mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Question I have - I am in a relationship with a girl whom I have known for a couple years before we began dating. This girl would be your quintessential "good girl." She attending college while living at home, never touched alcohol until age 23, is still a virgin at age 27, and has only had two other boyfriends before me. Well, it seems that now at age 27, she's beginning to see what she's missed, a bit. We drink and go out to bars. She enjoys drinking and getting drunk on weeknights. We haven't had sex, but she's indicating she's about ready and even without intercourse, she can be... pretty "nasty." She gives very enthusiastic and raunchy blowjobs and enjoys being submissive. She just recently expressed an interest in marijuana, which I helped to facilitate. Raised religious her whole life, she now expresses religious confusion and doubt. Don't get me wrong - she's still a good person. She's not on some downward spiral. She seems to just be enjoying things that she never really got around to in her late teens and early twenties. In fact, she's even said as much. The problem is that I worry that sex may be one of those things that she will want to explore outside of our relationship once she "discovers" it. My question is: Is this relationship material? She has given no real indication of infidelity or anything, but I do wonder if the "discovery" of all these things will make her want to make up for lost time, so to speak. The only indication she's made that she does is a comment she made while drunk before we were even dating, just hanging out as friends. She said something along the lines of, "I just want to go out and have sex with a random guy." - this was during a conversation where she was bemoaning her conservative past. Of course, she never acted on it, and we started dating some time later.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Uh oh. I've seen this happen before. A girl I used to go to church with didn't even KISS her husband until their wedding day, and they went on to have five kids together. Now she's divorced, doesn't have custody of the kids, parties all the time and her FB page is full of her getting new tattoos, taking shots at bars, etc. Crazy stuff. It can be a real slippery slope for people who were very sheltered. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Wait - you live with this chick yet you don't have sex?? Dafuq? 3
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen. A lot, that's how many. Be careful. It could steady up, or go south real quick. Try not to instigate her off the deep end. A little experimentation is fine, but don't let it turn into an everyday thing.
CudLRoo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Deffo got a red flag there, a huge one, actually, in fact it's checkered with added crimson squares. Repressed hedonist discovering FUN for the first time, sad to say but the "random guy" comment is ultimate evidence.
Estate Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Question I have - I am in a relationship with a girl whom I have known for a couple years before we began dating. This girl would be your quintessential "good girl." She attending college while living at home, never touched alcohol until age 23, is still a virgin at age 27, and has only had two other boyfriends before me. Well, it seems that now at age 27, she's beginning to see what she's missed, a bit. We drink and go out to bars. She enjoys drinking and getting drunk on weeknights. We haven't had sex, but she's indicating she's about ready and even without intercourse, she can be... pretty "nasty." She gives very enthusiastic and raunchy blowjobs and enjoys being submissive. She just recently expressed an interest in marijuana, which I helped to facilitate. Raised religious her whole life, she now expresses religious confusion and doubt. Don't get me wrong - she's still a good person. She's not on some downward spiral. She seems to just be enjoying things that she never really got around to in her late teens and early twenties. In fact, she's even said as much. The problem is that I worry that sex may be one of those things that she will want to explore outside of our relationship once she "discovers" it. My question is: Is this relationship material? She has given no real indication of infidelity or anything, but I do wonder if the "discovery" of all these things will make her want to make up for lost time, so to speak. The only indication she's made that she does is a comment she made while drunk before we were even dating, just hanging out as friends. She said something along the lines of, "I just want to go out and have sex with a random guy." - this was during a conversation where she was bemoaning her conservative past. Of course, she never acted on it, and we started dating some time later. It's simple... she's 27 and never had sex... she's with you a few years you say? And you've never initiated sex even though she's making all the signs? Now you're worried she'll leave you? Of course she will... Why the heck won't you sleep with the girl you're in a relationship and she clearly wants to??? How to stop her getting sex elsewhere??? Um, how about her BOYFRIEND sleeps with her... jeez... complicated right?!?! Also... She is now a "bad girl" because a woman of 27 wants to have consensual sex with her boyfriend she has known many years? Wow... what a wild girl! <-- sarcasm Come on man... if you are that judgmental and childish to call a grown woman "bad" for wanting to have sex with her boyfriend then it's you know needs fixing... she's better off without you. 2
StanMusial Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hmm, can't help but wonder if we're getting the whole story. Either way, I wouldn't mess with this one. Let her do her thang.
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Considering you said in that thread I posted how you want to take her virginity and then dump her to hurt her I dont know why you are even starting this thread...doesnt seem like you care about her While I appreciate your concern, this post is about what the topic says - is there concern when you date a conservative girl who begins to "branch out" and starts to enjoy things she missed out on - sex, alcohol, bars, etc? I think the topic in general is an interesting one, that's why I put it up for discussion. I don't really need to get into the exact specifics of my situation. What do you think? Do you think a guy should be concerned if the girl he is dating starts to "discover" things she enjoys for the first time? Specifically sex and alcohol?
dasein Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No way to tell without more data. She could go wild and sleep with all your buddies once you two start having sex, as I've seen happen several times in the past, or she could just be maturing into an adult who enjoys sex and some wildness as lots of us do, and will remain completely loyal, have seen this many times also. Would start having sex, as it appears she is telling you that's what she wants. If that's what you want, no problem. Make each other happy.
CudLRoo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Soz man, I read the other thread, it's not a good situation, you're both crazy types. I'm thinking of that reactor in Japan not long back. It ain't gonna work.
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 It's simple... she's 27 and never had sex... she's with you a few years you say? And you've never initiated sex even though she's making all the signs? Now you're worried she'll leave you? Of course she will... Why the heck won't you sleep with the girl you're in a relationship and she clearly wants to??? How to stop her getting sex elsewhere??? Um, how about her BOYFRIEND sleeps with her... jeez... complicated right?!?! Also... She is now a "bad girl" because a woman of 27 wants to have consensual sex with her boyfriend she has known many years? Wow... what a wild girl! <-- sarcasm Come on man... if you are that judgmental and childish to call a grown woman "bad" for wanting to have sex with her boyfriend then it's you know needs fixing... she's better off without you. I think you are misinterpreting. I enjoy drinking alcohol socially, and even getting drunk out at bars and at home with friends. I want a girlfriend who enjoys it too. I enjoy sex, and have had good sexual relationships with all my past partners. I want my girlfriend to enjoy sex too. The reason we have yet to have sex is because she is a virgin, and wants to be in a serious relationship with the potential for long-term partnership before she has intercourse. It appears this may change soon. believe it or not (and this comes from a guy where SEX was ALWAYS a important part of my relationships), it's possible to have exciting sexual experiences without intercourse. Regardless, my point is that she is JUST experiencing these things. Is there a reason to be concerned that she will want to experience them more? With other people? This goes for guys AND girls, I would suspect. What if you were in a relationship that was by all accounts good - except that you were "more experienced" than the other? The other who was just experiencing new things sexually? Is there concern that she'll want to "branch out" sexually with other men?
outsidethebox Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You take credit for "introducing" her to things and then say she's tainted. About as disgusting as it gets. Yes, someone else should get the pleasure of her great bj's, she should move on. 1
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 You take credit for "introducing" her to things and then say she's tainted. About as disgusting as it gets. Yes, someone else should get the pleasure of her great bj's, she should move on. I have to admit, I am utterly fascinated by the swiftness and completeness in which those on this board jump to judgment. First, some clarification to your assertions - I never said she was "tainted," or even hinted as much. Please get basic facts straight before accusing people of incorrect information. Second, it's pretty plain that the intent of my post was not to say the girl I am dating is a bad person, or a slut, or "tainted." Rather, it's to ask the question of if there are things to be concerned about when dating an individual who is less experienced socially, sexually, and ... uh... "alcoholically", and is just discovering that they enjoy these things and enjoy experimenting with them.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Well - the truth is this relationship has so many other red flags, such as oh I dunno - her having another BOYFRIEND and your finding out about it. And you want to hate-f*ck her. So there's that. Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around the amount of drama some people have in their lives. 2
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Another question for the LoveShackers - would you be concerned with marrying someone who has ONLY had sex with you and no one else? I think that I might be. Surely only having sex with one person, no matter how strong a relationship, would cause someone to have sincere interest in seeing what sex is like with other people?
Estate Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think you are misinterpreting. I enjoy drinking alcohol socially, and even getting drunk out at bars and at home with friends. I want a girlfriend who enjoys it too. I enjoy sex, and have had good sexual relationships with all my past partners. I want my girlfriend to enjoy sex too. The reason we have yet to have sex is because she is a virgin, and wants to be in a serious relationship with the potential for long-term partnership before she has intercourse. It appears this may change soon. believe it or not (and this comes from a guy where SEX was ALWAYS a important part of my relationships), it's possible to have exciting sexual experiences without intercourse. Regardless, my point is that she is JUST experiencing these things. Is there a reason to be concerned that she will want to experience them more? With other people? This goes for guys AND girls, I would suspect. What if you were in a relationship that was by all accounts good - except that you were "more experienced" than the other? The other who was just experiencing new things sexually? Is there concern that she'll want to "branch out" sexually with other men? I don't even get where you're concern is. How is she a "bad girl" by wanting to finally grow up and start living and experiencing life as a grown woman instead of conforming to your "good girl" schtick.... Despite your judgmental attitude, you haven't described anything she is into that is "bad". So what if she wants to drink or smoke or whatever with friends.... what do you normally do? lock her in her room and take her out on a lease? Get a grip man! 3
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Well - the truth is this relationship has so many other red flags, such as oh I dunno - her having another BOYFRIEND and your finding out about it. And you want to hate-f*ck her. So there's that. Sometimes I just can't wrap my mind around the amount of drama some people have in their lives. Please try to stay on topic. Would you have a problem if the person you were dating was "inexperienced" and started to discover they enjoyed sex, alcohol, and going out more than they thought they did?
StanMusial Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Another question for the LoveShackers - would you be concerned with marrying someone who has ONLY had sex with you and no one else? I think that I might be. Surely only having sex with one person, no matter how strong a relationship, would cause someone to have sincere interest in seeing what sex is like with other people? Lol. I'd be more worried this girl might rob me blind. 1
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I don't even get where you're concern is. How is she a "bad girl" by wanting to finally grow up and start living and experiencing life as a grown woman instead of conforming to your "good girl" schtick.... Despite your judgmental attitude, you haven't described anything she is into that is "bad". So what if she wants to drink or smoke or whatever with friends.... what do you normally do? lock her in her room and take her out on a lease? Get a grip man! Hmm. Possibly. You might have a point. I don't think it's "bad". I mean, she definitely admits that she's just now "discovering" her sexuality, and discovering alcohol, bars, being in her mid-20's, so-to-speak. My question is if it's a reason for concern when someone begins to "discover" their sexuality (and subsequently how much they ENJOY it) during the course of your relationship? Is there no room for concern that this newfound discovery will lead to your partner wondering what sex is like with others?
CudLRoo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I have to admit, I am utterly fascinated by the swiftness and completeness in which those on this board jump to judgment. Soz if I trolled a bit on my last post but you're obviously a literate guy (which equates to intelligence) but it's hard to understand that you can't see all the factors that are standing in your way, all already mentioned in both threads, it's so confusing. I just try and put myself in scenarios but I would *never* be in that scenario, it just seems a bit 'bad love'. Too many factors, too many factors...
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Please try to stay on topic. Would you have a problem if the person you were dating was "inexperienced" and started to discover they enjoyed sex, alcohol, and going out more than they thought they did? Ok my answer to that is - I wouldn't date someone who was a virgin. And yeah my friends are the types who drink and smoke up and hook up. And nobody sits in judgment of anybody else. But I'll reiterate that these really are the least of your concerns.
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Another question for the LoveShackers - would you be concerned with marrying someone who has ONLY had sex with you and no one else? I think that I might be. Surely only having sex with one person, no matter how strong a relationship, would cause someone to have sincere interest in seeing what sex is like with other people? If she was that devout to her religious dogma, no, probably not. Sex isn't guaranteed suddenly make you immoral. I've seen girls who waited until marriage and stayed faithful. That is, so far, and from the outside not knowing for sure.
outsidethebox Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I didn't dream up the word tainted, it's in your post, and yes you did suggest it, in a giggly way. Don't worry, I'm done here, you can't even remember you said tainted.
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Ok my answer to that is - I wouldn't date someone who was a virgin. And yeah my friends are the types who drink and smoke up and hook up. And nobody sits in judgment of anybody else. But I'll reiterate that these really are the least of your concerns. I know, right? I think dating a virgin isn't really all that great. I may agree with you that this is a small concern (the whole "Oh, she enjoys drinking now! She's becoming more sexually comfortable. Is she going to feel like she needs to break out to make up for lost time?" thing), but it's still one I have and I would imagine others might be in the same situation/have some experience with.
Author mordor Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I didn't dream up the word tainted, it's in your post, and yes you did suggest it, in a giggly way. Don't worry, I'm done here, you can't even remember you said tainted. I never said "tainted", or even the word "taint." Can you read?
Recommended Posts