L337turboz Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 little about myself and my wife. I'm 27 she's 26. Been together 3 and a half years married for 5 months. The past 2 months have been very hard for us. Shortly after we got married I had thoughts of infidelity. I felt tempted to try and get some from outside the marriage. I felt guilty about these feelings and told my wife I didn't want to cheat on her. I don't know if it was a finality kinda thing of being married now and I didn't set anything up with anyone at all. She got upset as feeling though she wasn't good enough for me which isn't the case because I love her and enjoy sex with her a lot. Then a few days later she heard me talking to my friend on the phone about porn and said I lied about watching it which I don't recall nor do I watch porn on a regular basis. If she felt that strongly that I lied I let her have it and said I was sorry because if she's that upset it must be true. About a week later a buddy of mine stopped by my work. He has back problems and gets prescribed pain killers for his back. I work a labor intensive job and bought 2 oxycodons froom him because my body was in a lot of pain. He works with a friend of my wife and she caught word I had bought the pills and when.I had gotten home I told her I ran into him and whatnot but before I could tell her I got the pills she jumps in and said I wasn't going to tell her about them and that I'm a liar. I used to smoke pot but I quit that because she said it turned me into a zombie and i realised it wasn't helping me at all anyways. A few weeks go by and last weekend she was going out of town for a concert. It was my friends birthday and he wanted to go out to a barm I told my wife I wasn't going to drink or whatever but since I got a ride to the bar I didn't have to drive I decided to have a few drinks. I crashed at my friends and went home the next day. I told her I drank and she got mad calling me a liar yet again. Meanwhile while all this stuff is goingon she has been very distant from me. We didn't sleep in the same bed for about 2 weeks. She avoids coming home and spends a lot of time with her coworker which is a male. She has a male friend from work who I know and don't have problems with her hanging out with . But this guy lives 2 hours away and she gives him a ride home every now and again which puts me on edge. I've asked her time and time again if somethings going on with no straight answer. I finally had enough when she told me she wanted a break that I looekd through her cell phone and saw some messages from him to her about 10 but only 1 outgoing from her to him. It said swwet dreams xoxo love u. I of course got pissed off and said wtf is this crap where she got mad at me for looking through her phone. So for a week now we have been on. A break. I'm staying at a friends place while she lives at the house which is in her name. I also forgot to mention that for about a month that she's been distant she hasn't been wearing her ring. I still wear mine. The only reason I agreed to the break was because I want to be with her and fix this yet I feel as if she might be testing the waters with that guy and I'm afraid when I talk to her again its gonna be the I want a divorce. I know I have made my mistakes and told her id work on them but I also feel that she doesn't want to trust me or try to love me again. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice.
GuyInLimbo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Does anyone know what paragraphs are anymore? My eyes hurt.
Author L337turboz Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Look I'm sorry about the paragraph thing. I'm typing this from my smart phone where ill write a sentence and it takes 30 seconds to catch up. Instead of witty comments how about some actual advice? Not advice on my punctuation either
TailSpin75 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Sorry to hear of your situation turboz. Every situation is unique and it's tough to give advice with how things are for you right now. For myself, I fought to save my 17 year marriage for a 2 month period before I heard the worse news possible - that she did want a divorce (that was 3 months ago). Took a lot of effort to get myself out of the hole that news put me in but I'm in a better place now. Being in limbo is not knowing if the marriage is going to continue. Limbo was the worse for me than hearing the news of the divorce. You obviously want it to continue and are willing to do your part. Is she willing to put in the effort to preserve the marriage - counselling maybe?
Author L337turboz Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Tailspin. I called a marriage counselor yesterday and left a message to set something up. I figured i d take the intiative and try it out. I have another week or two to go before we agreed to talk. She sent me a couple text messages at the begining of our break telling me she loves me and without me around she feels as if she's half a person so maybe there's hope. I'm still not sure if me being an ass will ever make it for her to forgive me. Atleast I'm owning up to my faults. Atleast I told her about my feelings as most men would have just kept their mouths shut. In my relationship with her we have agreed to talk about anything regardless of if it hurts the other. She once told me she wasn't happy and that's when I began the process of quitting smoking weed and doing other drugs.
TailSpin75 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Time apart will help with gaining perspective. For me - the time apart was absolute torture, I was pretty desperate to have thing work out. I suppose the best you can hope for is that she's willing to work on things with you. You can't change others but you can change yourself. I do wish you the best!
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