ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 GRRRR I have been going out with this guy for a month we have been on 4 dates, we talk all day everyday, we like each other I just know this is legit! He makes plans and keeps them, he shows up on time, he is nice to me, he is so funny! Why won't he make it official!? He calls me his girl and "boo" and stuff but we aren't FB official, we aren't dating anyone else, we both disabled our online dating accounts. I don't know why I am rushing, but it just feels right, and my friend (who I have written about before) is now official with her guy she can call him her "boyfriend" (I doubt it'll last but still) what do I call the guy I'm with? Nothing because he isn't my "boyfriend" I'm not his "girlfriend" we are what? Talking? Dating? I don't want to push the issue but when should I bring it up? Maybe another month? Also he hasn't tried to have sex with me, or invite me to his house, is that weird? When is all this stuff gonna happen? I am freaking out!
hppr Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 If you like the guy just keep going out with him and don't worry about any of this BS, honestly you are trying to create a problem where there isn't one. 5
tk-421 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Woah. Simmer down. It's been four dates. He's a guy you're seeing/dating. It's good that you like him so much (I think), but don't get carried away. Slow your roll as the kids say. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I know I need to calm down, I have to keep telling myself "don't be jealous" "you have a good guy just chill out" so yeah I just gotta breathe I guess
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 He's taking his time, relax. Things are looking good for you two, no reason to jump the gun just yet. If a few months go by and you guys get seriously involved emotionally, you could casually ask if he wants to be your boyfriend. As for sex, you could wait until It's "official" or whenever you're comfortable with it. Try not to rush things and just enjoy it
Bengal Tiger Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 OP, read your own avatar and follow that advice. It'll be OK. 2
Lonely Ronin Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 4 dates in a month is in a good start, but nothing to get carried away with. Just calm down and breath, and stop comparing your dating life to your friends, No good can come from being competitive about stuff like this. as for the stages I see them like this. 1. dating 2. seeing 3. bf/gf 4. relationship 5. Marriage
clia Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Please relax and stop comparing yourself to your friend. Let him go at the pace that he's going. I think you should wait for him to bring up exclusivity. Just enjoy yourself and the time you spend with him for now, get to know him, and don't worry about labels or Facebook. I'm curious why you only see each other once a week, though? Is it a scheduling thing?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Please relax and stop comparing yourself to your friend. Let him go at the pace that he's going. I think you should wait for him to bring up exclusivity. Just enjoy yourself and the time you spend with him for now, get to know him, and don't worry about labels or Facebook. I'm curious why you only see each other once a week, though? Is it a scheduling thing? He works 45 mins from where he lives but with rush hour traffic it ends up being like a 2 hour drive so he doesn't get home until like 7 every night and I have class until 7 so I usually just go home. He wants to try to do something during the week this week but he is free on weekends so we just plan for weekends. He is possibly getting a job that's closer to his house (which is close to me) so if he gets it we can go out more.
SJC2008 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 A one date a week process is fine for the first month so hopefully things start picking up. FYI not all men shoot a b-line for sex and like to get to know a woman first. But when that happens the woman usually thinks he's not too into her, inexperienced or a virgin. Women like this (not neccessarily you) is where the term 'put it in ber before someone else does l' came about.
wheream_i Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Heeeere we go with the "my best friend has a new BF so I need one, too" routine. You should share that with your man and see how fast he walks. 4
KathyM Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No rush on any of this. It's only been four dates. He sounds like a decent guy if he's not pressuring you for sex this early on. Just relax and continue to get to know him. Too early sex often makes women feel emotionally connected to the person before they've had time to really get to know the guy. It's good that he's taking it slow like this.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Heeeere we go with the "my best friend has a new BF so I need one, too" routine. You should share that with your man and see how fast he walks. I'm no fool lol
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 "I don't know why I am rushing, but it just feels right, and my friend (who I have written about before) is now official with her guy she can call him her "boyfriend" (I doubt it'll last but still) what do I call the guy I'm with?" When did relationships become a contest, like who has the kewlest iPhone cover? 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 "I don't know why I am rushing, but it just feels right, and my friend (who I have written about before) is now official with her guy she can call him her "boyfriend" (I doubt it'll last but still) what do I call the guy I'm with?" When did relationships become a contest, like who has the kewlest iPhone cover? I know. I shouldn't care, I have a good guy finally who is nice to me and doesn't pressure me for sex and likes me even though I have a ton of issues I should be super happy and I am but I want to be his girlfriend lol
arthus1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 GRRRR I have been going out with this guy for a month we have been on 4 dates, we talk all day everyday, we like each other I just know this is legit! He makes plans and keeps them, he shows up on time, he is nice to me, he is so funny! Why won't he make it official!? He calls me his girl and "boo" and stuff but we aren't FB official, we aren't dating anyone else, we both disabled our online dating accounts. I don't know why I am rushing, but it just feels right, and my friend (who I have written about before) is now official with her guy she can call him her "boyfriend" (I doubt it'll last but still) what do I call the guy I'm with? Nothing because he isn't my "boyfriend" I'm not his "girlfriend" we are what? Talking? Dating? I don't want to push the issue but when should I bring it up? Maybe another month? Also he hasn't tried to have sex with me, or invite me to his house, is that weird? When is all this stuff gonna happen? I am freaking out! It sounds like things are already official, you don't need facebook to tell you. See guys are afraid to bring up sex too early because we're afraid that the girl will break up with us, he's worried he'll lose you if he brings it up, take the initiative and bring it up yourself! We can respect any girl that makes the first move, us guys LOVE LOVE IT!
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I know. I shouldn't care, I have a good guy finally who is nice to me and doesn't pressure me for sex and likes me even though I have a ton of issues I should be super happy and I am but I want to be his girlfriend lol Don't listen to her, the person with the best pretty pink unicorn iPhone cover always wins. (Joking, by the way.) Just take it easy and enjoy, It isn't always easy to find genuine people in this day and age, be happy you've got one that seems to be very interested in you. Let us know when you're official! 1
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Good job waiting on sex! With me and my bf we were official after 1.5 mos I think. We were hanging out about 3x per week though, so in your case I'd give it up to 3 mos, max. Could you wait that long w/o bringing it up?
Estate Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 GRRRR I have been going out with this guy for a month we have been on 4 dates, we talk all day everyday, we like each other I just know this is legit! He makes plans and keeps them, he shows up on time, he is nice to me, he is so funny! Why won't he make it official!? He calls me his girl and "boo" and stuff but we aren't FB official, we aren't dating anyone else, we both disabled our online dating accounts. I don't know why I am rushing, but it just feels right, and my friend (who I have written about before) is now official with her guy she can call him her "boyfriend" (I doubt it'll last but still) what do I call the guy I'm with? Nothing because he isn't my "boyfriend" I'm not his "girlfriend" we are what? Talking? Dating? I don't want to push the issue but when should I bring it up? Maybe another month? Also he hasn't tried to have sex with me, or invite me to his house, is that weird? When is all this stuff gonna happen? I am freaking out! Its been only a month and 4 dates and you want exclusivity? You haven't even slept with him and you expect him to make you exclusive? Not a chance. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It's funny how different guys and girls can be. Typically, we want the GF title like YESTERDAY, and the dude feels the same way about sex. But this one's actually being patient. Can't you do the same?
Estate Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Theres nothing wrong with waiting for exclusivity before sex though. Id recommend that for certain people because alot of men once you start having sex will milk you and become cake eaters and hurt women that way. Dont listen to the guy above me. I didn't say there's something "wrong" with it but I think it's a LOT more helpful to tell the OP what is probably going through his mind from a GUYS perspective rather than telling her to start playing mind games. I can't tell how old the OP is. I mean, if they're in highschool some people consider holding hands after a week as enough to be exclusive. But if we are talking adults here... I'm not saying sleep with someone on a first date... but for example, if I had been with someone for 3 months and still not slept together then something would be amiss.... she's playing some sort of game... ... a guy will want to know if you are compatibile and if he does all the right things and hangs around for months and the girl is still "testing" him or playing some games making him wait then it's a huge red flag. She's either playing games or weirdly conservative which for a guy who enjoys sex with a girlfriend is a bad sign anyway. It's only 4 dates... there's no rule you have to have sex with him if you don't want... but asking to be exclusive at this point without even being intimate in any way would creep me out.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Good job waiting on sex! With me and my bf we were official after 1.5 mos I think. We were hanging out about 3x per week though, so in your case I'd give it up to 3 mos, max. Could you wait that long w/o bringing it up? I think I can wait, I just got overly eager when my friend told me her news. I like him and things are really going well so no reason to screw this up lol.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I didn't say there's something "wrong" with it but I think it's a LOT more helpful to tell the OP what is probably going through his mind from a GUYS perspective rather than telling her to start playing mind games. I can't tell how old the OP is. I mean, if they're in highschool some people consider holding hands after a week as enough to be exclusive. But if we are talking adults here... I'm not saying sleep with someone on a first date... but for example, if I had been with someone for 3 months and still not slept together then something would be amiss.... she's playing some sort of game... ... a guy will want to know if you are compatibile and if he does all the right things and hangs around for months and the girl is still "testing" him or playing some games making him wait then it's a huge red flag. She's either playing games or weirdly conservative which for a guy who enjoys sex with a girlfriend is a bad sign anyway. It's only 4 dates... there's no rule you have to have sex with him if you don't want... but asking to be exclusive at this point without even being intimate in any way would creep me out. See I think I would want to be official before I have sex but we will see
somedude81 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It's interesting watching this from the girl side. For some reason it's still very difficult for me to believe that women can get feelings for guys they haven't slept with. The fact that IB actually wants to sleep with the guy is even more odd for me to understand.
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