You're over-thinking it. I'm very analytical by nature to, as well as hyper-observant..but sometimes a stare is just a stare. You really need to stop looking for her. If you don't notice her, you won't see her staring. Clearly you're hoping it means something, but judging by her actions, i.e. not contacting you, I'd say it doesn't. At least not right now.
Author travelonic Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 (edited) You're over-thinking it. I'm very analytical by nature to, as well as hyper-observant..but sometimes a stare is just a stare. . A stare is a stare, but a lot of stares over a short period of time can't be just a bunch of stares over a short period of time with no thinking while staring, no thought process of SOME kind [regardless of what specifically it is]... can it? Don't get me wrong, I am trying to avoid projecting possible reasons - it's just... all of that can't mean absolutely nothing at all, she can't just be thinking nothingwhile staring [especially if it is at a distance], and it's hard not toe be curious with the frequency [and especially if she does it at a distance as well as in closer range]. Having never been in that kind of situation before - relationship->she dumps->she starts this stupid staring thing, my overthinking and overanalyzing is gonna spike considerably. Scary part about her is that we think so alike [which I knew about her in the 13 months we've known each other, nd friends of the both of us have observed - kinda spooky really] that if I said "she is probably overanalyzing it too," and said nothing more, I'd probably be 100% correct. Edited March 15, 2013 by travelonic
ThatJustHappened Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 If you're so curious, why don't you just ask her?
Author travelonic Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 If you're so curious, why don't you just ask her? Same reason she probably hasn't said a word to me - talking to people - even those we've known for some time - about very ... tense. .. issues like this comes difficult to us.
fancy feast Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Headphones. Listen to stand up or podcasts while you're walking. Great distraction.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Same reason she probably hasn't said a word to me - talking to people - even those we've known for some time - about very ... tense. .. issues like this comes difficult to us. You seem pretty determined to make this into a big deal. The only way to satiate your curiosity is to ask her. Nobody here is inside her head..we don't know what she's thinking.
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