Floored88 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Long story kept short.... Was with my ex girlfriend (fiancé at one point) for just short of 5 years. During the 5 years the relationship had its problems but we always managed to sort them out & get back together. She cheated on me with her ex after 2 months which I forgived her for as it was her first love & we’d not been together long. We got together when she was 16 & I was 20... Now 20 & 24. We had a baby girl who is now 3 – when she was 11 months old my girlfriend slept with a close mate of mine (of 5 years) behind my back, broke things off with me & carried on for a month until I found him in the house. They both denied anything had happened and apparently were ‘‘meeting as friends to sort our relationship out’’!! Can u believe that.... I knew deep down what was going on but I guess I let her fill my head with ****. We got back together because she told me she loved me & swore blind nothing happened... a year down the line the truth finally came out. During that year we got engaged & went on a family holiday late last year which I thought went well. Though I’ve been living with a few demons cause of what happened & obviously the trust was never the same. We moved into a new house together, got setup & just before xmas last year, had a row & broke up. She wouldn’t speak to me over xmas at all until new years eve – she’d heard I’d been to a mates party, got jealous & invited me round saying she wanted things back to normal. Then the next day didn’t want to know again :/ Fast forward a week & I find her going round to that old close mate of mine’s house again – I was crushed, hurt, confused etc. They’ve been meeting for a couple of months now & I still can’t get over what’s happening... How can a girl who is the mother of my child do this to me? How can that old mate not see that he’d wrecking my family? This is truly eating away at me on a daily basis & I don’t know what to do for the best. I’ve moved back to my parents whilst he’s enjoying my family in the house I spent alot of money on, with the girl I still love & around my daughter a hell of a lot more than me. Part of me feels like I need to cut off all association with the ex girlfriend for my own sanity, even if it means not seeing my daughter for a while (I know that sounds selfish) but I’ve tried & the pain & betrayal is too much to bare. One minute she’s telling me she’s torn between us & she still cares, then the next day she doesn’t want to know again. I took her out last week to try & salvage us – had a nice meal, few drinks, stayed in a nice hotel etc... next day I asked what’s happening & she said she wants to marry me. Couple of days later she says she only said that because she can’t imagine marrying anyone else! & go’s all cold on me again. I think she knows I’d jump at the chance of having my family back, I’m just not sure what’s going through her head. I should have gone NC/LC from when I found out she’d gone back to him again – I’ve tried countless times but just don’t have the strength to do it. The thought of them two together grinds on me L Any advice would be much appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 You've already answered your own question, really..... Look.... Part of me feels like I need to cut off all association with the ex girlfriend for my own sanity, even if it means not seeing my daughter for a while and - I should have gone NC/LC from when I found out she’d gone back to him again – Right on both counts. Think Logical. You're allowing your heart to rule your head, and that, my friend, is worse than fatal; It's suicidal. Cut her off in all matters, completely, across the board - EXCEPT for anything to do with your daughter. Whose name is on the house deeds? Who is paying the rent/mortgage?
Author Floored88 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Thanks for the reply Tara. It was a rented house & everything is now in her name, though I have been shafted financially with debts for the furniture etc. She seems to know what to say to draw me back in, & I fall for it everytime because I want back the family I had too much. Can you really be torn in two minds? I feel that shes in the honeymoon stage with him & hasnt been lonely enough to really think about the breakup - where as I've had too much time to think despite trying to keep busy The whole situation just seems like a bad dream.
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Thanks for the reply Tara. It was a rented house & everything is now in her name, though I have been shafted financially with debts for the furniture etc. That is ludicrous. Why is everything 'in her name'....? She seems to know what to say to draw me back in, & I fall for it everytime because I want back the family I had too much. It's not what 'she says'. it's what you let yourself believe. And in your vulnerability, you latch on to anything. You need to toughen up, because I suspect you know BS when you hear it - you just choose to let yourself be drawn in.... This is not 'your family' any more. You have a daughter. That's it. Can you really be torn in two minds? yes. They're called 'head' and 'heart'. The first is rational and usually right. The second is all over the place and invariably wrong. And up to now, the first hasn't even been given a look-in by you. It's got to change. . I feel that shes in the honeymoon stage with him & hasnt been lonely enough to really think about the breakup - Oh rubbish. She doesn't need any time to 'think about' it. She caused it. She wants her cake and eat it too... but she doesn't really need to think about this at all. She has everything she needs; two men drooling over her, a nice furnished house and her little girl. What's to think about? where as I've had too much time to think despite trying to keep busy That's the problem. You haven't thought rationally. Go to court. Get visitation rights for your daughter. determine a reasonable amount of child support. Get a lawyer/solicitor to draft a letter telling her you intend to pay Child support, but she must take over the debts for the furniture and other things you are currently paying but have no access to. Deal with this rationally. See someone legal and sort this out. The whole situation just seems like a bad dream. Well it ain't. This is real. So get real, face it, deal with it, and man up. Go get some and don't be a push-over any longer. It's over. Show it.
Recommended Posts