J_L_C Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Has anyone out there been SOOOOO hurt in the love department that you contemplate not ever becoming romantically involved again? I had a terrible experience 7 months ago and it's made me question ever wanting to have another relationship. There is so much pressure to become a duo in our society but I honestly wonder if it'd just be easier to remain single. I don't want to get hurt again. It's not worth it. 2
MrCastle Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I go back and forth on this on an almost daily basis. This week has been really LAME, female wise, to say the least, and although I am not in a relationship, I have been hurting this week over a particular female. Makes me think how I would handle something of a bigger magnitude, i.e. an exclusive relationship. I don't know. All I know is singledom serves to prevent major heartache, but also prevents you from true love. You have to take the good with the bad I guess.
rocketman122 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Has anyone out there been SOOOOO hurt in the love department that you contemplate not ever becoming romantically involved again? I had a terrible experience 7 months ago and it's made me question ever wanting to have another relationship. There is so much pressure to become a duo in our society but I honestly wonder if it'd just be easier to remain single. I don't want to get hurt again. It's not worth it. No, cant say I have. I love to love. I learn from the failure in the relationship and take that to the next one. maybe its better for some people to be by themselves. do what feels good for you.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Sort of. I fell crazy in (unrequited) love once with a girl that pushed all the right buttons, but it would have probably been a bad mistake even if she'd continued to like me (she was a hypocritical, controlling, bipolar sociopath.) Was wrecked for a long time. Later realized I'm only strongly attracted to certain messed up, bipolar girls. Now I'm mid/late 30's, and so little about "love" even interests me. I continue to imagine the fairy tale of finding a good-hearted, honorable woman that I have a mutual attraction with and shares my interests, but realistically I don't see that happening. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Sort of. I fell crazy in (unrequited) love once with a girl that pushed all the right buttons, but it would have probably been a bad mistake even if she'd continued to like me (she was a hypocritical, controlling, bipolar sociopath.) Was wrecked for a long time. Later realized I'm only strongly attracted to certain messed up, bipolar girls. Now I'm mid/late 30's, and so little about "love" even interests me. I continue to imagine the fairy tale of finding a good-hearted, honorable woman that I have a mutual attraction with and shares my interests, but realistically I don't see that happening. Aw hugs. I feel the same
Ordinaryday Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I can definitely understand the appeal. A relationship is A LOT of hard work, and that is the best ones. the worst ones can be an absolute nightmare. And putting yourself out there all the time and getting rejection after rejection from women certainly affects your self-esteem and makes you feel you can't 'do it' anymore. and I am aware of the cyclical trap this is, because when you feel you can't 'do it' anymore it makes you depressed and cynical and you are never going to meet someone that way. I am self-aware enough to understand that but that doesn't mean I can instantly just 'switch it off' as if it were a movie. I pretty much have just given up 1
Shardish Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I haven't tried to date for around 15 months now and that's not because I am still reeling for the last failure in this department, it's simply because I find it hard to find a woman who I have a connection/chemistry/spark with. It's only really happened with two girls over the course of my life.
Ordinaryday Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Shardish, I long ago gave up on the idea of finding a woman I shared a 'spark' with. I realised long ago that even if you do find this woman who is amazing and you believe she is perfect for you in every way, well odds are she won't want to be with you anyway. I long ago realised that some people just have to 'settle' and take what they can get. does that sound bitter, cynical and defeatist? Probably, and for many people here I am sure it is not true. but for some people it is, and I am one of those people. And please don't anyone respond with the cliche "don't be down on yourself, you will meet the girl of your dreams when you LEAST expect it". It is a nice cliche for young people but as you get older you realise it is simply not true for a lot of people. 1
Shardish Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Shardish, I long ago gave up on the idea of finding a woman I shared a 'spark' with. I realised long ago that even if you do find this woman who is amazing and you believe she is perfect for you in every way, well odds are she won't want to be with you anyway. I long ago realised that some people just have to 'settle' and take what they can get. does that sound bitter, cynical and defeatist? Probably, and for many people here I am sure it is not true. but for some people it is, and I am one of those people. And please don't anyone respond with the cliche "don't be down on yourself, you will meet the girl of your dreams when you LEAST expect it". It is a nice cliche for young people but as you get older you realise it is simply not true for a lot of people. First impressions count for everything, if I meet a girl and there is an obvious interest from both parties and I get that feeling in my stomach then I know its game on. If I meet a girl and she is as wooden as a plank and doesn't come across as being particularly interested, then I don't bother. It has nothing to do with this ridiculous notion of happy ever after or perfection. Also I don't settle, I never surrender, I never give in or give up. I wasn't raised that way, so no I won't settle. I have no problem remaining single and I enjoy life as it is, though I cannot deny that it would be great to experience a loving and healthy relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Shardish, I long ago gave up on the idea of finding a woman I shared a 'spark' with. I realised long ago that even if you do find this woman who is amazing and you believe she is perfect for you in every way, well odds are she won't want to be with you anyway. I long ago realised that some people just have to 'settle' and take what they can get. does that sound bitter, cynical and defeatist? Probably, and for many people here I am sure it is not true. but for some people it is, and I am one of those people. And please don't anyone respond with the cliche "don't be down on yourself, you will meet the girl of your dreams when you LEAST expect it". It is a nice cliche for young people but as you get older you realise it is simply not true for a lot of people. I do believe that you are 100% correct. This is true for a lot of people, most even. And most people do take that road. But there is always a choice and you can choose to stay single. For me personally, the obligations and sacrifices of a relationship are not worth it if I have to "settle". I am also certain that this means I will most likely end up alone. But that's the choice I am making. It's better to be alone than to just take "what you can get". What kind of life is that? For me it just feels like a heavy burden that would kill my soul 1
Shardish Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Most people remain singletons for years because they have unrealistic expectations or they're expectations are so high that only a small percentage of people actually meet them. Now that's not a problem and I will never berate someone for having a criteria list or high expectations. However those people shouldn't start whinging when they find it difficult to find someone. I don't have a long criteria list because I have the ability to compromise and I never demand from a woman what I don't demand from myself, so I never go into anything in life with unrealistic expectations. I'm not the most attractive or intelligent man in the world, so I don't expect my girlfriend to be a bikini model or a member of MENSA. That said if I don't feel a spark with a woman in a relatively short amount of time then I write them off as being incompatible - of course that can change somewhere down the line, but you cannot force initial attraction, it's either there or it isn't there.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Most people remain singletons for years because they have unrealistic expectations or they're expectations are so high that only a small percentage of people actually meet them. Now that's not a problem and I will never berate someone for having a criteria list or high expectations. However those people shouldn't start whinging when they find it difficult to find someone. I don't have a long criteria list because I have the ability to compromise and I never demand from a woman what I don't demand from myself, so I never go into anything in life with unrealistic expectations. I'm not the most attractive or intelligent man in the world, so I don't expect my girlfriend to be a bikini model or a member of MENSA. That said if I don't feel a spark with a woman in a relatively short amount of time then I write them off as being incompatible - of course that can change somewhere down the line, but you cannot force initial attraction, it's either there or it isn't there. OK, so what happens if your only criteria is to feel the "spark" and you only feel the "spark" about once every few years? I have tried dating guys I didn't feel that spark for and I felt 1
Radu Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Has anyone out there been SOOOOO hurt in the love department that you contemplate not ever becoming romantically involved again? I had a terrible experience 7 months ago and it's made me question ever wanting to have another relationship. There is so much pressure to become a duo in our society but I honestly wonder if it'd just be easier to remain single. I don't want to get hurt again. It's not worth it. Not because of hurt, but i did made a decision like this about 2yrs ago, to stop the dating untill i can fix myself somewhat. If i can't find what i'm looking for in a woman, i guess i'll have to settle for being one of those 50yr olds who keeps several young 20's on rotation who are crazy about him and overall conflicted about pursuing a relationship. Woe is me. PS: I take solace in the above. 1
Archgirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I go back and forth on this on an almost daily basis. This week has been really LAME, female wise, to say the least, and although I am not in a relationship, I have been hurting this week over a particular female. Makes me think how I would handle something of a bigger magnitude, i.e. an exclusive relationship. I don't know. All I know is singledom serves to prevent major heartache, but also prevents you from true love. You have to take the good with the bad I guess. Aww babe! That's no good doppelgänger hunt lady? Lets chat soon
Luckydad Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 The combination of a horrible, cold, domineering, controlling ex who sapped my soul for 18 years, the resulting disappointing foray into this city's dating pool, and the wisdom acquired throughout this journey have firmly cemented my resolve to never again let delusion override pragmatism. Single and lonely will always trump involved and miserable. 1
Bengal Tiger Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Sort of. I fell crazy in (unrequited) love once with a girl that pushed all the right buttons, but it would have probably been a bad mistake even if she'd continued to like me (she was a hypocritical, controlling, bipolar sociopath.) Was wrecked for a long time. Later realized I'm only strongly attracted to certain messed up, bipolar girls. Everyone needs to experience this once in their life. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, more resilient, wiser, and you discover things about yourself. Especially if the sex is out of this world amazing. While the relationship sucked in most ways, no one is nearly as adventurous as my psychotic ex. 1
iKING Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Especially if the sex is out of this world amazing. While the relationship sucked in most ways, no one is nearly as adventurous as my psychotic ex. There was an article on cracked about that. It was talking about things everyone should do once in their life. The title to the segment was something like "have sex with crazy". I'm in the middle on that, I had pretty great sex with a crazy ex, but I've also had pretty great sex with more normal girls that just knew what they were doing and knew what they liked. As for the OP, yes. Going on two years. Not so much hurt, more-so just don't feel anything. Dating the daughter of the devil will do that to ya. 1
2sure Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Im old enough to feel comfortable without a partner. Id like one that didnt live with me. My feelings might change when my daughter moves out. Ive been single plenty and had my share of long term relationships (marriages) . I have not picked good partners, I have not had a healty relationship, maybe I dont know how. 1
Green Light Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I'm open to dating but I'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship thing. Freedom sure feels good! :-) Loneliness sure feels bad. :-( Like that Joni Mitchell song "we love our loving, but not like we love our freedom." It's a "dye-lemma."
Green Light Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Im old enough to feel comfortable without a partner. Id like one that didnt live with me. That's about where I'm at. I like to have the whole bed to myself! 1
Author J_L_C Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Most people remain singletons for years because they have unrealistic expectations or they're expectations are so high that only a small percentage of people actually meet them. Now that's not a problem and I will never berate someone for having a criteria list or high expectations. However those people shouldn't start whinging when they find it difficult to find someone. I don't have a long criteria list because I have the ability to compromise and I never demand from a woman what I don't demand from myself, so I never go into anything in life with unrealistic expectations. I'm not the most attractive or intelligent man in the world, so I don't expect my girlfriend to be a bikini model or a member of MENSA. That said if I don't feel a spark with a woman in a relatively short amount of time then I write them off as being incompatible - of course that can change somewhere down the line, but you cannot force initial attraction, it's either there or it isn't there. I definitely agree with this! My ex broke up with me 7 months ago because I just wasn't 'right' for him. He went on to say that he is a "great person who deserves the best and won't settle for anything less". I can tell you how 'great' that made me feel. He has the most unrealistic view on love that I have ever known in a person. He believes that this spark-inducing lusty feeling should last throughout the course of an ENTIRE relationship. My ex proceeded to jump right back onto those online dating websites, which is totally fine. I do it too! BUT...he literally meets a new girl off the net EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF THE WEEK in this endless quest to find his 'wife'. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] Allrelationships lose that honeymoon feeling. Eventually things take work and itseems like my ex has some unrealistic expectations for how a real relationship evolves. The butterflies, the euphoria,the lust…it eventually dissipates and then a ‘deep love’ emerges. A simple relationship that offers happiness doesn’tseem to be enough for him. It seems that he only wants to experience and keepschasing the first part that comeswith a relationship. So is he simply going to go after this forever more?Dating girls and then once it starts to wear off he’s gone and onto the nextyet again? It’s as though he has a vision of what love should be and thus he keeps passing up opportunities for a real relationshipthat would have brought true happiness. But in the hopes of finding that fiery,romantic love that eventuallybecomes a calmed-down companionate love anyway, he seems to throw away valuableconnections that may have had some serious potential. I like this descriptionof Real love: “the willingnessto share ordinary human life, to find meaning in the simple, unromantictasks…instead of expecting a cosmic drama and extraordinary intensity in everythingperceived as love”. That last part is lust and it does not last. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
grkBoy Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Has anyone out there been SOOOOO hurt in the love department that you contemplate not ever becoming romantically involved again? I had a terrible experience 7 months ago and it's made me question ever wanting to have another relationship. There is so much pressure to become a duo in our society but I honestly wonder if it'd just be easier to remain single. I don't want to get hurt again. It's not worth it. You sound like me several years before I met my fiance. Go MGTOW. Just take yourself off the market, let the internal wounds heal, live life, do things, have fun, think of yourself, forget dating and regular sex, and just have fun in life. Work, build the career, study, exercise, travel, whatever suits you. I would tell you not to hate women, but simply do not take them seriously in a dating standpoint. When you're ready mentally and you meet the right woman, you'll then decide to come back into the fold.
veggirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Oh yeah. When my bf moved across the country, I def wanted to give up on dating. Reason being, I am very picky and I am NOT one of those guys/gals who "falls in love" with 10 people in 10 years ya know? I don't "love to love"...well I do, but I find it VERY rarely, I felt like it was pointless to look because it is hard for me to find someone I give 2 s.hits about much less could see myself in LOVE with. Its probably easier for people who fall in love with anyone they date more than 2 months.
Shardish Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I definitely agree with this! My ex broke up with me 7 months ago because I just wasn't 'right' for him. He went on to say that he is a "great person who deserves the best and won't settle for anything less". I can tell you how 'great' that made me feel. He has the most unrealistic view on love that I have ever known in a person. He believes that this spark-inducing lusty feeling should last throughout the course of an ENTIRE relationship. The spark doesn't last forever, how can it? There is no such thing as a forever. It dies down after so long, but just because that dies down doesn't mean the relationship is over, if anything it's only just begun.
Shardish Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Nah this is how most men are whether they admit it or not. Props to you for being honest. They go for "top notch" girls who wont be into them and settle for an average one whom they arent super into. I started a thread over this You're top notch and I wouldn't be settling if I got with you. However you're your own worst enemy. You are beautiful and you're pretty damn awesome and any man would be fortunate to have you, but you can't see the wood from the trees and that will be your be your blight in life.
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