Gottabestrong Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I've just been dumped two days ago by a guy I really liked and thought everything was going well. We had known each other for a few months, been dating for 6 weeks, had been officially bf/gf, made plans for the future, exchanged I love yous, etc. Two days ago he called and dumped me stating that his feelings changed and he did not love me anymore. Ouch this really hurts, but I can accept the fact that I should not be with a man who loves me one day but than never wants to see me again on the next. What I am having trouble coming to terms with is the fact that he did not want me anymore. I mean, I let him into my life and heart. Showed him who I was and treated him with love and affection. Up until 4 days ago he said he loved all that about me and would often say things like: "I can't stop thinking about you. I feel like we were meant to meet." And now, he decided that none of that was interesting to him anymore. He got to know who I was and decided that 'no, there has got to be someone better out there.' That really stings, I feel like he was really into me at the beginning, but the more he got to know me, the less he liked what he saw. I assume other people have gone through similar situations, how did you deal with it? And how did you restore your hurt self-confidence? I think it would be easier if I knew what it was about me that made him change his feelings, but he refuses to tell me. All he said was that he started to have doubts and his feelings changed. But he did not say why or what brought on these doubts. One thing I should add is that he was really a great guy, sweet, attentive, funny, affectionate, loving, generous, etc. If there was something I did not like about him I could say, 'well, he was not that great either', but unfortunately he was. The only thing I did not like about him is the fact that he dumped me out of the blue. So, any advice on how to not take this breakup so personally and think that something in my personality turned him off? (though I realize it probably did)
cosmicpanda Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 It seems to me that he was probably over whelmed you guys didnt date for that long and were already saying i love you? He probably likes someone else and ya you probably here this a lot but he wasnt worth your time than obviously only advice i can give is that next time try and take it slower if its the right guy he will respect it or even understand.
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Hi Panda, thanks for your post. Welcome to Loveshack! I realize that it all moved very quickly, but it felt natural to me, and to be honest, my relationships usually move that fast. Saying 'I love you' or 'I am falling in love with you' are usually said within the first month and the relationships still continue to last for a long time afterwards. Also, we knew each other for over a month before we started dating exclusively, so it was more like it being said nearly 2 months after our first date. So I still find it hard to deal with the fact that - seemingly - from one day to the next he went from being crazy about me and booking a weekend getaway for us, to not ever wanting to see me again. I also think that there might be someone else involved, so it hurts even more to think that he met someone and decided to 'throw away' everything we had and meant to each other for someone he just met. Sure, there is the option that he knew her or was dating her all along we were together, but I find that hard to believe because when we talked about faithfulness he said that he was not a two-timer and would rather break up with someone than cheat. Which I guess he just did. Why did not he want me, what is wrong with me? Stupid question, I know.
cosmicpanda Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Thanks for the welcome, i stumbled upon the website looking for an answer to my relationship problems. And ya im really sorry but the only thing i can think of that would make a guy do what he did to you would be that there was someone else. Or guys ive noticed are very susceptible to pressure from other people so his friends could have said something aswell. i really dont believe it had anything to do with you so dont think its your fault. 1
cosmicpanda Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 And the part about him being really into you at the beginning but not at the end, is exactly what im going through. At the beginning they will do almost anything to get your attention, stupid cute texts to asking to go out on dates. Im pretty sure he felt like he was in a place of being safe where he knew you wouldnt break up with him so he wouldnt have to try so hard.
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 And ya im really sorry but the only thing i can think of that would make a guy do what he did to you would be that there was someone else. Or guys ive noticed are very susceptible to pressure from other people so his friends could have said something aswell. i really dont believe it had anything to do with you so dont think its your fault. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. Especially since he went out Saturday night with his friends and dumped me Sunday morning. I guess they might have remarked on the fact that he was spending too much time with me, or he might have met someone at the clubs. It sucks, but I guess falling in love is a risk and there is nothing really you can do to protect yourself. It's not like holding back your emotions for 3 months will protect you from heartache. Last time I got dumped after 6 months and in the past after 1,2 or 3 years. And most of the guys told me they loved me after a few weeks and said and did all the right things in the beginning to make me feel they were genuine. Love sucks. On the one hand I want to stay away from dating for a long time now, on the other I don't want to give up hope and become a cynic. I hope you will get good advice for your relationship issue. I've been coming to LS for years and it has always helped me out.
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