Estate Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 See I think I would want to be official before I have sex but we will see Well I'm just giving the guys perspective.... Why would you want that? I mean, what are you hiding? I mean, sexual compatibility is a big deal to me in a relationship, among many things. To some people, sure, they can marry and never have sex and if that's what they want then fine, but to me... grown adults have sex... you can't be with someone you can't have sex with. So if a girl is FORCING me to state exclusivity before we have explored all the things which we need to to at least establish we may have some compatibility, why would I say yes? What is her agenda? I don't get it... ... is she bad at sex... does she NEVER want to have sex...? What is it? I mean, there's nothing wrong with TALKING about it to the guy and say something like "So I think things have been going well, I was just wondering if you felt the same and if we might continue. And if that's the case, I wanted to know if you were seeing anyone else or if we were just seeing each other..." also... "... I know we haven't had sex yet but I am more confortable if we were dating X weeks/months before we slept together, that's just me but if you are ok with that then I really do like you and would like to see where things go." See? I think all of that sounds really reasonable. There's no games involved and it doesn't come off pressured. Don't demand you are both exclusive. Just ask him what he thinks of things and if you are both still seeing other people or not... that's not too heavy at this point as long as it's not delivered with any pressure. If he responds positively, then be honest with him about the sex and when/what makes you comfortable... again, if he's ok with that you say, he's probably a good guy and worth giving a shot.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 It's interesting watching this from the girl side. For some reason it's still very difficult for me to believe that women can get feelings for guys they haven't slept with. The fact that IB actually wants to sleep with the guy is even more odd for me to understand. Lol why is it hard to understand? I do want to sleep with him but I'm scared because I don't want to ruin everything. I don't think he's the pump and dump type but still I didn't think my ex was either and he was
somedude81 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Lol why is it hard to understand? Becasue I'm a screwed up guy and I've never experienced a woman actually liking or wanting to sleep with me. So the whole idea sounds like something out of a movie. Still I hope things work out for you.
Wesker Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Wow. Never seen it where the woman was complaining about not getting laid, no exclusivity, etc. Usually if a dude doesn't score by the 2nd date, he's the one bolting. Where can I meet these kind of chicks?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Well I'm just giving the guys perspective.... Why would you want that? I mean, what are you hiding? I mean, sexual compatibility is a big deal to me in a relationship, among many things. To some people, sure, they can marry and never have sex and if that's what they want then fine, but to me... grown adults have sex... you can't be with someone you can't have sex with. So if a girl is FORCING me to state exclusivity before we have explored all the things which we need to to at least establish we may have some compatibility, why would I say yes? What is her agenda? I don't get it... ... is she bad at sex... does she NEVER want to have sex...? What is it? I mean, there's nothing wrong with TALKING about it to the guy and say something like "So I think things have been going well, I was just wondering if you felt the same and if we might continue. And if that's the case, I wanted to know if you were seeing anyone else or if we were just seeing each other..." also... "... I know we haven't had sex yet but I am more confortable if we were dating X weeks/months before we slept together, that's just me but if you are ok with that then I really do like you and would like to see where things go." See? I think all of that sounds really reasonable. There's no games involved and it doesn't come off pressured. Don't demand you are both exclusive. Just ask him what he thinks of things and if you are both still seeing other people or not... that's not too heavy at this point as long as it's not delivered with any pressure. If he responds positively, then be honest with him about the sex and when/what makes you comfortable... again, if he's ok with that you say, he's probably a good guy and worth giving a shot. See I know he isn't seeing anyone else he told me before "you're the girl I'm talking too I don't need to have my profile because I'm talking to you". So we don't have our profiles anymore but we also aren't boyfriend girlfriend, maybe I'm weird because it can't be official until its on Facebook to me lol. I am afraid of sleeping with him then he will leave me if I'm not his girlfriend. I don't think he will do that but it could happen
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 See I know he isn't seeing anyone else he told me before "you're the girl I'm talking too I don't need to have my profile because I'm talking to you". So we don't have our profiles anymore but we also aren't boyfriend girlfriend, maybe I'm weird because it can't be official until its on Facebook to me lol. I am afraid of sleeping with him then he will leave me if I'm not his girlfriend. I don't think he will do that but it could happen I'll never understand why people are in such a hurry to do the whole "facebook official" crap. There's nothing like all of Facebook watching your relationship run its course followed by the announcement that you're single when it inevitably breaks up. 2
iKING Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 There's nothing like all of Facebook watching your relationship run its course followed by the announcement that you're single when it inevitably breaks up. That's the fun part, you could even start a pool and place bets, might add some spice to the phenomena.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I'll never understand why people are in such a hurry to do the whole "facebook official" crap. There's nothing like all of Facebook watching your relationship run its course followed by the announcement that you're single when it inevitably breaks up. Never thought of it like that. I guess it's because I have never had a fb official relationship so now I'm close and I'm all anxious. I always felt like my friends would think I'm a lesbian because I keep my personal life so private with respect to if I'm dating someone you know?
iKING Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I have found that I can predict how good sex will be based upon doing other things before sex (making out, fondling, touching)Whenever I felt good sexual chemistry with a guy doing those things, the sex was good. I dont know, maybe some girls need to TRUST a guy before she goes all the way with him? That's actually a fair judgment, there was an article I read awhile back that was talking about kissing, dancing, and fondling being indicators of how good the sex will be more times then not.
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I am so happy my boyfriend doesn't have Facebook. You sound a little immature op. Wanting him to make things "FB official" because your best friend just made hers official. The title of BF/GF isn't really that big of a deal, and you guys haven't really been dating that long. Chill out, let things run their course, and if you absolutely feel like you can not function without knowing where you guys stand... just effing ask!
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Never thought of it like that. I guess it's because I have never had a fb official relationship so now I'm close and I'm all anxious. I always felt like my friends would think I'm a lesbian because I keep my personal life so private with respect to if I'm dating someone you know? Grow up OP. If you care more about what people think and THAT is why you want to become official... then I don't see things turning out well. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Grow up OP. If you care more about what people think and THAT is why you want to become official... then I don't see things turning out well. I know but I have a good feeling about this guy.
iris219 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Just so you know IB--as you get older FB will mean nothing in your life. In fact, there will come a time when you try to keep things like relationships off your FB page. I'm happy you met a nice guy. Stop thinking about it too much and just enjoy the experience. The beginning stages of a relationship are so much fun and you should be savoring them right now rather than worrying about unnecessary matters. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I would understand the need to be sexually attracted to the person you are dating but I certainly wouldn't want to rush into having sex with anyone so soon. My ex and I knew each other for a month and then we officially became bf/gf for a week before we decided to sleep with each other. In between that, we had already saw each other 4-5x a week. The point of my story is, if sex is inevitable it will come eventually. Stop overthinking things because that will only screw you over in the end. And please, your relationship should be more worth than an FB posting.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 We are exclusive!! We talked about it last night, not official yet though, which I am ok with. I think we are both in that like "infatuation" stage because we just talk all day and we say the cutest stuff to each other and it is nice. I am enjoying him and I think vice versa. I thought I was moving so slow because my friend is exclusive with her guy but their story is a 12 year saga so I guess I can understand why they would move so fast compared to he and I, who just had our first date on Feb 16 (we talked weeks before that though). I am just going to chill out, he isn't talking to any other girls so he must really like me and I like him so we will see Now 3 months from now if it isn't "official" that might be a problem, but I talked to a friend who said he and his fiancee didn't become official until 6 months in (they also got pregnant 6 months in lol) so I guess it is normal to not rush. I am still perturbed about the sex thing though, I know I have self control and can wait but I wish he would call me "sexy" or make reference to wanting sex with me lol. I am pretty happy though and I don't want sex to ruin anything so I will just let that simmer.
normal person Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) I always felt like my friends would think I'm a lesbian because I keep my personal life so private with respect to if I'm dating someone you know? I've seen your other threads and it really seems like you set goals for your own relationships based on your friends' opinions and expectations. IF your friends give you crap about your own personal life (you didn't say that they do, you just said you're worried they might), they aren't really your friends anyways. A friend would be happy for you and not want you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. And DrSuessGrrl, I agree with pretty much everything you ever say. Edited March 6, 2013 by normal person
clia Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Congratulations! But...what does it mean to be exclusive but not official? You aren't dating others, but you can't call him your "boyfriend" yet?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Congratulations! But...what does it mean to be exclusive but not official? You aren't dating others, but you can't call him your "boyfriend" yet? See I don't know, I just know he isn't talking to other girls and I'm not talking to other guy we are just talking to each other lol and so yeah. I think we will eventually become official but I don't want to rush it or push it. I will give it a month or so. But thanks!!
SmileFace Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Don't ruin this with your foolishness Imp Just go with the flow .... he seems pretty kick ass Good luck :bunny: 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I'm having a bummed out day today! I was talking to my friend who has been official with her boy for a week and she's like "I know I'm gonna marry him we have talked about it before" and I died inside a little. I can't even get my boy to make it official. I'm dead. Literally I know I like him so much he knows and he likes me and its all going great so why won't he call me his girlfriend?! We agreed that we are dating and we both said we want to eventually be in a relationship but I want it now! How will I know if he is Mr. Right if he doesn't make it official?! I know we are exclusive and that's great but I want titles. I know I need to be patient because we haven't been seeing each other long (it will be 1 month in a week, since we met face to face. I need to calm down, I'm just really having a sad day I think. It feels like no matter how much he says he likes me and all that stuff it can't mean anything because he won't make me his girlfriend but I like him a lot I know he likes me and he treats me well and so I need to just shut up. I'm afraid of being an old cat lady.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm having a bummed out day today! I was talking to my friend who has been official with her boy for a week and she's like "I know I'm gonna marry him we have talked about it before" and I died inside a little. I can't even get my boy to make it official. I'm dead. Literally I know I like him so much he knows and he likes me and its all going great so why won't he call me his girlfriend?! We agreed that we are dating and we both said we want to eventually be in a relationship but I want it now! How will I know if he is Mr. Right if he doesn't make it official?! I know we are exclusive and that's great but I want titles. I know I need to be patient because we haven't been seeing each other long (it will be 1 month in a week, since we met face to face. I need to calm down, I'm just really having a sad day I think. It feels like no matter how much he says he likes me and all that stuff it can't mean anything because he won't make me his girlfriend but I like him a lot I know he likes me and he treats me well and so I need to just shut up. I'm afraid of being an old cat lady. Why don't you just show him this post? And try being 33 and literally the only single one in your group. The rest are having babies.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 You're dead?? C'mon now, you're gonna kill this thing before it ever gets off the ground. Are you in some sort of competition with your friend? What the hell does being official have to do with him being Mr. Right? Slow down. You need to put your big girl pants on if you don't want to totally blow it. I really don't wanna blow it, I likelikelike him a lot! I'm just sad today. I am kind of in competition with her I feel like because I don't want to end up an old cat lady while all my friends get married and have kids. It's ridiculous, I know. I just hate having a friend who has it all but I love my friend and I need to just stop.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Why don't you just show him this post? And try being 33 and literally the only single one in your group. The rest are having babies. I know but you're super pretty you could easily get guys when one relationship fails. It took me a while to meet someone I clicked with. I mean we click perfectly its so hard to find that. We kind of talked about it because he asked if I felt like it was weird that were so close and I was like no I don't think so, but now you think it so its bad and he was like "oh stop I just asked what you thought" literally my exact words "we aren't like mmmmm were just dating you know? We are working towards mmmm-ness you know? You do want to be mmmmm one day right?" And he said yes to all that so I think he's serious. I'm just scared what if he meets another girl that's funnier or prettier? He has female friends, how can I trust he doesn't like them? I'm just so scared but its all going well so far so I should just enjoy it
veggirl Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Oh please your friend is crazy. Dating for a week and she knows she will marry him? Tons of people say that during the honeymoon phase, how many actually make it down the aisle? I'd venture to guess not nearly a quarter of those who say it. There are girls who think they are gonna marry EVERY guy they date for more than a month! Stop comparing yourself to her! 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Just thought I would keep this thread going instead of opening a new one when I need advice. Anyways I hung out with my guy tonight and NOTHING now he was super tired and so we didn't do a lot of talking more just kissing and cuddling. I literally could cuddle with him all day everyday forever lol Anyways we talked earlier this week and he spilled his guts to me like he told me how he was falling for me and crazy about me and could see himself with me long term! I died, literally I was like shocked. He asked me to be his gf, but he didn't ask. He hinted that he wants me to be his gf but he said he wants to ask me in person so we hung out the next day and he didn't ask, then we hung out this weekend and he didn't ask me! I am getting bummed because he obviously wants me to be his gf but he is being so slow about asking! We were joking around about something in text and I was like "I can't wait for you to make me your girlfriend officially so we can... whatever we were talking about (nothing sexual)" and he said "it's coming" what does that mean? Is it coming like tomorrow or is it coming like 6 months from now? I know it will probably be sooner because he always says how he can't wait for me to meet his family, or how he hopes we can spend holidays together or how he hopes I can go out with him and his family sometime but I am just worried. I don't want him to lose his feelings because I am like crazy about him.. I think about him all day every single day and it is freaking me out to be SOOO involved. This is real though, I just know it, he is so perfect for me. I am just PMS-ing severely and feel unloved. Maybe next weekend he will ask.
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