Does NC really work? Because....

[GlassesSeventy]

...I feel like rubbish, today. It's only been what, 7 days, and I'm starting to freak out, and worry that she'll never contact me (I don't really want her to, but it would be nice to know I'm still thought of).

 

It doesn't help that all of my friends are in relationships, so I'm kind of like the spare friend now. I used to be so close to all of them and now they hardly talk to me. Anyway, that's a different story.

 

Yesterday I felt fine, I hardly thought of her. I dreamt that she text me last night. Then I woke up, checked my phone and there was nothing.

 

When does this go away

[mcdo]

It has only been 7 days. Keep doing what you're doing. Your thoughts/emotions are completely normal. Nearly everybody goes through this phase.

 

When I first went NC I broke down. It was like I had gone backwards in the recovery process (and, yes, I kind of had gone backwards).

 

I don't want to hear from my ex at all now. Any time I get some form of message I delete it. It has only been about 2.5 weeks of full 100% NC. Imagine where we will be after 2.5 months of NC? I can't wait!

[th90]

Sooner or later

 

NC works, I'm a living proof, as well as many others on LS.

 

I know, I hope my ex would send me a message or anything at all, but what good will that do? It'll only cause more pain and I'll never heal.

 

Stay positive on this. And keep yourself busy for the moment.

[aussie sam]

I'm at 5 weeks of NC and it is worth it! When you are in the early stages and haven't quite come to terms with the fact that it's over, you can justify NC for the simple reason that you actually seem more desirable to your ex when you are gone, then if you are needy of their contact. This doesn't mean they want you back though, it just means you are presented to them in the best light possible for the situation.

 

The sooner you move on to the next step of accepting that it's over and that you can do better, the better off you are. I am still in the previous stage and that is my motivation to keep NC.

 

I hope your doing OK! Stay strong for YOUR sake.

[cavalier99]

5 months NC. WELL on my way to getting over a 8 year RS. Things just clicked recently. You just need to slug it out. There will be soooooo many ups and downs i cant even detail them. Just:

 

DONT BREAK NC EVER AND YOU WILL RECOVER.

 

Rock on! Cav

[d0620]

18 days BU and 14 days NC. I feel much better than I did 2 weeks ago. I am in the depression stage of the break up process. I believe that after Friday, I will be moving into the acceptance phase. At first I was using NC to get him back, hoping he would realize that he missed me and couldn't be without me. Now I am starting to realize that I thought I meant more than I actually did to him and I need to check my own ego and come to terms with that. "I was not special to him". Thats why he broke up with me via text and never turned back to even say I'm sorry. He already gave me what he felt I deserved. "Nothing" and at the end there is nothing I can do about that but accept it and move on.

 

It's a confidence killer to realize that you gave your all to a person and they didnt want it. However, the good part about is another person will want you and appreciate it. Waiting for Acceptance, not for him to call.

[Couldntbemoreupset]

Ok so I broke up with the gf last month....01/02/2013. She dumped me. I cried, I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I said I couldnt live without her, said I was going to hang myself....usual stuff you know. Ok I never took some of the advice from the likes of Tara Maiden, and a few others. I did it my way. I sent her a 'closure' letter apologising. Why.....because I wanted her back!! Not for closure. She ignored it and it was so personal. She emailed me (she had changed her number and blocked my facebook already) saying my belongings would be returned.....and I should 'just leave it be now'.

 

And guess what, after that, I felt the same as I did on day one. My friends have her on fb, ive asked not to know what's going on. I avoid nightclubs I know she will frequent, I dont want to see it.

 

So what I'm saying is, take the advice guys. If she can walk out on you after 4 years and not look back - SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU. Stop looking to blame yourself for everything IT COULDNT ALL BE YOUR FAULT DESPITE WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF NOW. The fact that you are on here, means you are the same desperado that I was, and I'm trying to tell you that after some time you will regret all of the 'will she come back' 'how to make her come back' 'give me a 1percent chance' searches you're doing. I did it all.....hours upon hours upon hours.....Shes not coming back guys. She just isnt, she gave up months before and you just choose not to see it, and she is happier without you. I have since met a girl, dated her a few times over the last two weeks, initiallly scared that 'nothing compares to you' regarding my ex. Well thatll fade guys....I just got this text from the new girl who I'd told that I was probably damaged goods and she should go with a guy that has been single for longer. The response I felt was worthwhile to you new folk......to show you that other people may see in you what the ex didnt. I had no confidence, was devastated, didnt/dont want anyone but my ex. But hey, some other girl will see the good in you, and they will become special:

 

'Damaged goods, excuse me!, u are the nicest guy, who is so kind and considerate, and when we had sex it was amazing. I'm not stopping seeing you, like it or not'

 

But wait, i thought i was the guy for the scrapheap, the guy that wasnt good enough for the ex.....the guy that was a let down.

 

In summary, take peoples advice....You really are THEIR LOSS. I bet my life that she sees that in time, and in time it will be too late. HER LOSS

 

A month ago I could never have written that to you....keep the faith. In Irish there's a term (ok originally used for Republican means) which says Tioc Faidh Arla....It means Our Day Will Come. I can guarantee each and every one of you, whether she comes back, doesnt, whether you find out, or whether you dont, that one day, even if only for a second, she will regret losing you.....

 

Good Luck and Stay Strong!

[marklarsson]

To get over someone fully yes NC works without a shadow of a doubt.

if you want someone back no contact also works but i feel you just have to get a few thing across before going no contact. the best time to get back with someone is when you are over them cause then you can see it as a new relationship and also is there is rejection it does not hurt

[drpepper1886]

5 months NC. WELL on my way to getting over a 8 year RS. Things just clicked recently. You just need to slug it out. There will be soooooo many ups and downs i cant even detail them. Just:

 

DONT BREAK NC EVER AND YOU WILL RECOVER.

 

Rock on! Cav

 

I'm a little over 5 months out at as well and I also feel like lately it just clicked, when I hear her name or see it somewhere it doesn't get me started on the spiral anymore, I just acknowledge and go about my business. Things are looking up. You'll get there.

[GlassesSeventy]

Thanks for sharing all your experiences....it helps to know you're not alone.

[lovnlost]

Ok so I broke up with the gf last month....01/02/2013. She dumped me. I cried, I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I said I couldnt live without her, said I was going to hang myself....usual stuff you know. Ok I never took some of the advice from the likes of Tara Maiden, and a few others. I did it my way. I sent her a 'closure' letter apologising. Why.....because I wanted her back!! Not for closure. She ignored it and it was so personal. She emailed me (she had changed her number and blocked my facebook already) saying my belongings would be returned.....and I should 'just leave it be now'.

 

And guess what, after that, I felt the same as I did on day one. My friends have her on fb, ive asked not to know what's going on. I avoid nightclubs I know she will frequent, I dont want to see it.

 

So what I'm saying is, take the advice guys. If she can walk out on you after 4 years and not look back - SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU. Stop looking to blame yourself for everything IT COULDNT ALL BE YOUR FAULT DESPITE WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF NOW. The fact that you are on here, means you are the same desperado that I was, and I'm trying to tell you that after some time you will regret all of the 'will she come back' 'how to make her come back' 'give me a 1percent chance' searches you're doing. I did it all.....hours upon hours upon hours.....Shes not coming back guys. She just isnt, she gave up months before and you just choose not to see it, and she is happier without you. I have since met a girl, dated her a few times over the last two weeks, initiallly scared that 'nothing compares to you' regarding my ex. Well thatll fade guys....I just got this text from the new girl who I'd told that I was probably damaged goods and she should go with a guy that has been single for longer. The response I felt was worthwhile to you new folk......to show you that other people may see in you what the ex didnt. I had no confidence, was devastated, didnt/dont want anyone but my ex. But hey, some other girl will see the good in you, and they will become special:

 

'Damaged goods, excuse me!, u are the nicest guy, who is so kind and considerate, and when we had sex it was amazing. I'm not stopping seeing you, like it or not'

 

But wait, i thought i was the guy for the scrapheap, the guy that wasnt good enough for the ex.....the guy that was a let down.

 

In summary, take peoples advice....You really are THEIR LOSS. I bet my life that she sees that in time, and in time it will be too late. HER LOSS

 

A month ago I could never have written that to you....keep the faith. In Irish there's a term (ok originally used for Republican means) which says Tioc Faidh Arla....It means Our Day Will Come. I can guarantee each and every one of you, whether she comes back, doesnt, whether you find out, or whether you dont, that one day, even if only for a second, she will regret losing you.....

 

Good Luck and Stay Strong!

 

This is the best thing I have heard in a while. I have similar from my own friends. They say....she chose not to reaccept my love when I realized my mistake and came back with a more incredible definition to define us as a couple and how we could start fresh. I gave her time and space and reflected on our positives. I gave her a week in between each contact. After 3-4 weeks she was in a new relationship after we spent nearly two years together and talked of marriage, kids etc. I screwed up....I BU with her do to extreme levels of stress and the like. I was dumb. But I came to my senses. And she went from loving and wanting me back to angry and bitter so she is with a guy...who her family doesnt think real highly of right now because she things she is in control. Anyway, I became the dumpee now, and I think she is pursuing a GIGS now. Whatever....I still wrestle wanting her back....but there is a whole lot of hurt she is hiding and that I am getting through. Rejection sucks. BUT, I am not going to do as she is because I know that I need to heal. I do not want to use someone to blanket my pain or cover it up but push through and really learn about myself and how to be more prepared in a future relationship.

 

I have been BEATING myself up for all the wrong I done her....but she had a part too. While I think my BU was hasty and not enough patience given, there were some very valid reasons. THen I have gone with this comparrison thing with the new guy. This guy is not very successful in his life from what I understand and has no big dreams or aspirations. My ex said she is done with people with kids after me as I am the only one she ever wanted to have a kid with. She has said for years she never wanted children. So her new guy has a 4 year old daughter like me. Looks like me and I dont want to know what else is like me. But, I realize now, I am about to finish my college degree. I am about to deploy to serve my country and come back with enough income to purchase a dog and house for my daughter and I. I will pursue a master program and become a teacher. I will be succuessful in accomplishing all I put my mind too and be made stronger and better for all my efforts. It may be stressful right now and I may be making mistakes. I told her that all my current hard work is for us, so we are succesful and taken care of. I do not think she got it. Plus, she is younger than me and probably a bit more emotionally immature.

 

I have treated her better than any man as ever dreamed of. Showed her what mutual respect in a relationship was and dared her to be my equal and never walk behind me. I showed her about communication and compromise. Fairness and independence within a relationship so we did not become so intertwined that we lost our identities. This happened somewhat and seems to happen in many of my relationships. I was and am incredibly spontaneous and full of travels. This new guy was previously divorced and has had many other issues. He will not be able to in the long run provide her with the confidence or care that she needs. And she will be far worse off for not confronting her pain and loss and if this guy doesnt work out, there will be another she will move on to having never confronting herself. Just like her mother and older sister. I feel for her so much in this regard and want to help her heal and move forward in a good manner....but it is not for me to do now.

 

I know it seem I am bragging....but reading your post has helped me to realize how great I am. Both as a father, a mate, and a man. I have alot to offer. I have lost 20 lbs and am running a half marathon for the first time in 2 years soon. I began a workout routine today with someone who will help me lose the extra 20lbs I want. I will be looking better one day as well as I am turning 35 this year. It is a great step for me.

 

SO, thank you.....thank you for posting such a message as I believe I needed to here it. And my writing so much here now is simply helping me justify how positive I am and should be feeling. Have a great day....I am going to do my best to have one now!!!