GB25 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 be thankful!! I know when we read others posts about getting crumbs from ex's in emails and texts and we are getting nothing it kinda makes us sad. Like, gee I wish my ex would even say anything she/he hasnt reached out once. I was also one of those, wishing for some sort of contact to show she cares....something, anything.. well after 1 month strict NC i get " hey do you know the name of that pasta that we shared at carlucci's that time we went together" I was thinking to myself WTF really?? This is what you text me after a month..what a joke. I answered her question and that was that. Im not emotional or it didnt take me to square one..but yes it had me thinking and enough to come on here and post about it. It bothered me. So for all you people who just wish the ex would reach out with some form of contact...remember be careful what you wish for 7
Sheilalou008 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 be thankful!! I know when we read others posts about getting crumbs from ex's in emails and texts and we are getting nothing it kinda makes us sad. Like, gee I wish my ex would even say anything she/he hasnt reached out once. I was also one of those, wishing for some sort of contact to show she cares....something, anything.. well after 1 month strict NC i get " hey do you know the name of that pasta that we shared at carlucci's that time we went together" I was thinking to myself WTF really?? This is what you text me after a month..what a joke. I answered her question and that was that. Im not emotional or it didnt take me to square one..but yes it had me thinking and enough to come on here and post about it. It bothered me. So for all you people who just wish the ex would reach out with some form of contact...remember be careful what you wish for How annoying. Mine wasn't exactly like that...but over the weekend at 2am on fri night I get "I try so hard and times like this I crumble and have to say hi" Very obviously a drunken breadcrumb. I was pretty lit up myself. I did not cave but I did sob my eyes out. Guess it was just bubbling under the surface. I happened to miss another one that night, thank god. This one said "So, no response. Seems so easy for you". I was angry with this one and sober. I asked him 2 weeks ago(at the time I got them) to please leave me alone and let me heal. This is what I get...it is just a bunch of nothing. It wasn't a setback but it got me thinking. Can't he just respect my wishes?
coralie Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Wow, that would really annoy me too! I know that if I receive any type of breadcrumbs, no matter the tone, purpose, intention or subject, that it'll upset me. The only thing I'd want to hear from him about is something I'll never hear, so it's better that I don't hear from him at all. I have to keep reminding myself of that every day. 1
na49 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Breadcrumbs are the high that we are looking for. We are all drug addicts. We were addicted to our ex. Hearing from them, makes us feel good at first, then we feel like crap. Same thing with checking up on them. At first it feels good, then the after effect. The reality that it's actually over hits us and ruins our entire week.
Author GB25 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Breadcrumbs are the high that we are looking for. We are all drug addicts. We were addicted to our ex. Hearing from them, makes us feel good at first, then we feel like crap. Same thing with checking up on them. At first it feels good, then the after effect. The reality that it's actually over hits us and ruins our entire week. Well its the reality that there is no longevity behind it. It's great to know we are on there mind, but what now? We cannot contact them bc we got a little attention so we sit and wait if and when there will ever be contact even the slightest ever again...i think thats the part that hurts the most. Whether i had ignored her text or not I would be feeling the same exact way.
RogerWallace111 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Yeah, you don't want that sh*t. As much as one might feel they just want "some sign that he/she still thinks about me", there's nothing tthat can be said that will actually help the siuation. Even having them tell you they want you back is 99% of the time gonna lead to a whole new can of worms. You might say "sorry, I've moved on", and the affirmation might help your ego in one aspect, but it's gonna mess with your progress significantly. Hell, even running into my ex, having her break down crying about how sh*tty her life without me is, and begging me to go home with her was NOT worth it (I f*cked her and things got restarted just to end 10 days later). It confirmed my silly hope/suspicion that she had been as screwed up as me over it (more really), but that didn't help any. In fact strictly in terms of healing time/duration, I think one's actually better off when under the impression that their ex isn't thinking about them, or is "over" them. It's like how coming out of my last relationship, I found myself kind of wishing I had a reason to be angry with my ex. The idea of her sitting at home sad, "pining" didn't make my heartache any less. At least if I thought she were out with some new dude I would've been able to adapt a "good riddance" type of attitude. 4
lilacwine Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 be thankful!! I know when we read others posts about getting crumbs from ex's in emails and texts and we are getting nothing it kinda makes us sad. Like, gee I wish my ex would even say anything she/he hasnt reached out once. I was also one of those, wishing for some sort of contact to show she cares....something, anything.. well after 1 month strict NC i get " hey do you know the name of that pasta that we shared at carlucci's that time we went together" I was thinking to myself WTF really?? This is what you text me after a month..what a joke. I answered her question and that was that. Im not emotional or it didnt take me to square one..but yes it had me thinking and enough to come on here and post about it. It bothered me. So for all you people who just wish the ex would reach out with some form of contact...remember be careful what you wish for Thanks for posting this. It makes me feel so relieved I haven't received any breadcrumbs at all after 2 months of strict NC.
coralie Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 In fact strictly in terms of healing time/duration, I think one's actually better off when under the impression that their ex isn't thinking about them, or is "over" them. This is probably true for me as well. I can't seem to make make that clean break and cut it off completely in my mind so I can go forward when I feel like he might still be attached in some small way. It's hard to move on when I think of how he's still holding on and attached even in some small way. So I have to be ruthless with myself and keep reminding myself that he's obviously moved on and doesn't give a damn.
AlexB Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I haven't gotten anything and i find myself occasionally wishing she would text me. Just so i know she's thinking about me. I feel like i didn't mean s... to her, she threw me away so easily. I find my eyes wandering to my phone to see if the notification light is blinking. But then i snap myself out of it. What would she even text me? It isn't going to be anything good and it's going to take me back to square one. I'm in a half "i wish you actually cared about me and wanted to talk to me" and "i'm glad you're leaving me alone, this is going to help me heal faster". Both feelings suck though lol 1
Navajo46 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I haven't gotten anything and i find myself occasionally wishing she would text me. Just so i know she's thinking about me. I feel like i didn't mean s... to her, she threw me away so easily. I find my eyes wandering to my phone to see if the notification light is blinking. But then i snap myself out of it. What would she even text me? It isn't going to be anything good and it's going to take me back to square one. I'm in a half "i wish you actually cared about me and wanted to talk to me" and "i'm glad you're leaving me alone, this is going to help me heal faster". Both feelings suck though lol I know man, thats what killed me the most through the whole healing process. Is just wanting or needing the validation that you actually meant something to them. How could it be so easy for them to care about you one day and then the very next day not ever think about you again. I am just not built that way. Even though i dont want her back at this point i STILL care about her. I shouldnt at all since she did me dirty, but we had great times in 6 years and i cannot just shut off caring for her. Just the way it is. But i did have to come to terms with her not caring anymore at all. I am nothing but a distant memory now and thats reality.
Lost Fish Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Hey all. I need to jump in here because she did contact me after nearly two months of complete and total no contact. She let me know that her life did fall apart - to the point that she moved back home with her parents for the past month to heal and find herself again. And she also let me know that she isn't even with the d-bag she left me for in the first place. It all sent me reeling and I mistakenly and stupidly started talking to her again. And you know what has happened? She has still revealed and reminded me that she doesn't want to be with me. And it sucks. It especially sucks because I had made real progress in the past two months and now I am literally back at square one - finding myself breaking down at random times during the day, constantly thinking about her, and feeling bad about myself. It's Hell... and I'm not glad that her life fell apart. I'm not happy she's suffering too. But I'm also not happy to be reminded that she doesn't want me anymore either. So. I'm back in complete no contact and starting over. I know I can get back to where I was before in my healing, but I'm not happy that here I am posting on Love Shack because my heart is in so much pain again. On the plus side, her phone plan expired and she is getting a new phone and new number, so I can't call or text her at all anyway. And even though it's a good thing, it's still painful for me. But it's forcing me to let her go. I just need to let her go...
Author GB25 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Mine just asks a random question or says how have you been? once i answer its a superficial short convo and we dont talk for a month. Ive realized her pattern so its all good. I think she just likes to see that im accessible and that satisifies her. Or shes waiting for me to ask her for a drink or to watch a movie..but neither of us will make the first move. Better off that way.
coralie Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Just got my first breadcrumb today, and only on the 5th day of NC. He texted some bs about how he was proud of eating such and such healthier stuff, and said he just wanted to let me know. SERIOUSLY??? I don't want to know! UGH!!! Completely ignoring. But damn, even that random bs shook me up bad. So yeah, I really, really, really don't want to hear from him, no matter what. Not until I've moved on.
jagdude14 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I have not. I am 7 wks nc. I miss her so much and she cares nothing about me
Lost Fish Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I have not. I am 7 wks nc. I miss her so much and she cares nothing about me Bummer JagDude14, 7 weeks and still hurting, that's tough and I feel for you man. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Remember, you can choose to not let those thoughts and emotions control you. When I feel myself start to spin out in my thinking (and then the crummy bad feelings follow), what I do is stop whatever I'm doing and clear my mind and take 5 deep breaths. I clear my mind and don't think about anything but the breathing. And with each exhalation I imagine the pain and darkness leaving me right out in the breath. If might sound a little kooky, but I challenge you to try it. Because 7 weeks of feeling sh*tty is a long time to feel sh*tty. And you deserve better. And you deserve happiness. And who gives a f*ck what she thinks or feels about you brother. Be good to yourself. 2
RogerWallace111 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Hey all. I need to jump in here because she did contact me after nearly two months of complete and total no contact. She let me know that her life did fall apart - to the point that she moved back home with her parents for the past month to heal and find herself again. And she also let me know that she isn't even with the d-bag she left me for in the first place. It all sent me reeling and I mistakenly and stupidly started talking to her again. And you know what has happened? She has still revealed and reminded me that she doesn't want to be with me. And it sucks. It especially sucks because I had made real progress in the past two months and now I am literally back at square one - finding myself breaking down at random times during the day, constantly thinking about her, and feeling bad about myself. It's Hell... and I'm not glad that her life fell apart. I'm not happy she's suffering too. But I'm also not happy to be reminded that she doesn't want me anymore either. So. I'm back in complete no contact and starting over. I know I can get back to where I was before in my healing, but I'm not happy that here I am posting on Love Shack because my heart is in so much pain again. On the plus side, her phone plan expired and she is getting a new phone and new number, so I can't call or text her at all anyway. And even though it's a good thing, it's still painful for me. But it's forcing me to let her go. I just need to let her go... That sucks. Sorry youre dealing with that sh*t. Fitting real world example of one of the main points I was trying to make. I'm sure the idea of seeing one's ex miserable seems way cooler than seeing them kicking ass or happy with someone new for the vast majority of people recently out of their relationship. At least the "dumpees". But I think, faced with the reality of it, as you've been, many would have a changed stance. It's one thing if theyve cheated on you, or acted particularly cold/malicious at the end, but when that's not the case... 1
RogerWallace111 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I mean, take away any lingering hope that they might want you back, and that their misfortune might catalyze that process- why should you want them to suffer ? Though the moment I typed that last sentence it became pretty clear that it's often just a case of wanting to know that you meant as much to them as they did to you. Which one would naturally figure could be gauged by their level of heartache. So I'm gonna say, wanting them to be upset over the loss of the relationship - makes sense. Actually wishing misfortune upon them - reasonable given the circumstances, but not too healthy and likely unsatisfying should you find it to have happened. 1
Lost Fish Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I mean, take away any lingering hope that they might want you back, and that their misfortune might catalyze that process- why should you want them to suffer ? Though the moment I typed that last sentence it became pretty clear that it's often just a case of wanting to know that you meant as much to them as they did to you. Which one would naturally figure could be gauged by their level of heartache. So I'm gonna say, wanting them to be upset over the loss of the relationship - makes sense. Actually wishing misfortune upon them - reasonable given the circumstances, but not too healthy and likely unsatisfying should you find it to have happened. Exactly. Even though she treated me like garbage at the end, I can be empathetic toward her. So seeing her miserable hurts me. Because I'm not a douchebag. I'm a pretty good guy. I always have been. I don't like to see people suffer. And I guess that's a good quality in me, but it doesn't make my healing any easier. I will say that I do find some peace in the fact that she is realizing what she did to me and that is part of why she has been so messed up. But there are a lot of underlying factors and major issues in her that I'm realizing she is really going to have to work on to ever find peace in herself and every day I stay no contact I sort of realize more and more that I truly did dodge a bullet here... I just wish my heart could catch up to my mind on this. But I'm getting there. I have been really trying to focus on myself and have been doing all the right things - including reading a lot and posting a bit here on LoveShack.
jagdude14 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Bummer JagDude14, 7 weeks and still hurting, that's tough and I feel for you man. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Remember, you can choose to not let those thoughts and emotions control you. When I feel myself start to spin out in my thinking (and then the crummy bad feelings follow), what I do is stop whatever I'm doing and clear my mind and take 5 deep breaths. I clear my mind and don't think about anything but the breathing. And with each exhalation I imagine the pain and darkness leaving me right out in the breath. If might sound a little kooky, but I challenge you to try it. Because 7 weeks of feeling sh*tty is a long time to feel sh*tty. And you deserve better. And you deserve happiness. And who gives a f*ck what she thinks or feels about you brother. Be good to yourself. I am just bumming because I cared so much for this girl I loved and treated her the best. I didn't have to lose what I had to know it I knew she was special and treated her great. Idk why she broke up with me. She just kicked me out of her life asking for space and I wasn't clingy. I have unanswered questions and I want to hear from her. 7 wks has been rough. I can't contact her. But I do miss her
SinceYou'veBeenGone Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I was thinking about this today. Unfortunately I am not thankful! I wish he would reach out. Just to know he cares. I care. I wish he cared.
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