Lambchoper Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) I’m a girl and I think he is pushing and pulling me.. but not sure We’ve known each other through friends, 6 months but we haven’t had much contact but FB. Recently this all changed. I started inviting him to social events at my appt. with my friends. He came the first night with his friend. He made a comment that i’m a heartbreaker out of nowhere.. I played coy. We were sitting next to eachother and he got up and moved a seat over for no reason. Then 15 mins he sat by me again. He stayed till the end of the night.. hugged me bye.. then pulled me close like he was going to kiss me, then kinda scoffed at me and left. I was confused and texted him back to give me a kiss.. He responded “maybe next time”. Next day we texted and he acted like I just made it up in my head. I asked him if he wanted to hang out.. he ignored me. Next week he came back. He made a comment how I probably rip apart guys. He stayed til the end again. This time grabbed me and kissed me like a mad man. Sat back and said “I guess you are pretty hot” then kissed more and more.. then left I asked the next day if he wanted to go to a bday party with me to a friends house where he met the friend. He had left town for the week. He came back the third week to the gathering and ignored me the whole night. He left without barely saying bye I drank a lot and he pissed me off. I went outside and confronted him and asked if he liked me. He said “ehhhh.” Then said he was leaving town for a month and can’t start up now. I was angry.. Next day I said I was sorry. He said ok, hopefully he can come back next time when he gets back because he has fun. I said “maybe” Next day he ran into my friend,and told her he’s worried he won’t be back. And said he just wanted to be my friend and said I sent him a mean text when he confirmed to me he didn’t like me. He told her also that he had a big crush on me for a long time. When she asked what happened, he said he didn’t know. He’s telling my BF knowing this will get back to me. Then a few days later, he told my guy friend that he thinks I like him more than he likes me..and he doesn't like it I’m so embarrassed now and don’t know what to do. If I should let him come back if he wants next week?.. if he really doesn’t like me? Playing games? How to change it around?? One thing about him is that he doesn't hook up with a lot of girls, from what his friend said and he doesn't like slutty girls and I think he may have thought I wanted to sleep with him the thrid night, because I wanted him and his friends to hang later. Edited March 5, 2013 by Lambchoper
PogoStick Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Who cares? You're too much fun for him anyways. Let him go while you reward a guy who's into you and willing to show it. 1
Archgirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 This^^^^^^^^^^^^ Way to much drama, ignore him, don't talk about him, don't buy into his crap, don't do a damn thing and have fun with other cuties. He'll be back again, only this way you keep your power Good luck babe
Author Lambchoper Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I know.. I'm just curious if that is what he is doing.
Archgirl Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 He's not doing it deliberately, he's just conflicted and immature enough to externalise it. So yes he is push pulling you, but it gets waay more subtle and manipulative, this is like the Wiley Coyote with an anvil version of push-pulling. Best way to play this 'game' as a chick is to ignore him, do or say nothing that hints you're more than marginally aware of his existence to anyone and enjoy the hell out of your life as obviously as possible. This way the push pull effect doesn't work on you (the inconsistency doesnt make you place more value /invest more of your personal energy in him) and it places the burden on him to sort out his own sh*it if he wants to be lucky enough to have you close again. Does that help? Do you get what I mean? 1
Mrlonelyone Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 OP what do you want out of this relationship? If you don't mind games then play games with him and don't take it seriously. If you are looking for seriousness then forget this guy.
ja123 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 OP, he's just not that into you. You on the otherhand are way too interested in him and too needy/clingy/desperate: too available, asking for a kiss, apologizing, texting him first, etc. Normally, I don't say follow certain rules to ascertain interest before sticking one's neck on the line, but you made the first move a few times now ... he's not feeling it, or he would have reciprocated. It sucks but c'est la vie. Move on. Meet new men.
Author Lambchoper Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I guess I'm more mad that he strung me along. He plays the super shy guy and I've been so nice to him. This guy doesn't even own a car. I don't know why he wants to really come back to the social night.. I think my ego is hurt.
Imajerk17 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 He's playing you like a fiddle. He probably wrote about your interactions with him on a PUA forum somewhere.
Author Lambchoper Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Well I looked up the "push and pull" method on line and it was some of the same examples.. I thought it was SUCH a coincidence. The only part that confused me is telling me guy friend that he thinks I like him more than he does..and he's not really into me that way. He's never said that before. It was a total shut down.
clia Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) I'm not seeing how he strung you along. You pursued him. Observe: (Sorry to be blunt.) I’m a girl and I think he is pushing and pulling me.. but not sure We’ve known each other through friends, 6 months but we haven’t had much contact but FB. Recently this all changed. I started inviting him to social events at my appt. with my friends. He came the first night with his friend. He made a comment that i’m a heartbreaker out of nowhere.. I played coy. We were sitting next to eachother and he got up and moved a seat over for no reason. Then 15 mins he sat by me again. He stayed till the end of the night.. hugged me bye.. then pulled me close like he was going to kiss me, then kinda scoffed at me and left. You initiated the "relationship" by asking him out, albeit to a parties at your place. I'm not saying there is necessarily anything wrong with this. If the story stopped here for this night, I would think that he liked you on this night...but it goes on... I was confused and texted him back to give me a kiss..He responded “maybe next time”. Next day we texted and he acted like I just made it up in my head. I asked him if he wanted to hang out.. he ignored me. More pursuing. Texting him, begging for a kiss. He rejects your offer. You asking him if he wants to hang out. He doesn't respond. Ding, ding, ding! Another rejection. Next week he came back. He made a comment how I probably rip apart guys. He stayed til the end again. This time grabbed me and kissed me like a mad man. Sat back and said “I guess you are pretty hot” then kissed more and more.. then left Left. Left. Left. Still hasn't asked you out on a date. I asked the next day if he wanted to go to a bday party with me to a friends house where he met the friend. He had left town for the week. You asked him out again. He rejected you. He came back the third week to the gathering and ignored me the whole night. He left without barely saying bye He ignored you. He rejected you. He still hasn't asked you out on a date. I drank a lot and he pissed me off. I went outside and confronted him and asked if he liked me. More pursuing. Rather than being light and breezy girl who doesn't give a crap what he's doing, you got drunk and confronted him. Put him on the spot. Demanded to know how he felt about you. He said “ehhhh.” Then said he was leaving town for a month and can’t start up now. He again rejects you. I was angry.. Next day I said I was sorry. He said ok, hopefully he can come back next time when he gets back because he has fun. I said “maybe” Note that he said he had fun on the night he supposedly ignored you all night. Next day he ran into my friend,and told her he’s worried he won’t be back. And said he just wanted to be my friend and said I sent him a mean text when he confirmed to me he didn’t like me. What more do you need to hear? He just wants to be friends. He thinks you send cuckoo text messages. Eek. He told her also that he had a big crush on me for a long time. When she asked what happened, he said he didn’t know. He’s telling my BF knowing this will get back to me. Maybe it's that you pursued him too much...maybe it's thast you sent "mean" texts...maybe it's that you got drunk and confronted him...but whatever it was, he doesn't feel the same way as you do (anymore.) Then a few days later, he told my guy friend that he thinks I like him more than he likes me..and he doesn't like it Because he's not interested in you anymore. I’m so embarrassed now and don’t know what to do. If I should let him come back if he wants next week?.. if he really doesn’t like me? Playing games? How to change it around?? I'm not sure if you can change it around, but something you did turned him off. You may consider allowing him around and just being "cool, suave, light and breezy fun" girl rather than "drunk confronting sending mean texts" girl to see if he warms up and changes his mind. But, I wouldn't count on it. One thing about him is that he doesn't hook up with a lot of girls, from what his friend said and he doesn't like slutty girls and I think he may have thought I wanted to sleep with him the thrid night, because I wanted him and his friends to hang later. What did you say to him that night that makes you think he thinks you wanted sex? (Who's on first? ) Edited March 7, 2013 by clia
Author Lambchoper Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 well, he is very shy.. to the point where he is shaking when he talks to me sometimes.. My guy friends told me to give him a bit of a push.
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