IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Just venting. So this girl I'm dating (and we're pretty serious at this point although we're not bf and gf). We hung out on Thursday with other friends and things went soooo great. She said she didn't care if our other friends (who don't know about us), see us and she was totally touching caressing me all day. I woke up with her on top of me giving me a massage. Then we hung out Friday at a party. After the party everyone went home, but her bff had met a guy and so they both wanted to go to this afterparty. She asked me if I was coming, to which I said no (it was 3 am already). She seemed a bit disappointed by that (but in my head I was even more disappointed that she wanted to go to some afterparty to continue getting to know some strangers). The morning after she texted me "good morning babe, how are you today?", to which I haven't answered yet. I dot even know why Im going No Contact. Do I have reason to be pissed at her for going to this afterparty with some random guys her and her friend met that same night?
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Text her back, she's young and a bit on the wild side. Pretty normal. You're getting jealous which is understandable but It's no reason to cut this off if things were going so well. Bob marley once said everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth hurting for.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Talk to her about it, find out what it was about and what went on before you make assumptions and get defensive about it. That was a bit concerning she wanted to stay out later than that while she was with you...especially to go out with some random guy at a party so her friend could get to know the guy...but to be fair, you're not in a relationship yet, you're not official and that's her BFF. Also, maybe she was watching over her friend, maybe she was the stick in the mud or way out so her friend didn't get stuck out there alone with this guy? Wasn't the best call in my book either, that would've turned me off a bit...however I also believe that if you want that kind of commitment from a woman then you should make it official, or what are you expecting? if you're just dating then things are still open and free to do the things you want to within reason. I wouldn't bring the hammer down and throw a fit about it and act all passive aggressive about it...if this doesn't seem like kind of girl you are compatible with, maybe it's better to either discuss or review your assessment of continuing to see her if that is something that is going to strongly influence or discourage your opinion of her...but you have to at least make some effort and realize you're not in an official relationship, or maybe this is a wake up call for better communication. 2
clia Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 So this girl I'm dating (and we're pretty serious at this point although we're not bf and gf). What does this even mean? Do I have reason to be pissed at her for going to this afterparty with some random guys her and her friend met that same night? In my opinion, no. You aren't her boyfriend.
StanMusial Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think you're still in the "getting to know one another" phase. Take this opportunity as a learning experience. Just based on the one story she might be more of a party girl. She might not be suitable relationship material.
Author IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Well to be honest she was at the party with her friend. I was there on my own (i.e we weren't planning to go together). I am not sure who was at this after party, but someone the other girl knew (or had gotten to know at the club). I sent her a txt saying I hadn't seen hers and how was she doing 15 hrs ago... still no answer. We had plans to go to San Diego this weekend. let's see if they're still on... As for the bf/gf status... We're not because. - I wanted things to stay casual at the very beginning. - She says she isn't ready and nees time right now. - But we've implied that's where we're heading. We're not "dating" other people atm and we jokingly have exchanged parts of her body (i.e I own her boobs and legs - she owns my ass and abs). She says she wants to own me more . I must say a) she asked me to join them and was almost assuming I would... and seemed sad when I did not. b) I never asked her to not go. Just played it nonchalantly cool. I agree, I think there's much to learn. It just sucks since I am already so invested... :/ Edit: Should I txt her again with something nice and sweet? I feel like she might resent the fact that I didn't join her at the party. I also had a LOT of attention from girls at the party we were before. Edited March 4, 2013 by IAmRobot
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I must say a) she asked me to join them and was almost assuming I would... and seemed sad when I did not. b) I never asked her to not go. Just played it nonchalantly cool. I agree, I think there's much to learn. It just sucks since I am already so invested... :/ Edit: Should I txt her again with something nice and sweet? I feel like she might resent the fact that I didn't join her at the party. I also had a LOT of attention from girls at the party we were before. If you were invited but declined... I fail to see how you can be upset about this. Partying with strangers is a great way to get raped, murdered, or both. The worst you can do is believe her to be a risk taker. 1
Author IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 If you were invited but declined... I fail to see how you can be upset about this. Partying with strangers is a great way to get raped, murdered, or both. The worst you can do is believe her to be a risk taker. The more I think about it the more I am upset I didn't go. I wouldn't have to go through all this now. But honestly it was 3am and I wanted to sleep and had to study the next day... She planned the whole thing without consulting with me or asking what I wanted to do. It honestly seemed like a girls night out with her bff and I was supposed to ride her coattail?
StanMusial Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 The more I think about it the more I am upset I didn't go. I wouldn't have to go through all this now. But honestly it was 3am and I wanted to sleep and had to study the next day... She planned the whole thing without consulting with me or asking what I wanted to do. It honestly seemed like a girls night out with her bff and I was supposed to ride her coattail? I kind of know what you mean. I have dated party girls before, they play the little games like this. Invite you to a party, start partying with other people, you're just standing there like an idiot with your d*ck in your hand. Then, when you loosen up and statrt having fun, she pulls drama on you saying "why were you dancing with that girl" and all this. That scenario happened to me probably 4 or 5 times in my life. Once I figured it out all romantic feelings were diminished and I just had fun with her for a while.
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I'd probably stop dating a guy if early on we ran into each other at a party and then at the end of the night he left to go to an "after party" at a random chicks place. I don't know if you have a right to be "pissed" but I'd be totally turned off and take it as a sign of her feelings--rather go party with random dudes than go home with you. 2
Author IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I kind of know what you mean. I have dated party girls before, they play the little games like this. Invite you to a party, start partying with other people, you're just standing there like an idiot with your d*ck in your hand. Then, when you loosen up and statrt having fun, she pulls drama on you saying "why were you dancing with that girl" and all this. That scenario happened to me probably 4 or 5 times in my life. Once I figured it out all romantic feelings were diminished and I just had fun with her for a while. Crazy thing is she's not that much of a party girl. Her friend is a really big party girl though. So I was kind of sure that if we went there she wouldnt "do her own thing", but rather stay with me... but I was in that mood that I wanted to "do my own thing" and go home.
mesmerized Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 That's exactly why I don't date insecure guys. Always looking for something stupid to get upset about. It was a girl's night out and she most probably did that for her friend. She texted you in the morning too to see how you are doing. I highly doubt she had any bad intention or anything happened. Get over it, you're not even her boyfriend. 1
Author IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I'd probably stop dating a guy if early on we ran into each other at a party and then at the end of the night he left to go to an "after party" at a random chicks place. I don't know if you have a right to be "pissed" but I'd be totally turned off and take it as a sign of her feelings--rather go party with random dudes than go home with you. This is very true. However I guess another way of reasoning could be. - She came with her friend. So she couldn't leave her alone in the middle of the night. - They had planned to go to this after party before I met them - The after party was at a club rather than someone's place. She genuinely seemed sad to not go home with me... Either way she txted back and we're hanging out today. We share everything with each other (if a girl/guy hits on us or we give our # away), so let's see what has happened, her way of reasoning and then judge.
Author IAmRobot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 That's exactly why I don't date insecure guys. Always looking for something stupid to get upset about. It was a girl's night out and she most probably did that for her friend. She texted you in the morning too to see how you are doing. I highly doubt she had any bad intention or anything happened. Get over it, you're not even her boyfriend. I agree with this. Although, you see how there is different opinions about this from different people? I don't think it's that cut clear. Also a girls night out is different from a "2 girl go to a place alone". That is more of looking to be picked up situation honestly... especially knowing that her girl might hook up with a guy, she might have been set to be alone for a while and therefore having to develop some kind of bond with someone there, since noone wants to be in a club alone. Also noone's discussing her intentions here...
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 This is very true. However I guess another way of reasoning could be. - She came with her friend. So she couldn't leave her alone in the middle of the night. - They had planned to go to this after party before I met them - The after party was at a club rather than someone's place. She genuinely seemed sad to not go home with me... Either way she txted back and we're hanging out today. We share everything with each other (if a girl/guy hits on us or we give our # away), so let's see what has happened, her way of reasoning and then judge. Okay. That version of the events sounds different from your OP. Didn't realize her and her friend carpooled or that the afterparty was an event at a club. In that case, not a big deal, she couldn't come with you even if she WANTED to because of her friend. Although someone who can party til after 3am...whooo man lol that'd be a dealbreaker for me cause I can't hang like that (I assume I'm much older than you two lol). Its all good, doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about, it sounds like you two are in similar places in your life etc. 1
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I agree with this. Although, you see how there is different opinions about this from different people? I don't think it's that cut clear. Also a girls night out is different from a "2 girl go to a place alone". That is more of looking to be picked up situation honestly... especially knowing that her girl might hook up with a guy, she might have been set to be alone for a while and therefore having to develop some kind of bond with someone there, since noone wants to be in a club alone. Also noone's discussing her intentions here... Her intentions could've been justifiable, keeping an eye on her friend. Girls have wing women just like guys have wingmen. Honestly it could be either way, that's why the replies aren't following a clear cut indication of whether or not it was nefarious. You probably should've gone with, but that's in hindsight and doesn't really help. If you two are really hitting it off I would suggest not letting this hold you back. I can understand why you're questioning it, but you might have to overlook this one. It's just not enough to cut all ties with a girl you really like, considering the feeling is mutual. 1
Author IAmRobot Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) Her intentions could've been justifiable, keeping an eye on her friend. Girls have wing women just like guys have wingmen. Honestly it could be either way, that's why the replies aren't following a clear cut indication of whether or not it was nefarious. You probably should've gone with, but that's in hindsight and doesn't really help. If you two are really hitting it off I would suggest not letting this hold you back. I can understand why you're questioning it, but you might have to overlook this one. It's just not enough to cut all ties with a girl you really like, considering the feeling is mutual. Yep and plus her and her friend live really close, so they were 90% going home together. She came over today. Told me without asking her about how they went and grabbed a drink and about the guys who came over and hit on her and how some invited her back to their place to party but she refused. Nothing out of the ordinary really. She asked me about one of our common friends at the party who was "flirting" and trying to dance a lot with me. Although I was just doing my thing. She also said she felt me distant that day. She said she was afraid I was gonna hurt her, so she was still being a bit cautios. We reassured each other that we want each other ONLY and then ****ed like rabbits. And holding me back? More than this single fact, it's the fact that I usually keep people at arms length and this time I've emotionally invested so much in this... End of story, thanks for helping me vent guys. It's always appreciated to show your weak side to people who won't judge you (and even if they do they're sitting behind a PC in Ballsville) Edited March 5, 2013 by IAmRobot
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