Furious Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) First of all, I did not mean to sound defensive. I want to set this clear because I'm actually appreciating the discussion and the help you are giving me. It's helping to see things under another perspective. Said that. Realist you are right. He is just a boyfriend so things aren't set on stone and I can still change my mind. I need to be careful and attentive. In the mean time, I'm working on regaining my balance and happiness and we will see what will happen after. Maybe, once I've regained my senses I'll find out he is not the right one. But for the current moment I have feelings for him, deep ones, and I just want to enjoy them. It might be I'm lying to myself, but I prefer to believe I'm not. At least for the time being. You've decided that your insecurity trumps your gut instinct. You want to believe him even it's blatantly unbelievable. You're young and don't have children and years if a marriage with this guy, you can walk away now without much baggage. I feel for you, because this is more than a cheating boyfriend this is about you and how you allow others to treat you wrongly. If you don't deal with your own issues you will be setting yourself up for an unhealthy future, You're smart and you're kind and you deserve better than this. This is not about your boyfriend this is about your self esteem. Edited March 5, 2013 by Furious 2
Author Sofore Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 You've decided that your insecurity trumps your gut instinct. You want to believe him even it's blatantly unbelievable. Your young and don't have children and years if a marriage with this guy, you can walk away now without much baggage. I feel for you, because this s more than a cheating boyfriend ths is about you and how to allow others to treat you wrongly. If you don't be one self aware and deal with your own issues you will be setting yourself up for an unhealthy future, You're smart and you're kind and you deserve better than this. This is not about your boyfriend this is about your self esteem. Thank you for your kind words. You are right, I am currently going through a hard time. This is also why I'm trying to handle this situation in this way because I have already other issues to deal with and I need to solve them first. That's also why I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because I have so many things in my mind that maybe I am trying to find another reason to mortify myself. Like "you see? Even you relationship is awful and it's not a surprise." I have to recover my self esteem... Everything else will be solved after that, I am sure! 1
Furious Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Thank you for your kind words. You are right, I am currently going through a hard time. This is also why I'm trying to handle this situation in this way because I have already other issues to deal with and I need to solve them first. That's also why I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because I have so many things in my mind that maybe I am trying to find another reason to mortify myself. Like "you see? Even you relationship is awful and it's not a surprise." I have to recover my self esteem... Everything else will be solved after that, I am sure! It breaks my heart to see young, wonderful and smart women being treated wrongly. You own your self esteem, it comes from within and you know you're worthy of respect. You only have one life to live, don't waste on people who don't value you, who will lie to you. You know he's full of it, you know he's lying to you, you don't need anymore proof than what you already know. No one can make you special if you don't believe it yourself. 2
anna121 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Just remember: self-esteem doesn't build without positive actions to support it. Like, recognizing and responding when you are being treated with disrespect. So, you're not going to be able to "get" some self-esteem and THEN deal with this sensibly. Rather, taking the harder stance with your BF is what will help to get you to a healthier self-esteem in the long run. 1
noble Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I know your BF deleted the texts and phone number, but it does seem like he is lying. I thought I should let you know that almost all phone providers allow you to sign online and look at your phone bill records. This includes all calls and texts, whether you delete them or not. Right now I can log online and see every single number I've texted over the last year, with dates and times and everything. If you really are doubting him, you could ask him to show you his phone records. This would prove once and for all if he is lying or not. i know it seems really untrustworthy, but the truth is that you already don't believe the blatant lie of a story he's telling, and maybe if you put his back up against the wall with a "show me the phone record or else" ultimatum, he will either confess, or break up. If he breaks up because he refuses to show you the records, he might try to use some excuse such as "its because you dont trust me that i cant be wtih you or show you my phone records" but i can tell you personally, if my BF thought I did something shady, and my phone records could PROVE my innocence, I would gladly turn them over. Anyone who wouldnt show you their records to prove their innocence is most likely lying to begin with. Good luck, though.
Eggplant Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Sofore, You love your boyfriend deeply. That is why you are in denial. You can lie to yourself in your head, but your body cannot be lied to. You will see. When you try to be intimate, your body will refuse to open up. Deep down you know now that he is untrustworthy. Choose to stay with him if you must, but this barrier of trust is going to be enormous, and probably you won't survive it, despite your best attempts. The situation is devastating. I am truly sorry, and you are not alone. 1
phillygirl Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) But for the current moment I have feelings for him, deep ones, and I just want to enjoy them. It might be I'm lying to myself, but I prefer to believe I'm not. At least for the time being. My dear, As others have mentioned, you sound quite young, so I will give you advice from someone who's a bit older: MOVE ON. Also, I'm a bit dismayed that you perceive his ambivelance to end the relationship as an indication that this is something you've conjured in your mind. And that you are willing to doubt the clear evidence of his behavior because you "love him". This reads a lot like youth speaking (typing), so I'll give you a pass... Here's what I can offer: Relationships build on shaky foundation are doomed. Trust me, you don't want to find yourself married, with kids, financially dependent, AND find text messages/try to decipher his excuses. I know you love him, but if you're having these doubts now, they will most likely NOT improve with time. Take this time, work on YOU, and allow yourself to meet a man worthy of your love. Best of luck to you. Edited March 6, 2013 by phillygirl 1
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