Steve11 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 We've broken up a few times, she's always come back after a week. She has lots of issues with her parents break up when she was young and I think alot of her problems stem from this. She's had quite a few relationships, were the previous boyfriend dumped her so she punched him. I've had her bite and spit in my face and say some really nasty things when she's drunk. But, there was times when we really got on great and we supported each other. I wasn't perfect and at times I would react when she got angry with me and I got angry back. We're over again, I tried telling her I made mistakes etc but she said its just the way it is. Problem is, because we've got back together so often I'm struggling thinking that we won't ever get back. Why, when she was horrible etc do I still want to be with her? Why can't I make myself happy?
BarbecueMan666 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Cliche but, it just takes time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. I had a similar situation with my ex, we had 2 situations where we "broke up" and got back together, but this one was the real deal, and I still clamber onto a little shimmer of hope. You have to rid her from your life in every way you can. Photos need to be gone, her name needs to be gone, her things need to be gone. You have to go through your life, without her in it now. It sucks, and it will suck for a while - it's like kicking an addiction, but the faster you start, the faster you'll be over it.
Author Steve11 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I can't eat. I'm struggling sleeping. I don't want to be around anyone. I miss her so much it really hurts. She's still got some of my stuff which I will need back. I texted her happy birthday, she didn't even reply. First day of NC. I just want her to call me.
SuperGeek Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Gosh, why the hell would you want to continue to be with a woman that treats you like this? A woman that punches, spits in my face, and says nasty things to me (even when intoxicated) just wouldn't last 5 minutes with me. I just have more respect for myself than to put up with that kind of treatment. I'd show them the door pretty damn fast. Not to mention, in the US/Australia, even if she punches you and the cops get called, YOU as the male can still get arrested for domestic violence and that charge on your criminal record can really limit you with jobs and careers. Males are viewed as automatic/default abusers in relationships by society - it really really sucks. She can call the cops and say you hit her first and then it's your word against hers, guess who is going to win that battle, likely not you. i am assuming here that you aren't physically/mentally abusive with her based on your post. My advice, stay away from crazed women like this. It can only get worse from here on out and if she's left 50 times already and came back, she's just not that into you anyway. You already have your answer -- hell you had your answer that she really wasn't that happy after the first few times she left. Be glad she's gone, take the time to heal and get over the emotional hurt, and then open yourself up to someone new that won't treat you this way. Honestly, her background may have been bad in her childhood, but it doesn't give her the right to act this way. You do not deserve to suffer and be treated horribly due to her childhood. She needs to get into counseling and fix her crap and not take it out on her boyfriend. Just my view of course... SuperGeek We've broken up a few times, she's always come back after a week. She has lots of issues with her parents break up when she was young and I think alot of her problems stem from this. She's had quite a few relationships, were the previous boyfriend dumped her so she punched him. I've had her bite and spit in my face and say some really nasty things when she's drunk. But, there was times when we really got on great and we supported each other. I wasn't perfect and at times I would react when she got angry with me and I got angry back. We're over again, I tried telling her I made mistakes etc but she said its just the way it is. Problem is, because we've got back together so often I'm struggling thinking that we won't ever get back. Why, when she was horrible etc do I still want to be with her? Why can't I make myself happy? Edited March 4, 2013 by SuperGeek
Author Steve11 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thanks, super geek. It wasn't always bad. We had some really good times and at times she could be so sweet and affectionate. It felt that no matter what I would do, she would find fault in it. She would put me down and ignore me. But, why can't I accept that this is it, and she wasn't right for me? The first 6 months were great, then the cracks started to appear, but I wanted it to work. She obviously didn't. I've still got belongings round there but I can't bare calling her or texting her because I've done it enough and I don't want to appear needy.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Steve - ENOUGH. This is toxic. Pack up her stuff. get someone to come with you and drop it off to her, and pick up your stuff. don't look at her, say little do less, and leave with your stuff. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature, and "Man up" buddy. This woman needs therapy - but you're not it. Her history has nothing to do with her behaviour now, insofar as she chooses to act the way she does. Her 'past' doesn't MAKE her do this. She chooses to behave this way, and it's the wrong way, but it's nobody's fault but hers. You need to stop thinking that this is the best you can do, because it isn't. You jump to her defense when we point out her flaws. Flaws you told us about. Classic response to people who tell you how bad things are, agreeing with your criticisms of her. To tell us that she's not really that bad. Yes - she is. She needs her head straightening but it has to be professionally supported. You need to look after yourself. Read the Guide and get your life back on track. before you lose the plot completely. Don't crack and break No Contact. Deliver her stuff, get yours and then, you're done.
Author Steve11 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Why do I still love her then? Why can't I realise she's not right for me? I feel like it was always my fault, I shouldn't of argued back & I shouldn't of lost my temper when she had a go at me. I knew the type of person she was and I should of dealt with it better. I feel like I've ruined it. I just feel very lost, lonely and I'm getting serious anxiety.
TaraMaiden Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Because there's no reason why you shouldn't love her. That's ok. But there are more valid reasons as to why you should not be with her. And they're OK too... The former is a condition ruled by your heart. And emotions are hard to argue against because they won't keep still. The latter is a condition ruled by your head - and logic is easy to argue against, because people use emotions to shoot logic down... which works, because people would much rather love, than leave. But sadly - you need to leave, because whatever's going on, isn't working.
Author Steve11 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Trouble is, if she wanted to get back, I would and she knows that. Hence, I'm going NC. I need to wait till my heads in order before I get my things, because if I went round now, I don't recon I could even speak.
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