markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Have you ever been tempted to send an anonymous email to an ex’s new partner. I had an ex, who I was seeing when she was with someone else. I’ve always been tempted to send an email to my ex’s partner to at least tell him the truth – but write it in such a way that it wouldn’t implicate me – my heart tells me that morally it’s probably wrong, but there’s a temptation. Any advice on this?
Art_Critic Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You would have to send it thru an email service as any email you send thru gmail or work or yahoo will have your ip address of the machine that wrote it tagged in the header info of the email. If you have sent other emails to the same person it would be possible to compare the 2 ip addresses to see that while they came from different account they originated from the same computer. If you do send one just use an anonymizer or use an email service to send anonymous emails.
adelia Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 They'd know then you'd look like the bad guy. Why waste your time? Usually these patterns reoccur so he will find out in his own. Anything sent anon will just look like lies anyways.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I know it makes me look like a bad guy - my ex is from a certain european country and I visited that country to visit her after we met in the states. during that time, when she was declaring her love for me, her ex, still seems to have thought they were together. My logic would be just to let him know she was seeing someone else - if he knows, there's no problem, and I could make the anonymiser look like it came from that european country (just one of her friends who thought he should know) It does make a bad person, but if he knows the truth, there's no harm. Deep down, I know it's wrong, but it's tempting
Minneloa Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 With all due respect, this is a terrible idea. Sure, it's tempting to strike back at your ex, but I would channel this energy into moving forward. 3
adelia Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You could but what'll more than Likely happen is she will tell him a pack of lies that he will only too readily believe because he will want to then you'll be left feeling like why did I just do that.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 You're right, I know this! Just need to fight the temptation to do it
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 it just seems a little unfair that I got all the pain, where she just went on with her life
Minneloa Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It is unfair, and I sympathize with your urge to retaliate. Perhaps you could write the email in order to purge your anger and then burn/delete it. As for resisting temptation, what kinds of things make you feel strong and positive? Can you make a list of activities to do this week that will keep your focus on forward momentum? Also, borrowing from the Twelve Step folks, you can just tell yourself, I will not send that email today because that is not the person I want to be. Once some todays add up, I strongly suspect the impulse will pass.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I'm sure the feeling will pass - it was only when the idea popped into my head that I could send an email - let's say Sweden was the country, I could write an email from "[email protected]" using a swedish proxy, "I'm a friend of Ex, just thought you should know that ..." and I would be in the clear. I'll never see my ex again, but it is morally wrong, I know
NoLeafClover Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Have you ever been tempted to send an anonymous email to an ex’s new partner. I had an ex, who I was seeing when she was with someone else. I’ve always been tempted to send an email to my ex’s partner to at least tell him the truth – but write it in such a way that it wouldn’t implicate me – my heart tells me that morally it’s probably wrong, but there’s a temptation. Any advice on this? Let me get this straight. You are trying to send an email to someone who's GF you screwed and you were fully aware that they were together still? How does this justify YOUR Actions?
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) No, I was single, she told me she was single, but she had an ex who she had definitely ended with him. Then she went back to him (or she had never split from him in the first place) Edited March 4, 2013 by markus36
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Added to this is the thought that she wants me to be NC, because it makes things a lot easier for her. I'm not going to do it, but it is tempting
geegirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No, I was single, she told me she was single, but she had an ex who she had definitely ended with him. Then she went back to him (or she had never split from him in the first place) So you are speculating. You're not even sure if she was seeing him while she was with you. Cut this loose. You're just coming off as sour grapes. The best revenge is living well. Start focusing on yourself and what's ahead of you rather than picking at the past, creating all sorts of scenarios in your head.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 No doubt I do feel a bit angry about it - as I said, I won't write to her, and I am moving on with my life - the temptation is for her ex, now current to know the truth
geegirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No, I was single, she told me she was single, but she had an ex who she had definitely ended with him. Then she went back to him (or she had never split from him in the first place) What truth? You don't even know the truth. You're speculating. He'll confront her. She'll discredit you as a bitter ex. They'll have a laugh about you and they'll move on. Let it go.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I wouldn't confront her behind the shadows if I even did. I wouldn't. This girl named Gee is right
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 No, I'm not going to do it - but I'm not speculating about what she told me and others - I know it. The point of sending an anonymous email might be, if I could do it in such a way to leave me in the clear, he would at least know she was declaring her love for someone else, and seeing them. Part of my problem is that I feel like a bit of a guilty secret - I was an affair for her, and she walked off into the sunset
geegirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 No, I'm not going to do it - but I'm not speculating about what she told me and others - I know it. The point of sending an anonymous email might be, if I could do it in such a way to leave me in the clear, he would at least know she was declaring her love for someone else, and seeing them. Part of my problem is that I feel like a bit of a guilty secret - I was an affair for her, and she walked off into the sunset So, you know for a FACT that she was seeing him during your relationship with her?
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I don't know that for sure (but that's not the point) - it's just I'd like him to know that she was "head over heels in love" with me, and it hurts that I was swept under the carpet like a dirty secret.
KathyM Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Why did you date her if you knew she was still in a relationship with the guy back home? How would you even know his Email address to send the Email at this point anyway? It's questionable if you even know what the status of their relationship was at the time she was dating you. If she was living in another country at the time, they may have decided to take a break from their relationship. There's too many unknowns in this for you to do anything about it now.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I didn't know she was in a relationship - she told me she was single
Minneloa Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 This is too much mental energy being spent on a relationship that is over. Let it go and move on with your life in a positive direction.
Author markus36 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 The long version of my story is that I met this woman, she fell head over heels in love with me, and me with her. She told me she was single, then that there was a clingy ex who was writing to her, but they definitely had no future. We were together very intensely for a few weeks, and then we went home. I then flew out to see her for a week, and on the day I was leaving my house to go to the airport, she told me she still had feelings for her ex. We had a terrible week together, and then she wet back to her ex. My point is that I wouldnt' have fallen for her if she hadn't told me how much in love with me she was, and that her clingy miserable ex was someone she was going back with. It hurts. I won't send the email, but I think I'm just a dirty secret for her
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