Please Help??????????

[jasongitar]

Can Someone Please give me some advice. I don't know if anyone has ever been in this situation, but I have recently discovered that I am a commitment phobic, I love my girlfriend so much but the idea of forever just makes me sick to my stomache, and I am suffering major anxiety and depression. I told her that I would do anything to save this relationship, she is really great we never fight or argue, this is the first time I have ever truly wanted to seriously be with someone and my mind and my body is not handling it well at all. Anyway I am going to see a counselor so I can get through this, but I am just curious what I should do in the meantime. Should we try to work this out as a couple or should I go it alone get therapy first and then try to fix the relationship. All I know is when I am around her my health is severly failing. Please Please Help!!!

 

Thanks,

Jason

[uriel]

You need to do individual therapy as well as couples counseling. In the meantime, pick up Steven Carter's book, Getting to Commitment. He has others that might help too, such as He's Scared, She's Scared.

 

Here's a relationship advice board where he answers questions -- most of which are posted from the commitmentphobe's partner's point of view (Carter is a recovered cp, btw): http://www.power-surge.com/cgi-bin/ask_experts/archive.cgi?relationships

 

Good luck --

 

uriel

[jasongitar]

Yeah I actually just read that book, and it gave me alot of comfort, but it really doesn't say what to do while you are already in the relationship and suffering, I am mean I am at the point where I had to tell her that we have to stop seeing each other until I get better, I just dont want to lose her, should we start couple's counseling even though I am having a hard time being around her. Thanks for your reply.

 

Jason

[uriel]

Write to Dr. Carter at his expert help site and ask the question. I've written him and he replies.

 

Good luck -- uriel