brokenheart9 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Hello, i'll try to keep it as short as possible. On the 9th of December me and my girlfriend broke up due to: Distance, lack of close touch and broken promises (I broke them). To which I regret. Long story short, it wasn't a pretty break up, took me a few days to really come to terms with it. It happened so fast. The relationship was 1 and a half years long, and it was an LDR, I live in the UK while she lives in America, she's been over here twice both for 6 months. I was supposed to there in June. It was a strong relationship, we saw a future together. After the break up, she said to me she still wanted to be in my life and still wanted to be friends, she said she still cares for me and "part of her" still loves me. At first I was happy, due to the fact that I got to see her I still love her very much. The first few days were hard, very hard. We spoke on the phone very rarely, just to see if we were okay. But we mainly refrained from talking to each other. After a week, we started to Skype occasionally and talk on the phone. At one point we do have a long friendly conversation and she told me she was pleased that she got to talk to me, and she missed old times. She tells me she's seeing someone from work, and that they go out together and what not. 3 weeks later, I get a message from her saying she's tired and she misses me. We have a long conversation about what happened. She told me it wasn't out of the realm of possibility of us being together again. She tells me that she misses the time we spent. She told she doesn't think he (the guy she's seeing at work) cares for her, she told me she felt that everyone was her enemy except for me. She told me only I really knew who she was. I spoke to her for a good few hours via text, she told me she still thinks about me at times and misses me. I told her too that I missed her. She tells me she doesn't want to start with anyone new, and that shes very unhappy. She also says no one listens to her like I do. She says her mood is unstable, sometimes she's happy sometimes she's sad. She tells me she's not eating properly and loosing weight fast. We talk about older times and we laugh. She tells me she hasn't laughed like that in a long time. I tell her how I feel and she says she feels similarly. I ask her if she thinks she made a mistake, and she nods slowly. After a few days we message each other regularly. We started to Skype for long periods of time and she would slip up and call me "baby" and vice-versa. I ask her if she thinks we're meant to be together and she says yes. But to give it time. I tell her she can take her time. She messages me again, saying she feels down and that he doesn't keep her happy all the time, and that at work its hard as she thinks about me. I ask her what she truly has in her heart, she replies with "You should be happy cause its pushing me to you day by day." And when she goes to bed after the conversation she says "You give more comfort 3000miles away then some people do in the same room." One morning she messages me, and we talk more and she starts talking about him, how he can be selfish. It almost sounded like she realized how much she didn't like him. I told her I've improved myself, and have changed a lot of things about my lifestyle, she said she was very proud. I asked her again if she thinks we'll be together and she said yes. However she goes on and says that she needs physical relations and she can't skype her whole life with me. To which I understand and told her that I do want to move there, and be with her. 2 days later, I message her in the morning to see if she's okay, she tells me she's hungover and went out with friends over the night. It was heart pinching because I know he was part of her "friends" I told her, that I do want to be with her, and it hurts me. She said she was sorry and said that it will work out. One the same day we cam, and we watch a movie together, which he haven't done in so long, we used to do it when we were together. It was just like old times. After the movie, I talk to her and try to ask her what she wants and where her "relationship" with him is going. At this point I found out she's been dating the guy only 4 days after our break up and that they officially starting calling each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" after a week after the break up She tells me that, she knows he's selfish and doesn't care for her like I do. And tells me he's not like me, and I asked if that was a good or a bad thing and she said "bad, a lot of things about him are bad". We talk a bit more, even about our future, and she tells me that we are meant to be together, and that she does not trust him, even though he's not done anything wrong (i.e cheated) But she said she gives everyone she's with the "benefit of the doubt" I asked her if she's even friends with him and she says "No, I don't think he knows how to be friends with me" Which left me dazzled. She tells me a lot about her relationship. She tells me she wants me to be there as a "best friend" for now, as she needs that the most and then maybe start a new relationship with me. I told her that I cannot be here forever waiting if the situation doesn't change, she told me she understood. After a while she gets a message and its him and he asks her out for the night..which she agrees to... I told her to be careful and that he's a bit of a thug which she agrees to. She then proceeds to say that she knows this relationship is only short term. After she has to leave, she messages me saying he messaged her and asked her not to speak to me for hours, and she told me she doesn't know how he knows. She told me she doesn't care and wants to talk to me. She said it herself that she thinks the relationship with him is doomed as there is no trust and friendship. She goes out and then the next day, she messages me to say hi before she goes to work. She goes to work, finishes and I message her if she wants to talk. She doesn't reply and a few hours later she replies with "Sorry out with a friend" to which she means she's out with him...I just replied "Okay. Have a good night" What my question is: If she finds so many holes in the relationship, why does she keep going out with him???? She knows I am upset by it and she cares for me and tells me we will be together on the future, but to just concentrate on ourselves, yet still dates him even though she says she doesn't care for him or even love him. She knows the relationship is doomed yet still goes out with him? How can I show her, her actions could chase me away? And that she could loose me forever? Edited March 4, 2013 by brokenheart9
Love4Pain Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 This situation is kind of similar to mine, LDR, bf left me because the distance was too hard, can't have close physical contact with me, same deal. It's so hard for us because we have all these feelings for the other person, we wanted to wait for them until one of us could live with the other person and then one day they tell us that they can't wait anymore. My ex tells me he misses me sometimes and I've heard everything about being the only one for him and all that. But the thing is, he still left me to be with a girl that lives closer to him because it's more convenient, and will stay with her even if it isn't necessarily a better relationship. We want to believe that they still love us and are regretting breaking up with us, maybe they do, but right now it sounds like she wants to keep in touch with you as a comfort while she goes out with this short term guy. It's not really fair to you, because it makes you think that she wants to be with you, but hey....if she wanted to be with you then she wouldn't have broken up, Or she would have realized that close distance grass isn't better and would actually be trying to work things out with you. The fact is, even if she says she doesn't want to be with this guy, she is still with this guy and not you. You can either go NC and stop talking to her, because she's using you for her emotional cushion, or you can try to suffer through Low Contact to keep a little line open for reconciliation but you still can't be her emotional cushion, it's just going to torture you.
Recommended Posts