Getting a 'rejection letter' after several back & forths with a girl on a dating site

[Ordinaryday]

Is this common? For the record, I am not referring to them just ignoring me full stop (I am used to girls ignoring my initial letter to them and when I send a letter to a girl I just never expect to hear back from her, it is easier that way) or sending me a rejection letter to my initial letter to them. No, I am referring to when you have chatted with a girl for five or so emails and everything seems to be going well and then right out of the blue you get an email from them saying typically one of two things: either 1) "hey thanks for everything, you were great to talk to, but I am reconciling with my ex, he is the love of my life. If you would like to keep chatting as friends thst would be awesome, but I'm going back to my man" or 2) "hey thanks for everything, but I don't feel we have enough in common to continue chatting. All the best with the future".

 

I have had this quite a bit from women online and I don't get it. This is BEFORE we have even had an actual meeting and I know sometimes I come across as stupid, but I am really not that dumb. People have asked me 'oh you are not sending the girl anything that would scare her off, are you?' and my response is HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM??

 

Obviously I am not a mind reader so I don't have any inherent insight into how she is thinking and what I should write to 'be perfect' but the letters I send her are nice enough, nothing rude, inappropriate or that would scream 'red flag'.

 

And yet I so often get this email from them!!! What the heck am I doing wrong? Or os it possible that I am doing nothing wrong, she is just speaking to eight or nine guys at the same time and she for whatever reason decided she liked one of the other guys more so this is her way of rejecting the others??? Do you guys get this type of letter?

 

And secondly, why do the girls even send it? It goes without saying that since we have only exchanged a few emails we are not in a relationship yet, so they don't 'owe' me anything, as I don't owe them anything! So why send me this half assed rejection letter? Is it to ease their own conscience? Or do they think it is the 'polite' thing to do or what? And even though I just ignore them after that am I 'supposed' to respond with a 'hey no worries, all the best with the future' type email. It goes without saying I don't (if thst makes me look bitter I don't care) but am I 'supposed' to?

[ChessPieceFace]

Seems like courtesy to me. You'd rather they stop responding to your messages and you not knowing if they have rejected you or just aren't logging in? I've never done OLD but I have had one girl stop responding to my messages. Would have been so much better if she had acted like an adult and just told me.

[Ordinaryday]

Honestly, to be blunt, yeah I would have preferred she just never responded. At that early back and forth email stage you are not yet in a relationship and neither of you owe the other anything. Getting a rejection always hurts and I just got one about an hour ago and I have been bummed out, hence this post. If I just never heard back from her I would have (marginally) preferred that because I could have just convinced myself she got hit by a bus or something and it was not an actual 'rejection' :/

[ChessPieceFace]

Most people aren't compatible with each other. Maybe you need to not take rejection so personally. I can remember being that way ... but it's silly. Now I'm more logical about it. Very few women would meet my list of expectations; even if I was in dating shape financially and personally, I'd still probably not meet many womens' list of expectations.

 

I can see how you are disheartened by the messages but personally I'd be a lot more annoyed if girls wasted my time and didn't respond. Try being in the middle of a discussion with someone about how a date went / discussing problems & misunderstandings with a date and they stop responding. Now that is frustrating.

[Ordinaryday]

Most people aren't compatible with each other??? It makes me wonder how anyone hooks up at all and why any relationship lasts!

[ChessPieceFace]

I wonder that frequently. But as mentioned in other threads, some people get lucky, but many just find someone they're comfortable settling on. I think most of the "settlers" have already settled, and thus aren't trolling the dating sites holding out for the impossibly perfect match.