XCWKing33 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hi everyone... I've been reading this site for years but just signed up today. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. So here's the deal... I met this girl in January, and she happens to be an actress. I saw her perform and asked her to be apart of t's sketch group I've put together, and she said yes. She also signed up for a class I teach, and that's how we've been getting to know each other. Two weeks ago she came to the office Friday Night to write and create sketch ideas. More people were supposed to come but they flaked... So I took her to dinner, we went back to the office and wrote until 3am and had a blast. Nothing physical happened it was just fun. That point forward we've been texting pretty much every day laughing, goofing around etc. This past week I asked her out... Not to write, nothing about business. Just "Would you like to go out and grab some Thai Food with me on Saturday night?" She first said... "Sounds fun, lemme get back to you!" She said yes the next day, and this past Saturday we went out to dinner (I paid), hit three others bars (paid), played darts (I lost), she rapped "Lodi Dodi" by Snoop in the car, laughed a lot, never was there a lull. Went to drop her off, and she asked me in... Again... Nothing happened. We talked, I drank water... Left at 4:30am. Throughout the night I was trying little things, whispering in her ear when she was throwing darts, talking in her ear when things were loud etc... But at no point did I sense that vibe... Even back at her place. We're getting together on Saturday again... Question is... Does it sound like she's interested in me???? AND... If so should I make a bold move and go for the kiss, or just wait it out? I'm uncomfortable with straight up asking her if she's interested, that's why I'm here asking you good people. I like her, she's fun, and I'm a little nervous about blowing it by moving too fast. Any advice would be great!
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think so far it sounds to me like you are smitten by this girl...you just kind of talk in that way If I'm gauging you correctly emotionally. However, unfortunately I don't see a strong romantic presence based on her actions that you've mentioned. Although i do not know your non-verbal demeanor and behavior, there are indications that someone is interested with touching and just getting closer to you than what is normally appropriate. For me I can be quite flirtatious without being aware of it when I am around someone who I fancy, so I'm not ever in a position where I don't really know...chances are I've done something to feel that out or I've been given an indication at least to me that seems direct. I just develop a relationship with a person on some level then go forward if there is a mutual feeling...no pressure, no juggling back and forth I just go with it or assume they are not interested. In your position I'm not sure if you're much older than her, or seen as a "professional" in some light to her or just as someone who she isn't expecting to have any interest...maybe you just come off as a "nice guy". She may just be comfortable in your presence and see you as a friend at this point. I don't know what she thinks about you taking her out on these date like things together, maybe she thinks you're just a nice guy or maybe she is interested and just waiting for you to make a move. She seems like she has a extroverted personality and you might be a bit on the introverted side of things which an outgoing woman with confidence can be very attractive to. You should by this point be talking about something other than random stuff, maybe she asked if you were single or talked about dating, or what not. Does she flirt? do you flirt back? You can't really move too fast if she's interested, you've already been seeing each other for a bit now. So with the information at hand I'd just wait on it a bit, instead of just ask her directly...that wouldn't be my advice on how to play it. I think you should being a bit more flirtatious and ask maybe about her personal/dating life to some extent to see how she handles your advances...there are indicators present already from your interactions and dates with her but you're not seeing them nor are you being assertive enough if she is giving you the green light...if you don't get any "romantic" or "interested" vibes with her than I'm not sure you can realistically make a gauge of that, unless you assume she's seeing you and going out with you because she is interested, but some people lose that bet. You can be direct about it, but without any skill and confidence in that presentation, I see a lot of nice guys get rejected that way. You have to have the confidence to make some kind of move/gesture, it's not necessary to have to ask because you can usually tell or find out, if you have to ask then in my book you're not taking the initiative enough with women in general. 1
JennaMax Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I wouldn't be surprised if she took you "for a ride". The biggest mistake you made is paying for everything: the dinner, the drinks at the bar, etc. Ask yourself a question: would you date yourself? I would advice to be honest and say to her whether she likes you or not. Don't commit yourself until then...
clia Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think she is interested: She stayed out with you from dinner time until 4:30 a.m. That is a very long date to spend with a man you are not interested in.She invited you in. You don't do that when you aren't interested in a man.She has now accepted two Saturday night dates with you. I say be bold and go for a kiss the next time you take her out. 2
Author XCWKing33 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thank you for all your advice and insight. I just wanted to quickly add that while we have had conversation that was very much fluff, we've also talked about serious topics. She mentioned that since moving out here 6 years ago she hasn't really invested in dating, because of a.) her career and b.) her 2 year relationship ended with her ex bf cheating. Also... The reason I paid for dinner and MOST of the drinks (she paid for some) is because I wanted to establish that this was not hanging out... This was a date.
Bengal Tiger Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Bro, the best way to establish that this is a date is to try to kiss her at the end of it. You have to initiate it. Sense her attitude and respond. Watch her eyes and lips. Lean in slowly about 90% of the way and see if she turns away or towards you. Go light and conservative for the first kiss. Good luck 1
Feelin Frisky Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Have you offered her your arm in all that? Offer the arm. Then wait and try to see if she'll then take your hand. If you hold hands you're good to go. If she takes the arm but resists the hand then it's probably platonic. If she takes the hand when you're walking, pull her in closer and pass her hand around your back to your other hand and put your arm around her as you go. Everything is a progression, why start with your face and mouth? She's already shown a comfort with you and if she's not into you that way she's not likely to turn all cruel on how she signifies that. Man up. And make it a non-crisis no matter what. 2
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