Vesta Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Hi All, I'm going to try to keep this brief, but if anyone thinks I should give more detail, I'm happy to do so. I've been with my fiance for 5 years, and we've been really happy. We've had a lot of changes in the past year or so (my graduating from college, moving (across the country and moving in together), and job changes. I'm a teacher, so my hours are basically 7:30-4, and he's a manager at a pizza place. He's the newest manger, so he gets all the nasty closing shifts - some times until 3 A.M. Most days, he leaves for work minutes before I get home. During the summer, I was able to see him a lot more because I was only working my part-time job. Needless to say with him working there 50+ hours a week and me working full time as a teacher and part time at a retail store, we barely see each other. This leaves little opportunity for spending time together, being intimate, etc. When we have time, we're usually both so exhausted to do much of anything. This situation is temporary - he wants to go back to school, something to do with engineering - but it's wearing on our relationship. I know we both need to make more of an effort and be less "comfortable" with where we are, but I don't exactly know how. We've never had this problem before. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with this? I'm not afraid of him straying or anything like that, but we had a good conversation last night about the issues we're having, and I want to start to fix them. Thanks in advance!
Mr. Lucky Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Wow, deja vu! My wife was a newly graduated teacher and I was a starting restaurant manager when we married. The hours in both fields are tough so I understand the disconnect. You have to find a way to make the little moments special. I used to make her lunch everyday and put a note inside, she'd put the same thing in the pocket of my shirt she ironed. We both also fought the temptation to sleep though our days off and planned something simple (and free, money was tight) together - picnic, bike ride, etc. You have to be a unit, a team together working towards a goal. Looking back (almost 30 years ago!) it was challenging but rewarding in that I always felt her support. When you spend much of your day apart, the time together is special. But you have to work to make it so... Mr. Lucky 1
Author Vesta Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 I knew I couldn't be the only one - thank you for your reply! It's wonderful knowing that it IS possible to get through this difficult time...
Mr. Lucky Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I knew I couldn't be the only one - thank you for your reply! It's wonderful knowing that it IS possible to get through this difficult time... You know, the other thing that occurred to me thinking about your post was that we didn't even have a TV. So what little time we had together was truly together, no other distractions. And those are the occasions I think of when my mind wanders back. Very different today with TV, Internet, smart phones and social media that compete for attention during down time. You might think about some "unplugged" time spent together just enjoying each other's company. Sometimes less is more ... Mr. Lucky
boywonder123 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 ive had a friend with a similar situation about lack of quality time due to work. how they manage to pull through is to be more romantic and show how much they care for the other person. IE surprised, love notes, etc.. it helped them pull through the tough times. and when they are together for the brief moment in the day they make sure its spent on quality time ie cuddling/talking. NO TV, no phone, etc.. when they go on vacations its really well spent as well.
KathyM Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 The way to handle this is by scheduling time together. Schedule a date night every week, and schedule time on weekends or whenever you both are going to be free. That is how people who are both extremely busy manage their relationship. Scheduling time together whenever you can. Planning in advance to spend quality time together, and when that will be.
georgia girl Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I think what you're experiencing is pretty common. It's almost a letdown. You dream about the days when you'll finally be together full-time and then it comes and life gets in the way, it's not what you always expected it to be. This is where marriage (and impending marriage) takes work. But the good news is it's fun work. Make the effort to have fun. If it's just a dinner out, or a drink with friends or a walk together. Just schedule time when it's not about work or other commitments and it's about you and being together. It gets better. I'm a not-so-new newlywed (I think you get to call yourself a newlywed for a few years) and we wax and wane. But it's still amazing when we focus on us. Take care!
Author Vesta Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks, everyone! We've made one big change that seems to be helping a lot - less technology time when we're together. When we're both tired, it's easy for me to watch Netflix or him to play a video game, but although we might be in the same room, we're not "together." It's been helping a TON! Seems so obvious, right? 2
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Start leaving each other love notes. Before you go to work. Make special time for one another, date nights. Even if you're tired, push through it!
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