shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 My ex gf and I were in an 8 month relationship before she decided to dump me. Over the phone none the less. I did the worst thing and cried, pleaded and begged for her to not break up. To no surprise she said she was sorry but she couldn't. She had said she wasn't happy and wanted a break before which I convinced her not to.she told me that I wasn't showing her any affection. So I started to. Then it was that we never did anything. Which I could understand cuz I did realise I got complacent and comfortable. I let the fun and spark go from our relationship. She told me that i didnt show her i cared and loved her. Which i do with all my heart. Her reasons for the breakup were that she didnt feel the same as she did when she first were together ,that I never did what she wanted and I didnt support her.oh and that I never called her beautiful or pretty. I always asked her what she wanted to do but the answer was always idk or idc and I did say she was pretty and would compliment her. Just not all the time. Its been nc for a month and I miss and love her so much. I realise my mistakes and would never let them happen again but I don't know how I could prove to her that. I know she wanted her space and that she thinks we are better the way we are now. So its been a month and I don't want to just give up. We were so in love and I am still that same person she fell in love with but I just got complacent. I know her friend is having her bday party at a bowling alley and I was thinking of going there. ( I'm not a stalker) I want to ask the dj to play a song she loves and sing it to her. I used to do that and she loved it. I don't care how much of an idiot I look or sound like I just want her to know how much I love her. Is that a lil too much? Ladies would you find that cute or do u think she would hate me? Sorry for such a long post
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Gosh, honey, there's so much wrong with this, I don't know where to start. First of all, how old are you both? If you're under 20..... Oh dear.....
aussie sam Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I'm a guy, but a guy who has been dumped long enough to answer for the ladies on this one I think... Don't do it! Do not do it! You shouldn't do it! Just don't do it! I say this not because I care about your ex (who will be pissed off and embarrassed of you at the time, but will laugh about you with her friends later). I say this because I care about YOU! Stay NC and let her think that you are strong without and her and that you have a life of your own. It's the best case scenario unfortunately. Trust me you can do better! 1
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Yea a lil overboard with the whole song thing.Not gonna do that but like I said I know where I was wrong and made mistakes. They wouldn't ever happen again but I just dont know how to prove to her I'm just not saying it.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You must be young as diamond lips thinks. Prove your love? She's testing you to show love...seems childish. Please, tell, how old are you two? This does matter.
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 She just turned 22 I just turned 24. She is the first girl I really loved and fell for. Def not saying I'm proud of even thinking about doing that but I'm just getting a lil desperate I guess.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 That will only cost you her...for sure of it. Girls usually don't like desperate guys. Just ask to talk to her..if the timing is right - maybd she will. But I am doubtful.
marklarsson Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You know what i say, just let it go. she measures her happiness purely by what you do and as someone has said she is trying to test you love for her. which can be seen as a little childish. she is not mature enough to understand that relationships do not just stay in the honey moon stage forever. there are dips. its up to the couple as a pair to lift things back up. i was foolish enough to do foolish things to try win my ex back. it was not foolish at the time because i was basing it on what 'i thought my ex liked' but she just shot everything down. so i just say just make it clear to her if you want it back and just leave it at that. if you have already done this just leave it. 1
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I know 8 months isn't that long but I settled and got comfortable with our relationship. Her on the other hand to quote her " we should be all googly eyed for each other and going out and doing things together" I admitted I should have tried to do more things that kept things different. Instead I was content with just hanging out with her, renting movies and just enjoying being with her. She got mad that the only places we went were to the bar together which there isn't much else to do in the town we live in.
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thanks to all of you who have replied to my post. I am just trying to cope with my breakup and you are all very helpful in my progress to do so.
NoLeafClover Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 My ex gf and I were in an 8 month relationship before she decided to dump me. Over the phone none the less. I did the worst thing and cried, pleaded and begged for her to not break up. To no surprise she said she was sorry but she couldn't. She had said she wasn't happy and wanted a break before which I convinced her not to.she told me that I wasn't showing her any affection. So I started to. Then it was that we never did anything. Which I could understand cuz I did realise I got complacent and comfortable. I let the fun and spark go from our relationship. She told me that i didnt show her i cared and loved her. Which i do with all my heart. Her reasons for the breakup were that she didnt feel the same as she did when she first were together ,that I never did what she wanted and I didnt support her.oh and that I never called her beautiful or pretty. I always asked her what she wanted to do but the answer was always idk or idc and I did say she was pretty and would compliment her. Just not all the time. Its been nc for a month and I miss and love her so much. I realise my mistakes and would never let them happen again but I don't know how I could prove to her that. I know she wanted her space and that she thinks we are better the way we are now. So its been a month and I don't want to just give up. We were so in love and I am still that same person she fell in love with but I just got complacent. I know her friend is having her bday party at a bowling alley and I was thinking of going there. ( I'm not a stalker) I want to ask the dj to play a song she loves and sing it to her. I used to do that and she loved it. I don't care how much of an idiot I look or sound like I just want her to know how much I love her. Is that a lil too much? Ladies would you find that cute or do u think she would hate me? Sorry for such a long post Stop Blaming yourself for things you did and didn't do in the relationship. It's one of the first mistakes people do right after a break up and try to contact the ex by blaming themselves. I could understand loosing the spark being one problem, but telling her how beautiful she is all the time is just a BS reason. The first thing you should do right now is to not contact her, show up to places she is going to be at or sing her a song for her bday. It's too soon to have any type of contact. You need to disappear for a while in hopes that she will be missing you and try to contact you. That is the ONLY Option you have if you want to be back with her.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I know 8 months isn't that long but I settled and got comfortable with our relationship. Her on the other hand to quote her " we should be all googly eyed for each other and going out and doing things together" I admitted I should have tried to do more things that kept things different. Instead I was content with just hanging out with her, renting movies and just enjoying being with her. She got mad that the only places we went were to the bar together which there isn't much else to do in the town we live in. No you didn't. You got complacent. You 'settled' into the habit of having each other around. Now, I think she's living in la-la land if she believes relationships have to maintain that 'googly-eyed' status for ever, but there has to be a meeting point. The problem is, girls remain a lot more romantically-inclined, for a lot longer. it's all part of the crap Hollywood Chick-flicks feed us. But like it or not, ladies like to be made to feel special, loved.... Guys, it seems, once they have the gal, happily fall into the 'comfort-zone' and subconsciously think "Got the gal, got the lovin' got the sex - yeah, it's cool!" I'm not being a bitch, but sadly, there are many, many threads here by guys who all basically admit they took it all for granted and didn't pay enough attention, didn't listen, didn't see the signs, ignored the warnings, messed up..... It's so sad. You can't turn the clock back. Trust me, no matter how hard you may want to try, or promise to her that you can change - she doesn't buy it. And never will. The secret to a good relationship is to Put the other person First. This cuts both ways. She may have been the 'passive' partner, and expected it all to come to her - however, many times, people say "A week/day/hour before the break up, s/he was telling me "I love you, you mean the world to me, I want to be with you.....how can this be, now they dump me?!?" This is the last-ditch attempt to inject the romance, the yearning, the passion, the depth to the relationship. Sometimes, the other person tries to make the double-effort to make up the shortfall NOT coming from the partner. So either she was completely expecting you to deliver all the goods - or she tried to heavily compensate by going overboard with the lovey-dovey stuff. Either way, I'm afraid you lose..... 1
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 she did say she loved me everyday even the day she did breakup with me. But basically there's no hope of her coming back then and its pretty much my fault cuz I got complacent.
NoLeafClover Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I know 8 months isn't that long but I settled and got comfortable with our relationship. Her on the other hand to quote her " we should be all googly eyed for each other and going out and doing things together" I admitted I should have tried to do more things that kept things different. Instead I was content with just hanging out with her, renting movies and just enjoyine to the bar together whicg being with her. She got mad that the only places we went werh there isn't much else to do in the town we live in. I do not see a problem here at all. You went to places with her and perhaps she started to not like some of these places but didn't seem like it bothered her enough considering she never said anything. On the other hand, it seems to me like you have the wrong image of a good relationship. Your main role as a couple is not to try to do things different to keep the relationship going otherwise "OH NO SHE WILL BREAK UP WITH ME". Yes it's nice doing exciting things but that is not what should keep a relationship going. You two need to be HAPPY whether you are staying in watching a movie or going out for a drink at the bar. She needs to be happy with you and willing to spend time with you whether if it's raining outside or the sun is shinning. How do you think people that are married or are in comfortable relationship for years do it? If one partner is telling you she is not happy pretty much because things got "too comfortable" than consider it as another BS reason she gave you. People spend years together trying to be in stabled , comfortable relationships.
marklarsson Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No you didn't. You got complacent. You 'settled' into the habit of having each other around. Now, I think she's living in la-la land if she believes relationships have to maintain that 'googly-eyed' status for ever, but there has to be a meeting point. The problem is, girls remain a lot more romantically-inclined, for a lot longer. it's all part of the crap Hollywood Chick-flicks feed us. But like it or not, ladies like to be made to feel special, loved.... Guys, it seems, once they have the gal, happily fall into the 'comfort-zone' and subconsciously think "Got the gal, got the lovin' got the sex - yeah, it's cool!" I'm not being a bitch, but sadly, there are many, many threads here by guys who all basically admit they took it all for granted and didn't pay enough attention, didn't listen, didn't see the signs, ignored the warnings, messed up..... It's so sad. You can't turn the clock back. Trust me, no matter how hard you may want to try, or promise to her that you can change - she doesn't buy it. And never will. The secret to a good relationship is to Put the other person First. This cuts both ways. She may have been the 'passive' partner, and expected it all to come to her - however, many times, people say "A week/day/hour before the break up, s/he was telling me "I love you, you mean the world to me, I want to be with you.....how can this be, now they dump me?!?" This is the last-ditch attempt to inject the romance, the yearning, the passion, the depth to the relationship. Sometimes, the other person tries to make the double-effort to make up the shortfall NOT coming from the partner. So either she was completely expecting you to deliver all the goods - or she tried to heavily compensate by going overboard with the lovey-dovey stuff. Either way, I'm afraid you lose..... You took the words right out of my mouth. its a two way street and yes most females are clouded by the hollywood kid of love. because it mostly shows the man doing all the 'work' in the relationship. the irony and what i laugh at however is that in most if these chick flicks follow the same patterns as most romantic films. boy meets girl, they fall in love, there is a problem, girl sees some other guy, boy tries to win back girl, boy is successful and they live happily ever after. some people ten to forget the problem and the winning back part and just continually seek the boy meets girl and fall in love part. what im trying to say is that all relationships have a dip and rut stage whatever you want to call it but once one person doesn't want to work on it anymore then there is no point fighting to because its meant to be a joint effort.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You two need to be HAPPY whether you are staying in watching a movie or going out for a drink at the bar. She needs to be happy with you and willing to spend time with you whether if it's raining outside or the sun is shinning. I agree with this - you need to be 'on the same page' on most, if not all levels. Intellectually, socially, morally.... you have to have factors that keep you to together and interested, but that can still stimulate discussion and 'entertainment'.... How do you think people that are married or are in comfortable relationship for years do it? Actually, I don't necessarily believe this to be either a good example or argument. Many couples stay together out of habit, dependence (financial, health based and/or emotional), 'for the kids' or because they may well appear to be together, but they actually lead very individual and separate lives. Like my aunt and Uncle. They've been married 43 years and barely see each other, he's always out doing his stuff, and she's always around doing hers.... If one partner is telling you she is not happy pretty much because things got "too comfortable" than consider it as another BS reason she gave you. No, it's not BS. But I don't think she went far enough to explain her motivation. I think there may have been more to it that that, it's just that she probably either didn't communicate it properly (her bad,) or maybe the OP just didn't pick up on it. Body language is a great give-away.... Did she ever express impatience or satisfaction during your times together, OP? Either spoken or in 'Body Language', that you might have picked up on....? People spend years together trying to be in stabled , comfortable relationships. ....and fail. As this forum will testify.
Author shutta300 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 If there was some other reasons she def didnt show it or talked to me about it. She was always stressed out with her work and would take it out on me. Then right before she broke up with me she had gotten into 2 car accidents within like 24hrs. She was def pissed but I know thats not the reason she broke up with me. Might have just pushed her far enough to actually do it. She started getting a lil depressed and stuff on this new birth control and I said she should ask to change it again for like the third time. The one kind she actually got suicidal on and was crazy. All that being said feom what advise ppl are giving me I guess ill just have to face it that she isn't coming back and nothing I do can fix it. Thanks everyone for your help. Its very much appreciated..
Coping Vortex Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 she did say she loved me everyday even the day she did breakup with me. But basically there's no hope of her coming back then and its pretty much my fault cuz I got complacent. My fav quote "Women love you until they don't."
peace frog Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 sounds like why my gf broke up with me. I wasn't "expressive" enough, I didn't "get" her, etc. BTW I'm a woman too so apparently I don't even understand my own gender. it seems i think more like a dude, which isn't surprising. women confuse me all the time. I got comfortable and i don't even know what she expected of me....but it wasn't enough.i wish she'd come back but i'm not holding my breath. so you're not alone, bro.
jagdude14 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 sounds like why my gf broke up with me. I wasn't "expressive" enough, I didn't "get" her, etc. BTW I'm a woman too so apparently I don't even understand my own gender. it seems i think more like a dude, which isn't surprising. women confuse me all the time. I got comfortable and i don't even know what she expected of me....but it wasn't enough.i wish she'd come back but i'm not holding my breath. so you're not alone, bro. No offense to you but my ex told me the same " doesn't get girls they are crazy she thinks different" then sure enough dumped me out of the blue because she didnt know why and acts just like she said she wouldn't.
Author shutta300 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 My ex told me "if its meant to be we will find our way back" so cliche but I guess its kind of true. She wasn't willing to try and work through the rough patch we were going through. 1
jagdude14 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 My ex told me "if its meant to be we will find our way back" so cliche but I guess its kind of true. She wasn't willing to try and work through the rough patch we were going through. Mine did the same. It is a joke 1
peace frog Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 No offense to you but my ex told me the same " doesn't get girls they are crazy she thinks different" then sure enough dumped me out of the blue because she didnt know why and acts just like she said she wouldn't. haha no offense taken. my ex said the same thing "girls are crazy". then ended up being one of the crazy ones. i would say i'm def not crazy though. i seem to think more like a guy. i'm laid-back and not really moody myself. maybe get a little cranky when hormonal but that's about it. not the mood swings you see with some women. those are the ones i always seem to like though oh well...
crimsonite Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 If the OP is still around, please update on your situation. I'm going through the exact same thing and would like to see how you handled it and how it went. Thanks!
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