Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 My ex and I had a great realationship at first. Things got dicey at the end and we got in a fight that caused me to leave her house. She called me and told me we are done and i agreed it was time. For about a month after our breakup she contacted me regularly. She told me she missed me and loved me and that we werent bad together at all. She told me not to find anyone new because she was saving herself for me and wanted me to do the same. One day, after calling me the night before to tell me she loved me and all that she told me that we shouldnt talk anymore. That night she met up with a guy and started dating him. 5 days later they are living together and engaged. Keep in mind she didnt even know this guy while we dated. As far as the month after we broke up I dont know the whole story. But the fact that she just became friends with this guy on FB 1 day before she told me we shouldnt talk, leads me to believe she literally just met this idiot. Keep in mind this girl has 2 kids from a previous BF. She is currently still married to someone. And has no place to stay. I know this new guy of hers is going to basic training. He will be gone for 5 months. He let her have his car, apartment, and all his belongings while he left. She is now able to see her 2 kids that she lost custody of 2 days out of the week because she now has a stable place to live. A part of me wants to know what you guys think. Is my ex gf on the rebound? And is she mainly doing this relationship and committing to engagement simply because of all the benefits she just received? Keep in mind, she saw me out at a bar last weekend and i was talking to a girl i just met, being kind of flirty, and she approached me and was furious i was talking to someone yet she is engaged? I dont see why she should care you know? But she does. Doesnt this whole thing seem like a huge joke to you guys? Please advise. I am kind of beating myself up over this as i am clearly not over her quite yet. I guess i would find comfort in this whole thing knowing she really isnt actually happy and that she is just using him. I know it sounds sick but it will help. I mean can this kind of relationship really last? Its obviously a rebound/fill void kind of thing. She also contacted me over email looking for support because she had a miscarriage with her new BF's baby. She cant contact him since hes in basic training, so she contacts me telling me it was my kid she miscarried. Later i come to find out she lied and it was only a 3 week old pregnancy making it impossible to be mine. So this whole thing is bananas.
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 All this drama and she is still married to someone else?
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 All this drama and she is still married to someone else? Yes its all true. Can i get some support or lifting advice here?
CptSaveAho Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 You were dating a girl with 2 kids from an ex and still married Did you honestly think this relationship was going the distance? 4
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 It doesn't matter whether it's a rebound or not. That's the least of your problems. Put all the relationship drama and questions aside. Why would you want to engage with someone that is clearly emotionally unhealthy? Her pattern dictates a string of toxic relationships. Why would you sign up for this? She's still married, 2 kids from another man and yet you went forth. What does that say about you? Who knows if this is a rebound. She clearly cannot commit to one person. You are not the exception to the rule. You are the rule and the sooner you accept that she's going to keep repeating her patterns, the sooner you detach yourself from this craziness and move on. 1
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I just got really attached to her. I honestly cared about her so much that I was willing to put aside her crappy past. I honestly believed i was better for her than anyone else she has met, which was probably true. But it turned out that even as someone like she has never had before she still sabotaged the relationship and went immediately back to her past patterns and its hurts to see this. I am having a hard time letting go, i really am. Some days are better than others, but then i get to thinking about it again and i just get really angry at the thought of her with some new guy so soon and engaged on top of it? Like what the hell. I have blocked her FB and phone number. Yet she contacts me through email to lie and try and manipulate me. I am tempted every day to email her again and again just telling her how stupid and what a big mistake she is making. Yet i know its a terrible idea.
evondavis1 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Same story, look up my story under my profile. It's a load of crap. My life, your life, it's all a mess. These people are mentally insane, they lack the common sense to have a decent, normal relationship because they have lost it. She is a user, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. Sorry to be so blunt, but this happened to me, and I am still living this nightmare everyday. I know it is hard, I am still a mess 6 months later, but we have to move on and get rid of these toxic people. Easier said than done. I am sending you hugs, because god knows we both need them right now. Get yourself a great support group and therapy, this will be a very bumpy road, but you can and will get through it! 1
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 It's not your job to be better for her. It's not your job to rescue her from the other men that have possibly messed up her life. Traits like that speak of co-dependency. Your job is to know when a situation is bad for you and protect yourself from it. You don't sabotage your own wellbeing for the sake of someone else, especially when that someone else is clearly showing you that their issues are way past your ability to fix. Block her emails. Do not contact her. Her patterns will not change until SHE identifies she has a problem and she seeks help. You can bang it into her head that she's on the wrong path and it will do you no good. Until she comes to that realization, you have to cut the cord and focus on your healing and moving forward. You see it as a mistake, she doesn't. And that is because she is mentally and emotionally wired in such a way that toxic relationships are more appealing to her.
KatZee Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I just got really attached to her. I honestly cared about her so much that I was willing to put aside her crappy past. There is your mistake. First of all, she doesn't have a crappy past. She has a crappy PRESENT. She can't be engaged to someone else because she's still MARRIED. She sounds like a master manipulator, just using people for things she can get to help her life and her two kids. She doesn't sound particularly invested in ANYONE on any real level at all. She has way too much going on to be in any functioning and healthy relationship. She really did you a favor by cutting you lose. Don't try to convince her she's making a mistake. She doesn't see anything she does as a "mistake" but as a series of decisions to help her own life without worrying about how her actions hurt others. Keep her blocked everywhere. If she finds a way to be in touch, tell her if she contacts you one more time you're calling the cops for a restraining order. 1
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Thanks for the input. Its been hard on me to let go. Like i said some days just get to me. I think about all the stuff i did wasting my time for her affection and all she did back was **** all over me. It hurts because i honestly did care. She claimed after we broke up that i changed her, made her better, and showed her that she deserves better in her life and shes grateful for that. But after hearing about what she is doing just 5-10 days after we cut contact i highly doubt i changed anything. If i did anything, i made her worse. She now thinks she is incapable of having a real relationship ever again like the one we had (Taking it slow and responsible like everyone should) so she just found another sociopathic guy who proposed to her on the second date and let her move in and have everything he has. Even let her 2 bastard kids move in too? I mean WHAT.THE.HELL. People are so screwed up in their decisions and its no wonder more and more crime and poverty is happening all over the place. Its nobodies fault but there own. You just cant fix stupid. NO matter what.
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) People are so screwed up in their decisions and its no wonder more and more crime and poverty is happening all over the place. Its nobodies fault but there own. You just cant fix stupid. NO matter what. Remember, you yourself made the decision to get tangled with "screwed up" and "stupid". It says something about your decision making too. You should start looking at yourself. Edited March 5, 2013 by geegirl 1
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Remember, you yourself made the decision to get tangled with "screwed up" and "stupid". It says something about your decision making too. You should start looking at yourself. Believe me I have. Im not sure if you are trying to put me down here or give tough love but either way i decided to do what i did and i did it. When i met this girl she was a mess. She had lost her kids, she had lost her place to live, and she had lost her crappy job. Me myself am a fully employed and educated Mechanical Engineer. I am well off, have a caring family, and friends back in my home town. I just moved out of town for my new job. I have nothing in this area except the 2 people i work with who are both 20 years older than me. I have no one to rely on, no one to talk to, and no one to hang out with yet. I am alone. Its sad but true. When i met this girl i cared about her. I saw problems and tried to fix it. After while i started to fall in love. I enjoyed the company and the new friend i had, even if i knew she was probably not the best for me. I couldnt help it. And all this caring and support i gave her was for nothing. She is back to making stupid decisions and in the process crushed my emotions. So you can say im a bad person and stupid, but in reality i was just trying to help someone out in need. It just happened to bite me in the ass back which isnt fair at all.
2sure Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 There isnt much a woman wont do to have a home and her kids. If the guy will be gone for 5 months, she may be hoping to get on her feet in that time. If she stays with him because he is offering the stability of a home for her kids, that may be something she finds very attractive in a relationship. Either way, when things happen this fast its an act of desperation. I hope she is able to sort things out.
wisernow Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Believe me I have. Im not sure if you are trying to put me down here or give tough love but either way i decided to do what i did and i did it. When i met this girl she was a mess. She had lost her kids, she had lost her place to live, and she had lost her crappy job. Me myself am a fully employed and educated Mechanical Engineer. I am well off, have a caring family, and friends back in my home town. I just moved out of town for my new job. I have nothing in this area except the 2 people i work with who are both 20 years older than me. I have no one to rely on, no one to talk to, and no one to hang out with yet. I am alone. Its sad but true. When i met this girl i cared about her. I saw problems and tried to fix it. After while i started to fall in love. I enjoyed the company and the new friend i had, even if i knew she was probably not the best for me. I couldnt help it. And all this caring and support i gave her was for nothing. She is back to making stupid decisions and in the process crushed my emotions. So you can say im a bad person and stupid, but in reality i was just trying to help someone out in need. It just happened to bite me in the ass back which isnt fair at all. Your job is not to be the fixer of people. However well intentioned, you just cant do it. I get that you are lonely, don't have many friends there, but geez, don't ya think you could find a better caliber of woman to date? You know, one who doesn't have a bunch of kids, is emotionally sound, doesn't flounce from man to man, isn't a whore? And, that hardly sounds like "love"' rather, neediness and settling. I hope in the future, you expect more from the women you date.
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Now that i just re read what i wrote im pretty sure i see what happened. She just used me to get back on her feet and help her out. Then once she did it was on to the the next idiot who will offer her a ring, his apartment, his car, and a place to store her degenerate kids 3 days a week while hes gone for 5 months with little to no contact. How pathetic. I really am an idiot for even caring right now.
wisernow Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Now that i just re read what i wrote im pretty sure i see what happened. She just used me to get back on her feet and help her out. Then once she did it was on to the the next idiot who will offer her a ring, his apartment, his car, and a place to store her degenerate kids 3 days a week while hes gone for 5 months with little to no contact. How pathetic. I really am an idiot for even caring right now. You're not an idiot. You know who and what she is now, and luckily you can just walk away. Just think how much worse this could be had you moved her in, or married her. That would have truly been some drama. 1
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Your job is not to be the fixer of people. However well intentioned, you just cant do it. I get that you are lonely, don't have many friends there, but geez, don't ya think you could find a better caliber of woman to date? You know, one who doesn't have a bunch of kids, is emotionally sound, doesn't flounce from man to man, isn't a whore? And, that hardly sounds like "love"' rather, neediness and settling. I hope in the future, you expect more from the women you date. Trust me its not all bad. I have learned a pretty hard lesson here. Certain women (or men for that matter) out there simply are not made for anyone. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. They are just toxic to relationships and leave a path of destruction everywhere they go. 1
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I'm not trying to put you down. I'm not here to do that. I understand your feelings of attachment to her but just as you ridicule her decisions based on her own mental and emotional state, you have to look at your own mindset and ask yourself why you would ignore the red flags. The fact that she was/is married, raises a red flag. The fact that she had two kids from another man raises a red flag. Don't question this man's need to be with her, because aside from how fast he's accepted her into his life, both of you went/going in blindly. You're not as emotionally clever as this other dude. Don't point the finger. Being alone with no one around is not a good enough reason to cling to someone. You tried to rescue and fix her in hopes of her filling that void you were experiencing in your life. It didn't matter the red flags. If you don't have friends. You go out and make friends. Join social clubs. Get online and join meetup groups in the area. Take up a hobby. Go and volunteer. You will meet all sorts of people. When you make one person your whole world, regardless of the alarms going off, you get into situations like this.
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 You're not as emotionally clever as this other dude. Don't point the finger. . I am confused by this statement. How is getting engaged 5 days after meeting someone clever when you are getting nothing out of the relationship? **** she is probably banging other guys in his bed as we speak. After all shes known him for about a week before he left for 5 months. I would consider my ex clever with her ability to siphon everything she can out of a man only a few days after meeting him and on top of that not even having to be around him or deal with him for a half year while she reaps all the benefits. I may be an idiot for getting involved with this girl, i have accepted that believe me, but this new guy is just a straight up sucker. She tried to do all this crap with me, walk all over me, and get me to pay for her issues (Divorce, medical bills, car repairs) but i stood strong. I did a lot for her but i wasnt about to be financially obligated to her even after months and months of dating. I took her out to dinner, i bought her jewelry, an bought her gifts and flowers all the time. But im not about to accept 2 bastard kids, a woman with a credit score of a 50, and all her overdue bills and baggage into my life after 5 days. Thats insane. And now that i think about it, thats probably why fought all the time and ended up breaking up in the first place. Because she knew it wasnt going to be as easy as "Let me suck your dick for a ring and a place to live for 5 months with my awfully behaved kids and all my baby dad drama while i cheat and manipulate your emotions". I expected more and she wasnt willing to give even an ounce of effort. Im not having it.
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I meant to say you are not emotionally clever as this other dude, with sarcasm. You both are suckers, in your own way. "But im not about to accept 2 bastard kids, a woman with a credit score of a 50, and all her overdue bills and baggage into my life after 5 days." You would have accepted all that if she had never left you. So what difference does it make if you knew her for two years versus this man knowing her for 5 days? You are no different than him. The only difference is that he's moving at a faster pace than you are. Stop trying to one up on this other man. Focus on the mistakes you made and move on from there. 1
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 You would have accepted all that if she had never left you. Now that is not necessarily true. Honestly i knew this relationship wasnt going to go the distance pretty much from the beginning. It pretty much started off as friends with benefits kind of thing. I told her i hadnt had a GF in a long time and wasnt ready for one. Plus i knew her history and was kind of embarrassed to even tell or show people her in all honesty. After while she kept hinting that she wanted to tell people we were together and BF and GF. I told her thats fine not a big deal. So we were then together as a couple exclusively. I thought to myself, "Why not give it a try". At this point i started to have real feeling for her. She basically broke up with me after i broke up with her. We had a huge fight and i left telling her i was done with this. I broke it off. Then she called me on the phone 10 minutes later saying "Im breaking up with you" just so she could have the last word because shes childish. Then posts all over facebook how she just dumped me and how im an ass and all this slander. At that point i honestly could care less. I didnt even contact her again for 3 weeks. I was happier and fine about what had happened. Like my original post said, she then contacted me regularly out of the blue. Telling me things about how she needed me, how she missed me, how much i meant to her. Then i started to kind of miss her. Then one day, after calling me telling me to save myself for her because she doesnt want anyone but me ever again, she tells me we arent talking anymore. That same damn day she is in a new relationship? Out of the blue. Then she starts sending me pictures of her straddling this guy making out, telling me how she just sucked his dick and had sex with him, telling me how he is the nicest man shes ever met and how i am pathetic and how she settled for me and not the other way around. All out of the blue, for no reason? It was straight up cold blooded and it made me sick to my stomach. This isnt about one upping anyone. I already one upped everyone she will ever meet i dont even have to be cocky. She is straight out of the gutter and the people she meets are no different. This is about how betrayed i feel. How disgusted i am about how i wasted my damn time for a slutty bitch. And how she has done things since this break up to simply spite and try and hurt my feelings even more. So yes, i want to watch her and her new bf's relationship burn to the ground. Yes i want to talk trash about them. Because talking trash is a lot better than moping around hoping some tramp will apologize for being the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life and i was hoping i could get some support from this forum board on why I should just forget it and be happy. Not to be told its my fault and she is doing the right thing by manipulating guys for money and assets and im actually the *******.
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 After conception the egg takes two weeks to travel down and adhere to the uterine wall. This is right around the time a woman notices her period is late. But because there oft isn't enough pregnancy hormone in her body and the zygote is way too small to see she won't even know she is pregnant until 6 weeks gestation. I honestly dont know the whole story. But i can tell you she claimed she was 3 months pregnant with my kid which is impossible because i had visual proof of her periods all through the relationship. And this news just happened a week ago. And there is no way she was pregnant for 3 months i can promise you that. She then she said she doesnt remember what the doctor said, it was either 3 months or 3 weeks but she has no idea. So i immediately knew she was just lying at that point anyways. It probably didnt even happen at all to be honest.
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 She's straight out of the gutter and a slutty bitch, with two bastard children. So why are you posting asking if this man is a rebound. If she is all the things you say she is and you were even embarassed to tell people about her, cut your losses and invest your energy with moving forward. She is not worth mulling over.
Author Kermit Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 She's straight out of the gutter and a slutty bitch, with two bastard children. So why are you posting asking if this man is a rebound. If she is all the things you say she is and you were even embarassed to tell people about her, cut your losses and invest your energy with moving forward. She is not mulling over. Because i want to know why she did what she did. I have the urge to understand and figure out what is actually going on. That is why. Rebound or not. There is more to this new relationship than "love at first sight". Wouldnt you agree?
Darren Steez Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Believe me I have. Im not sure if you are trying to put me down here or give tough love but either way i decided to do what i did and i did it. When i met this girl she was a mess. She had lost her kids, she had lost her place to live, and she had lost her crappy job. Me myself am a fully employed and educated Mechanical Engineer. I am well off, have a caring family, and friends back in my home town. I just moved out of town for my new job. I have nothing in this area except the 2 people i work with who are both 20 years older than me. I have no one to rely on, no one to talk to, and no one to hang out with yet. I am alone. Its sad but true. When i met this girl i cared about her. I saw problems and tried to fix it. After while i started to fall in love. I enjoyed the company and the new friend i had, even if i knew she was probably not the best for me. I couldnt help it. And all this caring and support i gave her was for nothing. She is back to making stupid decisions and in the process crushed my emotions. So you can say im a bad person and stupid, but in reality i was just trying to help someone out in need. It just happened to bite me in the ass back which isnt fair at all. You're not a hero, you're just a man. You see a snake in the garden you don't pat it's head and try to make it a pet because in the end you know what will happen.... and it's happened to you.
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