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Brother proposed to GF, my Mom and I do not like her, ?


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Posted
You are an outsider and you have no idea what the dynamics are between them when they're in private. .

 

I want to reiterate this.

 

My H and I always get the snippiest with each other when around our families. Why? Because our families stress us out!

Posted

This is a tough situation. My sister broke up with a man the whole family loved because he scared her by talking marriage to soon. She wanted to finish college first,she was 18 at the time. Within a few months she was dating a jerk none of us liked. He said mean hurtful things to her and was genuinly unlikable. He proposed to her when she was 19 and in her sophomore year of college. She accepted and my parents and I begged her not to marry this guy. She would not listen. She married him the summer between her sophomore and junior year. They did almost split but as we all found out he had issues from losing his parents and a brother in a car accident that he survived. He went to counseling to work through their issues. They were married in June of 1993 and they are still married and very happy now. I said all that to say this we want what is best for our family but sometimes we have to let them work it out for themselves.

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Posted
OP, leave it alone. This really is none of your business, regardless of the fact that your brother is one of the parties involved. You're just going to end up looking like a shrew (and rightfully so) if you try to undermine this relationship. You are an outsider and you have no idea what the dynamics are between them when they're in private. Not one of the examples you mentioned constitutes abuse. If she's a bit rude with him, perhaps there's a reason for it that you're unaware of.

 

If she's really as bad as you say, which she doesn't honestly appear to be based on the info you've provided, just be glad you're not marrying her.

 

I never said she was ever verbally abusive or abusive for that matter. Rude is probably a more accurate term. I'm not looking to break them up, I have never said such or I don't believe I ever alluded to that being my intention. I think a few of you are jumping to the conclusion that I'm looking to ruin their relationship and intervene.

 

I'm an outsider? I've shared an apartment with them for the last 6 months, to which I also share a wall with them. Not only that I shared a cabin on a cruise with them for an entire WEEK for our aunt's wedding - that's a lot of face time with them.

 

I've realized my feelings toward them is a combination of some of input from the posters here, I simply don't like her very much, he could do better (a sentiment shared by my other relatives). I think my biggest issue/concern here is that my brother doesn't "wear the pants" in the relationship - it's very much lopsided. It's usually him doing everything for her - eg. getting a new job to be close to her, being essentially a servant. I have yet to see him put up a fight - he's very obedient sad to say.

Posted

I think my biggest issue/concern here is that my brother doesn't "wear the pants" in the relationship - it's very much lopsided. It's usually him doing everything for her - eg. getting a new job to be close to her, being essentially a servant. I have yet to see him put up a fight - he's very obedient sad to say.

 

None of this is any of your business. NONE. My brother has dated MANY women who I SECRETLY (That's the keyword: SECRETLY) disliked. It wasn't my business either, so I looked the other way.

 

If it becomes abusive, step in. Otherwise, STEP BACK AND OUT.

Posted
So my brother just proposed to his girlfriend of two years and she accepted. My mother and I do not like her for similar reasons. My mom also has more silly reasons - but that's because she's a superstitious Asian mom but her other reasons are valid.

 

In short, he's SUPER WHIPPED. He does everything for her, washes dishes, throws out the trash, cleans, as far as I know he pays for everything - he makes 2x as much as her (he makes 100k - she makes 50k), he's better looking than she is (but not a huge gap by all means), she does not respect him - I've seen instances where she's been condescending to him, in other words shes b******.

 

Basically my brother is the biggest chump in the world, she got an internship/job in Los Angeles so he quit his job to be with her. He obviously found a job very quickly as he's a computer programmer with a master's degree. She then got a real job in Irvine, so he's looking to quit to find a new job at some point in the near future so she can be closer to her work. I do not see any redeeming traits about this girl, I've been sharing an apartment with my brother but his GF essentially lives with us and she has her own apartment 30 minutes away. I'm pretty sure she starts and wins almost every fight that they have.

 

Oh, also know that this is my brother's first LTR ever, and has never dated very many girls, at least to my knowledge. What can I do if anything? I just don't see this ending up well for him in the long run, I'm afraid one day he'll wake up and be like "why did I marry this girl?!"

 

I think you shouldn't intervene in a relationship other than your own that your brother has that right to be with who he wants to be......that he is an adult who has the capacity to make his own decisions, all you can do is love him and if things go west then be there.......deb

Posted
I'm an outsider? I've shared an apartment with them for the last 6 months, to which I also share a wall with them. Not only that I shared a cabin on a cruise with them for an entire WEEK for our aunt's wedding - that's a lot of face time with them.

 

If you consider yourself "not an outsider" in their relationship, then you're too close to them. You should be an outsider. There should only be two people in a relationship.

 

I simply don't like her very much, he could do better (a sentiment shared by my other relatives).

 

Ugh. So it's not just you and your mother talking **** about them, it extends to other members of your family as well. I hope you've been respectful of your brother's privacy in his own home and not done too much gossiping to the rest of your family. You shouldn't be fueling their disapproval by telling them things that are none of their business.

 

Why don't you have your brother's back? You're his brother (or sister?) and you, out of all the people in your family, should be on his side. Quit trashing him.

Posted

You are still young, so I hope that one day you will change your mind. You love your brother so obviously you are concerned and wish "he could do better". But like you said, he is book smart and might not have a lot of social intelligence and also this is his first LTR. I am assuming that he has a lot of other flaws just like everyone else. This woman, no matter how rude she can be sometimes, she is not abusive. and she loves him enough to be with him. Yes she complains, so what? Aren't you complaining about something that's none of your business?

 

She is complaining about something that she doesn't like about her FUTURE HUSBAND, someone who might spend the rest of life with her. Would you rather she keeps everything for herself and filled for divorce because she can't take it anymore?

 

Look, you mentioned something about your mom being a typical asian mom. Guess what. Maybe it's a cultural thing or a mother thing, no-one is good enough for her son.

 

My mother is still bashing my aunt, who according to her, doesn't contribute to the family financially, and she is not that educated, not a good mother, doesn't cook often enough dadadada. Guess what? it's being 20 years and my uncle is very happy.

 

Your brother is not as good as you, your mother and your relatives think he is. and yes even if he makes so much more money than her. No matter what you don't like a about her, you can't deny that she is offering him companionship, love and probably sex, and to a 24~26 old guy who NEVER had a long term relationship before? that's more than enough.

Posted
I think my biggest issue/concern here is that my brother doesn't "wear the pants" in the relationship - it's very much lopsided. It's usually him doing everything for her - eg. getting a new job to be close to her, being essentially a servant. I have yet to see him put up a fight - he's very obedient sad to say.

This has nothing to do with his fiance. If he hadn't picked her to serve, it would have been someone else. Some men never "wear the pants", either because they don't know how to or don't want to. Some men live to serve their woman, and are happy with that arrangement. Perhaps your brother is this kind of guy.

Posted

I think you and your family are rude and petty. In my family, we treat each other's loved ones with respect.

Posted
I think you and your family are rude and petty. In my family, we treat each other's loved ones with respect.

 

But I am sure if their loved ones treated them poorly and disrespected them in front of you, you would have to take that into account and wouldn't be just singing their praises.

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